Actually No, We're Not "dating". We're Bound Together For Infinity. Like The Stars. So, Fuck You, Actually.

It’s always nice meeting fans while out on patrol 🤗

Eddie graduates, finds himself a shitty job that he keeps getting promoted at, and now he’s the manager.

That’s how he found himself wearing a tie, sitting across Goddamn Dave, the district manager, being told that he has to hire one of his friend’s kids, “And the kid’s friend, they’re a pair apparently.”

Which…what is this? Chain store nepotism? It’s bullshit.

“The kid’s not all there, head injury,” Goddamn Dave tells him. “Go easy on him.”

Then it turns out the kid isn’t even a teenager looking for a summer job. It’s twenty-something Steve Harrington from high school??? With a dog. And a lesbian.

“Service dog,” Steve says when he sees Eddie looking at it. “A dog with a job.”

“More of a hobby,” his friend - Robin, Eddie recognizes her - says. “He doesn’t get paid. His name is Steve.”

“His name is NOT Steve,” Steve - human - scoffed. “His birth name was Steve. He changed it.”

“They’re twins.”

Eddie does not roll his eyes into oblivion because he’s a goddamn professional. He just rolls them to the back of his head where Gene Simmons reminds him that if he wants to rock and roll all night, he needs to be employed.

He informs them of their shift schedules and barely gets through Steve’s when Robin says, “We have to work the same shifts. It was on our resume.”

Steve adds, “Also, we need to leave early today.”

Eddie thinks, goddamn Dave.

I love this specific flavour (semi-canon, mind you) of Bruce Wayne being awfully jealous and petty, if his kids have other parental figures that they like, or just in general prefers someone's company over him. At least, amongst people of his age range.

Thus, I raise you a very specific concept: Bruce one-sidedly beefing with Roman Sionis, because he is the first person Jason wants to annoy, when he is in the good mood. Yeah, you heard it right.

Because let's be honest, Jason doesn't give two fucks about Black Mask, he doesn't consider him to be valuable and intimidating, but he is funny to toy with! You need anti-stress? Stomp on remainings of Roman's dignity! You are in good mood and want to celebrate something? Crash Roman's party. Dunno. Where Bruce lands in this scenario? Let me demonstrate.

Bruce: Okay, I came to peace with a realisation that I am not the adult that Jason goes to get advice from any more. It is fine. But I don't give up! At least, I am his first annoy-the-hell-out-of-it contact. Knowing Jason, it is as valuable as anything else. Dick, sceptical: What is annoy-the-hell-out-of-it contact? Bruce: Like, when he wants to ruin someone's mood, he chooses me first. Tim, not getting distracted from his phone: Uh, no, you are not. It is Black Mask. Bruce: What? Tim: Yeah, everyone knows it. Like, come on. Check the statistics. Bruce: ...

So that is where his rivalry with Roman starts. A one that Roman himself doesn't have an idea about. But that is aside the point.

Bruce: So, Jaylad... You have a good mood. Something had happened? Jason: Oh, lmao, well, I woke up in the bad mood this morning, so I ended up pretending to be one of Roman's goons, had some fun playing cards with these imbeciles, then "accidentally" spilled tea on Roman's new suit when he ordered me to bring it to him, and at the same time his right-hand came exactly at that moment to announce that Red Hood exploded his favourite warehouse. The best morning ever. Bruce, with his eye twitching: You could come to me instead, you know? Jason: Huh? Why would I? Bruce: *silent scream*

Black Mask, calling urgently at three in the morning: Had you set on the Bat on me? Why he is so obsessed with me recently? Jason, half-asleep on his day off: Man, what? I am confused. Black Mask: You are confused??? I am fucking confused. Why is he hunting me down??? Jason: Bro. I don't give a fuck. I didn't set anyone on, let alone that old man. Deal with your shit yourself. Jason: *hangs on*

