This Too Shall Pass But Like Holy Fuck

TW for SA and R*pe

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

call me crazy but i think nightly hypnotherapy might actually be helping?? like i notice i just wake up sm more pleasant when i do it vs when i don’t?? do i actually go find a real hypnotherapist now??

i say this shit and literally a day later am doing not very well at all. god i hate the constant shifts and mood swings

it’s 5am and i’m listening to the birds chirping, i hear my breath, and the soft indie music that always is coming from my phone. i note that there is pink in the sunrise this morning and that i do not dread the day ahead of me like i have for my entire life.

the work is noticeable sometimes, proper therapy and medication pays off.

‘Prowling Cats’ by Tim Southall

You gave up on me Michael. A naive part of me still believes you’re a short drive away, because I can’t believe you’d just leave without saying goodbye.

strawberry smoke, watching hockey, reading good books, ice skating, the best dessert i’ve ever had in my entire life- life is so wonderful with him <3

literally just want to die so for once my brain could SHUT THE FUCK UP

i fear humans like a street dog. rejection after rejection, hurt after hurt, it all gets too much for my already crowded mind.

dez told me to try to put myself out there again in some way or another. and i have, i am trying. not very hard granted; i still am in this safe haven of social isolation and overworking myself in school.

but i have found someone that has proven that strangers can be kind, pure even, and is trying to steer my western brain back towards the light of the east again. he will never know the true weight of the words he writes with, and how i await responses with my tail thwapping against my bed. teeth smiling, not bared.

there is a single person on the face of this earth who would understand my pain, but yet they caused me so much other pain??

how that can be, i don’t know. thats the point with irrational thoughts i guess. they never make sense.

having a personality disorder is so ridiculous. like girl the abandonment hasn’t happened just yet, CHILL OUT !!!