Were They Ever Really That Different?

Elliot (NSFW)

* = Haven’t read yet

~ = Favorite

- Show, Don't Tell~

- Morning Sex*

- New Kid

at least melissa has more self-awareness about her situation than whatever is going on with shauna most days

i know you are probably swamped with requests but i just wanna talk about nat x reader x lottie…. like the attention you’d get from both of them. being sandwiched in between them at night. lottie telling nat to take extra care of you when you both go hunting because she’s scared something might happen

OHHHHHH. YESYEYSYEYSYSYSYSYS LOTTIENAT OHRJSIJFMEHGS

my apologies i love them both sm i cannot DESCRIBE IT

anyways yesyesyes i love this request lottienat would be the perfect poly and i stand by this. lottie who is very optimistic with natalie who tends to rationalize would be the perfect balance. both girls love you very very much and are your sole protectors.

when natalie takes you hunting, lottie is extremely worried, making you both do many ritualistic things before you go, even making you wear van’s bone necklace paired with the others she had already made you. she cannot stand the thought of you getting hurt, and while she knows natalie can protect you, it doesn’t stop her mind wondering to the worst possible scenario.

natalie will only laugh at her, telling her that shes overthinking and that you both will be perfectly fine. (she doesn’t care though, you will most definitely catch her murmuring to the wilderness to watch over you both). and you’ll also catch her subtly pulling nat aside and whispering in her ear (shes telling her that if you get hurt in any way that she’ll summon jackie’s ghost to haunt her)

hunting with nat… KEHSOEHDJXUSJ

good lord i love this woman. anyways if you dont know how to shoot, you bet she will be pulling you aside, teaching you until she deems you are ready to come with her. oh i can just imagine her being much more touchy than needed, her hands all over you, claiming that you aren’t holding the gun right after she’s repeatedly moved you into different spots, just using it as a excuse to touch you.

and when she finally does take you out there, you both have the time of your lifeeeeeee. she makes it so fun, you don’t know how but she had always managed to lift your mood if needed. shes just a lil gay who wants to make you smile and hold you and protect you and she will do just that especially while hunting. she’ll be so proud of you when you kill you first animal, a smile on her face as she throws her arms around you, telling you over and over how proud she is.

and when you two come home with food, lottie is already waiting on the front porch, her foot nervously tapping against the ground as her fingers fidget with nat’s ring that was on her index finger. when she sees the pair of you, she is immediately running to you, bringing both of you into her arms as she leaves kisses on both of your faces. she is so cute omg i cannot.

and when you all go to sleep you can 1000% bet that you all permanently have dibs on the attic (sorry shauna we kicked you out) lottie sleeps on your left, spooning you from behind while she rests her cheek on your shoulder. nat sleeps on your right, the pair of you face to face with her head nestled in the crook of your neck. or some nights lottie will just hold you, nat as well. sleeping with them would deadass be paradise omg

anyways i know i got carried away with this but idc i love lottienat they are my babies!!!!! thank you for this i will take any excuse to talk about them i swear. send me more lottienat things!!! i love writing about them

much love to you all!

nah bc we should of known elliot was gonna be a walking red flag the second we saw this mf sleep with socks on 🤨

Pyrite in fluorite slice

all of the yellowjackets are going to die.

i've had different versions of this theory bouncing around in my head since mid s1, and if you've seen final destination, you can just skip the rest of the post because you probably already know where i'm going with this.

natalie's death scene was overall unsatisfying in my opinion, but that's not because i don't think that the show was leading up to it eventually. her character arc was rushed and cut off too abruptly, but after sitting with the episode for a bit, i do think that natalie was always going to be the first of the survivors we saw die.