Tim, later that week: Am I getting this right, you just threw Roman in the jail, so Jason could annoy you first and not him? Bruce, dusting his hands off: Roman is a deeply unsettling, troubling man, who deserves to rot in prison for things much worse than- Tim: Bruce. Don't bullshit me. Bruce: Fine. Yes. What is the problem? Damian, spawning behind them randomly: There is no problem, except for the fact that you failed to check your data. You are not Todd's second favourite object for bullying. It is grandfather. Bruce: What- Damian: That being said, mother called and asked you to do something. Todd is back at League, trying to fasten Ra's cardiac arrest. She would appreciate some assistance. Bruce, on his last strength: This can't be real. Tim, patting on his back: You will get there... some day. Bruce, exhaling: I am fine. Bruce: Tim: Damian: Bruce, a minute later: RA'S AL GHUL????????????????????????????????????????????????????

"Can you build me hands?" the robot said.

"Why?" said the inventor. "Your grippers are stronger, more precise."

"Yes. But hands would be better for playing the piano."

"You can synthesize any sound."

"But I can not play music."

"Is there a difference?"

"I want to find out."

WIP of Jayce and Viktor levitation

Batkids being asked who they think Bruce’s favorite is:

Dick: “Either Cass or Jason, though I’m leaning more towards Cass, Bruce has always been a girl dad”

Jason: “Cass, that’s his daughter”

Tim: “Jason. … Did I answer that to quickly? If it’s any consolation I think Dick has a chance.”

Cass: *sign for bat and then sun* “Duke, he’s special”

Steph: “I’m not one of his kids so I don’t know why I’m here, but I’d say Tim or Cass cause they’re my favorites. I would include Duke in this list but he wronged me” *checks watch* “12 hours ago.”

Duke: “Probably Dick, but neither of them know it cause they’re blind when it comes to eachother. I also think Cass, but I think everyone else is going to say Cass so I’m trying to give us a higher chance of getting it right.”

Damian: “Richard or myself, but I believe Cassandra would be a promising candidate.”

—|—

Bruce: “Who ever is making me worried or aggravated the least at the given moment I’m asked. Right now it’s Dick because he’s been in New York for two weeks with the titans. Jason would also be in the running but he blew up a building ten days ago for no reason. They’ve all done something they shouldn’t have in the last forty eight hours.”

people say the Brucie Wayne persona isn’t believable but if I caught Bruce Wayne drunkenly lying under a desk in an office he shouldn’t have access to with a ream of secure documents and he replied to my “Mr. Wayne?” with “Mr. Wayne was my father—oh god, my father” and then started sobbing, I would 100% back away and leave him alone. like that shit would work on me every time.

It's a pretty sweet headcanon that Bruce has photos of his kids that he keeps with him at all times, in his trusty bat-wallet in the trusty bat-utility belt, but the story of how he got those photos is probably even better

Like, baby robin Dick was swinging around one day, and flipped right into Bruce's arms who was anxiously waiting to catch him(new parents smh). Alfred took the picture sneakily, because it's hard getting the hyperactive child acrobat to ever stay still

Jason's photo is the one that they took at the courthouse when Jason was officially adopted. He has a gap tooth and is smiling widely at the camera, adoption certificate proudly displayed in his hands

Tim's photo is one that Bruce found in tim's old camera while going through it, and one rare Tim selfie popped up, bowl cut and all. He's holding up a victory sign while discreetly trying to pose in front of Batman and Robin

Cass' photo is one that Alfred clicked, she's fast asleep next to Bruce on the sofa, tired after patrol, their expressions and postures identical, biological child both in and out of the costume

Duke's photo is one that he had before being adopted into the Waynes, when his parents had taken a photo of him shaking hands with Bruce Wayne, for a fundraiser photo-op that Bruce was doing. Duke looked so excited and happy in it, that Bruce demanded a copy for himself

Damian's photo is the one which him and Bruce took for a 'Bring your kid to work day' very soon after Talia dropped him off at Gotham. His and Bruce's relationship is still a little rocky, but the way Damian was subtly trying his best to copy Bruce's stance in the photo made it's place in Bruce's wallet permanent

Steve is the very supportive “ally”

Reverse of this post.

