You Can't?

Tom and Jerry Meet Sherlock Holmes (2010)

У "Тома и Джерри" выходили - а может, и выходят до сих пор - глуповатые пародиийные мультфильмы, кроссоверы с различными франшизами вроде "Волшебника страны Оз" или "Вилли Вонки и шоколадной фабрики". Не обошла эта участь и "Шерлока Холмса". Я вообще удивлен, что по нему не выходит больше детского контента, учитывая детскую любовь к Холмсу - таким проектам я вполне готов простить поверхностно-стереотипного Холмса и туповатого толстяка Уотсона.

Этот мультфильм я уже смотрел, когда он впервые вышел, но запомнились мне в основном только топорные, но забавные отсылки вроде таверны Рэтбоун Инн, мьюзик холле Брюса Найджела, эпизодического персонажа по имени Бретт Джереми и могилы некоего Дойла (даты жизни не совпадают). Сам Холмс и Уотсон - один поверхностно-стереотипный и другой туповатый толстяк - являются полноценными действующими лицами, а не просто короткими камео.

Но главными героями все-таки являются, по-прежнему безмолвные, Том и Джерри. Джерри здесь эдакий маленький хвостатый ассистент Холмса, который увлекается химическими опытами, носит плащ-пелерину и дирстокер и живет в норке за стеной. Что до Тома, который тут носит сюртук и бабочку, то он оказался вмешан в эту историю случайно, когда доставлял Холмсу важное письмо. Сюжет крутился вокруг похищенного алмаза и рыжеволосой певички по имени Ред. Сцена ее выступления показалась мне несколько фривольной для детского мультфильма, но в общем-то не хуже, чем подобная же сцена в диснеевском "Великом мышином сыщике". Уотсон и Джерри от нее, кстати, поплыли, но Холмс особого интереса не выказазал, пусть и целовал ей руку.

Помимо Тома и Джерри с Холмсом и Уотсоном здесь также действовали другие знакомые персонажи - например, было несколько сценок с бульдогом Спайком и его сыночком Тайком (они работали охранниками), также действовали меланхоличный песик Друпи и его напарник Бутч (они работали в полиции), а еще появился приятель Джерри, мышонок Таффи (только здесь он не подброшенный сиротка, а мышь-священник). Что до шерлокианской части истории, то в какой-то момент выяснилось, что за всем этим стоит профессор Мориарти, который выглядит как типичный то ли мультяшный, то ли оперетточный злодей.

Что до шерлокианских отсылок, то здесь я вероятно натягиваю сову на глобус - но, по-моему, я уловил отсылку на "Великого мышиного сыщика" (сцена с танцовщицей), на "Семипроцентный раствор" (драка Холмса со злодеем на крыше едущего поезда едущей повозки) и даже на "Шерлока Холмса" с Дауни-младшим (недостроенный тауэрский мост). Но скорее всего настоящая крупная отсылка была только одна - кража драгоценностей из Тауэра (и нет, это отсылка к фильму 1939 года с Рэтбоуном, а не к сериалу "Шерлок").

Разумеется, помиимо слабенькой детективно-приключенческой линии, основой мультфильма служили привычные том-и-джерри-вские визуальные гэги, многие из которых были просто повторами из классики на разный лад. Также по-моему, авторы переборщили с вилами, которые постоянно втыкались в филейную часть бедолаги Тома. Но многие моменты вызывали искреннюю улыбку и смех, например, сцена с органом, из труб которого поочередно вылетали то Том, то Джерри.

В общем, забавный и непритязательный мультик-кроссовер для юных зрителей. Да и идет он меньше пятидесяти минут.

Monarch is so handsome than I thought would be.

Here’s another art dump :P Most of these are based on an awsome fic that @morphofan is writing :D 

Veronica, Sue & Carrie vs Heathers

THE SPINACH INQUISITION

Lyrics

[19 LEAGUE OF TAKEOVER]

Try it, you'll like it,

that's what we have to say!

Taste it, you'll love it

there is no other way!!

The Spinach Inquisition!

It's here and it's a hoot!

The Spinach Inquisition!

[DR. DOOFENSHMIRTZ]

Some call it a leafy fruit!

[JAMES]

Just taste it,

[MEOWTH]

you love it

[SKELETOR]

Why go through all this woe?

[SCAR & RANDALL]

A bit then? A smidgen?

You really can't say no!

[JEKYLL]

I've said no once, I've said no twice

You've chained me here and that's not nice!

I will not try it, not even a scrap

I will not eat it, it tastes like--

[SCAR & RANDALL]

Stop! Why 'no'?

You little so-and-so

If you will not eat it

Then in the vat you go, oh!

[DR. DOOFENSHMIRTZ]

Will you try it?

[MONARCH]

No, no, no!

[DR. DOOFENSHMIRTZ]

Will you taste it!?

[MONARCH]

Uh-uh-uh!

[DR. DOOFENSHMIRTZ]

Well, if he won't try it

Maybe his girlfriend will!

C'mon, monks

Let's give 'em a thrill!

