Shameless Self Promotion, But I´m About 50k Words Deep Into A (German, Sorry To All Of You British Folks) story

I recently found out why my mom would never sleep around me when I was a kid. Like she’d never let herself take naps or sleep if I was awake, ever. Or if she did, she would lock her bedroom door. So when I was 6, I was asleep in my bed in the middle of the night when I hear a loud bang, like a pot being dropped and come out to the living room to see my mom standing by the window, with just a huge pile of spaghetti all over the sill, and a pot on the ground, and I ’m like “Are you gonna eat all that?” And ya’ll she get’s BIG MAD and yells at me and chases me to my room but then a little while later a bunch of cops show up and ask me a bunch of random ass questions about my art? Like this one cop lady keeps asking me to draw dragons for her?! And they seem mad as hell

I didn’t want to get arrested so I just never asked my mom for spaghettis after that. Lesson, learned. Don’t ask mom for spaghettis or she’ll call the damn police on you. 

So I have this memory in my head, and it goes unquestioned until I say it outload for the first time a few months back and as soon as I say the words “When I was six, my mom called the cops on me for asking for spaghettis” My adult logic slams into place and is like “Hang on. Your mother definatly did not call the police on a 6 year old for asking for spaghetti.” 

So obviously that’s not what really went down. I call up my mom to tell her how I remember it and on top of her figuring out why her kid has always been really cagey around spaghettis for the last 3 decades she tells me what really happened. 

So on that night, a man tried to break into our house through the front window. It was just my mom, and her kids so she did what she felt she had too and shot him in the head. He’d been wearing a helmet, which landed on the floor under the window.

Now I just want ya’ll to put yourselves in my moms shoes for a minute here. This woman has just taken a human life. The trauma of that- the instant agony, the panic, the guilt, the fear- all of it hitting her at once, her only solace the knowledge that her children are safe. She protected her daughters. No matter the cost to her soul- her children are safe.

Then she looks up and sees her six year old staring at the inside of this mans head before saying “Are you gonna eat all that?” 

Not to be that person but can I have a China Sorrows stand-alone book yet? Preferably pre-phase one and involving Eliza in some way???

Teacher: Stephanie could you take out the trash?

Valkyrie: *pulls out gun*

Teacher: NO, NOT LIKE THAT!

i really like looking at google image searches for “firemen rescuing cats” or something because you get super cute pictures like

AND THEN THERE’S THIS ONE

My favorite troupe

Bad Ass women cops with their sassy Consultants who will provoke people and run behind said bad ass women cop

Kate Beckett and Rick Castle

Lucifer and Chloe Decker

Teresa Lisbon and Patrick Jane

Ghastly: If Skulduggery knew I was helping you open a portal to the faceless ones’ dimension, he’d-

Valkyrie: I don’t care. He’d do it for me. Tell me he wouldn’t. If I were missing-

Ghastly: He’d burn the whole world down till he could dig you out of the ashes. I know. Hell, you think I don’t want to burn the whole world right now? I’m just trying to be a responsible adult.

“‘A farmer’s daughter, she was, though back then nearly every girl was a farmer’s daughter. Or a farmer. She had hair as long as rope, and a nose. All her eyes were blue and she had a smile like a radiant hole in the ground, with teeth. God, she was beautiful.’ 

‘She sounds terrifying,’ said Donegan. 

‘Hush, you. I will hear no bad word spoken of your sister.’”

- Gracious O’Callahan and Donegan Bane in Skulduggery Pleasant: The Dying of the Light by Derek Landy

“Am I in love? Absolutely. I’m in love with ancient philosophers, foreign painters, classic authors, and musicians who have died long ago. I’m a passionate lover. I fawn over these people. I have given them my heart and my soul. The trouble is, I’m unable to love anyone tangible. I have sacrificed a physical bond, for a metaphysical relationship. I am the ultimate idealistic lover.”

— James Dean

valkyrie saying she hadn’t heard of the dead men while sitting next to skulduggery is the sorcerer equivalent of sitting next to harry styles and saying you’ve never heard of one direction

Doesn’t She Know (It’s the End of the World) (Skulduggery Pleasant)

Title: Doesn’t She Know (It’s the End of the World) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16936872 Platform: AO3 Creator: bubblemoon66 Work Type: Fanfiction Fandom: Skulduggery Pleasant Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Pairing: Valkyrie Cain/Skulduggery Pleasant Word count: 3717 Warnings: Major Character Death Number of comments: 8 Completion Status: Complete Short summary/description: 

According to the clock on the Bentley’s dashboard, it was 06:23. About 37 minutes before the world had been scheduled to end.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie are used to high stakes and heroic deeds done with minutes to spare. Together, they’ve saved the world a hundred times over. They were bound to slip up eventually.