Error 404: (Self-Aware!AU, Sylus Edition) – Pt. 8

Summary: A LADS self-aware!AU featuring Sylus and a player. That’s it, that’s the plot. Tags: player!reader x sylus, fem!reader x sylus, reader x lads, self-aware!au, strong language, suggestive themes, again with the slight smut phew, angst on top of more angst, no comfort... yet (or ever? hmm much to ponder about) A/N: Imagine if I leave it here lmao Also, I've been listening to White Ferrari on repeat while editing this chapter. I'm not saying that you should too while you're reading, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Oh, and Angel by Massive Attack. Trust me, it's gonna come up. (˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵)

Pt. 1 - Pt. 2 - Pt. 3 - Pt. 4 - Pt. 5 - Pt. 6 - Pt. 7 - Pt. 8

The cold tiles of the bathroom floor wreak a shiver through your body.

You’re curled up in front of the toilet, barely upright after another round of puking what little bile is left in your stomach. Cold beads of sweat dot your forehead and every breath feels thin, ragged, like you’re trying to gulp air through a pinhole. The chill seeps under your skin, leaving you shuddering involuntarily between dry heaves.

You make the rookie mistake of tilting your head ever-so-slightly to rest against the cool porcelain, and the miniscule action threatens to send the room careening into another violent spin. A wave of nausea hits you and you desperately gnaw on your bottom lip to prevent yourself from gagging.

You feel like absolute shit.

There’s something lodged inside, sinking deep into the pit of your stomach. A poison, a corruption—heavier than the excess of alcohol still clawing its way through your system. It isn’t the simple penance for overindulging, no; it’s darker, rawer, less perfunctory than the remnants of last night’s events.

It churns inside you, leaving an acrid, metallic taste on your tongue and a dull ache behind your eyes.

The buzzing of your phone reverberates beside you, a relentless vibration against your thigh. It hasn’t stopped since the moment you clawed your way out of bed and staggered toward your porcelain waste bucket. You weren’t supposed to bring it along with you—it should’ve been left abandoned outside of this room, far from this bleak sanctuary. This… this disgusting aftermath of your revelry.

Unfortunately, it’s practically an extension of you now. A limb, almost. Or worse, a crutch—something you lean on so habitually, that the mere thought of its absence feels like an amputation.

“S-sorry,” you release a shaky breath, tears pricking your vision, unbidden. Unwelcome. “Sorry.”

Another vibration. You can picture it clearly in your head: the worry marring his face, the exasperation in his eyes.

You retch.

––––

The red takeout box from Panda Express sits in front of you, its contents lukewarm and forgotten for the better part of the hour. You barely remember ordering it—actually, now that you think about it… Did you even order it yourself? Your memory’s a little hazy, just like everything else today. And last night.

Sylus’ voice crackles through your phone, propped precariously against a half-empty mug of tea on the low table.

His presence, as always, manages to fill the room, though this time there’s a palpable tension in the air since you opened the game. His initial greeting had all the warmth of a parent catching their kid sneaking in past curfew. The moment his image blinked into view, you could see the battle in his eyes.

On one end, he simmered with ire, almost ready to boil over. On the other, he looked like he’d gladly claw his way out the screen just to tuck you into bed and personally force-feed you the food you’ve been ignoring for the past forty minutes.

“Eat it,” he grouses, a hint of steel sharpening his deceptively calm tone. The worry beneath it feels like it could strangle you.

(And if it could, it probably would—if he has any say in it.)

You whine, burrowing deeper under the blanket, folding yourself into a sad, uncooperative ball on the couch. “I will. Eventually.”

“Eventually?” he echoes, the incredulity clear in his voice. “Do you plan on eating it soon as it becomes inedible, or is this a test of endurance?”

With a sigh that feels like it’s pulled from the depths of your soul, you poke halfheartedly at the lid. The smell of grease and fried food wafts out, making your stomach churn. Whether it’s from nausea or hunger pangs, you can’t tell.

“It smells like regret,” you mutter, swallowing the lump rising from your esophagus.

Sylus snorts, and you can tell it slipped out before he could stop it. “Considering the state you’re in? Can’t say I’m surprised. But you still need to eat, kitten. You can’t run on stubbornness alone.”

“I’m doing fine so far,” you argue weakly, knowing you’re not convincing anyone. Your body feels like it’s been put through the wringer—limbs heavy, muscles crying in protest, a pounding headache that refuses to let up.

“Fine,” he repeats, dry as ash. “You can barely hold yourself up, but sure, let’s call that fine.”

You finally flip the box open, revealing a mess of something fried and vaguely brown. The smell hits you harder this time, and you salivate something odd. “I don’t think—”

“Eat,” he cuts you off, voice firm, brooking no argument. “You’ve done well with the tea, but now you need something to fill you up.”

“I can think of something else I’d like to fill me up,” you mumble, the words slipping out before you can stop yourself.

A beat of silence, and then Sylus’ tone shifts—a touch amused now, but it’s edged with a deliberate weight that makes your skin prickle. Uh-oh.

“Sweetie,” he says slowly, almost indulgent, “if you’ve got the energy to make jokes like that, you’ve got the energy to eat. Be good, and I’ll make sure you’re properly rewarded once you’re feeling better.”

You laugh, breathless, trying to mask your nervousness from the subtle innuendo. Obediently, you pick up the plastic spork beside the carton. “You’re really selling this hard, huh.”

“I’m not here to sell it,” he sighs, voice losing its edge, but there’s still a firmness to it. “I’m here to make sure you don’t pass out. One bite. Start there.”

You spear a piece of shrimp hesitantly. It looks harmless enough, but you lift it like it might bite back.

You take the tiniest nibble.

It’s greasy, salty, and absolutely meh—but it doesn’t immediately trigger your gag reflex, which in itself feels like a small victory.

“There,” he says, his satisfaction palpable. “See? You survived.”

“Barely,” you shoot back half-heartedly, though the corner of your mouth twitches.

“I’ll make sure to congratulate you later for your heroic recovery,” he says wryly. “Now another bite, sweetheart.”

You make a reluctant noise but comply, munching slowly. He hums in approval. When you glance at the screen, his expression has mellowed—the severity giving way to something almost tender.

You look away quickly, swallowing hard; though you're not sure if it’s because of the tiny morsel of food or from the heavier something that's lodged in your throat.

The sound of your chewing is slightly amplified by the silence that comes after. You’re afraid to break it first.

So Sylus does it for you. Once he’s decided you’ve had your fill of the fried rice.

“Would you like to talk about last night?”

You bite the inside of your cheek. “What about last night?”

A long pause.

“We don’t have to,” he says quietly. “I’m just saying that if you want to, you’ve nothing to worry about.”

The sincerity in his voice makes your chest tighten. You press your lips together, unsure of how to answer. There’s discomfort; the unease brought by your own self-consciousness.

“I—uh—” You start, fumbling for the right words. “I didn’t mean to… make things weird or anything. I don't usually get that wasted,” You sigh, blowing a stray hair out of your face. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”

“The only thing you did wrong last night was ignore my messages,” Sylus murmurs, his tone a little admonishing. “Making me worry about your well-being.”

You glance up, catching the affection in his eyes. He gives you a slight smile, relieved to finally have your attention fully on him.

