I Swear Practically Everyone (including Me Do Not Exclude Me) Makes Spy This Uncaring Guy With The Solemn

I swear practically everyone (including me do not exclude me) makes Spy this uncaring guy with the solemn backstory. Not many people account for his humor and extravagant spending, hell I’ve only seen one thing including those and it was an over exaggerated crack fanfic. People ignore these traits to make him seem more sympathetic and redeemable, and we’re left with a monochrome version of the Spy in Team Fortress 2. Not to say it’s any bad, but still. Very beautiful and accurate analysis, bravo.

Analysis of Spy’s character from a Spy Fan

Hello Team Fortress 2 community! It is I, the silly little Vin! Mostly known for my banger discord text posts, and the occasional drawing here or there. I’m here to branch out my silly ideas forth to the world of Tf2 Tumblr! (A terrible idea, I know!) However, I do this with confidence as I’ve got a lot to say! Mostly, about Spy!!

Spy? Yes, Spy! I love Spy! He’s my favorite mercenary, and my favorite character in TF2! He’s the only class I’ll horribly play as, as I’m too stubborn and he’s too much fun! I’m sort of here to analyze his character, simply for the fun of it! I think there’s a lot the fandom doesn’t recognize with Spy. I’m here to simply say my peace and continue to co-exist! Hoping my knowledge reaches far and wide… Or just pray no one hates me. That too. Now, let us begin!

Disclaimer: I have read ALL the comics (even the update ones I didn’t NEED to read, but I did), listened to ALL of Spy’s voice lines, commands, and taunts (bc I’m obsessed and have A.D.D hiiii), and have overanalyzed too many SFMs to count. Safe to say, I know what I’m talking about! No need for any hardcore fans to worry, alright? Enjoy the read under the cut! It is long, very long. Might wanna get a snack.

Spy’s description on his… information card(?) goes as follows:

“He is a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma, shrouded in riddles, lovingly sprinkled with intrigue, express mailed to Mystery, Alaska, and LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU! but it is too late. You're dead. For he is the Spy - globetrotting rogue, lady killer (metaphorically) and mankiller (for real).”

This little inkling of information actually tells us a lot about Spy! They describe him as “globetrotting,” indicating he’s traveled the world! Spy moves from place to place, constantly on the run. He’s been exposed to numerous cultures, which is useful for a man in his field! You must learn exactly what to imitate.

The description of “rogue,” implies Spy is a man of little morals. The exact definition is “a dishonest or unprincipled man.” This showcases how much Spy lies. He’s a liar, guys. Spy, if given any chance, can and will lie to save his skin. He isn’t opposed to it, in fact, he probably relishes it.

The use of “lady killer” and “mankiller” is comedic, and obviously paints a very distinct picture. He is known to go on various rendezvous with women and has killed many men. It’s not surprising. (However, I want to note something important. Just for us fans, though! I think it’s super sweet everyone I’ve seen headcanons Spy as bisexual. I do too! I mean, how can this man not sleep with men? It’s in his blood. Just something I think is cute, anyway let’s continue!)

That is… basically all we get told about Spy. Aside from the vague, “Hailing from an indeterminate region of France, the Spy is an enthusiast of sharp suits and even sharper knives [...]” sentence in his wiki.

That’s all we know about Spy.

He’s from France

He’s a Spy

He’s traveled the world, or most of it

He’s a liar

He is a whore, essentially. Guy’s don’t lie, Spy is a whore it’s literally cano–

cOUGH I mean, he’s taken out many women mhm yes yes

He kills men exceptionally well

He likes sharp suits

He likes even sharper knives

So… Spy’s just a man of French origin, who dresses up sharply, likes sharper knives, lies constantly, travels around the world, and is a mankiller who happens to take women out like it’s a hobby?... Well, yes!... But there’s also more to him. The key, however, is to go digging for it! Just like Spy himself, we must look for clues.

One main clue, is found through After Breakfast with SquimJim’s video, “TF2: A Complete History of the Spy.” At around 6:49 in the video, they uncover this old description given to Spy;

“A master of disguise, misdirection, and the byzantine details of who really runs things, the Spy is a double reverse quadruple agent whose reflexive suspicion is entirely justified.”

