Damn, I Feeelll.....*gasp*....oLd!!!!!

wow. okay WOW!

The Best Worst Thing to Have Ever Happened pt. 6

read parts 1-5 here (links to part 5, the rest are there)

AU in which Jily is still alive but Harry chooses to stay with Wolfstar and everything is worse now.

(thanks for following along, bebes and letting me guide you through another heartbreaking endeavor. xoxo)

--

January 1996

“So I don’t…have to go back?” Harry asked from their kitchen table, looking at Remus over the sandwich he prepared. Their kid had come home, duffle over his shoulder, running to their bedroom to find Sirius, without even having been filled in on the details. He was just happy to have an excuse to be there against his godfather's side. Sirius had slept for the longest length of time in months, dodging the alarm clocks and morning sun, even as both Remus and Harry got out of bed. Remus told him to take his time, last Remus saw Sirius had been immersed in a long shower.

“Do you want to?”

“Not really.”

“Then, no.” Remus did his best to keep his voice level, not wanting to show Harry just how truly angry he still was. Even through James calling through the mirror. Even with the post received that morning from Lily asking just to talk. Remus wasn’t interested in talking. Remus was only interested in guarding Harry and Sirius, and though he never thought it would be the case, that meant staying away from Lily. And James.

“But I thought….” Harry trailed off, eyes going down to his plate, “I thought I couldn’t? I don’t want to be a pain, I’m not…it’s fine over there, Moony, I promise. They’re nice!”

Remus put down his cup to put two fingers under Harry’s chin, tilting his face upward again so they could make eye contact, “I know this has gotten very messy, and that is our fault entirely. You are a child--”

“I am not.”

“You will be my child until I am dead and buried, love, that’s just how it works. You’ll forty and I’ll be…one hundred probably and you will still be my kid,” Remus told him, “What I mean is…you are not responsible for the actions of the people who are supposed to take care of you. None of this is your responsibility to worry about, but it’s very kind that you are. Makes you a good person.”

Dark eyebrows knitted together behind glasses, “So what happens now?

“I don’t know yet,” Remus admitted, “I had only gotten so far as to this moment…and unfortunately may need to ask Sirius for some…guidance for the next parts.”

Harry grinned softly, “Might make me a bad person, a bit, but I kind of like it when Sirius scolds someone who isn’t me...like when he goes and shouts at Snape?”

“Cheers to that, love.” Remus returned his smile, raising his cup to his lips as Harry went back to lunch, both of them eagerly waiting for Sirius to come downstairs.

--

“He deserves to get to know them, Remus.”

“They don’t deserve to get to know him.”

“She was just mad.”

“I've been mad at you plenty and have never said those things.”

“Remus.”

“Sirius.”

Sirius sighed and ran a hand over his hair, pulling back the covers on the bed, “I--”

“I’m glad, that you can forgive and I am glad that you are made up of second chances, Sirius when it comes to how you’re treated. But I’m not, and I…I am happy to supervise their visits again but like hell is he spending a single night over there.”

“I’m just trying to figure out how this can be amicable.”

“Amicable stopped being a possibility the second they asked the ministry to keep looking.”

Sirius cleared his throat and crossed to where Remus was standing at the bathroom sink. He wrapped his arms around his husband's waist from behind, settling his forehead into his shoulder. He could’ve stayed there forever. Where it was simple and easy and his husband could hold some of the weight he’d been carrying around since he had woken up in the dead of night with a feeling. It was still there. “Fudge says it…shouldn’t take too long for the case to get closed because they…don’t really have one. Harry won’t be involved at all.”

“Good,” Remus said and Sirius wished he could detach the way Remus had. Pretend it was just two strangers and not his best friend and his wife. Not the person whose family had raised him. Remus's hand fell on top of Sirius’s around his waist and Sirius could feel his fingers trace over the tattoo of Harry’s birthday on his wrist, “In case I make fun of you for it again later and forget…thank you for obsessively keeping every bit of documentation about Harry we’ve ever gotten. Neatly organized too. I’d be very fucked without you.”