You scrunch the blanket in your fist, fiddling with a loose string. You want to say something. Anything. But you can’t seem to summon the courage.

Finally—

“You don’t think…” you hesitate, voice small. “You don’t think it’s– that I’m… too much trouble?”

He tuts softly, the sound playful, with hints of something fond. Comforting, almost. So you hold his gaze, even if it’s a little harder than you’d like it to be.

Sylus looks at you with something so… endearing that it’s almost painful. “You’re perfect. My little troublemaker,” his eyes burn a little brighter. “Mine.”

The words hit you like a wave—soothing, gratifying. Staggering.

Oh, you want to believe him. You want to lose yourself in his words, to give in to the feeling of being cherished, of being seen. You don’t think you’ve wanted anything as much as this.

But turmoil wages a war inside you, and you’re stuck between the pull to let yourself believe and the sharp reality of your situation.

The futility of it all.

It makes you hurt, deep inside, in a way you don’t know how to fix.

––––

The package you got from the lobby is nondescript. Unassuming. The kind of box that could contain anything from kitchenware to – you don’t know, maybe a desk lamp? You turn it over in your hands, squinting at the lack of clues of its content and its sender.

Did you order something and forgot?

Payroll was over a week ago, and you’re aware of your irresponsible tendency to pile everything that catches your eye onto an online shopping cart just to tempt yourself into buying shit you don’t need, but you’re pretty sure you’d remember spending money on… whatever this is.

It’s not until you’re back in the privacy of your apartment, scissors in hand, that the mystery begins—and promptly ends.

The contents spill out, leaving you to blink owlishly at the mess of shredded wrapping paper and its pièce de résistance: a nine-inch monstrosity of a dildo, hot red in color.

The… thing is practically a weapon, its twisting ridges and intimidating girth looking more like something you’d need a user manual for. Or a fucking exorcist, you distantly think in rising panic.

“Uhh…” The sound tumbles out, an embarrassing mix of confused and gobsmacked. “I don’t remember—?”

Ping!

Your phone chimes before you can finish, and you slowly turn your gaze towards the screen, a sinking feeling beginning to form in your gut.

The message is short. And oh-so-smug.

Ah. Just in time.

The realization dawns on you, and your cheeks burn hot enough to fry an egg. “Sylus!”

What? Even in text, his tone carries that infuriating slyness you can practically hear from a mile away. You’ve earned it.

Your mouth works uselessly for a moment before words could spill out, clumsy and agitated. “Earned what?!”

A little treat for being such an obedient little thing while you were recovering, remember?

“Holy shit,” you wheeze. A half-hysterical giggle bubbles up your throat as you hold the draconic cock far from you as if it’s gonna attack at any second. Fuck, it might. “This is almost as big as my forearm! The hell am I supposed to do with this?”

What do I expect you to do with it? Sylus’s reply comes almost instantly, the weight of his insinuation almost coming across as mocking. I thought that was obvious.

You didn’t think your face could go any redder, and you’re sure you resemble a fucking tomato right at that moment. “Sy-Sy, this is—” You gulp, glancing at the toy with wide eyes. “fucking massive. It–it has… it’s got scales!”

Ah, so you’ve noticed the craftsmanship. Quite exquisite, isn’t it?

“E-Exquisite?” you sputter, voice soaring at a higher octave. “This looks like it came out of Alien or something! I’m pretty sure it’s gonna start moving on its own…”

Only if you press a button.

Your brain short-circuits, and you frantically examine the thing for telltale signs of any hidden mechanization.

There’s a short lull, laden with barely restrained amusement. Then: Relax, sweetheart. It’s not going to bite.

You let out another – nervous – laugh, gingerly setting the large toy down as if it might explode from its sheer audacity. “I hate you.”

No, you don’t, Sylus counters without missing a beat. But I do appreciate how flustered you’re getting. Go on, sweet thing—tell me how it’s too much for you. I could listen to that all night.

You let out a strangled noise, burying your face in your hands. “You’d love that, wouldn’t you.”

Mmh, you know me so well.

You sigh, the gravity of what’s inevitable setting in. It was like fighting a losing battle.

Something the both of you knew right from the start.

(You are my angel)

“I-It hurts to put in,” you whimper, body trembling as sweat clings to your flushed skin. Every muscle feels taut, coiled tight with both anticipation and a flicker of fear. “p-please…”

“We have the rest of the night, little dove. We’ll take it slow,” Sylus whispers, his voice a velvet caress in your ear, warm and grounding. “I’m right here.”

His words melt into you like cloying liquid, wrapping around your resolve like a sensual embrace.

(Come from way above)

“Again.”

“I-I can’t,” you sniffle, the words breaking into short, shaky gasps as your chest heaves. The remnants of your last orgasm still ripple through you, the one he’s ripped from you mercilessly.

“You can, poppet,” he coos, the endearment sliding over you like cool mercury. “Give me one more, yeah? Want to see those pretty eyes rolling for me.”

The thought alone has you shivering, his tone dripping with enough heat to stir something molten from within you.

(To bring me love)

The air hangs unbearably hot, almost suffocating. Every nerve sings, alive with the memory of his ministrations—though he’s never truly touched you, has he?

It doesn’t matter. The line between what’s real and what’s not blurs further with every passing moment.

Your body burns, and yet you crave more, more—the pulsing ache of your stretched walls only feeding the gnawing hunger that builds inside, like an unrestrained beast.

You blink sluggishly; your vision swimming as pleasure courses through you in heavy, dizzying surges.

Has he bewitched you? You’ve become insatiable, ravenous—monstrous in your desire. For him. For the addicting high only he could give, and teasingly dangle just out of reach.

It’s too much. It’s not enough.

How…? He’s nothing but a voice, incorporeal, yet he commands you completely. Your hands, your movements, your very breath feels as if it belongs to him. They follow his instructions without hesitation, carving paths of fire and electricity across the bare expanse of your skin.

“More?” Sylus rasps, and the edge in his voice sends a thrill down your spine. There’s something feral in his tone, and it brings you an almost animalistic sense of glee to know that he isn’t unaffected by all of this any less than you are.

“More,” you beg, raw and needy. He groans in response.

“Good, so good for me,” he hisses a litany of praise that sounds so much like a curse. “My good girl. Mine to break, mine to ruin.”

Your back arches as you cry out; muscles locking, mouth falling open in a soundless scream as both agony and ecstasy crash over you like a tidal wave.

(Love you, love you, love you, love you Love you, lo–ve you, love you, love you … Love you, love you—love you, love you…)

––––

"My cousin's getting married tomorrow."

You say it with an air of nonchalance, your voice light, as if you’re just commenting on the weather.

Sylus doesn’t respond right away. His usual quick wit is conspicuously absent, replaced by a silence that stretches long, settling into the room like a beam of sunlight from your window. The continuous whirr of the electric fan and the droning of the news anchor on TV fill the space instead, in place of conversation.

You don’t force it. Instead, you wait patiently until it bends under its own weight and breaks.

After what feels like minutes, his voice cuts through the quiet; neutral and impassive. "Where's it happening?"

"A little chapel in Downtown Orlando, near Lake Lucerne. Nothing fancy. They’re keeping it small."

He nods, his gaze distant. Somewhere you can’t follow. "Just close family?"