"we both know that's not true. this is exactly where we belong. we've been here for years."

now it's notable that natalie is appearing as she did the night of the party in the pilot. the last night before the plane crash. not just her outfit, but her hair and make up are the same. see how much of her roots are grown out, vs how much they're grown out in the 96 timeline.

when that plane went down 600 miles off course, no one was supposed to survive. not a single person on that plane should have made it out. The Wilderness, the lonely, violent, misunderstood Wilderness kept them alive when they crashed into It. when they found cabin guy's plane back in s1, lottie looked at the vines growing around the wheels and said "It didn't want him to leave", and she was right. laura lee's trip ending in spontaneous combustion should have been enough to prove that if only they were paying attention by then.

they all should have died when that plane crashed. The Wilderness allowed them to survive, to make a home. albeit violently, tragically, It nurtured them through two winters, and ungratefully, they all left anyway. eventually they're all going to have to go home to It, one way or another, dead or alive. It's already been inside them for years.

GO EASY ON ME

eddie munson x fem!reader

( gif credits to @drogonstone )

—

WARNINGS: young pregnancy (19), accidental pregnancy, post-break up, angst (happy ending, i promise!), mentions of potential abortion (doesn’t happen), crying, swearing, verbal fight, car crash metaphor (very brief), both reader and eddie have absent fathers, allusions to sex, jason carver being an asshole.

[ if there’s anything that i’ve missed, let me know! ]

—

SUMMARY: finding out you’re pregnant after your breakup with eddie isn’t exactly the best timing.

( not really following the plot of the show but set around season 4 with all the same characters etc. )

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WORD COUNT: 3k

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A/N: i hope you enjoy this! please like, reblog and comment! :) this is a little rushed, but i didn’t want to drag it out too much in case people weren’t interest in too much fluff lol XD

—

you could almost remember the last time you and eddie had sex before the breakup. it wasn't exactly anything special or earth-shatteringly romantic, it was basically hurried and strictly fucking, not making love like you used to. just a means to release steam and get off.

that was proven by the lack of words spoken after you both finished, before rolling over to opposite sides of the bed and going to sleep.

but you weren't at all surprised by the lack of talking and intimacy, in fact, you had grown accustomed to it over the past couple of months. to say that you had both drifted would be an understatement. you had hardly shared more that 10 words within that time, simple small talk and questions about dinner and or what the plans were for the day.

with eddie having to repeat his senior year, again, you had graduated last year. you were nineteen and eddie was twenty, you had both met at high school. you were in a band who wrote shitty rock songs and performed them at small bars and events. you weren't popular by any means, but everyone knew who you were and they respected you. you stayed out of their way and they stayed out of yours.

eddie was the complete opposite. he was dramatic, loved causing problems and putting the attention on himself. he revelled in the feeling of eyes on him and loved to rile people up, especially the jocks. but you didn't care about that, you knew you loved him as soon as you met him. he was such a character and you felt pulled in by those dark brown eyes.

he was sweet, the perfect boyfriend. he wasn't boring, he brought new surprises to the table each day, always exciting you. he was caring and protective, always putting you first above the d&d campaigns, above drug deals, above the band. you understood his hobbies and you fully supported them, you were the proudest girlfriend and loved eddie more than words could ever express.

but something happened in the last two months, you had no idea what, but eddie had drifted, he'd been spending extra time at d&d campaigns, spending more time with the guys from the band. it wouldn't have been a problem if he hadn't been missing dates, and hang outs with you. graduation was drawing closer for him, which you completely understood him being busy focusing on all of this, but it wasn't helping your relationship.

he had begun to push you away. you could see it in his eyes that he had slowly lost interest. you spent hours wondering where it all went wrong, what you had done to make him push you away. but it came to nothing.

but a few days after the last time you were intimate, you both decided to call the three-year-long relationship off. you had taken all your stuff from his uncle's trailer, and he's taken his from your house that you shared with your brother. you were absolutely heartbroken, but in the long run, it was probably for the best.

but life wasn't that easy for you, because no less than two weeks after the breakup were you staring at a positive pregnancy test.

it couldn't have been worse timing, but there was no way you would get rid of this baby. the thought had run through your head plenty of times, but you couldn't bring yourself to do that.

after another week of mulling over your options you eventually broke down to your brother and told him everything. him and his girlfriend comforted you as you sobbed the whole night, they promised you that no matter what they would support you and help you.

they had both encouraged you to talk to eddie. you had originally planned to tell him sooner, but he was really hard to get ahold of. you called and he was always busy or he was too tired to meet up, it was hopeless.