Sirius laughed, kissing the top of Remus’s shoulder through his long sleeve shirt.

--

James had floo-ed over to Number 12, Harry set to go back to school in just under two weeks, wanting to spend time while he could. Harry was alone in the sitting room when he arrived. He had stayed up talking with Sirius late into the night, not quite having the words to cover everything Lily had said or erase them completely. Even if Sirius was quicker to put things aside, clinging to everything that was familiar, even if it wasn’t good for him, James knew Sirius remembered everything. James knew the hurt was still lurking in the caverns of his best friend's body, alongside the words Orion and Walburga Black had said to him as a child.

He’s not your kid sitting comfortably next to You’re not wanted here, Sirius, get out.

“Oh. Hey,” he greeted when he saw James, not quite a smile, but not quite a frown either.

“Hey, are…your…Remus and Sirius here?”

Harry nodded, “They’re around. Did you see the snow? We could probably have a proper fight in the backyard…”

“Sounds good,” James smiled, “I’m going to go find them, just let them know?"

“I’ll be here,” Harry looked back down, at the book in his lap but the color of the pages caught James’s eye.

“What are you working on?”

“Oh, uh…it’s just my journal. Nothing important.”

“I journal too. Did you know that?”

“Mhmm. Sirius told me. That’s why I started…he gave me all of your old ones too. So I could get to…know you, I guess,” Harry looked up at him again, “Kind of weird that I read them now considering…I think I know too much.”

Sirius told me.

The journal even looked the same as the one James wrote in.

James snorted, “Please tell me you stopped before seventh year?”

“I really wish I did.”

--

Lily was in the kitchen, putting biscuits onto a tray, ready to go join Harry, Remus, and James in the sitting room, the snow falling outside. Everything was made fresh, and Lily asked Harry to pick a record to listen to. There was faint music playing, light conversation, a noticeable space in the room that would’ve been for Sirius had he wanted to come over again. He hadn’t spoken to Lily, aside from through cordial post regarding Harry, even if the early morning mirror conversations had resumed with James.

“Is this Joni Mitchell?” Lily asked, guitar filling the sitting room, Harry coming to sit in the armchair.

“Yeah,” Harry grinned, “She’s the best for snow days.”

“I love Joni Mitchell. Did you know that?”

Harry nodded again, taking the cup of tea Lily held out for him, “Thank you. Sirius told me. We have a bunch of records that used to be yours, play them a lot. I suppose you could have them back?”

“No…no, keep them.”

--

There was a knock at the door of his study and Sirius sat up from where he was reclining in his desk chair. He was supposed to be collecting documentation, the entire cabinet in his desk designated for Harry pulled open and untouched. Birth certificate, schooling records, every single Healer appointment, and broken bone; a drawing Harry had made at nine that won a prize at school, his first detention from Hogwarts, a copy of a Hogsmeade permission slip. Not a single moment of Harry’s life had gone unaccounted for, and all that was going to be used to prove to a court--a fucked up system that Sirius worked every day to overturn--that Remus and Sirius should be able to keep him.

They left you with me, and I got to keep you.

But he hadn’t been left with Sirius at all and filing to keep him felt dirty. Even if it might be necessary.

Harry opened the door, Sirius immediately glancing at the clock on the wall to get the time, confirming that it was late. Harry didn’t have his glasses on, sweatpants hanging on his hips, and a Hufflepuff sweatshirt pulled over his head that was a little big on him.

“Did you come to tell me to go to bed?” asked Sirius jokingly

“As long as you don't tell me, I won't say a thing."

“Moons can deal with both of us being cranky tomorrow then…” Sirius said, offering a smiling and leaning forward onto the surface of his desk, after flipping over the document that was definitely not for Harry’s eyes.

“What are you doing?”

“Just some filing.”

“Is it about the court case?” Harry had made his way into the study, taking a seat on the leather chair by Sirius’s bookshelves. The ones that were separate from the library and mostly contained legal texts.

“Don’t worry about that, babe.”