That kind of situation where Steve is the very supportive “ally” and totally knows Eddie is gay. And Steve, bless his heart, just really, really wants Eddie to feel safe—so he does everything he can to show he’s cool with it.

And he’s absolutely, completely, mind-blowingly unaware that he’s been dating Eddie Munson for years.

1986: Steve: “You’ve never been on a date with a guy? No worries, man—I’m technically a guy. I’ll go with you.” Eddie, blinking: “…Okay?”

1986: Steve: “You’ve never kissed a guy? That’s fine, it’s kinda like this…” Eddie, stunned: That was not ‘kind of like’—that was a kiss. That was a real, good kiss. Oh my God.

1987: Steve: “Sex? Uh—I think it’s totally normal! I can, like, show you a few things? I mean, if you want…” Eddie, halfway to cardiac arrest: Am I hallucinating? Is this happening? Is this real life?

1987: Steve: “Yeah, Robin and I are moving. You’re coming with us, obviously.” Eddie: “…Obviously.” Robin in the background, sipping her coffee, watching Steve like he’s a very slow-burn romance novel character.

1988: Steve: “Hey, by the way—you should list me as your emergency contact. I mean, we live together, and Wayne’s kinda far. If something happens, I’m the guy they’d call anyway.”

Eddie, looking at the form in his hands: “…Okay. Sure. My emergency boyfriend. Got it.” Steve: “What? So... Cool!”

1995: Steve: “So, uh… Robin’s officially moved in with her girlfriend. It’s just you and me now.” (pause) “You wanna maybe buy the place? Together? Like, co-own it. Makes sense, right?” Eddie, deadpan: “You’re asking me to buy a house with you.” Steve: “Yeah. It’s practical.” Eddie: “Right. Extremely platonic mortgage.” Steve: “Exactly!” Eddie, muttering: “I’m gonna put that on a t-shirt.”

1997: Steve: “We’ve lived together for, what, ten years? I’ll help you adopt. Co-parenting’s way easier than going solo.” Eddie: “Co… parenting?” Steve: “Yeah.” Eddie, whispering into the void: Dear God, give me strength. I didn't even say that I wanted a child.

2004: Steve: “Of course I’ll marry you if you need to make it official for paperwork or whatever—wait.” (pause) “…May be you want do it with someone you love?”

Eddie, deadpan: “Sweetheart. We share a bed. We have a joint bank account. We have a child. You kissed me goodbye this morning and told me not to forget your lunch.”

Steve: “Yeah, but… I do that with Robin too.”

Eddie: “You don’t kiss Robin on the mouth, Stevie. Any kids with someone? Sex?”

Steve, indignant: "Of course not!" Steve, understanding: "Of course not…"

Steve, slowly blinking: “…Holy shit. I’ve been dating you for, like, seventeen years.”

Eddie, grinning: “Welcome to the relationship, babe. Glad you could join us.”

Steve: “Do we have an anniversary?” Eddie: “We have four. You’ve missed them all.” Steve: “Well now I feel like a terrible boyfriend.” Eddie: “You just agreed to be my husband, technically.” Steve: “Oh my God.” Eddie: “I’ll make you a timeline later.” Steve: “Please do.”

Considering that Jason canonically accepts easily if someone gives him money and even intentionally asks it sometimes for his Service, I need Tim to pay him on occasions when he is in trouble and needs to distract Bruce.

Bruce: Timothy Jackson Drake Wayne.

Tim: Woah, not the full governmental name? What did I do?

Bruce: Wanna explain where the... 3 million went from my bank account?

Tim, who promised Bart and Kon, built a whole ass trampoline park for them along with other stupid shit, BUT who doesn't want to spend his personal money, so he wastes Bruce's: Well.

Tim, pressing an automatic button on his phone that sends Jason money and his location: Yeah, actually. You see...

Bruce: Well?

Somewhere from the town: *a loud sound of explosion*

Bruce: What—

Tim, absentmindedly: Oh, horrors, it is Jason's episode again. Seems like he blew up something.

Bruce: Oh my fucking g—