Damn, This Sounds Fantastic, I Want To Nick Food From That Picnic.

i tried to explain what generational trauma is to someone recently and they were like “oh so because something happened historically, you get to have issues about it now?” and no.... that’s not what that is.

when i was in 8th grade, on my class trip to washington dc, we visited the holocaust museum. it’s a wonderful, extensive, informative place, and it’s a beautiful tribute to the victims. as a jewish kid, i knew what the holocaust was. i’d faced antisemetism every day of my life, and will continue to do so. i knew what had happened to my ancestors not too long ago.

but when i stood in that museum. in the recreation of the cattle trains used to move us to the camps. in the recreation of an auschwitz cabin, staring at the map of the camp. when i saw the pile of shoes and jewelry taken from the victims. when i learned how their hair, so very much like mine, was cut for having texture. and how their teeth were pulled for the gold fillings. i had a panic attack.

it was embarrassing, but i was a shitty little 8th grader, and i tried to hide it. but I couldn’t breathe. it was like there was a band around my chest the entire time i was in the museum. i was surrounded by ghosts, by the whispers of emaciated men and trapped women and crying children.

what is generational trauma?

it’s the psychological idea that trauma can be passed down through multiple different ways. trauma can change you significantly, even rewrite neural pathways and physically change how you think. that, paired with the cycle of subconsciously sharing our trauma with our children, as well as mixing with the trauma we learn as we grow, leads to some really rough patches in our relationships with our identites.

this is a really great 4 minute video from the healing foundation about the trauma carried by aboriginal people in Australia. tw for some really heavy topics, but all presented in a relaxed and serious environment.

what do we do?

well, honestly, i don’t know. it’s not like we’re gonna stop sharing our stories with our descendants, nor our histories. we can’t get rid of things related to our identities that give us our own trauma, the bigotry we face unfortunately isn’t going anywhere.

but being aware of your generational trauma is a good step. it’s not just being “sad” or “sensitive” to history. it’s our history still affecting us today. when your indigenous friends are made upset by discussions of colonization, when your black friends feel the weight of a millenia of racism placed on their shoulders, when your gay friends ask you to please stop using that word, when your trans friends see another historical figure deadnamed and misgendered, when your jewish friends can’t talk about the Shoah without their voices breaking.

so why the fuck are you lecturing us?

our murdered ancestors live on in us, in our eyes, our hearts. we are reminded of them constantly, made painfully aware of who we are and how many people hate us.

we were not supposed to survive, and if most of the world had their way, we wouldn’t have. (no, the allies were not heroes of wwii, you turned us away at your borders and continue to let us die from nazis today. if america had had the option, they wouldn’t have given a shit about jewish victims, but that’s a whole other essay i could write)

it’s time to start acknowledging the past, acknowledging your generational trauma and the trauma of those around you. i’m not making up an excuse to “have issues”. at the time i’m writing this, october 2020, i’m 17. i have felt this weight my entire life, and i will continue to shoulder it, as will everyone else.

my point is, maybe we can shoulder that weight together. maybe then it won’t weigh us down as badly. we have solidarity, and we are tough, and resilient, and strong, and beautiful. your generational trauma is something to be aware of, but not ashamed of. we can do this—change the world for the better. we can break the cycle so our descendants don’t feel as we do.

Oh my God that’s so exciting! I’m adoring the Wolfstar P and P so will for sure read the book. That’s really impressive and fun, hope it goes well for you!

ATTN: PRIDE AND PREJUDICE LOVERS, ESP ARTISTS - EXCITING PROJECT

I have been thinking a lot about the love, effort and joy I have derived from writing my Wolfstar P&P fic, and I have decided that I want to adapt it into a piece of original fiction.

I have no allusions - this is queer trash romance with a regency twist. 

BUT. It’s joyful for me to create, and I think fun for people to read (I mean, if they don’t find it resonates as original fiction as well as it does fanfic, that’s ok too! And understandable! But I’m curious to find out.) 

I’ve been looking into the self-publishing sitch on Kindle/Amazon for a while now, and I think it’s time to take the plunge. 

So, I’m planning on completing Pride and Prejudice over the next month and a half, and then adapting that work into original fiction. 

I will rewrite, rework, polish and shine that motherfucker until it gives Casey McQuinston a run for her money (except, yanno, prolly not? But we can dream). 

I also have a few original shorts of the gay romance and smut variety which I plan to self-publish in the near future as well. 

I have even decided on my pen-name for all this romance and smut I’m apparently going to publish, P&P aside - Annwyn Vix. (Had to give a little nod to my fanfiction pen name, after all.)

I wanted to share this with you all because I have felt so incredibly lucky and supported by my loyal readership (small but mighty! And the comments absolutely go off). 

You have lifted me up on days when I have felt sad, and reminded me that creativity and sharing and connecting with others is its own reward. 

To that effect - I wanted to reach out to the artists who follow me and would be interested in partnering for the branding and cover design of this original work. I envision something quite colourful and minimalist. (You would be paid for your work, of course.)

I’m not going to get rich writing this (some money would be nice) but if I can build up a community on Patreon at all similar to what I have found here and on AO3, I will feel like I have really achieved a huge life goal of mine. 

I love you all. Thank you for taking the time to read my work. 

Stay tuned for the next chapter. 

Oh my god, merlin fandom we really deserve this.

look i know it’s a bold move but let’s start giving characters happy endings again

Alright Legolas.

Wow, that’s gut-wrenching. This is Evangeline, right? I’m really enjoying all the little titbits of your ocs that we’re getting, can’t wait to read the actual story.

Stay was always the hardest word.

No one had ever stayed.

Her mother dead for going on twenty years.

Her father ignoring her for work.

Lovers who left and friends who died.

None of them ever stayed when she asked, when she begged in sheer desperation, willing them to stop leaving. To stop breaking her heart.

But it never worked.

Stay was the hardest word.

It was a broken promise or a hollow platitude that they didn’t really care for.

No one had ever stayed until she had stopped asked and stopped hopping.

Klaus didn’t understand the way that her voice cracked as she whispered “Don’t leave yet.” He didn’t understand her inability to look him in the eyes or why she thickly swallowed a sudden lump in her throat, feeling naustead as anxiety welled up, preparing for him to walk away.

“Of course I’ll stay.” He said softly. “Why don’t you show me around your kitchen and I will make both of us a cup of tea, I think that you need it.”

Lmao! 😂

Irene: [tries to create a sense of calm by lighting incense, only to find out that the sticks were actually sparklers]

Irene: This is actually painfully on-brand for me.

Ooh, that’s an interesting name derivation. I too love the storm clouds the sky looks beautiful!

Oh, that sounds really lovely, I’m just about to start in to some chocolate eclairs which is a treat. Cake person is an excellent way to be known.

Oh she a beauty

Yeah, he just wants someone to break silver’s pretty face, if not permanently. Preferably him but he might be gracious and let Irene do it as she also suffers from Silver.

Silver: one day, I’m going to say “fight me” and someone really is just going to fucking deck me

Vale: believe me, that day is closer than you think

My eyes, my eyes!

One of these days I am going to have to think of the crackest ship that there is and write something for it

I'm thinking Irene x Ao Shun