“Writing Is Something You Do Alone. It’s A Profession For Introverts Who Want To Tell You A Story

Please please please I know we all love Friends and Chandler was our favourite character and Matthew always put a smile on our faces and that’s all amazing but can we please please please talk about this:

“I've had a lot of ups and downs in my life. I'm still working through it personally, but the best thing about me is that if an alcoholic or drug addict comes up to me and says, 'Will you help me?' I will always say, 'Yes, I know how to do that. I will do that for you, even if I can't always do it for myself! So I do that, whenever I can. In groups, or one on one.

And I created the Perry House in Malibu, a sober-living facility for men. I also wrote my play The End of Longing, which is a personal message to the world, an exaggerated form of me as a drunk. I had something important to say to people like me, and to people who love people like me.

When I die, I know people will talk about Friends, Friends, Friends. And I'm glad of that, happy l've done some solid work as an actor, as well as given people multiple chances to make fun of my struggles on the world wide web...

but when I die, as far as my so-called accomplishments go, it would be nice if Friends were listed far behind the things I did to try to help other people.

I know it won't happen, but it would be nice.”

- Matthew Langford Perry

(August 19, 1969 - October 28, 2023)

Skulduggery Pleasant AU: Valkyrie is persuaded by kenspeckle to leave skukduggery and work with the irish sanctuary in a different capacity/deal with the magic/mortal-life divide differently.

[This ask is a prompt for this headcanons post]

First of all, let’s take a moment to appreciate this tag courtesy of the AO3 Tag Generator:

[image reads: “sappy scientific femslash”]

Surprising absolutely no-one, I am 100% here for Valkyrie and Clarabelle as magiscience wives. Lab partners, even. 

Like, sure, Kenspeckle could get Val to do something that isn’t either Skeleton Detective Assisting or Sanctuary Scientisting, but also. Clarabelle is right there y’all. And Val likes coats.

Ghastly would be delighted! He would make the best labcoats!

Now for the plot nonsense. Handwavey I-haven’t-read-these-books-in-many-years ye-gods-there’s-some-kind-of-second-series-I-haven’t-touched-isn’t-there? time, but I’d imagine some kind of complicated Darquesse related fuckery goes down anyway, because look at China. Being a librarian has not stopped her from being very much involved in drama!! I see no reason for Val to be any different.

I just typed “does valkyrie cain like math” into google and one of the suggestions along the way was “does valkyrie cain have a girlfriend”. oh my god !!! oh my god !!!!!

But anyway! I cannot remember if she likes math! I think the reflection likes at least one of the STEM things in school though. A Valkyrie+Stephanie teamup sounds like a good time.

Also, Valkyrie gets a dog at the end of the series right? She should still get a dog. The dog should have its own set of lab gear. 

Like, the goggles and the boots and the coat. Ghastly should be the one making the dog’s clothes. Ghastly should be chasing this dog around the shop with a teacup. 

Yes.

Playing with Fire cover comparisons

Annnnd we’re back! This time with PWF, which in my opinion is rather underrated? Definitely not the best book in the series, but I like it better than the other middle books. YEAH, GET READY FOR UNPOPULAR OPINIONS. Also, apparently almost every country universally decided the main character gets to appear, so this time there’s lot of Val! Yay!

Anyway, this list has some weird mixups. Let’s go.

1.

Indonesian Cover

In my opinion? The best Skulduggery Pleasant cover, ever. It’s beautifully drawn, the compositions great, the PERSONALITY!! the font is not the greatest (that blue is… out of nowhere) but good god I will forgive for that BEAUTIFUL val. this is the only official art i’ve ever seen that actually looks like a pretty teenage girl, so, props. I also love the hand tucked into her jacket. “yeah, im shooting fire, but it’s not a big deal.”

also, indonesian artist learned to draw skeletons!! it is kinda weird to see him standing far back not doing anything, but it works better here than other places…

2.

UK Hardcover

This and #3 are really close, but this is probably one of my favorites of the original hardcovers. I like the lemon/lime color scheme, and the composition is great - maybe the best of all of them. The hands popping up out of the frame really work, and the splatter effects actually look good here! Yay! I … kinda suspect someone else did the composition here, lol. Not sure how I feel about the bats, but. Eh. 

3.

Thai Cover

im sorry about the sticker/website, this is the biggest I could find :,(

ANYWAY! DAMN! Once again, love the framing, and especially love the hand creeping out! The chains are great, the fiery background is great … also the grotesquery is creepy as fuck, much scary then any of the art Percival’s done of it. thoo…. why put the villain on the front cover, is my question? 

4. 

UK paperback.

