Asians Of The Lost Chord!, Magazine Clippings Promotion For Asia's "Don't Cry" (1983) Single – (x)

Asians of the Lost Chord!, magazine clippings promotion for Asia's "Don't Cry" (1983) single – (x) Photos taken by Steve Rapport and Terry Lott

NARRATOR: John "Plucker" Wetton (base metal expert and posessor of nomadic bank balance). Dr. Steve "Clapper" Howe (renowned ear, no's, and Yes specialist). Capt. Carl "Skinner" Palmer (former officer in the crack Boy Scouts para-diddle corps, now a hardened drum revolutionary), and the mysterious Geoff "Bugler" Downes (an eccentric, defrocked member of the Buggles set and an avowed follower of St. Richard The Wakeman, appearing here in used tablecloth and hankie due to last-minute budget cuts). NARRATOR: The story so far... NARRATOR: Our four adventurers, each well-practised in the excavation of ancient musical forms, have been brough together in Egypt (just south of Twickenham) by the discovery of a long-lost map scrawled on the back of a deleted Gryphon album. The map outlines four different routes to the all-powerful Geffen talisman, housed in the Temple of the Progs, a magical "all areas" pass (laminated, of course!) that bestows the power of everlasting solos on its possessor. NARRATOR: Three of the four routes are false, leading only to the certain doom and solo projects. No-one knows which is the platinum path. The four decide that each should take a different direction, agreeing to settle it in the traditional manner. Now read on… WETTON: Snap!! NARRATOR: A bewildered "Bugler", having drawn the bucket-and-spade route, encounters the sinister, Suterian Rock Goddess (no relation), who unbeknownst to him is actually the guardian of the Geffen, intent on bringing confusion and death (in that order) to all who embark on false paths. NARRATOR: And then there were three… DOWNES: Gasp! (last) NARRATOR: Potty Palmer races through the jungle, swinging from tree to tree, until he plops into a swamp, especially imported from Castle Donington. He seems a "gonner" but, never one to give up any solo spot easily, he responds to the applause of a passing chimpanzee and clambers clear. On to the temple… SPLONK! PALMER: ELP! NARRATOR: Stealthily entering the inner sanctum, "Skinner" wonders what a discarded Cecil Mille De B-movie set is doing this far up-creek. A vat of liquid gold catches his eye and, whilst foolishly peering in to look for the remains of Keith Emerson, he goes for an "early bath" courtesy of the lurking Rock Goddess. And it isn't even Friday night! Gosh! Coming up, one golden turkey. SPLISH! NARRATOR: And then there were two… NARRATOR: The Hon "Plucker" Wetton steers a path through the seedier parts of the city, where he trades in his camel for a concubine (o.n.o). Panicking at the though that she might, in fact, be Mick Box in drag, he removes her veil and is so overwhelmed with relief at what he sees that he dies a long and tedious death. Ho hum… NARRATOR: And then there was one… WETTON: Groannn... NARRATOR: Clambering along the treacherous moutain path, "Clapper" slips close to the edge, but is plucked to safety by a helping hand – no, it isn't Kevin Riddles! Yes, he's the lucky one to find favour with the Goddess (we hope you're all taking this seriously), claiming the talisman and its interminable gift (cue a mass exodus of all remaining inhabitants of Asia). NARRATOR: The sole survivor... HOWE: Oh joy!