"Yeah," you murmur, your fingers absently tugging at the fraying hem of your cardigan. "And a few friends. My mom’s going, along with her new husband. They sent me photos of the setup earlier—it’s pretty."

Sylus hums. “Would you have gone, if it weren’t so far away?”

“Yeah,” you answer automatically. “Yeah, ‘course. But I’m here, and they’re there. So I could only send my regards.”

Maru pads into the room, brushing against your leg before bumping his head insistently against your shin. You scoop him up, ignoring his soft meows of protest, and cradle him in your lap.

“She’s been planning it for months,” you continue, scratching behind soft cat ears. “Way before she got engaged. She’s one of those people who just… knows. Knows what she wants, knows how to get there. All mapped out, down to the finer details.”

In the corner of your eye, you see a faint smile ghosting his lips. It doesn’t reach his eyes. "What a luxury,” he remarks, almost wistfully. "To pave your life so easily, just like that."

There’s something unspoken behind his words, something heavier than a passing comment.

"Do you think about it?" His question startles you—not just its suddenness but the way his gaze locks onto yours, intent and searching, like he’s trying to read the answer in your face before you could even utter a word.

You blink. "... About what?"

"Marriage."

You hesitate. The question feels delicate, like a soap bubble floating in the air, fragile enough to burst at the slightest touch. "Sometimes," you admit. "But not like she does. It's always been more of an abstract idea, I guess."

He doesn’t speak.

"I don’t know," you say softly, “if it’s something I could ever want. Or if it’s even meant for me."

Your voice falters, and the rest is left unsaid, though it lingers between the spaces untouched.

I don’t think about it, no. Not if… if it’s not with—

You stop yourself before the thought takes flight, tampering it back down.

Sylus leans back, his gaze flickering away. "It’s a commitment," he says eventually. "One that requires a lot of thought. I understand."

He doesn’t elaborate, and for a moment, you almost consider leaving it there. But something in you—persistent, prying—urges you to press just a little further.

"What about you? Have you thought about it?"

There’s an imperceptible shift in his expression; the faintest furrow between his brows, a shadow of uncertainty crossing his features.

"Perhaps not in the way you're thinking," he says quietly, almost to himself. "Sometimes I wonder what it means. For someone like me." He hesitates, glancing at you, an uncharacteristic vulnerability in those deep pools of red. “For…”

His words hang unfinished; you feel its hollowness pushing down on you, as though they bore meaning neither of you can bring yourself to name.

You feel it settle in your chest, vacant and aching, like an absence of something. Gone before it even began.

––––

It dawns on you on a regular Saturday evening, as you're (clumsily) peeling potatoes for dinner, and Sylus is dutifully recounting the events of his day to you like your very own talk show host on late night cable.

It creeps up at you—not in an explosive burst of clarity, no. No fanfare, no earth-shattering epiphany. It’s quieter than that, like the tides under the moon, rising unnoticed until you’re already ankle-deep.

Maybe it’s always been there, tucked into the corners of your mind, hidden in the spaces between the teasing banter and the way he watches you when he thinks you’re unaware. A whisper that you refused to acknowledge, too afraid of what it would bring.

You must have known, even then. Right from the start.

From the way it feels when he says your name—softly, reverently, like it’s a privilege to utter it so freely.

From the way you ache when he waits for you to finish a thought, as though every word you speak is something worth treasuring.

And it’s in the way he knows you better than you understand yourself, filling your silences with meaning so you don’t have to.

You love him.

You know how this ends.

––––

Coming down from a mind-numbing high is always an experience, a short state of nirvana; this time no different from the rest.

For a fleeting moment, everything feels infinite—a small eternity suspended in pleasure. Petite mort.

But then reality hits you once again, and the pleasure vanishes like smoke.

It leaves you feeling utterly spent. Empty. The silence crashes back in like a tsunami, heavier than before. The stillness wraps around you like a suffocating shroud.

The sound of your shallow breathing, the oppressive white noise, the distant hum of the city from outside your window… These are your only source of life. There’s no warm touch to ground you. No arms to pull you close. No sweet nothings to piece you back together. Just this. Just you.

You had known. You always knew.

This was it—the price of wanting something you were never meant to have. For surrendering yourself to something that exists only in fragments and pixels, bound by lines of code and a screen you can’t cross. You delude yourself into thinking it’s worth it, that these fleeting moments of bliss outweigh the quiet wake of devastation it leaves behind, every time.

And yet—

A choked sob breaks past your lips, shattering the silence. It tears out of you like something primal, something you can’t control.

Your body folds in on itself, naked and trembling, your arms banding across your stomach like you’re trying to hold something broken together. The sheets beneath you feel clammy, disgusting, but you pull them tighter anyway, desperate for something to hold on to.

It hurts all the same.

“Talk to me,” Sylus whispers urgently. There’s something jagged and desperate about it. “Please. Tell me how to make it better.”

How could you?

What words could bridge this chasm between you? How do you explain a hurt so uniquely yours, so tied to the fragile intricacies of a body he doesn’t have, of feelings that leads to nowhere?

How do you describe the way it breaks you, knowing that he’s oh-so close, yet still—yet always—out of reach?

How do you describe the weight of being too human in moments like this?

You press your forehead to your knees, heart in your throat. You don’t know how to make him understand.

“I can’t,” you whisper into your knees, voice cracking under the weight of what’s left unsaid.

The next morning arrives with the muted glow of daylight filtering through the blinds, but it does nothing to lift the oppressive tension in the room. You don’t mention last night. You don’t even glance at the lit phone screen.

Sylus doesn’t bring it up either—not directly. But you feel him. The weight of his attention clings to the edges of the silence you’ve imposed, like static crackling just beneath the surface.

You keep moving. It doesn’t matter how; you make yourself busy. Work has never been more engrossing as it does at that very moment, and you hurl yourself into the thrilling world of emails, spreadsheets, and Teams meetings like you’re vying for the spot as best employee of the month.

His impatience is impossible to ignore. It presses against you, insistent, like a gasp of breath waiting to be released. But you don’t give him the chance.

At some point, his voice drifts from the speakers, low and clipped, but careful; as if he’s reigning in his emotions, afraid to scare you further away.

“Are you going to talk to me?”

Your fingers hover the keyboard. For a moment, the mouse cursor taunts you, as if it's also impatiently waiting for an answer.

Sylus thinks the silence you leave him suspended in is deliberate, even cruel.

He doesn’t push, not immediately. You hear the faint noise of the game’s background music, the tinkling piano keys, a reminder of his presence.

When he speaks again, his tone is softer, laced with something almost… pleading. The change in his tone doesn’t ease the tension; it makes it worse.

“I can’t help if you shut me out, my heart.”

Still, you offer nothing.

The air feels brittle, stretched too thin, like glass just before it shatters. You can almost hear the first cracks forming, spidering between the two of you.

He doesn’t speak again.

The day drags on in an uneasy rhythm. You move through the hours like a ghost, and Sylus remains silent. But the quietness pulses with disconcertment; a build up without release. The quiet isn’t peaceful. It’s the kind that crackles like a frayed wire. It collides with your refusal to confront it.

And so it goes: you avoid, he waits, and the distance between you grows.

––––

You’re at a crosswalk on the 4-A highway intersection, surrounded by a sea of pedestrians, the incessant hum of the metropolis vibrating beneath your feet as if the very ground you walk on is alive.