This… THIS is something fascinating! This really goes through and outlines the true sinister nature of Spy’s character. Something the fandom seems to forget quite a bit. I get it, TF2 is… TF2! You are prone to forgetting how scary some of these characters are! However, you’re also prone to forgetting other qualities about them… I’m getting ahead of myself! Let’s discuss this nugget of information!

Spy is described as a master of “disguise, misdirection, and the byzantine details of who really runs things.” Disguise is easy, he can look however he wants. Misdirection is simple enough too, he is capable of leading people astray. Spy can easily confuse others and cause them to pause, only to give him the perfect opportunity to strike or escape. That last line… That last line is very curious.

Anyone who’s ever been in 4th grade knows that byzantine normally refers to the Byzantine Empire. However, it also has other meanings… Like most words. Byzantine can also mean “(of a system or situation) excessively complicated, and typically involving a great deal of administrative detail.” So, that last description basically says Spy’s a master of “the excessively complicated details of who really runs things.” This indicates that Spy is a leader, a highly skilled leader. One who understands rather complex tasks and is able to deal with them. Interesting to note, don’t you say?

That last line also gives a fun little token of info. It describes Spy to have “reflexive suspicion” that is entirely justified. Mostly, due to the insane status he has as an agent. Spy’s job is to have enemies, not friends. It wasn’t in his job description to trust people. His goal is to make others trust him, then stab them in the back later. Spy’s a liar, master of disguise, misdirection, and isn’t trustworthy. Due to this, Spy’s “reflexive suspicion” indicates that he’s rather paranoid. He cannot risk trusting anyone, due to the immense amount of backs he has stabbed, the men he’s killed, and the women he’s indulged. Spy makes many more enemies than friends. That is just a given.

Now, we can add a few more things to that bullet list.

Master of disguise

Is able to lead people astray

Capable of leading under most, if not all, circumstances

Highly paranoid, for justified reasons

However, that is not all to Spy! To search for more clues, we must dig deeper! We must look at the game itself! A big key to Spy as a character is his voice lines.

In his responses, commands, and taunts, some new things are brought to light. Spy is shown to be quite sassy and petty. Insulting his teammates (they all do, but let’s ignore that), and constantly exhibiting a sense of sarcasm. Some of my favorite examples are as follows:

"You got blood on my suit." (Backstabbing an Enemy)

"Well, off to visit your mother!" (Dominating a Scout, I’LL GET TO THE DAD STUFF LATER WAIT–)

"Don't feel bad; you did a fine job tossing your little balls around!" (Dominating a Demoman)

"You died as you lived: morbidly obese!" (Dominating a Heavy, hot take: the mercs need to stOP CALLING MISHA FAT FFS GUYS I KNOW IT WAS 2007 BUT STO–)

(while laughing) "You live in a van!" (laughs again) (Dominating a Sniper)

"I'm back, you subnormal halfwit!" (Revenge Kill)

"They should call you whiners 'Dr. NOOOOOO!'" (Under the effects of an Ubercharge)

"Why is the cart not moving?!" (Attacking: Cart has stopped)

These few lines I’ve picked out are just the iceberg of Spy insults. Anyone who’s played the game, either as Spy or with a Spy on their team, has probably heard these lines. This is no secret.

However, what seems to be constantly forgotten is that Spy has a sense of humor! The man isn’t all doom and gloom despite what the comics say, TRUST ME THAT’S IT’S OWN POST! Don’t believe me? Hear these goofy lines yourself. These, I love dearly. Look how silly Spy truly is;

"Shall I carry us to victory? I don't mind." (First Round in Competitive Mode Setup)

"I have a tie. I'm wearing it, it's silk, and it costs $9000. I do not need another one!" (Previous Round was a Tie)

"I am uncorking a bottle of 1942 Château Backstab! [uncorking sound]" (Rank Up)

"And when the Spy saw the breadth of his achievement, he wept, for there were no more backs to stab." (Rank Up)

"Jealous?" (Dance-Off Fate)

(short scream) (breath) (long scream) (Falling in Bottomless Pit)

(dramatic scream) "Come on, I don't have all day." (Falling in Bottomless Pit)

"I'll be seeeing youuu!" (Duel Accepted)

"I'm coming for you!" (Duel Accepted)

"I'm not just any unicorn! I am the prettiest unicorn that ever was!" (With Magical Mercenary Equipped)

