( You Probably Get These A Lot But...here I Am)

“The best tool a liar can have is a reputation for telling the truth.”

Sometimes I think that I could be the beautiful sword wielding girl with a dark past then I have the misfortune of remembering that I'm a fucking nerd who uses books as escapism.

adrien agreste & the body language of abuse

anybody who has seen even only one episode of miraculous ladybug can perfectly describe who chat noir is - he's brazen, he's fun, he's witty, he's flamboyant and overdramatic. he's the kind of hero who will preen confidently, give you a captivating wink and then he's off to save the world. but he's not chat noir all the time, or even half the time. most of the time, chat noir is adrien agreste - a quiet and exceedingly polite kid, who is likely to fade into the background despite his supermodel status. and sure, he knows how to be graceful and how to exude charisma, and he's still capable of being a drama queen (like slouching down a wall from being lovestruck).

but this post isn't about that.

because adrien is gabriel agreste's son all the time - a cold, careless, intimidating man, who will raise his voice to force others into submission, and who is depicted almost always with clenched fists.

what i've tried to do here is outline through images how gabriel's abuse has altered and influenced adrien's body language. because of tumblr's image limits (and the limits of my own patience), i have definitely missed some scenes, but i believe that i've managed to present with commentary the most important parts.

warning: image-heavy post.

chat noir is larger than life. adrien agreste tries to make himself as small as possible.

one of the biggest visual cues that the show gives us about adrien is that he has the tendency to wrap his arms around himself as a way of protection, whether because he's afraid of being vulnerable in front of others, or because he's self-soothing. he will do that even when there are other people around him that are offering comfort. adrien avoids bothering others with his feelings as much as possible, and putting his arms around his front serves as a replacement for the tender and warm touch he craves. he can also slouch, or put his knees up while sitting, creating a cocoon of sorts to feel safe. we also see him standing with his arms crossed in the rare times he tries to confront someone (his father or ladybug usually). whether he's sad, angry, guilty, disappointed, adrien will try to retreat to safety by forming a shield, so to speak.

there is an indisputable link between body and mind when it comes to trauma. adrien tries to not take much space not only with his physical presence, but by also almost never speaking up in class (unless to defend marinette), trying to be concise when communicating, and rarely making jokes. he's extremely reserved.

one of the scenes between gabriel and adrien that solidifies that adrien is terrified of his father happens in the first episode of season 2, when gabriel forbids adrien from attending school as a punishment for stealing and losing the grimoire. notice how gabriel is speaking with his back turned to his son, insinuating that adrien is not even worthy of being looked in the eyes. at one point he clenches his fist, as if to threaten his son. adrien is sitting on his computer chair with his hands in his lap, only lifting them defensively when he tries to explain himself. gabriel stands directly in front of him, as if shadowing adrien with his anger and contempt.

let's take a look at another episode - 'captain hardrock', in which gabriel and nathalie are listening to adrien play a piano piece. the screenshots in the upper half are from a moment when adrien hits a wrong note - notice the sheer fear and panic in his expression. he is immediately stopped, reprimanded for making a mistake, accused of being irresponsible and influenced by his rock band friends, and he's forbidden from attending his friends' concert. what's interesting about this moment isn't how he once again tries to make himself scarce physically - it's the terrified glance he gives his father when he plays the wrong key. you can just tell that adrien has internalized his father's reproaches and that his disapproving voice lives in his head, even when gabriel isn't there.

and can anyone judge him? take a look at these two screencaptures from 'stormy weather 2'. what happened is that adrien walked into his father's office, bright and enthusiastic, eager to tell him about the interesting idea behind his last photoshoot, and not only did he dare to interrupt gabriel's villainy, but he also accidentally called him 'dad' instead of 'father', as gabriel demands. a dirty look over the shoulder, two clenched fists, and adrien immediately apologizes and retreats.

adrien lives life on the defense. he has a naturally delicate and sensitive personality, which earns only eye rolls and accusations of put-on dramatism (there is also something to be said about how gabriel and adrien's relationship neatly corresponds to male and female gender roles, but that's yet another meta for another day).

notice the scene with ladybug in the image above - a rare time where adrien's trauma body language has bled into chat noir. he's insecure because 'nobody tells [him] how awesome [he] is', and he refuses to look ladybug or alix in the eyes while saying it. adrien is uncomfortable with looking at people during his most vulnerable moments.