The moment your gaze lands on a couple just ahead of you, everything seems to quiet down, like a fuzzy FM radio station on mute. You see them, caught in their own little world, oblivious to the noise and rush of the city.

The woman’s laughter is light—happy. Her hand in his, secure and relaxed. The way she looks at him… it’s familiar, almost. Something you recognize.

The man beside her moves with a subtle grace. His presence is undeniable, but it’s the way he watches her, something soft and devout in his gaze, that draws you in. He’s tall, his sharp features and posture elegant—and somehow, it fits perfectly beside the smaller figure pulling him effortlessly against the throng of people.

Without warning, the unnamed man’s features shift into something more distinct, and the woman turns into the reflection you see every day in the mirror.

It’s not the couple before you that you see anymore—it’s you, against Sylus’ chest, his silvery-white hair stark against the dark fabric of his clothes. You imagine his red eyes, those sharp features, the quiet strength of his presence wrapping around you, like it’s where you belong.

You're lost in the fantasy—the way it could be, if the two of you existed in the same world, side by side. His hand around your waist, the shared intimacy, the profound joy. Just the two of you against all odds.

A smile starts to tug at the corners of your lips, but before it can fully settle, the harsh blare of a car horn shatters the illusion.

The world rushes back around you. A teen bumps into your shoulder, pushing you forward. The vision of them—of him—dissolves, leaving you in the busy street, once again just another face in the crowd.

––––

Everything falls apart one afternoon.

You confront Sylus, words spilling out before you can stop them. You don’t know what drives you—bravery, desperation, or maybe the crushing weight of hopelessness that has finally stripped you of your fear.

“How’s she?”

His brows furrow. “Who?” He looks genuinely thrown, and for a second, you wish you could take the words back.

When you finally say her name, his expression shifts. It’s quick—a flicker of something you couldn’t catch before he schools his features again.

“Why do you ask?” There’s an undercurrent to his voice now, his tone wary, eyes searching yours. “I try to avoid any interactions with her if it’s not needed.”

He pauses; then his gaze softens, though there’s still a guardedness to it. “Are you… worried?”

You shake your head, frustrated with yourself, with him, with all of it. “It’s not—It’s not that.” You don’t know how to put it into words.

How can you explain the knot in your chest? The envy—not for reasons he thinks… or maybe for exactly those reasons. Maybe he knows. Maybe that’s why he’s looking at you like that, imploring and cautious at the same time.

“You have her,” you finally say, and the words fall flat, bitter on your tongue.

Sylus’ eyes flash, sharp and unyielding. “And you and I both know who I’d rather have.”

Now, isn’t that the crux of it all?

Your throat closes up, a hard lump that you can’t swallow down. “I don’t know how you could,” you manage, though it rings hollow in the dead air.

“Don’t.” His voice is harsh now, rougher than you’re used to. Frustration bleeds through his usual composure. “Don’t act like you don’t feel it.”

You bite your lip, your gaze darting away. He calls your name, and there’s something raw in the way he says it, like it costs him something just to say aloud.

You choke out a laugh that sounds more of a sob than anything. “I don’t know where to go from here. It was fun at first, but now… It’s just sad.”

He frowns, and for a moment, there’s a boyishness to the expression, an innocence to his vulnerability. It stirs something deep in your chest.

He opens his mouth, no doubt ready to ask why—why now, why this? Why are you unraveling in front of him, like this?

But you don’t give him the chance.

“I love you, Sylus.” You admit, barely above a whisper. The words fall heavy between you, a confession and a wound all at once.

Sylus stills.

The silence fills the room, but his eyes—those soft crimson—speak volumes. His jaw tightens, hands clench into fists, but there’s no real surprise in his face. He’s always known.

“I know,” he tells you.

There’s something ancient in the timbre of his voice, like it’s been torn from the deepest part of him. And for a moment, neither of you moves.

He feels it—the way you’re slipping through his fingers. Every word you say feels like a step away, less of a standstill, more a surrender, and he… he’s never felt more powerless than he does in this moment.

(And isn’t that just grand? You’ve always had this uncanny ability to make him feel things he’s never felt before. He just wishes it wasn’t like this—wishes it wasn’t slipping into something he can’t hold onto.)

He doesn’t know what to say or do, doesn’t know what could possibly alter the trajectory you’re both hurtling towards. But the thought of losing this, of losing you, is unimaginable.

“I love you,” he says, rough and uneven, like the admission physically hurts. “In ways that terrify me. Do you understand?”

Your eyes widen, and he sees it—the flicker of hope. Fragile and fleeting, but there. Your gazes lock, and the world stops.

For a moment, there’s no sound, no movement—just the two of you standing on the edge of something vast and terrifying.

“I want—” His voice cracks, infinitesimally, but it echoes in the void between you. “I want to hold you. To wake up next to you. To touch you in all the ways that matter, not just in words and binary. I want to be what you need.”

You know what’s coming.

“But—”

The word lingers.

“But you can’t,” you whisper, finishing what he couldn’t.

Sylus looks at you, his red eyes burning with an intensity that feels heartbreakingly human.

You’ve reached another impasse, and it feels like the final one. The air between you is thick with words unspoken, promises that can’t be made. It’s not anger that lingers, nor is it blame. It’s something quieter. More agonizing.

A resignation.

And yet, even in this fragile moment, a piece of you—of both of you—refuses to let go. To what could be, to what never will.

––––

Your mom’s voice rings bright through Facetime, a faint blur of words as she gives you the rundown of the events from your cousin’s wedding. The dress (An elegant Oscar de la Renta boat neck), the cake (A three-tier red velvet, a little on the sweeter side), and the vows (“Oh, you would’ve cried, honey!”).

You try to listen, but your attention keeps drifting away. She notices, of course.

“You seem more preoccupied lately, dear. Boy troubles?”

It’s a simple question, but it lands differently. Her voice is too light, too casual, like she’s asking if you’re still eating your vegetables.

She doesn’t seem to acknowledge how far the distance has grown between you, how many years have passed where you stopped expecting her to understand. You’ve wanted her to notice, to see the parts of you she never asked about. The changes in you, whether small or monumental. But she never did. And you stopped waiting.

You chuckle tiredly.

“Yeah, mom. Boy troubles.”

Tagging: @xxfaithlynxx @beewilko @browneyedgirl22 @yournextdoorhousewitch @sunsethw4 @stxrrielle @mangooes @hrts4hanniehae @buggs-1 @michiluvddr @ssetsuka @imm0rtalbutterfly @the-golden-jhope @beomluvrr @milkandstarlight @bookfreakk @ally-the-artistic-turtle @sapphic-daze @sarahthemage @cchiiwinkle @madam8 @slownoise @raendarkfaerie @sylusdarling @luminaaaz @greeenbeean @vvhira @issamomma @shroomiethefrogwhisperer @blueberrysquire @lovely-hani @fiyori @peachystea @slyfoxtsu @tinyweebsstuff @i2sannie @aeanya @sylus-crow @queen-serena88 @xthefuckerysquaredx @rayvensblog @poptrim

Masterlist

I've moved over from Awkward-Author. If you see any posts that look familiar, they're mine, I'm reposting them. All my works are Fem!Reader unless stated otherwise, I'm not very good at a gender neutral reader just yet but I'm working on it

Requests are open!