“I’m already worrying about it, so you and Remus telling me not to really isn’t helping.” Harry muttered, picking at a thread of his sweatshirt.

“Is that why you’re up?”

“Mmm…yep. Yes. That’s exactly why I’m up. Just…worrying.” Harry said half-convincingly and Sirius snorted out a laugh. Almost sixteen meant a blatant insistence of not needing to go to bed before midnight. Almost sixteen meant navigating an over-tired teenager who had clearly not gone to sleep and had a tendency to get very weepy when that was the case. Almost sixteen also meant that staying up to talk to his boyfriend through a gifted two-way mirror was the most important thing in the world. Sirius remembered feeling that way. “Do…you think they…they’re mad at me?”

“No one's mad at you, Harry. I promise.”

“Okay, but what happens when everything's set with the ministry? What if they’re just…mad?”

Sirius stood up from behind his desk to walk over to Harry, taking a seat on the ottoman next to his godson’s bare feet. “They won’t be.”

“But what if they are?”

“Then you tell me, and I’ll take care of it. That’s how things work right?” Sirius asked him, catching green eyes, and reaching up to pull the fingernail he was chewing on out of Harry’s mouth, “Just as things have always worked. Someone is being rude to you, or you think they’re mad and you don’t know what to do, you talk to me and Moony and we’ll take care of it.”

“You can’t do that forever you know…fix things.”

“Watch me.” Harry rolled his eyes, but caught himself before his other hand made it into his mouth, “Yeah?”

“I guess.”

Sirius waited, keeping his eyes on Harry, and keeping his hand where it was. Adolescence was just a waiting game, it turned out. Waiting to get taller, waiting for his voice to drop, waiting to be picked up and dropped off, waiting to be old enough to make your own decisions, and waiting to remember what it was like to be young again. Waiting for the world to stop being a series of never-ending questions and start being a place full of magic. Sirius had learned quickly if he just waited…Harry would put pride aside in favor of some answers.

“Why...are they so mad at you? I don’t understand. I’ve tried to, I really have, and…to think how they must be feeling? But I don’t…get why they’re mad at you.”

Sirius smiled sadly, “I…think sometimes, mad is just easier. We’ve talked about that, right?”

“Yeah but I’m a teenager, I'm allowed to get mad at stupid things because hormones," Sirius couldn't help but chuckle, "They're not...and you said it goes away? That you’re supposed to be old and wise and all that and not get mad for no reason?"

“People are imperfect, my love. Including your parents--”

“They’re not my parents.”

“James and Lily,” Sirius corrected, “I’m also imperfect, so is Remus, and…we all make mistakes and it's unfortunate you’re in the crossfire. But we’ll sort it out and it’s far too exhausting to stay mad forever.”

But Harry shook his head, “You’re wrong.”

“Am I?”

“You and Remus were the best things to ever happen to me. That…you’re the perfect people for me. So you’re wrong.”

“I’ll be wrong,” Sirius said softly, Harry’s hand squeezing his own.

I got to keep you.

His kid.

--

Harry stood on the platform in front of the scarlet steam engine, holding onto his trunk as Sirius's arms rested on his shoulders. James and Lily were there too, after a few more missteps over the holiday that were done with the best of intentions. There was some saying about that wasn’t there? That it never ended up well?

It hadn’t.

But Sirius was there, and all Harry had to do was sign a piece of paper saying he wanted to stay with Remus. And Sirius. And that no amount of magic could chance that. Most days, Harry had trouble deciding what kind of tea he wanted for breakfast or choosing the correct answer on a test he definitely should’ve studied more for, but this? Was the easiest decision he had to make in a long while. The paper glowed gold and so did the lining around Harry’s heart that had been drawn tight for weeks.

Harry didn’t know what exactly had happened but had gotten one too many warnings from Sirius to stop asking, Harry James to know it hadn’t been something light. There was still shattered glass that was being picked up, dinner time conversations occasionally halting when a piece was found. All Harry knew now was that he didn’t have to spend a night on strange sheets unless he really wanted to. Everything could happen as he wanted it to, how it was supposed to be.

