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TF2 Headcanons: Pyro (s)

So, the Pyro. A mysterious being that adores fire. People always wonder what’s under that mask, and many people (including me) resort to theories and headcanons.

My headcanon? 

there is nothing under the mask.

Simple as that, no? But of course, there’s more to it. I’ll begin the elaboration segment of this post.

Alrighty. Pyro is just an empty flameproof suit that moves around on its own, like those empty suits of armor in fairytales. And magic clearly exists in the TF2 universe, so what’s stopping the Pyro? But the magic has to come from somewhere, and the only source of it we know so far is Merasmus (or maybe australium but that’s TF2 science for you). 

The Pyro was brought to life by Merasmus and possibly Soldier as well. It was originally intended to be a weapon for whatever mafia Merasmus was being threatened by again, but Soldier interfered and ruined the ritual somehow. So now Pyro is this loveable teddy bear of a pyromaniac that waltzes around with the team bringing chaos everywhere. They act like a child, and like a kid being overprotective of their toys, they protect their team with their life.

Also Pyro is just a pinata of sorts. The suit is just filled completely with candy they collect on Halloween and whenever they get exploded the candy just bursts out everywhere too. This is my favorite part of the headcanon because I just imagine Scout getting hurt somehow and he’s making a big fuss and the Pyro just pulls off their glove and tons of candy flies out. Then Pyro picks up a little lollipop who hands it to the now horrified Scout.

This was the RED Pyro, however. What about the BLU Pyro?

BLU Pyro is just a robot. The first robot to ever be made by Mann Co, in fact. While they were cloning the RED team (see previous post titled TF2. Headcanons: Clones), they found that they couldn’t get any DNA from the RED Pyro and nothing showed up in their background check. After learning what the Pyro really was, they decided to just make a robot instead of finding a literal magician to animate another suit.

And the Pyro has such a simple job, right? Spray fire in the enemy’s direction and there you go. But the RED Pyro is alive, in some sense. They learn and adapt, they spycheck everywhere and airblast teammates in need. They help bodyguard their team and protect them. The BLU Pyro needs to be told what to do by a program, which is updated now and then by the BLU Engineer. At some point, the BLU Pyro would have so many changes to its code that it would act almost exactly like the RED Pyro, minus the liveliness and cheer.

The BLU Pyro is just the BLU Engineer’s pet project of sorts. BLU Engie ain’t helping out the team as much as the RED Engie, so he spends all of his spare time changing and adjusting code in the BLU Pyro. BLU Pyro is easily the greatest robot alive. But the amount of code it would take to make a robot act so similar to a human would easily be enough to crash the robots like Grey Mann’s. Even if his robots are powered by money, they haven’t had a brilliant mind like the Engineer work on it for years, especially on the entire army. *insert cool segue here*

Grey Mann got his idea of a robot takeover from the BLU Pyro. He stole the original blueprints for the Pyro and adapted it to suit the entire robotic army he was making. He did not know about the absurd amount of reprogramming and rebuilding the original BLU Pyro went through. Which really sucked for him, since the blueprints he stole were the for original BLU Pyro model, meaning that it was very clunky and it rattled around a lot. And since Grey Mann used the design of the BLU Pyro for his whole robot army, every single one of those robots ended up clunky and rattling. None of them have any of that extra coding from the Engineer either, so the robots in the army don’t spycheck, don’t airblast teammate, and don’t work togther as a team. 

god that was a lot of writing. thanks for reading it! reblogs mean a lot to me, especially those with nice notes attached to them :D. Please give me tips for writing better too, I’ve never had a beta reader for anything except for myself.

i’m taking this as canon. nobody can stop me. 

221B family!

(please ignore Naruhodo's spine problems he's had a rough time)

plastic man

I mean don’t get me wrong I loved the game but that ending-?????

So yeah enjoy this crappily drawn infinite wall of text I DID WHAT I COULD WITH WHAT I HAD TO WORK WITH

(also please open in new tabs if you want to read anything goddang tumblr makes things tiny)

(p.s. I did another dumb thing as a sequel)

i hate reblogging my own posts but i really want to see how chaotic this can get lol. join if you want! 

https://aggie.io/a4rcbgfpge

TF2 AGGIE LINK

https://aggie.io/a4rcbgfpge

random aggie.io link if people want to join! draw whatever you want, as long as it isn’t extreme nsfw lol. It’s mostly for TF2, but anything related/aus are okay! go crazy lol, I look forward to seeing the results of it. I won’t be too active on it since I’m busy.

For people who don’t know, Aggie.io is a collaborative drawing website. And it’s not too shabby too.

(use it to communicate with other tf2 fans on tumblr too if you want!)

https://aggie.io/a4rcbgfpge

What I’d give for one of the Cinderella remakes to go into how when you’re in an isolated and abusive situation, sometimes you need to be saved and you’re not weak if you can’t escape by yourself

I’ve never been a fan of bad faith reinterpretations of fairy tales, especially ones which flatten the originals into “princesses is saved by a prince and nothing else”, to then go #girlboss. The princess can save herself because she’s a strong female character! (Implying if you’re in a bad situation, it’s because you’re not strong enough to get out)

chief inspector

Clumbo screenshot redraw!!

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