Hogwarts

Kingdom of One - Draco Malfoy x OC

One,

Violets and Verbena - Sebastian Sallow x Reader

Friends Don't - Sebastian Sallow x Reader

Jealousy, jealousy - Sebastian Sallow x Reader

Fighter - Sebastian Sallow x Reader

Protector - Sebastian Sallow x Reader

In The Middle - Sebastian Sallow x Reader x Ominis Gaunt

Wildest Dreams - Sebastian Sallow x Reader

Part One, Part Two, Epilogue

I Think He Knows - Sebastian Sallow x Reader

Marvel

Know Who You Are - Steve Rogers x Reader

Nancy Mulligan - Steve Rogers x Reader

Готов к выполнению (Ready to Comply) - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Soldiers - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Take Your Time - Bucky Barnes x Reader

TLC - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Supernatural

Roses - Dean Winchester x Reader

Stranger Things

End of the World - Steve Harrington x Reader

One, Two

429 notes View Post

saykaundermoon

2 years ago

MC: *walking into her dorm room alone putting her bags and books down, taking off her robe then going to take off her shirt before stopping*.....*looks around with narrowed eyes* You ain't slick Sebastian..

Sebastian: *Stops the disillusionment charm* Damn. Worth a shot.

222 notes View Post

saykaundermoon

1 year ago

gojo's the clingy kind of guy that just NEEDS to have some part of his body touching you.

fluff!!! all fluff!!!!!! supppper clingy gojo x reader, reader has their nails done sometimes, general blurb tbh (not rly a one shot or anything like that), lots of physical touching bc thats what clingy gojo needs,

it truly doesn't matter what, but as long as you two are actually physically connected, he's satisfied. it's obviously horrendous at home when he has unlimited access to you, whining about the most absurd way he needs to have physical contact with you. he likes napping on his stomach with you on top of him in whatever way you please, just wanting to feel your weight against him and have your hand carressing the back of his neck; he also likes sitting side by side at the dinner table so that he could eat with one of his legs just casually stretched out behind yours or even eating with one hand so he can have the other draped around your shoulder or your wasit; and he most definitely likes taking showers together, washing each other's backs and especially having you wash his hair (and of course having you blowdry it afterwards).

he's just a clingy guy because, well, he's lost too much and sometimes he can't be home. this is something you truly need to understand about him and see it as a vulnerability. all he needs is love and it gives him so much reassurance when you let him be as close as he needs.

and he always compromises in public. he knows how annoying extreme pda could be, and he never wants you to feel embarrassed. so he has his own little quirky ways of keeping in touch. when you both are at school and attending meetings, he's always seated beside you, manspreading like a whore but to make sure his knee touched yours. or he brings an arm behind your seat to gently fiddled with the collar of your uniform. sometimes, he's got his pinky linked with yours under the conference table or massging your hand while yaga yapayapayapas about whatever it is (you need to reexplain it all to gojo later).

at restaurants, when it's just the two of you, he opts to sit in front of you. this way he can stretch his legs out on either side of yours and keep you caged in, occasionally giving you a squeeze by bringing his legs together. sometimes he's even reaching for your hand over the table, letting his fingers fiddle with yours when you tell him about stuff he's missed since he was gone. whenever you two are out with friends, however, he always sits beside you and he's got a hand on your thigh. sometimes it's just resting on top of your thigh, sometimes he's holding you by the inner side of your thigh, sometimes he's got his hand across your lap to pull you closer by your thigh that's farthest from him. if not your thigh, sometimes his arm is behind your seat, or he has you sit up a little farther up so that he could rest a hand on your lower back (maybe even around your waist or on your hip). it's not unusual to also have a hand on his lap where he's got both of his own giving yours a massage. he's interlocking your fingers, giving you squeezes, kneading at the muscles on your palm. he's letting your nails gently glide across the length of his fingers down to his palm, and when you've got charms on them, he's gently tracing them with his thumb.

all in all, gojo's just a clingy guy whose love language juuuuust might be physical touch.

1K notes View Post

saykaundermoon

2 years ago

I saw a lot of people being horny in the tags of my post about Miguel's fangs but I forgot to mention that they are extremely venomous...

So here's some more fun facts about Miguel!

He has "claws" but not from his nails, they grow from his finger pads instead (these "claws" are also on his feet and toes btw) that he uses to climb surfaces because he's not sticky like other spider people.

He has red eyes.

Miguel has organic webbing.

He doesn't have a spider sense.

Miguel bought his suit at a Dia de Los Muertos festival (it usually has a cape but his ATSV design doesn't have it)

He is also a GIANT FUCKING NERD! (he's a geneticist)

Do with this information what you will... You degenerates.

788 notes View Post

saykaundermoon

2 years ago

*MC and Sebastian making out heavy in the room of requirement*

Deek: ....Can I get you guys anything? Drinks? Snacks? ....A condom? Lemme know..

181 notes View Post

saykaundermoon

5 months ago

On the Quieter Nights

Richard Grayson x Jealous! reader

Lots of angst😁I hope whoever requested this is happy.

-----------------------------

Gotham was always alive, even in the dead of night. The city that never slept had a heartbeat of its own, its dark alleys and towering buildings all wrapped up in a never-ending cycle of crime and hope. But tonight, it was too loud, too close, and your thoughts kept racing in directions you couldn’t control.

You sat on the balcony of Dick’s apartment, staring out at the sprawling skyline, your fingers nervously tracing the rim of the coffee cup in your hands. The air was crisp, cool against your skin, but it couldn’t quell the heat in your chest—the gnawing jealousy, the hurt, the confusion.

He had promised he’d be home soon, but you already knew what that meant. Soon meant hours. It always meant hours. He was always out there, fighting in the shadows, protecting Gotham with the team—Barbara included.

Barbara.

You could never escape her. She was always there—somewhere in the background of every conversation, every story, every mission. It wasn’t like you didn’t trust Dick; it wasn’t like you didn’t know how much he loved you. He did love you, didn’t he?

But the way he looked at her… the way his smile lingered when her name was mentioned, the way his voice softened when he talked about her intelligence, her strength, the way they fit together in a way you would never understand—it all ate away at you, bit by bit. Every moment you shared with him, you felt the echo of her presence. It wasn’t enough anymore. You weren’t enough.

You heard the door creak open behind you, but you didn’t turn. You couldn’t bring yourself to face him, not yet. Not when your heart felt so raw, so exposed.

"Hey, beautiful," Dick’s voice broke through the silence, and you could hear the exhaustion in it. You could always hear it when he returned from patrol. "You’re up late."

"Couldn’t sleep," you said softly, avoiding his gaze as he stepped closer, his warm presence filling the space around you. You couldn’t help it; you still felt the pull to him, even when it felt like you were slipping further away.

"Everything okay?" Dick asked, his hand resting gently on your shoulder, a simple gesture that once brought comfort but now only seemed to remind you of the things you couldn’t escape.

You didn’t answer immediately, unsure how to voice the weight pressing on your chest. "How’s Barbara?" you finally managed to whisper, your voice so small you almost didn’t recognize it.

Dick frowned, confusion etching his features as he sat beside you, his arm brushing against yours. "Barbara’s fine, same as always." He paused, looking at you, his expression softening. "Why do you ask? You know she’s part of the team. She’s… she’s family."

