The Moment My Boss At Cinnaholic Gets Tired Of Having An Actual Useful Employee, Y’all Get The Entire

Brawn, Brains, and Baby

He sure is something

back by popular demand, my persona thoughts the squeakquel

He is not inmune to big-cute-goofy-ass goat men 😦

A zoologist is taken by aliens and told to give a presentation on the animals of Earth. Turns out, Earth animals are absolutely mortifying.

Silly LimLife things

Originals under the cut!

Here you go :)

The lovely power response to “I fucked ya girl.”

“I’ve been in a homosexual relationship with your father for longer than you’ve existed.”

shipping soriel and kingdings concurrently is the funniest thing you could do

My Stoutland was my first Pokémon. I found him abandoned behind the snack shack at a pool near where I lived, and he just started following me around.

He was already chipped when I finally got the allowance to catch him, but he’d been abandoned for about half a year by that point, so we never looked into it too deep.

Aight, I want to ask something to Rotomblr 'cause I'm actually curious.

How many of y'all had an actual, Prof-given starter, and how many just... got a random wild one?

save a horse, ride a Lynel.

I’ve been playing Cassette Beasts for the last few days, and I really gotta say…

Eugene, buddy… stop being so charming and stupid. You’ve got no thoughts, and so much energy, but you also don’t know what you’re doing… just let your big friend strategize while you continue to use big words incorrectly.

This is a sequel to this post: https://www.tumblr.com/dreemurr00/704943450815070208/writing-prompt-s-youre-a-supervillain-and-you

I didn’t think that I’d be doing a part two, but this has become genuinely enjoyable to write for… I might do art about it, but that’ll be if I actually make a call and finish a project for once in my gay little life.

— — — — — — — —

The man in the button down shirt and the woman in the floral dress stare at each other for a good moment before the man speaks in a firm, almost aggressive tone.

“Use me instead.”

The woman is taken aback, her vibrant orange hair flowing unnaturally like though she’s floating in water as she replies. “I- I can’t do that! I don’t like her being put in these situations anymore than you do, mister Kio, but I can’t just-“

“I didn’t stutter Flower Queen, or whatever the hell I’m supposed to respect you as. I refuse to let my baby girl go out and risk her life any more than she has already. Put me in whatever frilly pink uniform you need, I don’t care, but we’re getting my daughter off of the celestial battlefield.” Robin Kio says, his face unwavering.

The flower goddess can’t help but smile as she sees so much of her newest acolyte and guardian in her father. Stubborn to a fault, and unimposing in stature, but willing to do anything to protect what they care about… the goddess sighs before shaking her head, the smile never leaving her face. “Alright then, Robin… I can try to figure this out, but I can’t guarantee that your daughter won’t still be within the Magical World.”

“Good… so long as I can keep her from danger, even if I just join the fray that she can’t leave, that will be enough.”

— — — — Days Later — — — —

Robin Kio feels cold as he rises from his bed, the air seeming devoid of the unusual life and luster that had taken hold after Amanda was coerced into the Flower Goddess’s grasp.

He goes about his day as he usually would, taking his baby girl to school and reminding her how proud he is to have such a smart, kind, and strong eight year-old under his wing.

On the drive home, Robin notices things in the corners of his vision that he’d never taken the time to see. The way the leaves curve upward towards the slowly falling rain. The way the dogs at the park bound around, leaving dents in the sand where their paws once stood. The way vines of darkness creep out from the shadow of a man walking down the side of the road… Robin commits the man’s face to memory… just in case it comes up later.

After parking his car and entering his home, Robin is greeted not by his usual cozy suburban house, but by a wild mess of torn apart furniture and a pair of big cats snarling at each other in the living room. One of which is a Lynx with patchwork markings of pink and baby-blue along her sliver coat that he recognizes as his daughter’s favorite stuffed animal, Miss Claws. The other big car is unfamiliar, a Lion with silver fur like Miss Claws’ and stitch markings along its spine, though through snarls Robin can make out snippets of a conversation between the two cats.

“I told you, Claws! I don’t know who Lilith sent me to pair with, but she said to come to this house!”

“HA! A likely story! Even a brute like you should know I’m not dumb enough to not know that you’re trying to steal Amanda away to be your partner!”

“Please, I swear I-“

Listening to the conversation, Robin slowly and carefully moves to grab the bat he has mounted on the wall from his baseball days in college… he hasn’t gotten a chance to swing the thing around in a while, but he still knows how to if it comes down to it…

Upon hearing that the lion was sent by the flower goddess, Robin tenses a little before hearing the panic in the larger cat’s voice… why would he be so scared if he was lying like that?

Taking a step forward, keeping the metal slugger at the ready, Robin speaks in a clear voice, overcome with a forced calm. “Which one of you two decided to have your scrap in the middle of my living room. I know the couch was old and kind of ugly, but you didn’t need to shred it.”

Both of the cats look over at Robin as he makes his presence known, and the lion’s eyes instantly light up, his tail raising curiously. Miss Claws rolls her eyes before looking way from both the lion and Robin, speaking with a sharpness in her tone that the man had only heard a few times. “This brute decided to enter the domain I protect. I cannot be blamed for trying to usher him away with due haste.”

“You can, however, be blamed for ruining my furniture and failing to hear him out,” Robin snaps back, the bat in his hands slowly lowering. “Anyway, lion, I think you were sent for me. That flower goddess said she’d try to figure out a way for me to help my daughter to get out of the life threatening danger she’s constantly in… I assume that you’re the solution?”

The lion stands up a little taller, feeling a small inflation in his pride at the mention of his purpose. “Yes sir, I am… there’s no really cozy way to tell you this, but you’re going to be a magical girl from now on.”

Robin gives a small sigh and a nod before approaching closer. “Okay… so can I assume all the same rules apply as do with Amanda and Miss Claws? You shrink down into a little stuffed animal that I carry around with me, and when the going gets tough, you grow again and we do a little dance to put me into frills?”

the lion nods and smiles as the human he’s been paired with seems to catch on fast. “Indeed, sir! Now all that’s left is to give me a name, and the pact will be sealed. I will grant you the strength to achieve your goals, and in exchange, you will help squish evil in the world.”

Robin nods, and Miss Claws can’t help but hold a small look of horror on her face. The man speaks, brushing his hair out of his face before officially signing his contract. “Alright then… I suppose this is an alright agreement… Bernard.”

— — — — — — — —

When you discovered your daughter was a magical girl, you angrily confronted her patron. However, you were surprised to see that they also did not like the fact that your daughter was a magical girl but unfortunately, she was literally the only option they had.