God Am I Ever Not Going To Get The Short End Of The Stick In Like Every Scenario In My Life? Really.

Yes I know I look super unattractive. Too skinny, fucked up face.

Feeling down and want to go disappear but think everyone would honestly do better without me around. Maybe Jacob would actually try for someone else

Sucks not having a car soon

Nov 21 19

Again not so great last few days. Just bullshit after bullshit like usual lately. Been trying to get my check cashed for 2 weeks now and now just got my next check which I could really use the money from them. Everytime I've asked for a ride to get my ID shit done Barb has just ignored me. Then yesterday I asked and she bailed on me and today asked again and she says "wow I wanted a stress free day". So I replied saying nevermind then, her reply was "well it's not a no". Which have no idea how that doesn't imply no. I just didn't reply, I'll just walk to King's and hopefully this time they just let me cash it. I do not want to have to wait through the weekend to try to attempt next week getting my ID or it cashed. Thanksgiving is next Thursday and want it done before Monday so can get everything done before we go to Jacob's parents. But think it'll be unlikely and probably have to wait till we go up to their place to do it. Idk why his Aunt has been this way lately. Just very not ok attitude towards us i guess best way to say is passive aggressive? Hmmm not sure how to explain. But you can feel some sort of tension. Think she's harboring anger from what happened the day with the fire, because we weren't caring about dumbass being supposedly "hurt". And that made us "inhuman" to her? And that we were pissed off about what he'd done. She let that slip out then immediately changed what she was saying instead of letting us confront that. Like a couple weeks ago everything was really good here and with her. Then I started my job and we weren't hanging out as much really with her and then idk. Now she's this way and don't want to be around her at all. She obvi thinks we are some kond of terrible by thinking we'd somehow try to get paid from the fire situation. Really have no idea why????? Sick of her switching up on us like this. Liking us and us all being close and shit to everything we let her know about us is turned against us and somehow we've shown that we are bad. Idk???? I'm assuming again but that's the feels I get about it all. Just don't like this weird uncomfortable feeling. I feel this way here and same way at work. I need somewhere that's just ok. I mean our room but ya know not in her house. Just want things to go back to good and not shady. Feel played everytime this happens. Like we are bffs then somehow it all changes and whatever tiny trust she felt in us flys out the window and has douchbags back n believes whatever he says, does whatever he wants. But we can never get any trust to take the car down the street or anything. Even when were good. And we treat her so well like a homie and have her back, help her out whenever. Don't do anything to not be trusted. Ever. Fucked up... But this is how it always goes

I hope I get the days off next week to go to Jacob's parents. No i will get them off. Because if i don't I'm going to be so livid. And it'll be very very hard not to walk out of there. Just need Wed-Sat off. Thursday is Thanksgiving. So don't think Wed-Fri-Sat will be very busy at all! Gosh please please please. Need a break. Want to go see his parents SO bad. If we don't then get to spend Thanksgiving in this shit hole and no not okay. We missed out last year won't do it again. I need things to please turn around into good. And I myself need to stop being so hateful and mean like this really. I feel so overwhelmed and stuffy I wanna feel okay.

Dec 13

I can honestly say that I'm not doing good. My head has been very stuffed with stress of "home". About 92% of my stress & anxiety really. I'm just very very very freaked out, this has brought back feelings of exactly what we went through last year around Thanksgiving. & scares the absolute shit out of me. I never ever want to be in that situation where next thing i know I'm homeless. Really the worst feeling EVER. So I've been fixating on it all and making myself more paranoid and terrified. I just want to feel better. Then the other 8% is filled with my thoughts & paranoia about everyone in my life truthfully disliking me & just being lied to about it. I can't get any of these out of my head they bother me so much it keeps me up at night.

I don't know me anymore, not even where I'll be in the next couple of weeks and i hate how unstable my home/social lives feel. Idk what to do.

Hunter in the Rain

autumn bridge

So jelly, wish I had the skill to create this! Hopefully someday.

Had to share this @WeHeartIt

Scooby Doo Zombie Island

One of my all time favorite movies, some screenshots of the zombies. Excuse the captions.