"You don't need to tell me I am the prettiest unicorn! I know I am the prettiest unicorn!" (With Magical Mercenary Equipped)

"I am the prettiest unicorn." (With Magical Mercenary Equipped)

"Sorry to horn in." (With Magical Mercenary Equipped)

LITERALLY JUST SPY TAUNTING WITH THE BOX TROT, ALL HE DOES IS LAUGH

"Let us dance, gentlemen! Dance like no one's shooting at us!" (Taunting with Conga)

"My hands against your hands!" (Taunting with Fist Bump)

"Slap my hand." (Taunting with High Five)

*exhales heavily* "You want it, Spy! You want it!" *heavily breathing* (Taunting with mannrobics, this one makes me laugh idk why)

"Oh, good. A concussion!" (Taunting with Skull Cracker)

"And we're done! Time to shower." (taunting with Square Dance)

"And we're done! Off to hang myself!" (Taunting with Square Dance)

"Who among you is man enough to dance with me?" (Starting a Square Dance)

"I'm not going to stab you, I'm not going to stab you! HA! I stabbed you!" (Knife Stabbing Kill Taunt)

Do you see how funny this man is!? How lighthearted he can be?! Why does everyone forget this?! Spy isn’t just pissy faces and dry comments, he knows how to laugh! He can take a joke! He’s pretty damn funny! Just.. OOF As a Spy fan, it baffles me that people forget this stuff. I suppose not everyone digs into every piece of canon content for characters they like– But STILL, Spy is goofy! Have you heard his laugh? Oh my god, it’s the silliest thing about him! Spy likes to portray himself as this suave, handsome, sexy, fancy rogue with a garnish of danger– But, that laugh he has is the “ugliest” thing I’ve ever heard. I love it so much. It’s perfect for Spy. His obnoxious snorting and stupid “honhon”s. GOSH, I LOVE SPY!! I love him so much–

Sorry! Lost… professionalism there. Point is, Spy is also quite silly and comical! That isn’t the only thing many forget about him. There’s constant debate about who the “sanest” on the team is. Many argue Sniper or Spy is the candidate. Which, I have to laugh because it’s clearly Scout. (I could make a whole thing about that too, but this is about Spy–) Guys, Spy is probably one of the creepiest mother fuckers on that team. Don’t believe me? Simply look at more voice lines! Here are some chilling examples;

"I like my enemies like I like my wines: I let them breathe, for a moment." (First Round in Competitive Mode Setup)

"Six healthy backs just waiting to be stabbed! [sniffs] Ah, there's that new back smell." (First Round in Competitive Mode Setup)

"Six unstabbed backs: smooth, healthy, untouched by knife wounds? I do love a blank canvas!" (First Round in Competitive Mode Setup)

"If there are any unicorns prettier than me, I will find them. I will follow them. And no one will ever see those unicorns again." (With Magical Mercenary Equipped)

"Another day, another back with a gaping stab wound!" (Contract Complete)

"This won't be the first corpse I've disposed of in the dead of night." (Helltower Responses Round Start)

"Heh heh heh heh. Like a wolf among the lambs." (Tie Taunts)

"Ah, stab wounds. My favorite type of wound!" (Knife Stabbing Kill Taunt)

"Shock, blood loss, infection; Oh ho ho ho, I love stabbing!" (Knife Stabbing Kill Taunt)

"I'm going to butcher you like a pig." (Knife Stabbing Kill Taunt)

Do you see how unhinged this man is? How nervous he can make someone? He’s got a thing for stabbing, and that’s unsettling. You think he’s mentally stable now? You think he’s sane? Think again. He’s questionable at most, and deserves a lot of suspicion.

Now, we’ve learned Spy is rather goofy and quite fucking creepy. What’s next? Now, my dear friends, we learn of Spy’s fearless nature. This man fears nothing, literally. I’ve combed through everyone’s voice lines. Everyone but Spy, Heavy, and Engineer shows fear. They all scream and panic. Engineer, however, shows concern! Heavy shows complete joy and eagerness. While Spy shows annoyance and acceptance. This indicates, even when faced with his own death, Spy isn’t afraid.

In the comics, there’s further evidence for this. Throughout every batshit event, Spy keeps a straight face and exhibits begrudging acceptance.