You clenched your hands around your cup, trying to steady your breath. "Yeah. She’s family," you repeated bitterly, the words slipping out before you could stop them. You felt his hand tighten on your shoulder, but you couldn’t look at him.

"Baby, what’s going on?" His voice had a gentle pleading edge now, a hint of worry in his tone. He didn’t get it, did he? He didn’t understand how much it hurt to see her so effortlessly wrapped around his life.

"Do you ever think about her?" You heard yourself ask before you could stop. "I mean, really think about her? The way she… she doesn’t have to try to be in your life. She’s already there."

Dick blinked, clearly startled by your words. "What are you talking about? Of course, I think about her. She’s been through a lot, babe. She’s part of my world. But you’re in my world now. You’re the one I’m with. You’re the one I want."

His words were soothing, but they didn’t feel like they were for you. They felt like empty promises, like things he was saying because he didn’t know what else to say. Your heart twisted painfully in your chest, and you couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

"I don’t want to be second place," you whispered, barely able to hear yourself over the rush of blood in your ears. "I don’t want to keep feeling like I’m competing with someone who’s already everything to you."

Dick’s eyes softened, and he reached for you, pulling you into his arms, but you stiffened. He didn’t know how to fix this. He didn’t know how to make you feel like you mattered more than she did. Because to him, you did matter, but to you, it always felt like Barbara’s shadow loomed over everything you did together.

"You’re not second place," he said quietly, but there was uncertainty in his voice now. "You’re everything to me, beautiful. Please, believe me."

You wanted to believe him. God, you wanted to believe him so badly. But how could you, when every time he spoke of Barbara, his eyes lit up with something you would never have? How could you believe him when you saw the way his smile lingered when she was around, the way he held her a little too long, the way he called her family, as if that was supposed to make it better?

"I see the way you look at her," you whispered, your voice breaking. "I see the way you’re different with her. She’s the one who’s always been there, Dick. She doesn’t have to try to be a part of your world. She’s already in it. I’m just… I’m just the girl who gets to spend a few hours with you before you go off again."

"Baby, please," Dick’s voice cracked, and he pulled you closer, his arms tight around you as if he could hold all your pain in that single embrace. "I love you. You’re not just a few hours. You’re not just an afterthought. You mean everything to me. I swear, I only want you."

But the more he whispered those words, the more you felt like they were just… words. They didn’t change the fact that you would never be her. They didn’t erase the history they shared, the years of partnership, of friendship, of everything that made her so deeply ingrained in his life.

"I’m so sorry," you whispered, your tears falling freely now, soaking his shirt. "I don’t know how to be enough for you when she’s always going to be there."

Dick stayed silent for a long time, and when he finally spoke again, it was soft, almost like he was afraid of breaking something inside you. "You don’t have to be enough for me, sweet heart. You’re already everything. But I don’t know how to make you see that. I don’t know how to make you believe me."

You pulled away from him, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand, feeling too small, too fragile. "I wish I could believe you, Dick. But I don’t know how. I don’t know how to keep pretending that I’m not just a shadow in your life, living in her light."

Dick’s expression faltered, his blue eyes filled with pain and confusion. "I don’t want you to feel this way. I never wanted to hurt you. But I don’t know how to fix this…"

You looked at him for a long moment, the ache in your chest unbearable, before you whispered, "Maybe you don’t need to fix it, Dick. Maybe you just need to let me go."

He stared at you, eyes wide, as if he hadn’t heard you correctly. "What?"

"I’m tired of feeling like I’m competing for your love," you whispered, voice breaking. "I’m tired of being second place. I don’t want to be the girl who always comes after her. I want to be enough, but I don’t know if I can keep pretending anymore."

The silence stretched between you, suffocating. And when Dick reached for you again, you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his gaze.

"Please, babe," he begged, his voice raw. "Please don’t say that. I love you. I need you."

You shook your head, turning away from him, your heart breaking in a way you couldn’t put into words. "You’ve always needed her more, Dick. And I… I just can’t keep living in her shadow."

As the door softly clicked shut behind you, you knew it was over. And maybe, somewhere deep down, you had always known it would be.

-----------------------------

Masterlist

386 notes View Post

saykaundermoon

1 year ago

Come Back

pairing : sam monroe x gn!reader | wc : 2.9k | 18+MINORS DNI

summary : No one's really there for him, except you. So after his night with one of Josh's clients, he looks for comfort in the way only you know how.

warnings : sam and user are in college, prostitution and drugs, internalized homophobia, toxic masculinity and slut shaming, hurt and comfort, smut, unhealthy coping skills, relationship is sort of toxic, sam is bipolar coded, oral ( m receiving ), degredation

a/n : sammy my beloved <3; tw for literally any of what was mentioned in the warnings.

You’re at your dorm room in bed with Sam, sat on his lap as he smokes a cigarette you stole from your step mom this morning. His eyes shut and his taps his foot along to the drums of the song playing on your stereo right now, one hand on the cigarette and the other on your waist, rubbing at you softly. You can hear one of your roommates banging at your door to try and get you to turn the music down but Sam just turns it up to drown her out.

You carefully outline his eyes with your eyeliner pencil and he’s perfectly pliant for you, letting you twist and turn his head without too much of a struggle. “Which band is this again?” You ask as you keep working.

Sam opens one of his eyes, and looks at you before grumbling, “A Perfect Circle.” He shifts his shoulders slightly and blows out his smoke before he talks again. “You almost done yet?”

“Yeah, just let me…” You murmur before you smear his eyeliner for him, when you're done, you lean in to kiss his forehead and his hands slide up to your chest.

“Thanks babe.” Sam whispers, kissing you quickly on the lips before letting his hands slip below the hem of you shirt, deepening the kiss as he pulls you to him. You drop your eyeliner to hold him to you by the back of his head. As your tongues dance, you taste the lingering smoke in his mouth and his hands grab at your belt loops, holding you to his hips. Slowly, he starts to grind up against you, making you moan. He holds back a groan by sucking a hickey on your chest, a smirk lining his face when you gasp in surprise.

After another minute, his phone rings and he checks the caller before he all but shoves you to the side and stands up to answer it. As he starts to speak in a hushed tone over the phone, you look up at him, feeling upset that he was starting something he wasn’t finishing. You listen in closely and you know what he’s doing, his whispers of “only once” and a frustrated groan of “either 300 bucks or the weed?”

So when you hear him start to say goodbye, you loop two fingers through the top of his shorts, smirking up at him. “Sam… finish what you started.” You whine and he rolls his eyes.

“Lay off of me, I got things to do.” He says, pushing you off of him. You were used to his mood swings and moodiness, so you reach out and hold onto the hem of his shirt, trying to keep him close. “Where are you going?”

Sam groans and pulls at your hands. When you let go, so does he, so he turns to stare at you, his face inches from yours. “You can't keep me here, you know.”

“Can’t I try?” You murmur, grazing your lips against his

“You're persistent, aren't you?” He says, shutting his eyes as he runs his hands through your hair, leaning in for a long kiss. As soon as you kiss back, his grip tightens on the back of your head, allowing him to take control of the kiss.

“Don’t go meet up with Josh” You whisper softly, resting your forehead on his. “I know you need something, but maybe we can find something else.”