you were now fourteen weeks along, and starting to show, thankful for your affinity for oversized clothing and t-shirts which helped hide your situation.

you wore your oversized black sabbath t-shirt when you went to eddie's trailer, you knew he was home because his van was parked outside. you were glad that his uncle worked night shifts, because you didn't really want to do this in front of wayne.

you were mad, furious even, your anger bubbles inside of your chest just begging to be released. you wished things hadn't happened like this, it would've been easier to have found out you were pregnant whilst you were both still dating, not like this.

but you were also angry at eddie for not making an effort to see you these past few weeks. you had called countless times, begging him to meet you just for five minutes to talk, but he was constantly busy. which fuelled your angry knocking on his trailer door, reaching the point of frustration that you couldn't care less if you woke his neighbours.

this was your first time back at his trailer since the breakup, it felt strange, you were used to using your spare key to go there whenever, and just casually strolling in, but you couldn't do that anymore.

when eddie answered the door, he was wearing his hellfire t-shirt and a pair of red plaid pyjama pants. his hair was messy as usual, clearly in need of a hairbrush.

"what do you want?", he groaned, running a hand down his face.

"well you weren't making time to meet me, despite me begging about thirty times," you deadpanned, crossing your arms across your chest.

"i've been busy, y/n. you know that," he rolled his eyes, one hand leaning against the doorframe.

"well, you're not busy now, munson. and we really need to talk," you ducked under his arm, and made your way inside the trailer.

your eyes scanned the room and noticed how little it had changed. you hadn't necessarily expected big change, or eddie and wayne to completely redecorate etc, but you would've thought eddie would've at least taken down the posters you had got him.

you heard the door close behind you and turned to face eddie, who looked utterly exhausted.

"why are you here?", he asked, his voice void of emotion.

"why the hell are you being like this?", you scoffed, crossing your arms again.

"like what?", he scoffed, crossing his arms too.

"so damn hostile, eddie! we loved each other, we were together for three fucking years! as far as i knew, our breakup was mutual, and we could be in the same room without wanting to rip the others head off," you exclaimed exasperatedly.

eddie sighed and stepped a little closer to you, and you tried to read his eyes and body language but it was useless, he was a damn closed book.

"not everything is about you y/n! god, i can be in a bad mood and it doesn't have to be anything to do with you," he argued.

"well, what's wrong?", you asked, almost feeling bad for him before he shut you down again.

"you're not my fucking therapist y/n. why are you here?", he huffed.

"i wanted to talk to you."

"so talk!", he exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air exasperatedly.

"maybe it would be best if i came back at a different time," you sighed, turning to the door.

"there won't be a better time! just say what you needed to say and then leave!", he shouted, causing you to turn around to face him.

this was not the same eddie munson that you fell in love with. he would never talk to you like this, look at you like this, he would never even think of raising his voice at you. this was not the man you wanted to father your unborn child.

"you do know you're the reason that we broke up, right?", you said, fists clenching as you felt that familiar ache in your chest that you've been feeling since you broke up.

eddie only rolled his eyes. "i thought i might be."

"you just shut down completely eddie, you shut me out! you hardly looked at me, or talked to me anymore. i tried to fucking hard, and i got nothing in return from you," you shouted, your nails digging into your palms so hard that you were sure crescent moon shaped indents would be appearing on your skin.

"is that the reason you came here? to yell at me about how i was an awful boyfriend? we'll let me tell you this y/n, you don't know anything. and i am certainly not in the fucking mood for this!", he yelled back.

"i never said you were a terrible boyfriend! you were a perfect boyfriend right up until those last moments, and i don't even know what happened to you, to us. and you're never in the mood, that's the fucking problem!", you argued.

"well, i guess it's a good job we're broken up then."

"you're just fucking impossible eddie. what happened to you, huh? you used to be the sweetest most caring boyfriend ever, and it's like you woke up one morning and chose not to be. where did the man that i love go?", you cried, exhausted with eddie's out of character lack of care.

"it's just life y/n. things change, people change," he ran his hands down his face as he turned away.

you were angry. he wasn't paying any attention and was completely dismissive to you and your feelings.