If Spy is afraid of something, it is unknown. Of course, like any fan with headcanons and stuff, I can speculate. I can give him fears, worries, etc… But this isn’t about my headcanons! This is canon Spy!

Now, look at all we’ve covered! The wiki, the voice lines, and even the comic! (Albeit vaguely, again that’s its own post–) What could possibly be left? What else is there to this masked maniac? Simple: How much he fucking cares.

Spy cares so fucking much about his team it’s ridiculous. He cares a lot. Immensely. In fact, scoutzone made a very good post discussing Spy's actions in Expiration Date. Of course, I myself will also talk about it. I cannot help it! We are going to be focusing on the scenes during 2:57-12:11, as there’s tons of good Spy content to work with.

Upon receiving an answer from Medic on how long they have to live, Spy seemingly gets to work. It seems mere hours later (indicated by how much darker it is outside than before), Spy gathers his entire team around a table. He gives a very touching, encouraging speech. Spy hypes everyone up, talking them up greatly. He is under the impression they will all die, that their hours are numbered. What does he do? Tasks Scout to gather everyone’s dying wish.

Spy wants to make everyone’s dying wish come true! How– How is that not sweet?! HE EVEN SMILES DURING HIS SPEECH LOOK

Spy is so ready to complete everyone’s dying wish, and even lifts their spirits with a speech. How is that not caring?! And… Oh Scout, you fucking weasel. Made a fool out of Spy in front of everyone. After his nice speech and his eagerness to help everyone. You can see at 4:29 how upset he is. How much that bothered him, because Spy was trying to be nice and no one appreciated it.

Afterwards, he retreats to his smoking room. A safe place to hide and ignore his emotions. Play it casually like everyone else, because no one cares except for him apparently– Until, the man who ruined his gesture shows up.

Spy rightfully retaliates, even grabbing his knife to stab Scout. However, after the panicked “sorry” comes out, Spy gives up. With a roll of his eyes, he lets Scout in and puts away the knife. Sure, stabbing Scout was a bit much, however it speaks a lot that Spy decided to not hold grudges. He is going to die, and figures leaving things on a higher note is much more preferable.

And just… MMM the way he decides to help Scout is so sweet! Spy has three days, three days to do whatever he wants. He chooses to spend them helping Scout, the guy who ruined his whole kind gesture towards the team, get a date with the iconic lesbian Miss Pauling. That… Just shows so much about his character. Willing to push issues aside in order to help, because dammit he wanted to help his entire team. He can’t do that without knowing their wishes. But, Scout told him his wish. He figures one is better than none, and spends endless hours getting the job done.

NOW THIS SCENE, I LOVE THIS SCENE!! I feel like everyone overlooks it. When Spy claims time has run out and Scout failed… His face. His face when Scout stands up to him and takes matters into his own hands. Look how proud he is. He’s so proud!! That smile threatening to peek out, and him pointing at the watch– Spy is so proud of Scout finally just going for it. Truth is, Scout really didn’t need the endless hours of teaching. The main lesson was to just fucking ask her out. Finally, he did! Spy couldn’t be happier.

Of course, not to mention that adorable scene of him watching the cameras. Soldier and Demo give their very helpful input, as Spy makes sure Scout doesn’t fuck the whole thing up.

Now, this last little scene just shows an inkling of how much Spy cares. During the bread monster battle, at around 12:06 Spy pulls Scout away from the fight. Coyly says, “I think it’s going pretty well!” and shoos him off to talk to Pauling. That… TOP TIER dad shit right there.

Speaking of dad… Let’s finally discuss the comic.

Ah yes, this scene. This comes in pretty early in the comic. Beforehand, no one knew what we do now. So, this could indicate various things. Spy cares about Scout, Expiration Date showed us this. This could also be a thing where, at the mention of a mother… Spy grows soft. (My Spy is a mother's boy, sorry not sorry yes I gave Spy a lovely mother and he adores her and I’ll show you her later I promise she’s wonderful–) However, it is still sweet regardless of how Spy gives Scout the time of day. He helps him out, Spy likes to help people. He wants to help his team.

And now… The big reveal…

Spy is Scout’s father.

It’s pretty clear, ever since the events of Meet the Spy, Valve wanted Spy to be Scout’s dad. Finally, they confirmed it! Through.. Confusing means. (I’ll be honest, with how RED and BLU work, I was really torn by the whole thing. Cross faction affairs and whatever, but it all worked out. My headcanons are ironed out, it’s chill.)