“You're cute but naive. We can't afford weed or anything else.” He says, his voice flat and his tone serious. “Josh doesn't have money but he does have drugs. And since I'm out of them, I need to get more.” He lean in as he moves his lips to your neck.

“But hes gonna…” You start but he cuts you off.

“He’s gonna pimp me out to some guy. Just gotta be some guy's bitch for 2 hours and I’ll get enough weed for a week. Just once, just this one time.” He murmurs, licking at your neck before he pull away, staring down at you. “I don't have any other choice. If I want to get my fix, then I do it or I don't get anything. It's my only option.”

“Just, be careful.” You murmur softly, kissing him again. “Come back here after, I'll be here waiting for you.”

“I'll be back in a few.” He says, straightening up, putting on his jacket and walking to the door. Then he pulls it open, walks out of your dorm and to Josh’s car. You can see Josh’s smarmy face from your window and he recognizes you, waving at you with a smile. You give him the finger before you wait to see Sam get in and leave.

A few hours later, the sun has disappeared and the night sky is visible. A car passes the dorm, then stops. And Sam gets out and walks up to the door, getting all the way to your room and knocking. “Y/N, are you here?” I wait a few seconds before trying again. “Y/N!”

After a second, you make it to the door and open it up. You’re just in your pajamas and your roommates are in the common room, looking over. “Sam.” You whisper breathlessly, looking him over.

“Hey.” He murmurs as he stands outside the door, visibly exhausted after what he went through. “Thanks for waiting for me.” He looks down, ashamed, knowing you saw him come out of a man's car.

“C'mon” You whisper, taking his hand and leading him over to your room and he follows you, sitting on the bed as you start to look for an extra towel and clothes for him. After a few minutes of silence, but Sam breaks it. “Do you still think less of me for what I did earlier?”

“No.” You whisper, exasperated. You drop what you’re holding and move over to him, cradling his face and kissing his cheek softly. He smiles hesitatingly, placing his hands on your hips as he leans in, pressing his lips against yours. He pulls you tighter into his arms, kissing you deeply and passionately.

Sam’s mind is all over the place. He can feel the bag of weed in his jacket pocket but all he thinks about is the shame and the mans hands as they grabbed at him. When he shuts his eyes, its like he’s back in the car, feeling the old fuck’s thick fingers pawing at him. He had his own partner already, and they tried. They didn’t want him to go. Was some weed worth this?

As he sits, Sam starts to subconsciously tug at his clothes in discomfort. When you notice this, you get all of the supplies you gathered and sit next to him. “You should take a shower.” You say gently, before giving him another one last kiss and stand up to find a towel for him.

He gives a sad grin at you over his shoulder, taking the towel. Then he goes shower and lingers under the hot water, cleaning the stench of the other man off him and leaning against the cool tile to cry. No matter how he felt, he couldn’t cry in front of you. Then he would be proving his asshole stepdad right, he’d be some fucking sissy. He punches at the tiles to distract himself before he takes a breath and focuses on finishing up. When Sam’s done, he towels himself dry and heads back to your room, smiling when he spots you laying on your twin sized mattress listening to music with your eyes shut to bide the time until he gets back.

Be a man. Sam thinks to himself. Be a man. He watches you for a moment before getting dressed and laying down next to you with a sigh. Be a man. Be strong. She wont love you if you’re not tough. He scoots in behind you and softly kisses the back of your neck, laying his head next to yours. “Are you mad at me?” He places a hand on your hip, drawing your body closer to his.

When you realize that he’s back you pull of your headphones and toss them across the bed. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“Um…” He mutters, trying to remember what bullshit you told him about taking a breath and saying what you feel. “I have the feeling you think less of me for what I did today…” He whispers his lips lingering on the nape of your neck.

“I don’t.” You murmur, one of your hands brushing against his hand, causing him to nuzzle in closer to you. “I just don’t wanna push you do do anything you might not want to do. Sometimes… people need time before they feel comfortable being affectionate.”

“I’m not a bitch. If I wanna kiss you and touch you, I’ll fucking do it.” He growls against your neck, shutting his eyes as he leans his head into your neck, enjoying the warmth radiating off of you, his hands slide under the hem of your shirt, cool hands warming up as he rests them on your midriff. You let out a quiet hiss at his hands before you whisper.

“I care about you, Sam.” You whisper, letting him rest against you and staying still as he continues to readjust his body feeling out of place and wrong no matter how he rests against her. As he keeps moving, his frustration starts to bubble. Why wasn’t he able to just get comfortable, they had been dating for over a year, they’ve done this enough times for it to make sense. “Sammy?” You ask quietly.

“Shut your trap! Can’t you see I’m trying to get comfortable?” He shouts before he moves away from you, facing the wall and resting his head in his hands.

After a few moments of stunned silence, Sam sighs, rubbing his eyes. “I needed the money, and that was the only way I could get it. But I feel dirty. I feel ashamed. Like I cant even look at you.” He grumbles, tears in his eyes. “I don't want you to hate me…”

“I don’t hate you.” You whisper, sitting up and crawling to his side, lifting his head to yours and kissing him gently. Instantly, he runs his fingers through your hair, hugging you to him. He closes his eyes, laying his head against your chest.

“I'll be better. I promise I won't do any of this anymore... I just-” He sniffles, wiping his tears. “I just needed money. I didn't want to do it.”

“I know.” You say calmly, rubbing his back. “Do you feel like… emasculated?”

He stays quiet and takes a breath, trying to contain his emotions. “Yeah. I feel emasculated. I feel humiliated, disgusted with myself, dirty. It's just- I just feel so bad about myself.”

You stay silent for a moment, but slowly, he starts to turn to you. “I want to... I want to feel powerful again. I want to not feel like this anymore. I want to be in control.” He murmurs, tugging you to him again, his hands sliding up your pajama shirt as he tugs you on his lap. “Please?” He groans, leaning up to nibble on your collarbone, kissing his way up to the spot right under your ear, kissing you softly.

“Okay.” You murmur, reaching down to rub his shoulders gently. His eyes light up once you agree and he slowly kisses his way down your neck, gently biting you. His hands hold on your waist, pulling you tighter to him before he tugs your shirt off, throwing it across the room.

“Did ‘ya know you taste really fucking sweet?” He whispers before he pulls you into a kiss, his tongue shoving its way into your mouth, hands grabbing at your waist. When he pulls away, you're both panting and he goes in again, biting at your lip and tongue, relishing in the way you jump and squeak. “You taste like mint and- uh… mint and”

“Coconut?” You offer, grinding your hips onto his, gasping as you feel his hardening member hit your thigh.

“Did I ask you?” Sam grunts as he tugs your hair back to kiss at your neck, sucking in hickeys across the base of your neck. “But yeah, coconut. Thanks babe.”

You beam with pride as he smiles, before he pulls you forward again and whispers in your ear. “You wanna make me feel in control? Wanna help me feel better? Get on your fucking knees and open your whore mouth.”

With a light push at your shoulders you get up and sit betweens Sam’s legs at the edge of your bed. You watch wordlessly as he unzips his pants, and stands to let his baggy shorts drop to his ankles. Once they pool on the ground, he sits and guides your head to him and you take a breath as you look at the sheer size of him, your mouth watering. You move on your own, your hands moving to give him a few quick strokes and watching as his eyes narrow at you and his chin juts out.

