I Saw The Tv Glow Makes Me Mourn For Everyone Who Felt Like There Wasn’t Enough Time. Everyone Who

thinking about shauna listening to jackie talk about jeff like he never even mattered when shauna is pregnant with his baby because she just wanted something jackie had and wanted to be wanted by someone who wanted jackie and now jackie doesnt even care anymore and shauna is stuck with this forever. and then jackie dies and then the baby dies but not before shauna has to give birth to him in the wilderness in winter surrounded by people who eat the dead and now fucking jeff sadecki is the last thing she has of either of them and what the hell is she supposed to do with that? she's stuck with him forever.

thinking about shauna beating lottie almost all the way to death to get all of that rage out of her and then when that rage is out of her they give her a knife and tell her to slit natalie's throat, and then when natalie runs and shauna is let off the hook for one thing for once they give her the knife again and tell her to cut up javi, the closest thing to a baby, so they can eat him, and now she's stuck with this, too. and all that rage she burned off didn't go anywhere, really. it's still right there.

and then im thinking about shauna watching lottie and everybody else crown natalie the queen for virtue of not dying, which is the same thing everybody has been doing, except for jackie and the baby and javi who all took chunks of shauna with them and left her with nothing but a knife.

im thinking about shauna who watches everybody gossip and laugh through the springtime knowing that when winter comes she will be the person who will have to cut them all up one by one so the rest of them can live and its very easy to see why she isnt friends with any of them anymore by then. she looks at them and she sees cuts of meat and how is she supposed to look at anybody normally ever again after that?

and its cruel, of course it is, everything she does to coach ben. it's not his fault, it's not about him at all, really, except that he is exactly the problem. he's innocent. he judges them. he sees what they have had to do to survive and pretends he never profited from any of it. pretends to be above it, uninvolved. he judges them. he judges her.

and shauna needs complicity from these people. she needs somebody else to know what it feels like to hold the knife. she needs people to be stuck with those guilty votes forever. tai with the gun and melissa with the knife and natalie at the butcher's table so that she's not the only one. and so ben is the sacrifice.

i saw somebody say that shauna doesnt want natalie to have to feel the pain of butchering a person, thats why she puts the cloth over his face. but that's not true. she *needs* natalie to know the pain of it, the guilt of it, the weight. The cloth is a lie she told herself would make it easier but she knows that Natalie is about to know what the inside of this man's joints look like either way and that she's going to be stuck knowing that forever.

they are going to be rescued someday and everybody will say "we did what we had to do to survive" and shauna needs to not be the only one who really has to mean that when she says it. and i guess she has that now. or she's about to.

Start Here - Caitlyn Siehl

Unreal Unearth + paintings (pt 1)(pt 2)

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the moment where. where she screams. screaming for help. i’m dying right now! screaming. and there’s no reaction at all. there’s nothing. it’s more devastating than judgment could be somehow. “i’m sorry. ignore me.” before she crumples and chokes. i’m never going to be okay again i think.

I guess I’ll never know??? And you’ll go on with the show??? And if you're ever tired of being known???For who you know?? You know, you'll always know me??

im not saying dorothea is kate & addy but im also not saying it isn't..

What is it with this show???? (I’m writing Mari Shauna hate sex at her wedding with Jackie haunting the narrative as she should.) What is it doing to me????

Gen Z is slowly dying on the inside as you paint a smile on your face.

Gen Z is hoping for another bomb threat so you can get out of taking that math test.

Gen Z is laughing at things that make no sense to anyone else because they don’t realize that humor is the only thing we have left.

Gen Z is making nihilistic jokes all the time.

Gen Z is saying you want to die and hearing your friends say they want to die and not quite knowing if they really mean it anymore and being scared that they do.

Gen Z is not making those jokes so much after someone really does die.

Gen Z is knowing exactly why every door on campus needs an ID card to open.

Gen Z is knowing that those locks won’t do shit if something really happens.

Gen Z is wondering when someone will come to your school and start killing your friends.

Gen Z is hating the shitheads in charge and just waiting until you can finally do something about them.

Gen Z is being torn between wanting to die and wanting to overthrow the government.

Gen Z is being tired of being treated like a child when our childhoods were ripped away from us years ago.

Gen Z is growing up too fast but still no one else will take you seriously.

Gen Z is angry.

Gen Z is done.

Gen Z is here and you’d better watch your asses.

You know what I love? Bathroom scenes in writing. And I don’t mean fucking in the shower, I mean one person has a breakdown and the other person ends up climbing into the tub and holding them. I mean one person is taking a warm bath and the sun is shining through the windows and they’re alive and their partner comes in and just sits by their side, and maybe they hold the other persons face, or maybe they just sit and breathe together. I mean one person is not having a good day so they camp out in this tiny safe room and just stay together, not out of obligation, but pure fucking love. That’s my kink.