Sit Your A$$ Down And Study. Because One Day, When It’s Over, And You’ve Won, You’ll Know U Did

i hate to toot my own horn (**honks horn**), but this is important

Life Lately

 I turned 18 in October last year. I graduated high school this June and I’m starting college on September.

I didn’t get to apply to my dream school in the city. My parents think that I will prioritize going to rallies and mobs instead of focusing on my studies. They’re not confident that they would be able to support me too.

Two days before my high school graduation, I received emails from two universities. One from a private university in my mom’s home province, where I wanted to take legal management on, and one from a state university where I will be taking a course where I do not really see myself in.

Some of my friends are going to take the program they’re interested in. Some of them will move to different cities and pursue the program they want, start a new life. I want what they have. I wish I could be in better circumstances but I know I have no choice but deal with the cards I was given.

Lately, my life feels stagnant. I have been pressuring myself too much, which I know is not good, but I don’t know what to do. I feel like the world is moving too fast and I could not catch up. Like I’m falling behind.

I also have a lot of worries lately. I failed a test on a job I was applying for. I was looking forward to get in because it will help financially. I know that I’m incoming freshman but I want to start saving up for the future.

With everything I’m feeling, I should learn how to take it easy. I should not be worrying. I’m young, I have a lot of time. I know I shouldn’t use my present worrying too much about adulting and the future. But at some point, I feel like I’m too old to be wasting time. 

still thinking about how mack and will excitedly counted down to say each others names for who their emergency contacts would be, and how the rest of the team proceeded to say it’d essentially be anybody but them.

“do not fall in love with people like me. i will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. i will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. and when i leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.”

— caitlyn siehl

jack’s first concert was Lady Gaga’s ???

“Being must be felt. It can’t be thought.”

—

Don’t forget that you are human. It’s okay to have a meltdown, just don’t unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you’re headed.

— a lovely kind thing

i think we’re all guilty of hurting someone that we used to care about. but nothing lasts forever, not even the bad. i can’t sit here in forever and keep apologizing for things that i am no longer capable of feeling or doing. i think it’s a growing up thing. i think it’s a you didn’t know yourself thing. i think it’s a she didn’t know where to find love thing. i think it’s a he didn’t have time to make her happy thing. i think it’s a selfish thing, i think it’s a we’ve become too dependent on this drug called love thing. i can’t spend my days in eternal anguish because of the things that i’m no longer capable of doing or feeling. words come easy if they mean nothing, so i’ve been saying less and listening more. i wish i would’ve done that when you were still around. hearts wear and tear too, just like a smile that is too unbearably heavy to keep up everytime we’re asked if we’ve been okay. darling, i’ve seen better. we all love a good ending, but the reality of things is it doesn’t always end well. that’s expectations and assumptions, swallow up your pride and say you’re sorry. if you hurt the right person, you’ll spend the rest of your life picking up the pieces because how you love someone is just an extension of how you’d love yourself. i think that’s the secret. to love someone properly, to remember when you first met this person and how anxious you were about making a good first impression. how did we get here? i think it’s an addiction kind of thing. i think it’s a silly habit sort of thing. to want to love, but to not know what to do when it’s crying right in front of your face and you’re telling them to stop because it’s all that they do. i think it’s a i never listened type thing. so i’ve been listening to my future lovers and i’ve been imagining that every time i open my arms and pull them in, that every tear drop i’ve dried on my shoulders— every single apology being accepted kind of thing. my way to love right and grow better kind of thing. here’s to the lovers out there whose hurting that one person they’re going to regret forever kind of sentence, just listen to them and be quiet every now and again. it’ll do wonders.