I Won't Lie You Guys It's Getting A Little Hard To Imagine Sisyphus Happy :/

Current mood:

Listening to hard rock after crying because fuck feelings I want to break shit

i am gonna make it through this week if it kills me.

i was worried there might be something wrong with me cuz when i walk around barefoot at home i exclusively do it tip-toeing but webmd said im just a gazellepilled baddie with a soul full of starlight

listening to music in public is so hard because i feel it in my entire body and i’m supposed to pretend i’m just chilling

oh! i should totally tell them about- *glances at my "am i being annoying" meter in the corner of my vision* ...i often find such peace in silent reflection 😌

Despite everything the bug scuttles on

self proclaimed leftists with entire graduate degrees on twitter not understanding that tourism in places like latin america and the caribbean is a form of neocolonialism even in places where the national economy is dependent on it. just because the government is making money off of ur lil excursions and hotel stays doesn’t mean regular citizens are, especially in your fave ‘tropical getaway spots’. the fact that sandals wanted to build an entire resort in tobago where my family lives might sound great for the economy or whatever until you realize that they would’ve closed off several acres of land and made it inaccessible to non-tourists which is fucking insane thing to even propose on such a small island. like i’m sorry but do you really think my family is grateful when you crackers come to visit during the winter?? do you really think your presence adds value to their lives?? when the govt invests money in ports but not paving the fucking roads anywhere that’s not downtown/vacation home territory?? you white losers need to put down ur marx for like half a sec and pick up a small place by jamaica kincaid. ​like lol if you wanna be a tourist be a tourist but don’t fucking act like anyone who refers to it as a contemporary form of colonialism is doing too much. ESPECIALLY when this sentiment is legit coming directly from the people living in the getaways you love to visit. i genuinely don’t understand how y’all can grasp the “there is no ethical consumption under capitalism” shit but can’t understand this.

watches a six minute long porn video frowning deeply chin resting on my hand occassionally going hmmmm or jotting down a note. video ends I sigh take off my glasses rub my face. well. what do you even want me to say? it was derivative - even an amateur like yourself must see that.would I call it art? of course I would. a grim reminder that art mustn't necessarily hold any value or vision.

Dancing to the loss of your own childhood is the best feeling. Like rip to past me but I’m different. (And that may be a bad thing, and that may be a good thing, but either way, here is something old and familiar and dying, and something new and unknown being born. And you’re scared. You’re sacred and numb and free and you’ve grown out of your own age. You’re young now, younger and stupider and more foolish than you’ve ever been. You know so little, you care so much. You’re a stranger, even to yourself. Especially to yourself. Something changed in you. Something’s lost to you. All that’s left to do now is dance and cry and laugh because it’s all a joke, the best joke in the whole goddam universe, and you might as well enjoy it while it lasts, because you can already feel that slipping away too.)

first love / late spring - mitski / jackie and wilson - hozier / the edge of seventeen - kelly fremon craig / class of 2013 - mitski / a little life - hanya yanagihara / moonlight - barry jenkins / war and peace - leo tolstoy / ribs - lorde