I Love The Word Lesbian It Just Feels So Beautiful To Say I Work It Into Conversation All The Time.

How do I explain the amazing feeling of watching a new piece of media that represents something I am, and then the subsequent despair when people associate that group ONLY with that character.

Better late than never to figure this stuff out I guess 🤷

Radical feminism, centering women, and worshipping female deities really turned my life around FAST because what do you mean my constant mental health problems are slowly alleviating, I’m making new female friends, I’ve finally left behind the toxic male friends, I’ve applied to and gotten my first management position, I’m gaining weight and muscle, and I’m talking to a lovely beautiful femme all within this year so far. Like I know radical feminism covers very serious issues too and politically life kind of sucks, but life really is beautiful as well when you center women and female-ness among the chaos. I love rad feminism and I love lesbianism.

“All the gays want is to groom my children! They are dangerous to kids! They hate children!”

- A lesbian saw your son struggling, and remembered what it was like to be young and autistic and overwhelmed by her emotions, so she sat down with him every day and helped him until his feelings wasn’t so scary anymore.

- A lesbian was the one who your daughter finally trusted enough to reveal the abuse she was going through by her father when she was at his house and she tried her best to get her help and always be a safe space for her.

- A lesbian overheard your daughter being told by her classmates that she couldn’t play dolls because the dolls weren’t of her race, so she went and bought a dozen barbies of all different races to show her that she belonged.

- A lesbian was the one who you knew you could count on to retrieve your babies when you let people pass them around at church. You knew that she’d keep an eye on them even if she didn’t know you personally. Everyone in that tiny church knew her for it.

- A lesbian defended your son from being harassed on the bus (by other mothers!) and was late to work making sure he was safely on his next bus heading to the food bank.

- A lesbian was your waiter today and she made your baby laugh while she was setting your table and she already knew how to keep all the dangerous items out of reach without you even having to ask.

All anecdotes I could pull off of the top of my head from my own life. I love children, while I don’t want any of my own (and can’t even have ‘em due to infertility anyway) and my connection with them is very odd as a butch lesbian woman. People tell me that my purpose in life as a woman is to have children, and people from the same demographic claim that I only exist to hurt their children. The reality is that, whether you like it or not, gay people exist in the real world and often take on beloved and pivotal roles in your life and your children’s lives that you don’t even realize. We’re here and we always have been, and we’re surprisingly just as normal and human as you are.

Ugh literally. Like as a writer and aspiring author myself (it’s my hope to get a novella self published within the next year, even if that’s just uploading it to Wattpad bc idk how I feel about self publishing through Amazon like many ppl do) I’m going to go out on a limb and say that reductionism isn’t even necessarily bad. It can be a literary tool, and the problem is overusing it, like any other literary tool. The reductionism of the one girl being different was supposed to make a sense of isolation easily understood by the reader, and oftentimes it wasn’t meant to be a direct mirror to real life. It depends on your audience and what you’re trying to do but I don’t even think it’s always bad.

And just as you said, nobody cares about reductionism unless it’s to point out a problem, reductionism that benefits the status quo is completely fine.

I know there are a lot of complaints about the “Not Like other girls” era of books aimed at women, some I disagree with, some I don’t. But I’m rereading one of those types of books right now (technically re-listening bc I’m using an audiobook but same idea) which I absolutely adored the first time I read, and honestly I kind of miss that time period.

Like sure it was reductionist at times, but at least the women were unabashedly themselves and pushed back against gender stereotypes. This book is set in a fantasy past based off of Medieval Germany (from what I can tell) and with that obviously comes the sexism of the period, and she had actually realistic feelings on the matter. She thinks about how she wishes she’s a boy because she wants to have a career, specifically a farrier or a hunter, and criticizes the fact that she’s living in a society in which her value is through marriage. She’s practical minded, she looks up to her father and male relatives because she wants the freedom they have, but also feels a sense of displacement and disgust from them because of their sexism, and in general just has so much more energy as a character than I often see in more mainstream books now. And she’s STILL a woman and eventually finds her power as a woman.

Idk this is just a personal pet peeve of mine but I don’t like our current idea of rejecting surface level femininity = rejecting womanhood, either positively or negatively. On the one side you get shamed for it because you’re a pick me, on the other side you get told you’re just a man. And it’s made characters really really bland.

(Also maybe I just am the problem, idk, but I have had the experience of feeling left out and not like my female peers growing up because they were content to uphold patriarchal ideals and I wasn’t. I still put up a good effort when it came to talking about crushes and doing all the fun sorts of “girly” things they liked, but I had trouble finding anyone who reciprocated that energy towards me when I wanted to talk about my interests that didn’t necessarily fall into that category. So imo there is a kernel of truth in the “not like other girls” stereotype, not because other girls are INHERENTLY bad, but because of how our current societal pressures work on young girls.)

