I Hate Anxiety Because I Have This Terrible Feeling The World Is Ending, And I Know It’s Not, But May

1. V.E. Schwab // 2. Unknown // 3. Rudolph Vitkauskas // 4. Charles Bukowski // 5. Margaret Atwood

my new favourite moment of season 3: mari genuinely trying to revive the dead guy by scooping his splattered brains back into his skull while lottie scoops it back out playing with her new blood foundation shade called 'you'll see' from her collection called 'the wilderness is me'.

the moment where. where she screams. screaming for help. i’m dying right now! screaming. and there’s no reaction at all. there’s nothing. it’s more devastating than judgment could be somehow. “i’m sorry. ignore me.” before she crumples and chokes. i’m never going to be okay again i think.

why does an honourable death not deserve the same surge of grief and anger?

they look at me glass eyed as i mourned for your departure

and although they do not say it outright,

i catch them whispering to each other,

voices quiet as to not rouse the anger welling in me.

“we have won the war,” they say,

“patroclus died for us,” they continue as though i do not know this;

as though i do not map out the emptiness you have left.

that when i look at the cattle i think i can see you herding them in silence;

that when i turn on my side i think i can feel your chest from my back

and your arms on my waist

and your lips on my nape—

you are so integrated in my life and i see you wherever i look,

teasing me with your wide smile and your deep voice,

leaving goosebumps on my skin.

death took you away from me and yet it feels like you have never left,

and they do not understand that this is grieving.

because despite being blessed by the gods,

my eyes are still blind to ghosts

except for yours.

- the ghost of his memories

see this is my issue, I start watching a new show and immediately save a hundred tik tok edits and start writing fanfiction about it

also I may or may not be writing a one tree hill fanfic rn sooooo

me and that one hunger games fic I’ll never write

“I think - it would have been nice to love you in a kinder life.” (He says this to her right before she helps him slit his wrists in blood thinning water so he can die in the ocean, like he was always meant to.) (he doesn’t want to live in the world after the games, he isn’t strong enough.) (neither is she.)

hear me out, a beth-lives au except she doesn't find the group for a decade and learns to survive on her own and also meets a new group and gets a girlfriend and is kinda in a thruple and also she gets a kid oh and she changes her name several times to represent her character arc and she struggles with her faith and queerness and the things she have to do to survive and -

yall hear me out - forced bonding because Tyler isn’t enough of an asshole to leave Javi alone when he’s in the middle of a panic attack???

Also it’s harder to hate a dude when you know his traumatic past, survivor guilt, and terrible coping skills

you're allowed to be held.

but, our stories aren’t over yet.

prints + merch + commission info