"don't turn your back on me when i'm talking to you!", you exclaimed.

"you're not even talking, you're fucking yelling! i don't wanna' listen to it, this isn't where you live anymore y/n, so please leave," he spun around to face you, running a hand through his hair.

"i'm not going anywhere until i say what i wanted to say!"

"so fucking say it, then leave! give me some goddamn peace and quiet!", he scoffed.

"you asshole, i'm fucking pregnant!", you shouted.

eddie froze. the kind of stoicalness where his eyes were wide, his lips parted, his heartbeat running a mile a minute. his fists which were balled up at his sides, an anxious habit of his, released. he felt like he had just been hit by a truck, like his ribs were crushed and his lungs punctured and he couldn't breath.

"y-you're...what?", he breathed out, his eyes wide as he stared at your teary form.

"i'm fourteen weeks. i wanted to tell you sooner, but you wouldn't give me a chance," you explained, the date eliminating his first question about the validity of him being the father.

but he also knew you, he knew there was no way you would ever move on that quickly. eddie slumped down onto the couch, his eyes casted to the ground as he slowly blinked, trying to process what had just happened.

"pregnant. you're pregnant...yo- we're having...a baby," he breathed out shakily, his eyes casting up to you as you tugged the fabric of your black sabbath t-shirt tight to your back so he could see the small bump that had begun to form.

he felt his eyes begin to sting as they welled up with tears. when you were together, eddie wanted nothing more than to start a family with you in the future, you had both spoke about your aspirations and future plans during one of your dates. but this wasn't how he wanted it to be.

he didn't hate you, not at all. he could never hate you, you were the one good thing in his life that made him feel like he belonged, that he was significant.

you gently sat on the couch beside him, keeping just under a foot distance between you. you stared at your hands which rested in your lap, just waiting for eddie to say something.

you expected him to yell at you, to call you names, or kick you out. but the words that left his lips stunned you into complete silence.

"i'm sorry."

your head lifted to meet his eyes. the tears now fell freely.

"what?", you spoke, your voice almost a whisper.

"i'm so fucking sorry. i'm so sorry," he began to sob, the damn breaking and all of his emotions overflowing.

you instinctively wrapped your arms around his shoulders as he clutched your shirt, his body shaking as it wracked with the sobs. one of your hands smoothed over his hair, the faint smell of cinnamon and apple filling your nose as you pressed a kiss to the top of his head. he had clearly just gotten out of his shower before you arrived, still using your shampoo that you left there.

it smelt like home. it felt like home. being in eddie's arms again gave you hope that everything was going to be okay.

the rest of the night, the pair of you just talked about everything. a lot of tears were shed. but you had finally gotten your explanation for the distance before the breakup.

jason carver was the reason. all throughout high school, jason had feelings for you, but you rejected him every time because you was utterly in love with eddie. after graduation, you decided to take a gap year in order to save up money for when you eventually moved away to college. you had a dream of studying law at georgetown, and you had good enough grades and references to do so.

but the problem was, jason wasn't used to not getting what he wanted. so he used his influences to his advantage, he cornered eddie and threatened him that if he didn't break up with you, then he would make sure his fathers friend, the dean of georgetown, wouldn't accept you.

eddie knew he had to. there was no way he was going to risk your future and your dreams. so he started to drift from you, in hopes of making it less painful and questioning that just out of the blue breaking up with you.

eddie sobbed as he told you how sorry he was over and over again, he felt awful for what he done to you.

“i promise, i’m going to do better than both of our father’s. i’m going to be there every step of the way, it means so much to me that you’re giving me this chance,” eddie spoke, his voice breaking a little as the tears still fell. “i’m going to be the best damn father ever.”

“oh eds,” you whispered, wiping away his tears with your thumbs.

he looked up at you, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly agape as he looked towards your belly.

“can i…?”, he asked, trailing off after you nodded, instantly knowing what he meant.

you gently lifted up your shirt, holding it just beneath your chest which revealed the fourteen week bump. eddie felt more tears begin to roll softly down his cheeks, he looked nervous to touch you. so you took the initiative to carefully pick up his hand and place it on your belly. once his breathing steadied, you removed your hand and watched as he placed the other one carefully beside the one that was already on your belly.

