I'm Terrified I'm Going To Gain. I Was Fasting For About 24 Hours But I Decided To Do OMAD Instead Of

I spent three weeks in a mental hospital and what I discovered there I feel like should be put into words.

we are not who you think we are.

the boy with turrets told the funniest jokes

the girl who raked her nails up and down her skin could create the most exquisite drawings

the girl who abused drugs had the wisest soul

the boy with schizophrenia had the biggest heart

the girl who tried to kill herself told the boy with insomnia stories to help lure him to sleep

the boy who wanted to kill himself had the deepest passion for cooking

the girl with slits and scars all over her body dried my tears and told me I was beautiful

the boy with anger issues gave the warmest hugs

the girl with bulimia told everyone every day that they looked beautiful in their bodies

the boy who was a compulsive liar told us that he wanted us all to get better, and that he was for once telling the truth

the girl who almost drank herself to death stood up for anyone that felt they were feeling bullied

the boy with social anxiety made sure nobody sat alone at meals

we are not who you think we are.

A quick list of things you are not:

damaged goods.

a burden.

worthless.

a failure.

stupid.

a waste of space.

weak.

a lost cause.

alone.

a whole bunch of links for a bad day

distract yourself + positivity

2048

control the weather (flash warning)

spend bill gates’ money

read a book

write without distractions

snickerdoodle mug cakes

recipes for when you’re low on spoons

khan academy

an aggressive reminder

1000 awesome everyday things

make a picrew of a worm on a string

bongo cat

useless websites

emergency compliments

a nice uquiz

more useless websites

sketch comedy

sculpt something

guess google searches

white noise

rain

customizable

coffee shop

thunderstorm + fireplace

rain on a tin roof

rain + traffic

train sounds

a fan

catharsis

scream into the void

cut your screen (trigger warning)

break glass

self-care

inexpensive self-care

small acts of self-care

develop a self-care plan

do nothing for two minutes

cope with:

common sleep problems (+solutions)

nightmares

stress

stress 2

are you stressed or depressed?

homework stress

an eating disorder

things to do instead of harming yourself

trauma

anger

worrying

grief

a breakup

the suicide of a loved one

bullying

is this relationship harmful?

sexual assault

obsessive-compulsive disorder

obsessive-compulsive disorder 2

suicidal thoughts

help

a whole bunch of hotlines

more hotlines

suicide hotlines

talk to someone

active positivity blogs

@positivityreblogs

@positivitie

@recoverystuff

@survivor-positivity

@ocdiscourse

@positivelypastelpink

@positiveautistic

@mental–healthawareness

@slfcare

@traumasurvivors

@softheartedsuggestion

remember:

drink some water

eat something if you haven’t in a while

take a break

sleep if you need to

you’re doing amazing i love you

I will stop being a failure and lose at least 5 pounds this week

💞💛💗💖🧡💝💙💗💚💕

I will lose 5 pounds this week

💞💛💗💖🧡💝💙💗💚💕

Speak it into existence

💞💛💗💖🧡💝💙💗💚💕

Rb to lose 5 pounds this week

50 Skinny Quotes

“Hunger will not betray you like eating will”

“Hunger hurts, but starving works”

“Hungry to bed, hungry to rise, makes a girl a smaller size”

“Calories won’t make you happy”

“Starving is willpower”

“Pleasure to the lips adds pounds to the hip”

“Do not reward yourself with food, you are not a dog”

“If it was easy, everyone would be thin”

“I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy, I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it”

“Eat to live, but don’t live to eat”

“Hunger is your friend and it won’t betray you like eating will”

“Your stomach growling is the sound of your fat screaming”

“Everything looks good on skinny”

“Know that the pain will pass. When it passes you will be stronger, happier, and more aware“

“The greasy fry it cannot lie. Its truth is written on your thigh”

“Giving into food shows weakness, be strong and you will be better than everyone else”

“I made myself fat, I can make myself thin”

“If I eat anything, I’ll eat everything, so I eat nothing”

“Waking up thinner is worth going to bed hungry”

“Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”

“Every calorie you eat equals another step towards destruction“

“Eating will not solve anything”

“Ballerina or beanbag?”

