Distant Soulmate

And you are still

the only person

who can keep me together

when I am about to fall apart.

the past; a secure space I hold in my mind easiness laid on our skin now it is dust we got old in just a couple of months I miss these new felt days where kisses lasted for hours a new touch opened  a new thirst our smile reflected in each other eyes we used to find passion in an old bed and dirty sheets Yet today; the present promises pain, we found insanity in the soulmates we tried to be

You can’t make a home out of a person

and at the end, it’s all I wanted  to make you my home fill your body with my spirit fill my soul with your love to find me in your mirroring eyes I wanted to make a home out of you feel your presence next to mine breath your air which filled your lungs once and now fill mine

And still no matter how hard I tried  to make a home out of you to hold on to the idea of what we could be you were never mine you were never my home no matter how hard I tried because you can’t make a home out of a person

So tell me

how can you

love someone

and don't care at all?

Believe that it's all possible All the dreams And all the wanting All the changes All the promises All the hopes Everything is possible It doesn't depend on the stars Or the lovely words out of someone mound. It depends on you And your actions Because it's your life and your life only

Between promises and lies I found myself lost in your labyrinth of words

I used to feel so deeply for you but now I am confused about the love that I felt about the love that I lost

I used to feel so strong with my heart dancing in fire it never burned out it never lost its desire

I used to feel so passionate like it was only you and me passionate about us passionate about who we could be

Now I feel nothing of the things that I used to feel I stare into your eyes black holes, just as dead as mine

How could we become these deadly boring people? Weren't we the ones which used to breathe through kisses?

How could we lose all of this and slowly become enemies? we stopped to dance in our light we rather start wars in our shadow

How lovely it would be to go back to the art of passion but we buried it our fallen feeling of desire

A dream which took me back to  you

Last night I’ve dreamed about you. 

I’ve dreamed about us

About the past, the fight, and the short but yet so beautiful periods of peace.

I’ve dreamed about you and your beautiful laugh and your even prettier smile.

I’ve dreamed and I fell back in love, in love with us and the past. 

I’ve felt relieved to have you back. To have the past back, like nothing ever happened. Like this is just as and how we use to be.

We didn’t share a world together, we created a universe. Both of us used to live on our own planet, but there was no space between our worlds. Not a tiny bit. 

But who of us knew how fatal it would be when two worlds who were ment to be together, would separate for a moment?  Who of us knew, that a moment could mend eternity? Who of us knew that there is a universe, where our worlds would be miles away from each other? Who of us knew how broken our worlds were? Who of us knew that our universe was about to fall apart? 

And than 

I woke up. 

Alone in my bed.

Shivering from the cold you left behind.

Searching you desperately in my bed. 

Where are you? 

Why aren’t you here?

What happened?

Was this really just a dream?

There is too much space without you.

Too much.

I can’t

breath 

But still

You are gone.

Because it was me who left.

Because there was nowhere to stay.

Because we couldn’t fix our worlds once again.

Maybe it was me who left.

But it was you who didn’t said a word.

Not even goodbye.

This silence

may safe you

but it kills me

from the inside

empty faces

It is another kind of heartbreak to realize that I still haven’t found the soul I am searching for in the person, I hoped so much would reflect my perception of perfection after spending so much time searching in empty faces and beliving that this one has a heart that would mirror my own Just to see they are just another empty face in the crowd of lost lovers I got lost in as well Only this time I painted their face so it is easier to pretend and hold onto something that isn’t even there It is so tiring to search without finding or find without keeping because even if they leave it wouldn’t be their missing that would hurt but knowing that nothing has changed I am still on my journey through empty faces until finding the other wanderer who searches for a face in so much emptiness as well