This adds layers to everything. The fact that Spy lied to Scout, pretending to be Tom Jones… It says a lot. Spy knew Scout wouldn’t be happy dying knowing Spy was his father. So, Spy did what he always does… pretends to be someone he’s not. In order to make sure Scout died happily…

That just shows how much he cares. About Scout, that is. There’s a lot of examples to show how much he cares about Scout.

Though, what’s fascinating is how many people know Spy is Scout’s father. Sniper does, indicated by his reaction upon finding the dying Scout. Heavy does too, by his comment of Scout’s father “disappearing often.” A contract line from Miss Pauling confirms she knows as well. It could also be assumed Medic knows, as he’s the fucking doctor and needs DNA samples all the damn time. It brings up interesting questions… How do they know? Did Spy tell them? Did they just figure it out? Who else knows? The entire team, but Scout? That, for now, is left up to debate.

Now, we have finally met the Spy… Wait… Meet… The Spy?

Silly me, I completely jumped over Meet the Spy! Let’s quickly go over it!

Meet the Spy is fascinating as it really hints at the danger of Spy as a character. Specifically, the RED Spy… The tales of his feats are described by the BLU Spy, as a cautionary tale. A warning. It’s fascinating really.

This sort of creates the notion the two teams act rather differently from each other. They all just happen to look similar… Though, this isn’t a post about the factions. This is about Spy.

At 0:04, we can see the whole wall of random alerts BLU has. They have two alerts specifically for the Red Spy. This already shows he’s a rather intimidating threat. This is only amplified by the long warning Blu Spy gives them.

Meet the Spy just cements things we previously covered about Spy. At 1:14, we discover the Red Spy has had an affair with the Blu Scout’s mother. This proves Spy is an enjoyer of women, but also his silly escapades do get him into trouble. It causes him to make enemies. (also “THE GLOVES AND BALACLAVA STAY ON DURING SEX”)

Blu Spy shows a lot of wariness when it comes to his Red counterpart. He talks at length about Red Spy’s efficiency when it comes to his job. He breezes past defenses, dismembers colleagues, and can be anyone within the base. Spy makes you just about as paranoid as he himself is. You cannot trust anyone when a Spy is within your walls. In fact, the ending confirms this.

At 2:44, it is revealed the Red Spy himself was pretending to be the Blu Scout. This showcases the Red Spy is a very good actor. He is able to fool people easily.

I’d also like to note, I believe the Blu Spy is exceptional at getting information on targets! The nature of the pictures he has of the Red Spy and Blu Scout’s mother confirm this! He, or someone, managed to find their location, the news of Red Spy being there, the exact time, and the perfect angle to snap photos. Blu Spy is an effective stalker! Good for him, he needs it for his job!

That, my friends, brings this post to a close. We went through everything. All the information I managed to find and overanalyze. What have we learned about Spy?

Spy is a highly ranked agent. His job boils down to creating enemies, by ending and ruining lives. He steals wives, secret information, and the hearts of many. Due to this, he possesses an unhealthy amount of paranoia. No one can be too close, lest they die or betray him. He is dangerous, fearless. Spy will go into any situation with a level head, and neutrality to death. He isn’t too concerned with that sort of thing. He has proved himself to be a wonderful actor and even a decent stalker. He’s silent, but deadly. Never seen nor heard. His mental state appears to be questionable, as his love for stabbing borders on terrifying. He takes his job as an art form, and does it with immense pleasure. Despite this, Spy has a softer side. He knows when to laugh, and even makes jokes. He has a love for the finer things in life, suits and wine. He is shown to care too much. He cares so much it often backfires on him and causes him pain. He is shown to adore his team, and love his son. Spy is human, with flaws and scars. He is a flickering light, a delicate rose. Spy’s character is complex, poetic, ugly yet beautiful.

Spy is my favorite Team Fortress 2 character. I love him so much, he means a lot to me. This bitter, broken, tragic older man just… means a lot to me. I believe he deserves the world, a lot of love. So, I happily gave it to him through a headcanon romantic relationship with his own team’s mad doctor. I could make a whole post as to why Gentle Surgery of all ships is my favorite… We’ll see.

Thanks for reading. I hope you’ve learned something about Spy today! Take care! :)