“No one ever got skinny sitting on their behind”

“You could die at any time and once you are dead, you will be that weight FOREVER, do you want to look fat when everyone comes by to see you in the coffin?”

“Eat less, weigh less”

“Starve my pain away, make me beautiful, make everything okay, turn my problems into bones, crush them up, gather the remains, blow away the dust“

“Junk food is cheap but thin is priceless“

“Never trade what you want most for what you want at the moment, it only leads to failure”

“For every day that you binge, it pushes back the day of your ultimate goal weight by a week”

“You only fail if you stop trying“

“You are not hungry, you are bored, learn the difference”

“ You will not regret getting skinny, but you will regret overeating”

“Do it so that people ask, “has she been eating?”“

“I am not there yet, but I am closer than I was yesterday”

“Need motivation to lose weight? Just sit in front of the mirror naked”

“If you are not hungry enough to eat an apple, you are not hungry”

“Dear stomach, you are not bored, you are hungry, so shut up”

“Stop eating, you must be beautiful”

“So you can show everyone who doubted you, you can do it”

“Coffee and smokes, and cold diet cokes, that’s what pretty girls are made of”

“Stay strong, and starve on”

“Inside us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she is too sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake”

“Keep calm and hunger will pass”

“The fact that you are not where you want to be should be enough motivation”

“You’ll never get skinny if you keep on eating”

“An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person“

“The thinner is the winner“

“You cannot taste perfection, you can feel it“

“If you aren’t thin, you aren’t attractive“

Desde que eu a conheci, todos os dias são os mesmos, as horas, os minutos, os segundos… Tudo ao meu redor se iguala ao que já passou. Cada refeição é um momento de autoflagelação, se você está aqui, sabe exatamente como é. E eu me sinto… Assustada. Eu estou doente? Eu realmente tenho transtorno alimentar? Eu sou válida? Eu sou louca? Eu vou continuar vivendo assim por quanto tempo? Eu vou morrer assim? Por quê embora eu tente me recuperar (mesmo sendo forçada pela minha família), eu sinto que estou fraquejando? Deus, eu sei que você pode me ver, pode me ouvir, sabe exatamente o que eu penso, sabe exatamente o que se passa nessa mente conturbada… Eu não consigo mais viver assim, eu não aguento mais. Eu sinceramente estou cansada. 

Stats

ED: EDNOS (currently leaning towards restrict)

UGW: 90 lbs or 40.82 kg

GW: 105 lbs or 47.63 kgs

CW: 138.9 lbs or 63 kg

SW: 180 lbs or 81.65 kg

HT: 5'4.25 or 160 cm

Measurements: Waist 29in/73.6cm Bust and Hips 39in/99.06cm

Also I'm gluten intolerant and vegitarian (mostly) so I might post some recipes

---

Calming masterpost:

crisis/urgent support lines and sites

hotlines/crisis lines for depression, domestic abuse, alcohol and drug abuse, teens, pregnancy, lgbt and more

mental support community - a forum where you can post that you are in a crisis right now and need peer support as soon as possible

imalive crisis chat - online one-on-one chat for if you’re in at risk of hurting yourself etc

self harm alternatives

si urges alternatives

relaxation/anxiety relief

do nothing for two minutes

interactive silk art

guided relaxation

watch a dream

100,000 stars

thisissand - create sandscapes on your screen with your mouse

calming gif

the quiet place project

the quiet place - find some quiet

the thoughts room - a super calm page to unburden yourself from bad thoughts

the comfort spot - a place for anonymous venting with out anybody judging you for who you are

the dawn room - my personal favourite, especially good for when you feel alone

know that it will be okay - when a moment is too hard for you - come here.

music and sounds

my anxiety relief playlist - on 8tracks

my positivity/recovery playlist - on 8tracks

‘stay strong’ playlists - on 8tracks

coffee shop sounds

rain sounds

calmsound - nature sounds

rainycafe

comfort food

one minute cookie in a mug

brownie in a mug

several cookie recipes

25 hot chocolate recipes

loads and loads of snacks - 533 quick and easy recipes for a range of snacks on studentrecipe

lots of different in-a-mug recipes

chocolate pudding in a mug - my personal fave (lil tip: add mini marshmallows for extra gooey yumminess)

advice and tips

how to be okay with yourself

25 resolutions

life hacks

more life hacks

a hella ton more life hacks - so many life hacks dude soon ur gonna never have a day-to-day stress again

school masterpost - school sucks so bad but hopefully this can help ease the stress

how to love yourself

how to bypass restricted wifi omg

alleviate menstrual cramps

boost your confidence

love yourself!