Harry shifted on his feet and looked up at Sirius, finally feeling ready to leave as he spotted curly brown hair walking towards the train, “I’ll see you in June?”

“Before then.”

“February?”

“Better.”

Harry grinned and turned around giving Sirius a brief hug before anyone saw him, taking a step back away from his godfather. “And…I can call you?”

“Whenever you want, babe. Same as always,” Sirius told him, “And Sunday’s for tea. I’ll be there. Be good, yeah?”

“I know, I know. No skiving off to snog, study before tests, no missing work, got it.”

“I love you.”

“Yeah, I know,” Harry responded, turning away from Sirius’s smiling face to look at James and Lily standing there. I love you definitely wasn’t right. I’ll miss you wasn’t right either. “I’ll…write. I’ll write you?”

“We would love that, Harry,” James said smiling, extending his hand for Harry to slap it as they had been doing for months as hello and goodbye.

“Write us…whenever you want.” Lily added.

Harry still wasn’t sure what to do with her. He had never had a mother before and wasn’t sure he needed one now. Not when everything Mum’s apparently did was already being covered. And…maybe that was the whole point.

It wasn’t a need.

It was going to have to be a want and there was still time for that. Harry had plenty of room in his heart for that.

“I…I’m sorry this didn’t turn out like you hoped,” Harry said before he could stop himself, noises of the platform filling his ears and Sirius’s expression shifting, “But…I kind of told you, I already have parents, and they’re really great. They…make sure I’m polite and turn in my homework and insist I eat vegetables and all that. I…don’t need two more, and I don’t need you. I’m really happy, you know? I’m just fine, more than fine, even. And I'd...be fine if you hadn't shown up. I'd be happy.”

“We know, Harry. It’s okay.”

“No…I mean…I’ve already got parents…but,” Harry paused, “I’ve…never really had godparents before. And...I think I'd like that.”

i kinda needed this one...

happy birthday sirius :))

Sixty

—

in honor of Sirius Black’s sixtieth birthday. hope he’s partying hard up in wizard heaven

—

“He would have been sixty today.” Harry spoke softly, his voice barely over a whisper. Ginny turned in bed, reaching her hand out to cup hold of her husbands jaw as she gently rubbed her thumb across the stubble there. Harry just stared at the ceiling with shiny eyes, his jaw clenching and unclenching. Sirius’ death was one Harry never really spoke about. He mourned his Godfather in private, unable or unwilling to discuss how he felt about it with anyone.

Ginny knew a little just from the small comments he made and the way he behaved on certain days. November third had become one of those days, a day where Harry sort of shut down and was reminded of how many birthdays his Godfather had missed out on—on how many birthdays Harry couldn’t spend with him.

“Sixty, huh?” Ginny said, equally as quiet. She was quite fond of her memories with Sirius. Particularly spending the summer at Grimmauld Place with him and the two of them finding solace in one another after waking from nightmares. She would talk about the Chamber of Secrets and how she still felt like her mind was being toyed with by Voldemort, knowing Sirius would not call her crazy for it. That he would understand. After all, he had spent twelve years with darkness corrupting his own mind.

“Yeah,” Harry said, his voice cracking ever so slightly. Ginny frowned and leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

“Do you want some tea?” She asked, mostly just to give him an excuse to be alone. Harry nodded minutely and she crawled out of bed, grabbing his hand and giving one last squeeze before slipping out of their bedroom.

Harry let out a shaky breath once he heard Ginny in the kitchen. He hated the fact that he still had a hard time coping with Sirius’ death. He supposed it made sense because of the way it happened. The fact that there was no body to bury, that the spell that struck Sirius in the chest had not been fatal. That no one but he and Lupin were there to witness it...

He wondered if it would be easier if Lupin were still around. If they could talk about it with one another. But of course, life had to rip Remus away from him, too, so Harry was forced to be alone in his grief.

Not that Ginny and his friends didn’t miss Sirius, too. Of course they did. But they were never able to fully understand the amount of grief and confusion he had felt watching Sirius literally slip away from him.