“hi baby, i’m eddie. i’m your…i’m your dad,” he spoke through his tears, his hands caressing your belly so gently in fear that he would hurt you or the baby.

eddie could be quite heavy handed, but he was always so gentle with you, so this was no exception. he leant forward slowly and pressed a small, lingering kiss to your belly.

you bit your lip to prevent the happy tears from falling at eddie’s actions. seeing him like this, so soft and paternal made your heart skip hundreds of beats.

“i can’t wait to meet you peanut, but you’ve got to grow for a bit longer in your mommy’s belly. we both can’t wait to meet you,” he spoke softly, his head still lingering near your belly.

“peanut?”, you asked, a small chuckle slipping past your lips.

eddie looked up at you through his lashes, his soft brown eyes just reminding you once again why you love him so much.

“yeah, it sounds cute,” he shrugged with a small smile.

“hmm…peanut. it’s cute,” you hummed.

eddie began to sit up, your eyes connecting. in that moment, it felt like you were back as your sixteen-year-old self, about to have your first kiss with your lifelong crush.

“can i kiss you, please?”, he whispered, his right hand reaching up to gently cup your cheek.

you looked at his furrowed brows and pursed lips, seeing the sincerity in his eyes and you nodded.

he gently pressed his lips to yours, it felt like nothing had changed. it felt like a cold glass of water on a hot summers day, the first bite of a fresh strawberry, hearing a crowd cheer after a gig. it felt refreshing, but also comforting. he was so soft and delicate, nothing was more comforting than eddie.

you loved him more than life itself.

—

twenty-six weeks later, you held a six pound, four ounce baby girl in your arms at hospital. eddie sat on the edge of the bed, tears in his eyes once again as he gently ran his index finger up and down your babies tiny little nose.

“peanut was very fitting,” he spoke up, causing you to look up at his tiredly through your lashes.

eddie simply smiled at you, and his smile was delightfully infectious.

“i love you sweetheart,” he grinned, leaning down to press a kiss to your sweaty forehead.

“i love you too, eds,” you smiled back, both of you looking back to your beautiful baby girl.

“i love you too, my little peanut. i can’t wait for life with you and your beautiful mommy,” he cooed at your sleeping baby.

i love you — carl gallagher

pairing: carl gallagher x fem!reader

warnings: mentions of abuse, trauma, arguments, fighting, hints towards past domestic abuse, standard shameless warnings.

masterlist

“I can’t give you want you deserve! I—I’m not fuckin’ enough for you! When will you realize that?!” He screamed in her face, the girl backing away.

“Carl…” She whispered, her hand going to cup his cheek, but he backed away, raising his hand in anger to wipe his face.

Her eyes widened as she flinched away in fear, her hands going to shield her face.

It was silent, as she waited for the punch to land, but it never did. Her hand slowly dropped from her face, her eyes opening, just to find Carl’s tear filled eyes staring back at her.

He didn’t say anything as he slowly wrapped his arms around her, bringing her into his chest.

Her arms wrapped around his neck, the girl burying her face into his neck, the tears now falling as she sobbed.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.” He whispered. “I’m sorry for yelling. I’m sorry for scaring you.”

She only clutched the boy tighter as their previous argument was forgotten, and the only thing that mattered in that moment was eachother.

He kissed her head, rubbing her back as they stood in the kitchen, the street light shining into the room.

She pulled back, her hands going to his face as she looked at him. “I love you.”

His eyes softened, his head dipping down and capturing her lips with his own.

It wasn’t like their normal kisses.

This was filled with all of their emotions. The sadness, the anger, the love. Everything.

When they pulled apart, a small smile crossed Carl’s face.

“I love you, too.”

hi! i was wondering if you would write something like reader (gn or fem, idk if you want to specify) is jealous and sad because of jon’s close relationship with dany and just like him reassuring them and stuff.

thank you! i love your writing by the way!

before it kills me || jon snow

"Are you jealous?"

"Maybe. Or maybe I'm afraid. I don't know."

you're jealous of the dragon queen, and it's tearing you up. fem!reader. takes place s8.

