Time For Bed

time for bed

PSA:

If you, as a Neurotypical Able-Bodied Person: -befriend a disabled person. -take a disabled person out on a date. -vote a disabled person for prom/homecoming king/queen. -are someone who works in a field of safety, such as cops or firefighters, and you help a disabled person. -Teach disabled people. -Raise disabled people. -Work with disabled people. -Are an employer and you give a disabled person a job.

You’re not a hero. You’re not special. You’re not a saint. You’re a person being kind. Unless it’s done out of pity or for fame, in which case, screw you.

That kind of rhetoric further dehumanizes disabled people like myself because it’s saying that only a certain special few can be decent to disabled people, which may perpetuate the idea that NTABs who are assholes can treat us like shit because “they’re not one of the special ones that can be nice to them.”

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

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purple-37-bird

7 years ago

<3 <3 <3

Final Fantasy XV

Prompto + running to his friends’ sides (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Bonus:

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purple-37-bird

8 years ago

Clint: So note to self, then. For the next life: Screw everybody. Oh who am I fooling? Take my hand! Take it!

Ninja: Never.

Clint: I don’t want a next life. I just want a nap.

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purple-37-bird

7 years ago

God-damn crucial.

This may just be my experience as an autistic person, but the kids I’ve nannied whose parent’s complain of ‘bad awful in cooperative selfish autistic behavior’ are… Not like that? At all?

Like, for example, I cared for a kid for a while who was nonverbal and didn’t like being touched. Around six years old? Their parent said that they were fussy and had a strict schedule, and that they had problems getting them to eat. Their last few nannies had quit out of frustration.

So, I showed up. And for the first little while, it was awkward. The kid didn’t know me, I didn’t know them, you know how it is. And for the first… Day and a half, maybe? I fucked up a few times.

I changed their diaper and they screamed at me. I put the TV off and they threw things. Not fun, but regular upset kid stuff.

Next time, I figured, hell, I wouldn’t like being manhandled and ordered around either. Who likes being physically lifted out of whatever it is they’re doing and having their pants yanked off? Fucking few, that’s who.

Next time, I go, ‘hey, kiddo. You need a new diaper?’ and check. ‘I’m gonna go grab a new one and get you clean, okay?’ ‘Wanna find a spot to lay down?’ 'Alright, almost done. Awesome job, thanks buddy’.

I learned stuff about them. They liked a heads up before I did anything disruptive. They didn’t mind that I rattled of about nothing all day. They didn’t like grass or plastic touching their back. They were okay with carpets and towels. They liked pictionary, and the color yellow, and fish crackers, and painting. They didn’t look me in the face (which was never an issue- I hate that too, it fucking sucks) but I never had reason to believe that they were ignoring me.

Once I learned what I was doing wrong, everything was fine. Did they magically “”“become normal”“” and start talking and laughing and hugging? No, but we had fun and had a good time and found a compromise between what I was comfortable with and what they were comfortable with. (For the record, I didn’t magically sailor-moon transform into a socially adept individual, either. In case anyone was wondering.)

I don’t like eye contact. It’s distracting and painful and stresses me out.

They didn’t like eye contact either.

Is eye contact necessary to communication? No. So we just didn’t do it.

Was there ever a situation where I HAD to force them to drop everything and lay down on the lawn? No. So the thirty second warning came into play, and nobody died.

“But they never talked!”

No, they didn’t. And they didn’t know ASL, and they didn’t like being touched.

So you know what happened?

My third day in, they tugged on my shirt. 'Hey monkey, what’s up?’ I asked. And they tugged me towards the kitchen. 'oh, cool. You hungry?’. They raised their hands in an 'up’ gesture. 'you want up? Cool.’ and I lifted them up. They pointed to the fridge. I opened it. They grabbed a juice box out of the top shelf, and pushed the door closed again. 'oh sweet, grape is the best. You are an individual of refined taste.’ I put them down and they went back to their room to play Legos.

