when someone asks what's wrong but i can't form a response because i can't just say "it's just the way my brain is"
there is barely anything as attractive as self harm scars
Does anyone else feel like theyβre just waiting for a good enough reason to kill? Like, youβre anticipating the moment someone does something so evil that finally warrants their death and no one will give you shit for it because they all collectively agree that they deserved it?
As someone officially diagnosed with aspd.
I don't get the problem people have with self diagnosers.
Aspd on record means if go to jail get a worse sentence.
Aspd on record means many therapist in their ableism will refuse to help with any problem.
I knew i had no guilt or shame or affective empathy or feelings of compassion from earliest memories. I didn't suddenly lose those feelings when i got diagnosed.
And there is genetic evidence for aspd.
And there are psychologists that view it more like a neurodevelopmental disorder.
"Well the dsm 5"...was written by people who used studies only on prisoners for their results so it became more action focused over internal as a way to reinforce the prisoner claim.
And it's a work in progress authority...that you are blindly obeying and believing? Now that's a trait that doesn't fit aspd.
Reflect on actual symptoms like problems with boredom. Lower, missing, or weirdly selective care for feelings of compassion, affective empathy, guilt, shame, care. Things viewed differently for you then norm. Urges. Response to things. Having rules need to be explained to make sense and not just accepted in their own right. Etc.
Knowing a spectrum and if fit enough, fit enough.
And then if fit do the best to use how different for best way forward. Like i use my selfishness for long term prisoners dilema as a motivation for me to do good. I turned my high anger into motivation. I found beauty in various things as an alleviation for boredom. Etc.
Tl;dr those "with aspd" trying to fake claim others cause no official diagnoses...are the ones most likely to not have aspd.
Ignoring the call of mania should be considered a full time job because it is SO hard to willingly choose to sit in depression instead of doing whatever wild and risky thing my "manic brain" says will solve all my issues
nah she reaaal