Sometimes I Realise I Can Just Make Whatever Characters I Want. Whenever

Sometimes I Realise I Can Just Make Whatever Characters I Want. Whenever

sometimes i realise i can just make whatever characters i want. whenever

More Posts from Rumograph and Others

1 month ago
New Character That Is. Around Five Seconds Away From Ripping Someone To Pieces

new character that is. around five seconds away from ripping someone to pieces


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2 months ago

maybe today will be the day i decide to start listening to it again. maybe

this year i will start listening to the magnus archives again and. actually finish it. maybe


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2 weeks ago

they were right btw. you have to dig yourself out of your grave over and over again


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4 months ago
People don't understand what I mean when I say that I've died a million times. I'm in a train and in each carriage is a dead child. They are dragged off the train, one by one, and I can do nothing but watch. It's hard to tell a dead child from a living one sometimes. I get off at Camden and think about what casket they'll sleep in tonight. 

When I get out of the train station, my mind is full of nothing but the dead. I think about the suicide pacts I made with my ex. I call her on the phone, say it's been a year since I last touched a blade. I spend the next morning prying the blood out of my fingernails. I revise the ways I'll die over and over. Three bullets in my throat, one for each child I missed. I light another cigarette. 

I stumble through the market like I can't see two steps in front of me - in many ways, I can't. I spend too long looking at the wrong things, trailing my hands across the painting of Bowie, buying orange juice instead of the record I want, walking across the rainbow crossings over and over; there is a dead child in me and London makes him sick. His body hangs limp in every window I pass; you learn to deal with it, eventually.
Every twelve steps you take are someone's last. I stay at the Lockside until I'm gagging on my words and I can't feel the rain on my back. I taste it on every breath; I am dead in ways people don't understand and I will die in ways they wish they couldn't. Outside there are bodies floating in the river and only the ones already standing with one leg over see them. I stay inside for another hour or two.   

On the way home, all I can hear is screaming. I've always hated the underground. The screeching dies before it can reach me and all that hits me is the sobbing behind it. The underground is a burial the same way the road is a cemetery. There is nothing in the windows but my reflection slumped and rotting in the seats across from me. I wish I could find it in myself to mourn but you can only die so many times and still feel something towards it.

camden market '07 [13.01.2025]

(first piece of writing of the year !)


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rumograph - is rumo real ?
is rumo real ?

the underground is a burial the same way the road is a cemetery

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