“But they didn’t say please or thank you!” “But you should be teaching them communication skills!” “But!” Lalalalala.

1. The entire interaction was entirely considerate and polite. I was never made uncomfortable. I was made aware of the problem so that I could help them solve it. There was no mess, no tears, no bruises, no shouting.

2. Did my brain collapse into a thousand million fragments of shattered diamond dust out of sheer incomprehension? No? Then their communication skills were fine. Goal realized, solution found, objective complete. They found the most simple and painless way to communicate the situation and then did it.

Kids are not stupid. AUTISTIC kids are not stupid.

I’m willing to bet real cash money that the real reason the last few nannies had quit had a million times more to do with their own ability to cope, not the kid’s.

To this day, that was the most relaxed and enjoyable job I’ve ever had.

And I know I don’t speak for everyone. All kids are different. All adults are different. But in my time and experience, pretty much 95% of all my difficulties with children come from ME not being understanding enough. Every single “problem child” I’ve worked with turned out to be a pretty cool person once I started figuring out how to put my ego aside and let them set the pace.

Again, not speaking universally, here. I’m just saying. Sometimes social rules are bullshit, you know? People are people

Quick necessary update on my profile picture:

This picture is from the "knuckles sings" video from the YouTuber Gregzilla, which is where the meme originated from. I don't want to support the Ugandan Knuckles meme because from what I can tell it's racist -- the accent is bad enough, but I've also read that the clicking noises are actually making fun of click-based languages from Africa. I'm white and not an expert, but it seems off to me and I would much rather err on the side of being careful than let my picture sit and possibly hurt people.

However, I think the skin itself is fucking hilarious so if you, like me, want an offense-free way to enjoy this meme go watch the original video that's linked first. Stay safe and be good people everyone!

(p.s. If I find out that the image itself is too connected to racism then I'll take it down. It's just not worth it to hurt people guys.)

Punishment for stimming is BAD.

I don't care if my blog's not popular, if this post reaches one person it'll be one more person helped. I just had a college class in abnormal psychology where the professor taught us that punishment is a workable and useful therapy to "treat" autistic symptoms such as head-banging, biting etc. What he neglected to tell the class is that those behaviors are forms of self-stimulation (aka stimming) which is necessary for most people with autism to regulate their sensory systems. Specifically the above destructive behaviors are forms of overload stimming, in which the person will turn to types of self-stimulation that blocks out whatever is causing them distress in their environment. For example, head-banging and biting cause pain and so the body is forced to process that instead of what's outside, temporarily interfering with their perception of the world to give them a reprieve. To clarify: this behavior isn't good, it's dangerous. The solution is to replace the overload stims with healthier ones, let them remove themself from the situation, and give them coping mechanisms and plans so that next time they don't have to get to overload levels of upset.

The solution is NOT to punish them for overload stimming. They are not exhibiting bad behavior, they are trying desperately to do what their body needs them to do. If you punish them and they stop overload stimming in response, it's not successful learning: it's abuse. They are not stopping because they 'see the error in their ways,' they are stopping because they are afraid of what you will do to them. All punishment works like that, but it is called for when the person does something wrong, not when they are working to do what their body needs because there is nothing wrong with that.

By the way, this is true for non-destructive types of stimming as well. Preventing any kind of stimming is abuse because it prevents people with autism's bodies from working as they should. Instead stimming needs to be accommodated and respected or, if it absolutely must be stopped, immediately replaced with an equally effective option.

To recap: punishment is designed to stop bad behavior. Stimming is not bad behavior because it is an action that people with autism need to do to regulate their sensory systems. It is abuse to punish someone without cause. Therefore it is abuse to punish someone for stimming. Instead find non-destructive stims and solutions that solve the problem without the damaging consequences.

*p.s. if someone is overload stimming they're already really upset. don't make it worse. it's common sense and so easy to do if you care about that person.*

Time For Bed

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PSA:

Quick necessary update on my profile picture:

Punishment for stimming is BAD.