'glaciator' is one of the episodes that can serve like a crash course on the way adrien carries himself under stress, this time because he's disappointed and heartbroken that the girl he loves didn't come to his surprise.

when around his father, if there's somebody else around he feels close to, adrien might lean on that other person, in order to feel stronger and braver.

now. not to be a conspiracy theorist about a cartoon or something, but. as miraculous is told from marinette's pov, we don't have a lot of episodes that focus on the agrestes, so we, the audience, often rely on guesswork and speculation. what was the relationship between emilie and gabriel? what was emilie really like? is she really as good as adrien claims, if he was strictly isolated the entire time she was alive? i do think that adrien's life has been mostly unexplored in canon (so far), and that includes his relationship with gabriel. i want to make it as clear as possible - adrien is brave to the point of stupidity, and not just as chat noir. let's not forget that he jumped from the top of a skyscraper, lead only by his faith that ladybug will save him, who, by the way, was busy being captured by gorizilla and screaming for help herself. if that's not crazy, i don't know what is.

adrien is afraid of his father. you don't get a child that so obviously displays trauma symptoms with a few cruel jabs. i very, very strongly feel that we haven't even seen the tip of the iceberg when it comes to gabriel's abuse. look at the screencaptures above from the episode 'simon says'. adrien is familiar with his father's insults, very much so. who else remembers how his father was nowhere to be found when he won a fencing tournament in 'chat blanc', but the day his technique is slipping, his father is waiting at the top of the stairs of the agreste mansion, ready to reprimand adrien? and speaking of 'chat blanc'...

these two moments might be the saddest. we don't know yet if adrien knows the true identity of hawk moth in 'ephemeral'. i'm leaning towards yes, because adrien is so courageous that he had no problems fighting what he assumed to be the real hawk moth with an umbrella in 'the puppeteer 2'.

in both situations, he's being cornered. adrien's moving slowly (hell, he's crawling in 'chat blanc), his face frozen in a mask of pure fear. look at adrien in 'chat blanc' - a boy who has the power to destroy everything he touches is now trying to surrender and is begging with one palm in the air. in both cases, right before getting akumatized by his father, adrien displays the trauma stress response known as 'freeze', instead of 'fight' or 'flight'. he's immobile and passive. a classic adrien line is 'i can't stand by and do nothing!', and yet here he is, thoughts completely shut off, unable to plan a way to get to safety or fight for his self-preservation.

ladybug has said that chat noir is braver than her. he is reckless, for sure. but when it comes to gabriel, adrien retreats to an almost womb-like state physically, instead of the openness and 'world is my oyster' attitude he displays as chat noir. he mistakenly believes that the less space he takes, the less he is heard and seen, and the less he asserts himself as someone with wants and needs, the less angry and disappointed will gabriel be. and that is adrien's biggest mental fallacy, since we're talking about the man who will readily make adrien suffer, only because adrien is getting into his way.

“I just took the job as your bodyguard, and there are *how* many people trying to kill you? Seriously?!” AU

- (@thenextromana)

“Today I forgive myself. Not just once. Again, and again, and again. As many times as it takes to find peace.”

— Unknown

Your family has been raising mythical creatures for centuries. The hardest creature you’ve ever had to take care of is one completely normal (but extremely stubborn) Pomeranian.

life rlly just feels like a vicious cycle of whispering to yrself "im good. im kind. i am a lover. i am. soft handed." & it returns back to you as "are you sure? are you sure? are you sure?"

Made too many Jinx textpost memes and I don't know what to do with them so here you got, a compilation with all of them

The hopeless romantic urge to look at the moon and stars, forever.

VIDEO ESSAYS 2 (PT. 1)

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