Thank you so much for the request! Sorry it took so long!Hope you like it!

masterlist

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You'd always been the jealous type. Not just with lovers, but with friends, and with things, and with luck. When you were a child, you'd stare at the highborn whenever they passed through your village, dressed in silk and plate armor, on shining, well-bred horses. Why them?  You would think. Why them, and not me?

At the Wall, you'd been jealous of Jon at first. He was stronger, and faster, and better trained than you-- that is to say, trained in the first place. You'd been jealous of Sam, who could read, and Grenn, who could ride, and Pyp, who could sing. It had faded, of course, and you hadn't let it stop you making friends for too long, but still, it was your first instinct. It always had been.

Now, at Winterfell, after years of fighting, and bleeding, and freezing your ass off on the edge of the world, you found yourself jealous again. Not of someone's skill, or weapon, or training, like would be even marginally acceptable for someone of your age. No, you were jealous of a pretty woman, and how much time she spent with Jon Snow. And it was bad.

That fucking Dragon Queen had you pacing. Pacing, and brooding, and biting your nails, and cursing yourself for all of it. You had more important things to be worried about than the affections of Jon Snow, who wasn't yours to be jealous for in the first place. Gods, when did you even start loving him? Maybe you always had. Either way, this was what you got for dancing around him for years-- you hadn't made him yours when you could've, and now, someone better had shown up to whisk him off on dragonback.

Daenerys Stormborn-- First of Her Name,  Breaker of Chains, Mother of Dragons. The Unburnt, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Queen of the Andals and the First Men. How could you ever compete with that?

Did you even want to try?

What could you possibly give him that she couldn't? She was inspiring, powerful, and unmatched in beauty. A Targaryen. A gods-damned dragon rider. And you were a bastard girl who cut her hair and became a man of the Watch. Not even a bastard of someone noble and important, like Jon was. Just a Flowers of some Redwyne or Fossoway who's name your mother forgot. Rough, weary, dressed in old black ringmail and scars.

Daenerys dressed in furs and silver.

Didn't he deserve her?

You should have just talked to him. You knew that. But jealousy was an old friend, a familiar pain. It was easy to sink back into. So you let it claw at you for hours, for days, alternatingly ferocious and grieving. It ate you from the inside out and the outside in, made you irritable and anxious and guilty. Distracted. You slipped up on the sparring field. Battle plans went in one ear and out the other. No sleeping position was comfortable anymore, and your jaw ached from constant clenching and grinding your teeth.

Your friends had grown worried. You hadn't let even Davos coax out what was wrong, though you suspected he already knew. You were growing worried too. Fighting the dead would need you at your strongest, and the dull ache in your chest was taking its toll.

You grit your teeth again, and got out of bed. This has got to end. Fuck it if he loved her, if you had been wrong, and all the glances, the stray touches, the so-nearly-kisses that always seemed to get interrupted had all meant nothing to him. At least you'd know, and you'd move on. Or you'd die fighting Walkers, and none of it would matter. Either way, it'll be better than this.

The castle was sleeping, and nobody but a few wandering soldiers were there to pay you any mind. Poor bastards probably can't sleep either. Some bowed their heads respectfully when you walked past, mumbling "M'lady," or sometimes "Ser," though you were not a knight, and lady of nothing but your sword. You quickened your pace.

When you reached Jon's room, you didn't let yourself think twice. You didn't steel yourself, didn't take a breath, just rapped on the door before you had a chance to go craven and leave.

Jon opened the door. Disheveled, in nothing but a plain shirt and trousers, though clearly awake. Your breath hitched. It felt intimate, seeing him this way, out of his capes and his leather, without Longclaw on his hip. His eyes widened, and you remembered your own appearance. Your bare feet, your undone hair, your dressing gown. At least we're even, then.

Jon ran a hand through his hair. "You need something, Flowers?" He mumbled, not unkindly, a tired smile ghosting his lips.

"Do you love me?"

"What?"