20, Butch Lesbian, Feminist/Radical Feminist.

I base my opinions off of facts and my own lived experiences, but I do try and balance with empathy for an individual’s lived experience.

Gender critical= I don’t believe in gendered behavior, either that you must do certain things that correspond with your biological sex, or that doing certain things means that you are a certain gender

Gender critical =/= I think that women are weak, should be forced into childbearing, or that GNC people should go die in a hole after being unloved their entire lives. That’s actually the complete opposite of being GC.

I am heavily critical of a lot of things but I don’t stand for harassing individuals under those groups simply for their existence. That includes religion, political ideology, or how they choose to identify themselves. However if you are, with words or actions, expressing a harmful idea, I will disagree with you, or ignore you if it’s too stupid and I don’t have the energy for it.

I do not misgender, deadname, or otherwise directly disrespect individuals identities to prove a point, I find that stupid and cruel.

Might be surprising but I do spend time outside of the house doing community work and I’d suggest you do the same.

Also I’m always up for a chat if we’re mutuals or if you’ve got any (respectful) questions for me.

(This was in response to me saying that it’s odd that Chappell says she’s a lesbian while also thirsting after men even within the past couple months, and saying I believe she’s likely bi and febfem)

But I am so TIRED of the “sexuality is fluid” bs. If your sexuality is fluid you are not monosexual!!! You’re bi/pan/“queer”/whatever else you want to use to refer to your status as a polysexual person, which is COMPLETELY fine. But it’s not homosexual. It’s not lesbian. These types of people are only adding fuel to the, “You haven’t tried the right dick yet” fire. Lesbians are not attracted to men, at all. Not only 30%, or 10% or even 1%. We are not attracted to men and we did not have to fight this fight for decades only for people to repackage it in a “woke” way. I’m so tired of how much the supposed left spews the patriarchy wrapped up in a pretty bow and claims it’s true leftism and I’m the backwards one.

I don’t think it’s too much to ask people to use proper words for themselves. I don’t want Chappell or anyone to conform to labels that don’t fit them, I want them to stop claiming labels that don’t fit and forcing the definition of that label to change, and instead choosing the ones that are literally right there and fit perfectly. Being bisexual is amazing and beautiful and I love my bisexual baddies, but being in denial of your bisexuality and claiming lesbianism just leads to messiness.

And she was so kind about it too! I saw her original announcement on her story and she was so polite and kind in how she explained why she’d chosen to make it a single-sex space. And all she’s gotten is some absolutely nasty responses.

It doesn’t matter how kind we are, how much we obediently, tearfully explain how our bodies have been violated a thousand times over, how much we debase ourselves and “check our privilege!” and educate ourselves and “listen to other people’s experiences!” they will still display a disturbing level of hatred and threatening language. I follow some trans creators because I try to keep an open mind, but I had to unfollow one (TIF) because he made a video saying that he’s going to show up and frighten everyone there with his appearance and behavior because, “I’m biologically female and you said you wanted me here!”

I get it. Being excluded can hurt sometimes. But that doesn’t mean you’re entitled to spaces, or to people’s bodies, to soothe that hurt. No, this is not the same as racial segregation. This is a singular, private space in which women, a group of people who suffer immensely, are wanting to gather to support each other and have s respite from a male dominated world. Give me a fucking break. I’m tired of trans rhetoric co-opting racism as their defense and I’ve been told by a lot of women of color that it’s frustrating to them too, and considering the fact that the lovely owner of this gym is a woman of color I can only imagine how invalidating and frustrating this all is to her.

womyn, please, show some love and support to natalee barrett. she’s a black woman who created a gym for women only and after deciding to exclude trans women (for obvious reasons), she has been unfollowed and insulted by trans activists. in the first link below, @/prowomyn on instagram explain the whole situation. the second one is her instagram profile.

1. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHHSxBoPxtLMhBcajpaVB2alVCBV4jvPQtIlH80/?igsh=OHp1djl0dTB2MW9z

2. https://www.instagram.com/nataleebarnett_?igsh=MTJzdHlxZGg5bDQ2NQ==

Submission is solely a man’s trait and obsession and I will die on this hill.

Men will choose a favorite man in power and then lap at every word from his mouth like a bird eating vomit from it’s parent’s throat. They refuse to read or educate themselves and take pride in the admission they have not read, and therefore not drawn a more independent opinion, since childhood. The patriarchy itself is inherently hierarchical in ways matriarchies never have been, historically. A good soldier, the peak of masculinity to these men, is defined by his ability to obey and submit. You would think boots were flavored like strawberry the way they lick them, but then again, these men do seem to like something big and hard in their mouths.

