Lottie Matthew’s Is Indeed That Father You Didn’t Want Who Stepped Up (seriously, Shauna Hide Your

i love how s3 finale completely flips our perspective on the hunt from the pilot. half of the girls weren’t even hunting. van standing over the pit seemed so menacing in the pilot but now it’s just heartbreaking. mari being pit girl, not because the wilderness chose but because shauna chose. mari was only wearing a nightdress so she could use her clothes as a decoy. and turns out mari was a decoy while the others tried to get rescue. misty removing her mask and smiling not because they caught mari but because they’re getting rescued and there’s nothing shauna can do about it. the hair on the antler queen costume wasn’t a collection of various victims’ hair, it was just mari’s. this whole time we thought it was all the girls collectively giving in to the hunt and the wildness of it, but really it was just shauna, along with lottie and tai. none of them wanted to do a hunt, none of them wanted mari to be chosen.

thinking about shauna listening to jackie talk about jeff like he never even mattered when shauna is pregnant with his baby because she just wanted something jackie had and wanted to be wanted by someone who wanted jackie and now jackie doesnt even care anymore and shauna is stuck with this forever. and then jackie dies and then the baby dies but not before shauna has to give birth to him in the wilderness in winter surrounded by people who eat the dead and now fucking jeff sadecki is the last thing she has of either of them and what the hell is she supposed to do with that? she's stuck with him forever.

thinking about shauna beating lottie almost all the way to death to get all of that rage out of her and then when that rage is out of her they give her a knife and tell her to slit natalie's throat, and then when natalie runs and shauna is let off the hook for one thing for once they give her the knife again and tell her to cut up javi, the closest thing to a baby, so they can eat him, and now she's stuck with this, too. and all that rage she burned off didn't go anywhere, really. it's still right there.

and then im thinking about shauna watching lottie and everybody else crown natalie the queen for virtue of not dying, which is the same thing everybody has been doing, except for jackie and the baby and javi who all took chunks of shauna with them and left her with nothing but a knife.

im thinking about shauna who watches everybody gossip and laugh through the springtime knowing that when winter comes she will be the person who will have to cut them all up one by one so the rest of them can live and its very easy to see why she isnt friends with any of them anymore by then. she looks at them and she sees cuts of meat and how is she supposed to look at anybody normally ever again after that?

and its cruel, of course it is, everything she does to coach ben. it's not his fault, it's not about him at all, really, except that he is exactly the problem. he's innocent. he judges them. he sees what they have had to do to survive and pretends he never profited from any of it. pretends to be above it, uninvolved. he judges them. he judges her.

and shauna needs complicity from these people. she needs somebody else to know what it feels like to hold the knife. she needs people to be stuck with those guilty votes forever. tai with the gun and melissa with the knife and natalie at the butcher's table so that she's not the only one. and so ben is the sacrifice.

i saw somebody say that shauna doesnt want natalie to have to feel the pain of butchering a person, thats why she puts the cloth over his face. but that's not true. she *needs* natalie to know the pain of it, the guilt of it, the weight. The cloth is a lie she told herself would make it easier but she knows that Natalie is about to know what the inside of this man's joints look like either way and that she's going to be stuck knowing that forever.

they are going to be rescued someday and everybody will say "we did what we had to do to survive" and shauna needs to not be the only one who really has to mean that when she says it. and i guess she has that now. or she's about to.

I really adore the casually prioritized importance of friendships in the new Twisters movie. Like obviously there were sparks of romance that i thoroughly enjoyed but the point is that that was never the point. The way that Javi and Kate took care of each other and looked out for each other even when they were fighting. The way the whole tornado wranglers crew acted like family and welcomed Kate right in. The way Tyler was genuinely interested in getting to know Kate and working together with her. There was no big fight between Javi and Tyler over Kate or anybody else. Kate spent the whole movie processing a lot of trauma and was able to be supported by the friends surrounding her instead of having all of her interactions stopped up with an intense budding romance. I just really love it when friendship and people are the most important things.

love is the point (wip)

Tara thought she had kicked her habit of being easy to blush somewhere along the line of surviving the dead walking and trying to tear her throat out. But apparently not, because her face was warm as she hastily tugged Noah away, “We don’t even know that she likes girls, I mean she and Abraham are, you know, them.”  

They were far enough away that she didn’t have to worry about Rosita overhearing them, so she didn’t tackle Noah as he scoffed, “Please, she’s totally been staring at you, and Sasha, and maybe Maggie but I’m not totally sure about that one.” 

Tara fought the urge to snap back around and stare at Rosita as if she’d see a flashing bisexual flag above her head, or just a rainbow, rainbows were very nice. But she did not, because she was a survivor, because the world was ending and she was so much more mature than that. “You’re an idiot, Noah.” 

Okay but like hear me out -

the two most horribile people you know deserve each other.

tumblr user @/inkskinned / i want you to know that i'm awake/i hope that you're asleep, car seat headrest / familiarity breeds contempt, google / no children, the mountain goats / tumblr user @/willowcrowned

I’m going to get high and write lesbian hate sex with so much imagery and symbolism while at the beach, try and stop me

My missing friend is no longer missing, my iud cramps (my back feeling like it’s being broken) are gone, and I have a fridge full of energy drinks. Maybe I’ll actually update my fics tonight

on getting better

?// ?// call your mom, noah kahan// letters to friends, family and editors, franz kafka// call your mom, noah kahan// september affirmation (Don’t Be Afraid), Keaton St. James (@boykeats) // @smuktvejr // ?// ?// 'east boston, 1996; night walk' in god's silence, franz wright// ending, jonny bolduc// listen, tara bray// the haunting of hill house, shirley jackson// little red cap, carol ann duffy// @daisies-on-a-cup// evermore, taylor swift// @angelwarm// long story short, taylor swift

I made addy a mechanic/super interested in taking things apart in my Addy-Lives au and I’m regretting it so much. Like I actually have to do mechanical things and explain stuff???? Wdym I have to figure out what Tyler’s anchor thingys are called and how exactly they need to be improved bc I love making snarky siblings

Somebody help pls, I don’t know what’s happening