self help after anxiety

stop biting your nails

stop procrastinating

stop skipping breakfast

videos and movies

cure to sadness (video)

the movie blog - a blog dedicated to movie masterposts you will never be without a movie to watch again

cute roulette - THE BEST PLACE ON THE INTERNET ITS LITERALLY JUST A HUGE ROULETTE OF VIDEOS OF CUTE ANIMALS WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT FROM LIFE

random acts of kindness caught on film

disney movies

movies for angsty teens

distractions etc

rice questions - answer simple questions and donate free rice to people in poverty!!

click to give - just click a button to donate (it costs nothing) food to animals shelters, people in poverty and homeless veterans; mammograms to fight breast cancer; therapy for people on the autism spectrum; alzheimer’s and diabetes research; a book to a child; protect wildlife habitat

break something - good for anger

loads of cute games

how to make a blanket nest

learn something new - a masterpost of hobbies

exercise like a superhero

nice words

things to do when your sad

slap a bald guy with an eel - this is ridiculously entertaining

watch a dog lick your screen - it loops, so you could literally watch for hours if you want

calmingmanatee

daily puppy

how to make a comfort box

download free books

extras

emergency compliment!

lots of compliments - they even include ur name aw

huge list of bloggers who have put themselves forward as willing to listen/chat without judgement

getting anon hate?

:) tag - all the posts that i’ve tagged for making me happy

7cupsoftea - free, anonymous, confidential talks with trained listeners

get a hug

Calming songs, playlists and instrumentals:

Sing Me to Sleep

The Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Boost your Mood (peppier and happy songs)

The Driving Mixtape

Study

Summer Nights

It’s Going to be Fine

Calm & Collected

Once Upon a December - Piano (song)

Clair de Lune (song)

The Moon is a Harsh Mistress (song)

Calming/distracting Websites

The Quiet Place

Rainymood.com

Calm.com

Soundrown.com - calming sounds to mix and match

A website to distract yourself

A recovery masterpost

A post of interesting things

Ungruntle yourself

Press a magic button and fix everything

Play cute games

Almost every movie your little heart desires (i suggest you use with adblocker)

How to love yourself

A website that compliments you

Crafts and activities, easy and fun DYI projects

Glitter calm jars

A list of things to do to curb anxiety

Make a blanket nest

Silky summer legs

Lots of food recipes; mostly desserts  

For bad days masterpost

Make some microwave snacks

Five minute fudge

Make a phone case

A bunch of hobbies!

Self care list!

Pretty gold-dipped feathers (for decorating or anything)

What to do when:

You’ve been triggered

You’re having an anxiety attack

You’re having a panic attack

Your face is red and puffy after crying

You just had a fight

You hate yourself

You want to avoid being stressed

You want to get over your ex

Meditation and breathing

Guided Meditations

Do Nothing for 2 Minutes

Calm Down

Meditation Tips

90 second relaxation exercise

Simple things

Pretty Tree

When You Feel You Have Lost Everything

See Some BLOOD

Press a Button to Make Everything OK

Calming Manatee

Calming Gif

Make Something!

Jump into a Sofa Fort!

Make a Comfort Box

Glitter Jar Or This One

Other Nice Things

A Page To Help You Recover!!!

Coping Skills & Distractions

The Quiet Place. Shhhhh

For When You’re Upset

The Nicest Place on the Internet

Player 2

10 Most Relaxing Online Games

Talk To Someone That Will Listen

Not Having a Good Day?

How-to Love Yourself

Ground Yourself X X  X

Mood Chart

Do Nothing For Two Minutes

Rainymood

The Comfort Spot

Weave Silk

Seed Plant Breeder

This Is Sand

C.A.L.M

Calming/Relaxing Music:

Soft Piano: x, x, x, x, x

The Sound of Waves: x

The Sound of a Storm + Waves: x