It mystifies men that women do not take joy in this submission. Why else is it that women are the ones that constantly need to be reminded to submit? It does not come naturally to us the way it does to them. Even the things seem as submission— women cooking and cleaning and doing everything for their male partners— is ultimately submission to the system on the man’s part. Once again, he gives up his agency over his own life to someone else. Once again, he refuses to take responsibility for himself. Once again it is someone else who he is handing himself over to. Men adore submission, both giving and taking it.

No this feeling is so crazy bc I will love something so much that I can’t see fanart/read fanfiction about it because any divorce from the cannon will feel like a betrayal and also a reminder that they aren’t real people 😭😭 I refuse to touch it or change it, I just keep it behind glass and stare at it with big eyes until my obsession fades a bit and I can enjoy it normally again. Also I am aware this makes me sound mentally ill, it is in fact because I am mentally ill, and unfortunately cannot change that about myself 😭💀

reaching the point of hyperfixation where I can no longer engage with it due to the nausea that I experience at the mere thought of seeing it on my screen is the closest I’ve ever been to being diagnosed with female hysteria

I’m not sure if I’m intersex (lack funds for medical testing at this time) but I have a similar problem as is outlined here that I only discovered as an adult, and it was IMMEDIATELY turned into a problem surrounding men. My health or comfort? Painful periods? Hypothetical medical complications later in life? My OWN personal comfort during sex? They acted like I was stupid to even ask.

All I’ve been given so far is be told to use those stupid plastic dilators so I can be forced open enough to be fucked by a man. Doesn’t matter how much it hurt me, or felt unnatural, or if that was even my goal in asking for medical advice (fun fact, it wasn’t. I was trying to get help for my own personal bodily comfort outside of sex). I’m incredibly thankful that soon after that nonsense I was able to unlearn comphet and realize I was a lesbian and leave all that male-centric crap and plastic phalluses behind. It was traumatic enough for me as an adult and I cannot fucking stand the idea of people doing that shit to children. Absolutely disgusting behavior.

“Female-assigned intersex kids’ vaginal canal size is also assessed by doctors, to ensure that it’s long enough to fit a penis inside of it. Doctors might surgically construct or re-construct vaginas, which can result in a host of health problems and necessitate multiple, multiple surgeries. This is especially the case since most intersex kids have these surgeries very young, and when their bodies grow into their adult forms, more surgeries are necessary to keep their vagina size in proportion. Non-surgical methods are also used to increase or maintain vaginal length by regularly using medical dildos to stretch the vagina over months and years. (It’s kind of like braces for your vagina, but much, much worse.) Just like there are no standards for how long a clitoris “can” be before it’s classified as a penis, there aren’t absolute standards as to how long a vagina is for it to be of “normal” length. I had a dilation procedure performed for almost every exam I had with intersex doctors from the time I was 8 until I was 16, so that they could check how long my vagina was as I grew. I absolutely hated these procedures. I mean, imagine a man as old as your father or your grandfather, who you don’t know, inserting a medical dildo into you each time you saw him, knowing that you can’t question the doctor’s orders and just accept that you have to undergo these uncomfortable procedures for your health. Imagine a decade or so later, realizing that these procedures did nothing to track your health, and had everything to do with grown men feeling good about the fact that you could fuck some dude someday like a “normal girl”. That all those traumatizing procedures weren’t actually medically relevant at all, and it actually was within my right to refuse those examinations. I didn’t know any of that at the time. I also had no idea that I wouldn’t want to ultimately have the kind of sex they assumed I’d be having, adding yet another layer of this-was-totally-unnecessary/messed-up to my history. Other kids shouldn’t have to go through this. Other adults shouldn’t have revelations some day far into the future that what was happening to them WASN’T okay, and their traumatic feelings ARE valid, and the whole system of how intersex people are conceptualized and “treated” IS entirely fucked. And it’s gotta change. We’ve gotta change it.”

—

—-Claudia at Autostraddle

I just read this article and was reminded once again how invisible the intersex community often is… we need to signal boost this shit to let people know that this kind of “medical treatment” is NOT okay.

(via bossybussy)

Felt straight-up ill reading this. This is the institutionalized rape of children. It’s beyond unconscionable that procedures like this are normalized and considered “treatment”.

(via thaxted)

jfc

(via stammsternenstaub)

Revolting and repugnant.

See why intersex folk don’t like their medical issues being used as a rhetorical gotcha?

(via appropriately-inappropriate)