[PINKY & BRAIN]

Please taste it, you'll love it!

Don't make us be so harsh!

[GASTON]

A nibble, why quibble?

It won't make you barf!

[SARAH]

What's wrong with ya?! Are you deaf?!

Send that junk back to the chef!

[HYLANNA]

It's yucky, blucky, gross and soupy!

I tried it once, it tastes like--

[MR. CROCKER & MANDARK]

Stop! Oh, please

don't make us get severe!

Or maybe you'll be

better off trying it in here!

[DR. DOOFENSHMIRTZ]

Will you try it in a bowl?

[MONARCH]

Not one lousy crumb!

[DR. DOOFENSHMIRTZ]

Will you try it on a roll?

[MONARCH]

Do I look like I'm that dumb?!

[LEAGUE OF TAKE OVER]

Yeah!

The Spinach Inquisition!

C'mon and open wide!

The Spinach Inquisition

Turn your belly green inside!

We asked you very nicely

We asked you if you'll try

But if you will not taste it

I'm afraid you'll... have... to...

[COREY]

Stop!

Blushing

This man is GAY AND EUROPEAN

Just felt like drawing lmao

Sorry if the kilt doesn't look right xD

The Tragic Case of Dr. Jekyll - Part 3: A Lesson in Defense, An Explosion in the Society

(TW: Mild violence, vague mentions of assault, misgendering)

Henry struck the man across the face, jaw clenched and eyes firey with anger. There was a sharp 'crack!' of skin making contact with skin, and the taller gent stumbled back a bit from the force of the hit. He clutched his cheek, eyes wide. Henry glared him down, hand still lifted from slapping him.

"...oh god, are you okay!?" Henry rushed forward, red eyes filled with concern. The other beamed, laughing a bit as Lily fetched him some ice.

"Oh, I'm quite alright, Miss Scotch," He chirped, thanking the young lady as he wrapped the ice in a rag and held it to his reddened cheek. "I wouldn't have volunteered to help if I couldn't take it!" Miss Mary walked over with a smile, pinching the man's ear and tugging, earning a yelp and complaint of, "Mamá!!"

Mary said something in Spanish, and Henry wished he could've learnt the language because the other girls started laughing. Clearly, whatever the cook had said had been quite humorous. Her son pulled away, grinning, giving off the impression he earned a tug on the ear or pinch on the cheek quite often. Mary ruffled his hair with a, "Alright, alright, that's enough lessons for today. Matías, get back to work! Before Spider sees you." Matías nodded, giving her a tight hug, and Henry respectfully looked away as the coachdriver spoke softly to his mother, tears stinging his eyes. Spider shouted for one of the girls, and Matías hastily booked it to the backdoor, though not before snagging a kiss from Lily, who blushed hard and glared at the other workers when they teased her.

Henry rubbed his palm, not used to the sting of hitting someone, and Lucy chuckled.

"What? What's funny?" Henry asked, looking up. Lucy shook her head, walking over and leaning on him with her elbow on his shoulder (a comedic sight, considering she was nearly a foot shorter than him).

"Nothing, just can't believe you've never hit somebody before," She commented, brown eyes curious yet amused. "You must have gotten lucky, growing up somewhere with respectful gentlemen who didn't get in your personal space." Henry shrugged, looking away with a slight frown. He hadn't avoided that kind of behaviour, he just happened to figure himself out at an early age. He'd run away from home at sixteen, cut his hair, crammed textbooks, and, after working hard to earn enough money to afford it, had gone to college as Henry Jekyll. Not many people groped at a man on the streets, even if he did look feminine. "Hey, you alright? You drifted off for a second." Henry blinked, Lucy's voice pulling him back from his thoughts.

"Oh, no, just.. thinking about things," Henry reassured her. Lucy huffed, a smile tugging at her lips, and snarked back, "'Things', okay, missus cryptic." Henry laughed a little, ignoring the sting of the feminine title, and walked with Lucy back out into the main room, ready to repeat the same old sexual song and demeaning dance he'd been perfecting for two weeks now, The Gardens neatly furnished after so long of hiding from his 'dance partners'.

---

One week later, the doctor was in his office with a slight smile on his face. Henry finished up some paperwork, glad he was finally making progress on all the bills and debts he needed to pay off. Sure, he may be sore and felt disgusting, and maybe flinched when other men got too close to him or moved too suddenly, but the Society was staying alive, even with the Lodgers still refusing to help. Not to mention his regained confidence after the brothel's little self defense lessons, which he'd started putting to good use whenever a customer's mouth got a little too confident towards him, or hands hadn't learnt the meaning of 'too rough'.

"Speaking of help," Edward piped up, green wisps drifting around Henry as the spectre leant against him. "Isn't it about time to go visit the old hag upstairs?"

"Ah, shit!" Henry grumbled as he noticed the time. His tongue had become a tad harsher since he'd first forced it to spew filth just to earn a paycheck, something Edward still wasn't quite used to hearing. "Thanks, Ed, I completely forget." Henry rushed to collect his medical supplies and chemistry kit, snatching his cane from its stand by the door. If the Lodgers saw him limp he'd die of embarrassment, so it was safer just to carry it. Besides, it fit their warped vision of him as some snooty aristocrat, so they wouldn't question it.

