Literally

We landed on the moon 20 years before we figured out how to invent dial-up internet.

Are we using the first or second T when we abbreviate Street as St?

Allllll da kisssssysssd

Kissies

Microwaves should have a night mode, for those late night snacks you want to make without waking everyone in the house up

All youuu do is bitch bitch bitch

Asking for Attention

Me: Sits in front of Master while he's paying attention to something else.

Master: Doesn't notice.

Me: Coughs loudly and in no way subtly

Master: Looks up at me and cocks an eyebrow. "Yes, kitten? May I help you?"

Me: "Yes hello hi. I would like the attentions now, please."

Master: Pats the spot next to him, "Alright, c'mere."

Me: Crawls up on top of everything he was doing. "Thank you for your compliance."

Bad Trump! Bad.