A tapping on the window pulled Harry from his thoughts and he sat up to see his eldest sons owl sitting there with an envelope attached to its leg. Harry got up to let the bird in, giving it a small treat before taking the letter and opening it carefully.

Hi Dad,

Don’t worry, I’m not writing you because something has happened, I just figured you’d like to hear from your favorite child. I’ve been working really hard during Quidditch practice and I think I could go against mum and have a solid chance at beating her! Headmistress McGonagall even says I am an exceptional player.

And since I know you’re going ask, yes my studies are going fine as well. But next time you see Professor Longbottom, can you please tell him to lay off on the homework? I mean, it’s herbology for Merlin’s sake. When will I ever need this as an auror?

Anyway, I’ve sent you something else in this envelope that I think you need more than I do today. I will be wanting it back, though! Frank and I have some epic pranks planned and we’ll be needing it’s assistance.

Love,

J. S. Potter.

P.S. Don’t mope around all day. I’m sure Sirius wouldn’t have wanted that.

Harry smiled softly, a few more tears escaping his eyes before he reached into the envelope once more and pulled out a familiar piece of parchment. His throat felt thick with emotion and he reached for his wand before silently whispering a spell.

“Revealio.”

Words appeared across the front of the map, something Harry never got tired of seeing, and he leaned forward to read them.

Messer Moony would like to say hello to Harry, and wonders why he would purposefully say the password wrong?

Messer Wormtail would also like to know why Harry would muck up the password and demands he try again.

Messer Prongs would like to tell Harry how incredibly smart he is, even if he did mess up the password and is prepared to offer some “solemn” advice.

Harry laughed lightly, reading over the words before finally reaching the bottom and feeling his heart constrict slightly in his chest at the familiar handwriting that used to write him so frequently.

Messer Padfoot would like for Harry to ignore the others and tell Harry that he misses him and not to feel so sad today. It’s my birthday after all.

Harry wiped away at his eyes and let out a soft chuckle. “I miss you too, Sirius.” He folded the map away carefully before getting himself out of bed and heading into the kitchen after Ginny, promising to celebrate his Godfather instead of mourn today.

*****

so this went completely different than what i originally had planned, but i hope you enjoy none the less :)

💗- kat

everyone drop what you’re doing and watch this

*gasps*

“Good boy.”

Carry on countdown Day 13: Devotion.

@bookish-bogwitch this one is for you.

amen, bitch!

half of me is a hopeless romantic and the other half of me is, well, an asshole

Hi🥹 I loved the new chapter and I’m so pumped you’re posting again!! I took a long break from fic and the wolfstar warehouse is no longer a thing I guess lmao - do you happen to have any current author recs? I follow you on ao3 and love the emails!!! but I don’t follow any other active writers and now of course I’m addicted again but I don’t know where to go! I’m starting all over again searching tags 😂 do you/ does anybody else have any suggestions for me?

Hello friend ☺️ thank you so much!! I will rec ANYTHING by @squintclover @therealrjlupin @blitheringmcgonagall @theresthesnitch @greyeyedmonster-18 @elder-millennial-trash @fuckboyregulus @wolfpants @aqua-myosotis @neondomino @fantismal @krethes @impishtubist @mabeltothknows and these are my friends so I might be a bit biased, but I stand by the fact that they are all phenomenal authors and anything they produce is going to be genius, I guarantee it.

If I'm being honest, I try not to read a lot of fic, because I have an irrational fear that I'll accidentally steal someone else's plot or trope or wording and I would hate myself.

But if anyone wants to jump in and make some recs, you're certainly welcome to and I would appreciate it!

honestly, you guys will be the death of me!!!!!! <33

stars, scars, and winning scores ☆ 

yeah sure break my heart again!

Old habits die hard

buzzfeed should look at tumblr for thirst tweets!!! we are so much MORE creative! dammit.

Andrew Garfield is so fine it makes me damn near suicidal

yassssss!!!!!!! i just finished atyd and im a mess of emotions rn!!!

have y’all ever read a fanfic so good you then want to read fanfics of that fanfic?