Mdzs Au Where Everything Is The Same Except Jiang Cheng Calls Wei Wuxian “edge Lord” During His Yiling

with the knowledge that innocence is an parasitic entity that basically eats misery, I want someone to know that I think of Crowned Clown refusing to let Allen be killed/die or be separated as a kid throwing a tantrum because someone took away their candy.

like Apocryphos is desperately trying to get this piece of candy away because “it’s not good for you!” and Crowned Crown is kicking screaming crying about losing this food.

allen is better than me because if that many people apologized or expressed remorse for trying to kill me and/or fucking me over royally and then continued to try to kill me/fuck me over, I would have a body count. I’d be swinging. all the time.

now, I know that cale henituse and bruce wayne have similarities. They both have an adoption problem, are cunning strategists, terrible at communicating, and are filthy rich. but I think on a fundamental level they would not get along. Bruce has (admittedly kind of necessary due to frequent mind control situations) contingency plans for friends and family. Cale would Not Vibe with that at all. He would rather die than do that shit.

plus bruce’s no-killing policy (again, valid reasons for this), and while bruce does various other brutal acts short of killing, I think this would cause some problems. cale might understand it on a moral level. But if they had to work together? They would be butting heads like nobody’s business. honestly, if they did have to team up to take down an enemy, I think there would be a confrontation a la “Ruthlessness” from EPIC the musical

personally, I’m not the biggest fan of modern aus (the more distance from real life the better lmao), but in particular the significant traumas of the characters don’t always translate well (which… maybe the point actually). But seeing how the author does is always interesting! that said, here’s how the closest I can think of for a dgm modern au:

Allen: if you cut out the whole past self and possession situation, up until the Order, it’s pretty one to one. As a child, he had a limb difference and was trafficked. He met Mana and Allen the dog, the dog died, the place he was trafficked to burns(? maybe attacked and he was spared out of pity?) Due to the trauma of the incident, Mana gets worse, thinks Allen is Allen the dog and then they live on the streets until Mana’s death. Occasionally Mana mistakes him for Nea to keep that aspect of the trauma. Allen is attacked shortly after, survives, and is eventually taken in by Cross (and his debts). He gets a few stalkers or already has them and finds out later.

Lenalee: once again, the fighting is a bit tricky for a plain old modern au, but I can make some things work! After her parents died in an attack, she was adopted out of China into England to an abusive family. Eventually Komui was able to get custody of her… I’m unsure/doubtful he would actually be able to do this with the systems in place, so maybe foster care would work better?

Kanda: A cult??? I guess? And Alma died setting a fire maybe? Unless you want unethical government experiments in your modern au!

Lavi: … I don’t know about this one. A very emotionally distant family that shamed any expression of emotion or connection as weakness? But it doesn’t have quite the same implications, I think.

Miranda: Pretty easy! She’s still miserable and can’t keep a job. Poor Miranda.

Alistar: A bigoted, isolated small town? Very tough on this one. Maybe such a small town that superstition still runs strong and he was run out of town during a series of disappearances (actually caused by his girlfriend, Eliade).

Timothy: Pretty much the same. Abusive father who was eventually jailed for thieving, the orphanage where he lived had money trouble and he started stealing himself. Not sure where the trauma from the orphanage being attacked could fit in.

Mana: A crime family/mafia?? His brother (for reasons we aren’t sure of yet) went on a rampage and managed to take out most of the family, forcing Mana to kill him.

Link: he and his siblings/friends from the streets are adopted by a corrupt government official.

Do I think these characters from tcf would say/follow through with this quote: “because I do believe in killing the messenger. do you know why? because it sends a message.”

cale: yes, I think he’d say it. Depending on who was injured and if the messenger was a part of the scheme, he would follow through (but not before torture).

alver: no

choi han: still no. he might kill the messenger, but I don’t think he’d do it to send a message

ron: he’s not saying because he’s a professional, but he’s absolutely doing it

lee soohyuk: … unsure. He’s introduced as a nice guy, but cale's scheming and ruthless plots came from somewhere.

choi jungsoo: no, it seems like he has a pretty solid moral compass. Then again, I haven’t caught with part 2, so…

mary: no

rosalyn: no

hannah: absolutely

the white star: obviously, yes

cage: no

taylor: no

clopeh (?): yes, he’s positively insane

roan: maybe? I don’t think he’d say it or do it to send a message, but if someone told him a member of his family was killed, he’d kill someone

on: no. maybe if she continues training as an assassin, but ron and vicross don’t seem to be encouraging that

hong: similar to on, but I’m more firmly on the side of no for him

mdzs au where everything is the same except jiang cheng calls wei wuxian “edge lord” during his yiling patriarch era

cats being capable of understanding accidents and even giving you a little head bonk to let you know you're still cool makes it infinitely funnier that they don't understand when you're trying to help them

cats when you step on their tail: i'll admit that was rather ouchie, but given the lifetime of goodwill and trust between us, one must conclude this booboo is but a fluke.

cats when you try to get their claws unstuck from the couch covering: this nefarious bitch has never had a single honorable intention in their dishonest and shameful life, this must be one of their sinister plots or perhaps even an attempt on my life,

if the Noahs’ reincarnation was given to them via salesman

are you worried about dying young? generally disgusted by humans or sex? feeling a deep distaste for humanity, and an even deeper regret you won’t be able to inflict generational trauma on your non-existent children?

well if so, there’s great news! with “reincarnating into an already living person,” you can inflict all your worst memories to the next generation without all that reproduction and childrearing nonsense! All for the low low price of dying!