"I see it's storytime once again," Henry commented as he stepped into the attic. The Lodgers glared daggers at him, something that had once bothered him but now provoked no reaction. Their glares were nothing compared to the way he was treated at the Red Rat. "Now, I hate to cut things short, but it's time for granny's medication-"

"Oh, be quite, you idiot!" Henry felt his eye twitch, looking at Frankenstein with a strained smile. "I can take my medicine perfectly fine and continue curing these poor scientists of your corruption at the same time!" Henry fought back the urge to roll his eyes at the old woman's dramatics, though he felt irritation spike in his chest as the Lodgers agreed.

"Alright, I guess we're having an audience," He sighed, setting up his equipment. He tuned out the mad scientist's ramblings and 'speach', focusing on getting his materials ready. He went about putting the medicine together, skilled enough to do it quickly, and relaxed as he poured the formula into the vial. There, now all he had to do was give it to Frankenstein, make sure she drank it, and then leave without anything happening–

"-not like what that industrialist slut has been teaching you."

Henry whipped around, face dark with rage. The Lodgers fell quiet upon noticing, beginning to fidget nervously. Frankenstein paused, then turned to look at Henry. She scoffed, unaware that the Lodgers had never seen the good doctor so much as drop his smile, let alone look that angry. Henry stalked towards it, shoving the vial into her hand with a glare and a harsh, "Shut. Up. Do not. Call me. A slut." Frankenstein looked at him, a smirk creeping across her face.

"Of course, Mr. Jekyll, of course," She crowed sarcastically. "I wouldn't want to use the wrong terminology, that would be unscientific of me. No, sluts do all that for free. You're dressed too nicely for that, which means you must be a whore—" The Lodgers gasped, and Ms. Lavender actually let out a brief scream of fright, when Frankenstein's head jerked sharply to the left, her glasses knocked off her face from the force of the slap. Henry was shaking, teeth bared, and as soon as she started to turn her head, his thin arm snapped sharply back to his side, reddening her other cheek with the back of his hand.

"Speak to me in such a manner again and you'll be spitting teeth," He growled, heart hammering in his chest. Part of him knew that was an overreaction, and was currently screaming at him to stop, to apologize, to beg for forgiveness. But that part of him was drowned out by Atticus Scotch, who was too used to language like that leading to an unpleasant encounter, and who pushed him to display his claws and swing.

The same Atticus Scotch who was now forcing his tongue into venomous motion, red eyes blazing.

"I'm sick and fucking tired of the way you treat me," He spat, and that only frightened the Lodgers more, because Dr. Jekyll never cussed. "You come into my building and immediately start tearing down everything I worked so hard to build. Do you have any fucking idea how much time went into this project!? How much effort!? Do you know how many times I've nearly gone to court just to keep the people in this building safe!? Because I want them to have somewhere they can be themselves!? So they don't have to hide, like I do!?" He whipped around to glare at the Lodgers, tears bubbling in his eyes. "Do you have any idea how much it hurt to be cast aside!? To be abandoned, to have to face a crowd of angry aristocrats alone and watch any hope of funding walk away!? Do you know how much it hurt, trying to help one fucking person carry the whole thing!? Jasper just got here and he's already more invested in keeping this place alive than the rest of you bastards!!"

Jasper was huddled in on himself, glancing between his personal idol and his peers, and Flowers had hidden herself behind Doddle, who was trying not to cry. Ms. Lavender had latched onto Ito, who looked pale, jaw and fists clenched. When Henry suddenly pointed at him, Jasper squeaked.

"You see him!? He's the only one of you who actually cares!! He's the only one who used more than two of his braincells to consider the consequences of this establishment losing sponsors!! You didn't just fuck over me and the Society, you fucked over Dr. Kaylock!! He didn't have to stay and endure being insulted, but he did!! Where were any of you when he was being mocked!? Where were any of you when they realized he's a werewolf, and started treating him like shit!?" Henry was breathing hard, angry, frustrated tears dripping down his face. He turned back to Frankenstein, snarling, and spat, "I may be a fucking whore, but at least I'm keeping everyone fed, clothed, and housed. Which is more than you and your rich family's money can say about all the people you trampled into the dust, running from your own mistakes." And with that, he spun on his heel and stormed off, wiping his face and trying to stop the flow of overwhelmed tears as he went down the steps leading into the attic.

Jasper was wide-eyed, jaw dropped in shock, before he spun around to face the crowd of shaken Lodgers. He gaped like a fish for a few secondw, before squeaking out in a strained voice, "Did.. d-did he just admit to being a prostitute? Is that where all the funding's come from? Dr. Jekyll selling himself!?" Gradually, horror spread across the Lodgers faces as they recalled brief glimpses of bruises, the doctor leaning on his cane for support, and how he flinched or drew back when they got too close. It was Griffin who finally broke the silence.

"Oh my god.. he's been whoring himself out every night just to keep our home.."