“What, you scared? Need me to hold your hand? Tell you how its done? We both know you’ve done this before, slut. I bet I’m not even in the first 20, probably not even the first 40.” He hisses at you, before you lean in and lick his tip, your eyes still looking up at him. Slowly, you start to slide him in your mouth and that earns you a groan, one of his hands, covered in a bunch of bracelets rushes to your head, gently rubbing your head as you ease him into your mouth.

You want to smile at him, but you focus on letting your mouth adjust, your nose resting against his trimmed pubes and the end of his cock hitting the back of your throat. No matter how mean he got with his words, his actions showed how he felt. He never rushed you, he wanted to make sure you were okay. And for a moment, you shut your eyes, letting him rub your scalp before you start to pull back, hollowing your cheeks as you find your rhythm.

“Fuck.” Sam groans, his head falling back as he lets out a breath, only for his breathing to pick up. His eyes screw shut as he continues to rub your hair gently. “Perfect. Keep going.” He says breathlessly, and you watch him through half-lidded eyes. You hum and his hand grabs your hair tightly as his hips roll into your mouth on their own, set into motion by feeling of the vibrations on his cock. You keep moving, picking up speed as you listen to Sam’s groans and pants, and when you feel him start to tense up, you pull him out of his mouth. As you start stroking him until he cums on your face in thick ropes, you smile as you listen to his drawn out moans and gasps for air, giggling to yourself as the warm fluid hits your face and bare chest. Sam’s head is thrown back and you can see he’s smiling up at the ceiling, coming down from his high.

Once he’s drained, he lifts your chin and taps two of his fingers against your lips, smirking once you take them in your mouth. “Make sure you get them wet enough. Don’t need my little slut crying about how I didn't stretch them enough.”

627 notes View Post

saykaundermoon

1 year ago

what else did you expect from me

120 notes View Post

saykaundermoon

1 year ago

omggg I have this fanfic idea where reader is a new recruit in Alchemax but it takes miguel sometime to see you face to face and when he does it's a slap in the face for him and hes in utter shock because you're the spitting image of his wife in an alternate universe !!! he panics so bad because he knows in every universe there's a thing between you two whether it works or not so he does his best to stay away from you for your own safety, but one day he has to supervise the new discovery made by a group of researchers and you're one of them!!!! he mentally slaps himself because he didn't look into the id of the researchers beforehand but he didn't expect it because you're a new recruit !!! but you're a genius !!! and it only takes him the small interactions he has with you that day to lose his mind because you're such a deal breaker for him, he loves hearing you talk about your work and you seem so invested and committed and he respects that, he can hardly keep himself away from you from then on, stolen glances, accidental touches, and it only gets harder the more he has a chance to talk to you, until you get promoted and get to work in his personal laboratory, he can never escape his fate of falling head over heels for you.

godd I haven't written a fic in years and I KNOWW this will be in chapters if I did but omg I want to write for him I love him mi bibito

160 notes View Post

saykaundermoon

2 years ago

NSFW Alphabet for Sebastian Sallow

Warnings - 18 + smut

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) Right after sex, Sebastian is exhausted and unable to form many coherent thoughts. He is ready to snuggle right up with you and pass out.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) His favorite body part of his is his arms, he likes to think that he's decently muscular with bulky biceps. He knows that if he's playing with you no matter what you'll probably get a good look at them and he hopes you enjoy the way they look. Sebastian loves thighs, squeezing them, kissing them, biting them, you name it. They're so versatile and plush and he's definitely thought about just rutting his cocking back and forth between your shut thighs to get some friction.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) He's a slut for wanting to taste your cum. He loves it if he's the one who's initiated the reaction from you with his hands or his mouth, but even if he's watching you take care of yourself he's there to lick it all up until you're clean. For m!partner he loves getting your cum on his face or straight into his mouth.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) Sebastian's dirty secret is that he likes to use the underwear that you wore for the day in his masturbation endeavors. (yes he's that guy)

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) He's probably had a reasonable amount of casual encounters, but nothing that was ever truly kinky or more than an easy way for him to get off with somebody else's help. He's charming and knows how to utilize it to get what he wants even if it were just a quick handjob or blowjob.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) Entire headcannon just for this here. In general either missionary or face-off one of you is in the other's lap glued together. He likes being close to his partner and able to see all their expression and feel every move their body makes.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) Goofy or serious just depends on the mood. If it's a situation where one of you is feeling particularly dominant, he usually takes his role seriously. If it's softer lovemaking he's definitely likely to say something silly and have you giggling throughout.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) He has fairly thick pubic hair that he does attempt to keep neat since there is so much of it. He has a dusting of hair on his chest and lighter-colored hair on his arms and legs.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) Sebastian is never particularly romantic during sex. The best you'll get out of him is him being needy for you and begging, telling you sweet things to try and convince you to give in and let him have his way.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) If he's unable to have you, he's masturbating a lot and driving himself crazy doing so. He takes off all of his clothes and tries to run his hands over his body as you would, but it's never the same. It leaves him very frustrated.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) He likes being dominant or submissive, but enjoys this over a more equal dynamic during sex. He enjoys being choked and in turn likes watching you choke or gag on his cock. Definitely interested in impact play and humiliation.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) He's the master of finding secluded areas for sex that could get you in a lot of trouble if anyone found you. He enjoys outdoor sex quite a bit for the same kind of reason, that you always could be caught or overheard.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) He's easily turned on when you're slightly angry with him. He likes to push your buttons and find your breaking point until you let him take control and make it up to you or you just take control and knock him down a peg.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) Really the only thing he probably wouldn't give a go is things related to certain other bodily functions (don't make me say it)

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) He likes giving and receiving equally. He loves being able to please his partner and taste them. When he's receiving he loves how you look stuffed full of his cock, drooling and crying. That does more for him than how good it feels on its own.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) Usually hard and fast, but he slows down to make things last longer.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) It's not a preference of his, but it goes along with the idea of sex in risky places. If an opportunity arises he's going to take it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) Most definitely willing to experiment and try almost anything. He's so addicted to you that anything you asked of him he would try at least once before deciding how he felt about it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) He can probably last for one or two rounds especially if it's been a little longer since you've been together. But he's definitely going to be exhausted and overstimulated after round two.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) He's open to the idea of things, especially paddles and whips, items that can inflict some manageable pain. He really enjoys having those types of things used on him. He would probably have something to use anally on himself if it wasn't already a part of your anatomy to do so.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) If he can tell you're riled up, he'll spend a lot of time teasing you. Eventually, he'll get to a point where he's feeling animalistic himself and can't do it any longer, but he'll take as much of your time as he can. And then be a huge brat when you do the same thing to him.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) Low, raspy whispers and sinful, loud groans. Not much in between. He's a sensitive lad and can't keep his mouth shut.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) Detailed information about his dick here. He's got a pretty bulky body type with thick, wide arms and thighs. He's got a soft tummy with a nice trail of hair leading down to his pelvis. He has a very soft and sizeable bum. He's about 6 inches hard, obviously uncircumcised, but girthy.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) He's a man fueled by a lot of raw and terrible emotions which means his testosterone is going wild and he's got a pretty high sex drive. If you express you need a break or need him to back off, he'll 100% respect that, but be very pent up in the meantime.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) He's ready to conk out, rest, recover, repeat.

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