You pushed your way into the room. Jon's eyes flared again, but he didn't stop you. "You heard me, Snow. Do you love me? All those times we sat on watch together. All those times you held my hand, and came to greet me at the tunnel when I came back from a ranging, and fussed over me when I got hurt. How you called for me when the fighting ended at Castle Black, and after the Boltons, and how I called for you. Did all of that mean something to you, or did I imagine it?"

His brow furrowed, and for a moment, he just looked at you. Then, his face softened. He took your hand in his, warm and rough and familiar, and threaded his fingers through yours.

"Are you jealous?"

Damn him.

"Maybe." Your voice came out a tremble. "Or maybe I'm afraid. I don't know."

"Come here." He tugged you into his arms, and you found yourself clinging. It had all been so much so fast. All the fighting, the dying, the red woman, the free folk. Ramsay, and Cersei, and the threat of the dead, and the beautiful Daenerys with her dragons. Jon held you as you cried about nothing and everything for a while, rubbing your back and carding his fingers through your hair, murmuring reassuring things that you couldn't hear.

You could've stayed there forever.

But I need to know before it kills me.

With an effort, you stepped back, feeling a little empty without his arms around you, and a little guilty about the damp spot you'd left on his shirt. You took a shaky breath.

"I need to know if you love me, or--" you pushed a sob down, before it could break. Jon opened his mouth, but you didn't let him get a word in. "It's okay if you don't, really-- I just," you offered him a watery smile. "I need to know now. If you love me, or if you love the Queen. Please, Jon. Before it kills me."

You bit your trembling lip for dear life. You would not cry if he said loved her, you swore it to every god you knew. You would not ruin it for him, more than you already had. If he said he loved her, you would smile, and thank him for his honesty, and be done with it.

But Jon Snow didn't say anything. Instead, he sat on the edge of his bed, and took your hand, and kissed your knuckles. He kissed your palm, and your wrist, inviting you to sit beside him with a gentle pull. You nearly fell into place. Something about his touch always made you lean into him without thinking. He wasn't magnetic, exactly-- it was something softer than that. More akin to the gentle urge of gravity on a feather.

He held your face in his hands, and brushed away a tear, and kissed you softer than any fur or silk in the world.

"Of course I love you," he said, voice wavering. Tears had made a home in his eyes, just as they had in yours, and the look on his face sent a wave of guilt crashing over you. "I'm sorry you ever thought I didn't. Please, forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive, Jon. You know how I get, I--" you paused, trying to find the words. "I'm sorry. I'm a jealous woman, a scarred woman. I have no dragons, and no crown, and no beautiful silver hair or perfect face. I have no name of my own. I have nothing to give you but my sword and my love, and Daenerys has seven kingdoms. Well, she will, I mean. Just-- I felt like you'd abandoned me for someone better. Which is stupid, because you're not even mine to think about that way--"

"And who says I don't want to be?" Jon interrupted. He took your hand, took your scarred knuckles to his lips again. The way he was fixing those beautiful eyes on you, with such perfect sincerity, took every word you'd ever known right out of your mouth. Whatever he was going to say next, he meant it.

"I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine, and I don't want it because of power, or money, or dragons. I just want to love you. Is that so hard to believe, Flowers?"

"You would love a jealous woman?"

Jon laughed. "You would love a jealous man? I can be just as bad as you, you know. Remember when you got to be a ranger, and I didn't?"

That was true, and you chuckled at the memory. "Gods, you're right, Snow. You had on the most sullen look I've ever seen when you watched me and Grenn ride off for the first time."

"And that was me trying to hide it."

Jon Snow took you in his arms again, smiling now, and kissed your brow. When you buried your face in his shoulder, he smelled of linen, and smoke, and something that was just him. Familiar, safe, and gentle.

"Stay with me tonight. I want to hold you." His whisper fluttered over your ear, tone almost desperate, almost yearning. Your heart skipped about ten beats at once, and you shuddered. He's going to be the death of me, you thought, pulling back to look in those deep, dark eyes. He is going to be the death of me, and I don't mind at all. Gently, you pressed his shoulder, pushing him down to lie on his back, with you settled in the pocket of his arm.

He held you, and you held him, and for the first time in many days, you slept comfortably.

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