It’s okay. Playing wirth fire, so… Skulduggery plays with fire. Composition is good, colors are good. Not much to say.

5.

Bulgarian Cover

Yay, Val!! And Skul lurking protectively in the background. This one mostly comes down to me not liking the art style much. Also val’s weird very ooc (and age inappropriate??) top. Aight.

6.

US Ebook

You know how I said the Indonesian/Bulgarian covers with Skul standing back worked? Yeah, this is an example of one that.. doesn’t. Seriously, there are vampires coming at them and Skulduggery is … actually, I’m not sure what Skulduggery is doing. What is he looking at? … SKULDUGGERY, SHE’S 13.

Speaking of that background, it’s awful. I can’t believe we’re only about halfway down the list and it’s already this dismal. Oy vey.

This is a cute Val, though. Yay. Why does Val never age in Percival’s covers? Questions, questions.

7.

US Hardcover

this is hilariously awful to me in the way the czech cover of book 1 is. it’s just so HIDEOUS, I LOVE IT. i bought a copy of this in powell’s and it’s my ugly baby

people do not run like this. I mean, for one, they do not hover off the ground like this, but the arms should be opposite the legs (so right leg forward, right arm back). Both of them are wearing brown, for some reason? Val’s coat is super short? i don’t know, man. I don’t know. 

8.

Serbian Cover

It’s a massive improvement over the last cover, though it’s still a mess. Their photoshopping is a bit more coherent, at least. Look at val’s emo bangs. And I’m sure she’s very proud to be 2 inches taller than Skulduggery.

Also, the bats return. Were there bats in this book??

9. 

Czech Cover

Well.

I’m impressed that they did worse.

it’s like Skulduggery cosplaying billy-ray sanguine, I don’t even KNOW. 

10.

American Paperback

Exec #1: “well, the skeleton cover really didn’t work here… We think it might have been too scary. What should we do for this reboot?”

Exec #2: “what’s the title?”

exec #1: “Playing with Fire.”

Exec #2: “Hand. Fire. DONE, BOOM”

at least they TRIED with the first one by making a scepter. ths is just… utter laziness. 

“Vampires are just part of the problem!” what was wrong with don’t try this at home?? IT MAKES EVEN MORE SENSE HERE. it’s the only one of these covers with a tagline, too. lord. 

I like to imagine two things: 

- Dexter grabbed Valkyrie and danced with her when she was so overly bored on their long walk in book #8 to cheer her up and it totally worked even though she tried half-heartedly to free herself and NOT to laugh 

- the Dead Men spending a day at the beach which would be the biggest disaster including Dexter chasing a screeching Saracen into the water and Valkyrie building a sandcastle with Ghastly i’m needy of fluff and harmony please

Imagine a Skulduggery Pleasant AU where everyone is Australian:

Everyone swears 120% more than in canon.

The perpetually changing Grand Mages fits with what's been happening in mortal Australia.

Anton has a shack in the bush instead of the hotel, he grows a beard and fits in perfectly.

Saracen is a hipster.

Skulduggery was a bush ranger back in the day.

Valkyrie's school is so much more feral and out of control. There's a reason she's so quick to become Skulduggery's partner - she just wants to escape.

They all have different Australian accents.

Children of the Spider makes more sense considering ...

Valkyrie has to say "that's dog" at least once. Lots of Australian slang should be included.

Larrikin tried to ride a kangaroo and succeeded (nobody can ride a kangaroo).

Much more wildlife and dangerous animals that nobody really cares about.

ya know like….you always hear about the classics™ authors having stupid wild shenanigans with each other. they all banded together to be dumbass chaotic english majors together. the stories are great and they’re all considered timeless genius writers….we don’t have that with modern age authors? where’s the goddamn sense of community? where’s the saucy tales of jk rowling, stephen king, james patterson and nicholas sparks locked up in an orgy cabin during a hurricane and having a writing contest. no one’s ever gotten in a fist fight with stephanie meyer. rick riordan didn’t cry face down in george r r martin’s garden after no one liked blood of olympus. jodi picoult doesn’t have a single damn calcified heart in her possession. cassandra clare and suzanne collins never had sex on a grave. neil gaiman has never gone on a week long sex-binge that would have killed him if r l stine didn’t intervene. john green has never written a book in two weeks while snorting massive amounts of cocaine. where’s the drama!!! where’s the scandal!!!! where’s the intrigue!!! modern day authors have to step it UP a notch, God dammit.

Love me some magical Russian assassin

You can now find a rework of my aftermath series on AO3 :)

Teacher: Stephanie could you take out the trash?

Valkyrie: *pulls out gun*

Teacher: NO, NOT LIKE THAT!