A Friend Reminded Me Today Of The Sentence:

The way I see it, there are two kinds of shame:

Shame for doing something actually bad

Shame for doing something others/society has told you is bad

The first includes things that actually cause harm to someone, like a thoughtless comment or stepping on your dog's paw, etc. These are actions which require acknowledgement and amends.

The second is much broader, and includes everything from liking bad movies to being queer. These are things that may be unusual but are ultimately harmless. Someone or something in your life has just treated that oddity as a transgression, and one way or another you've internalized that perspective.

In my opinion it is crucially important for your well-being to be able to separate the two. If you don't, and you're treating the shame of having punched someone identically to liking a critically-panned movie, you're going to be a anxious wreck. You'll be constantly over-analyzing and policing yourself, feeling like a bad person who's just been really good at hiding it so far.

In the worst cases you might lash out at other people enjoying harmless things, redirecting your shame outward and becoming unable to distinguish truly harmful actions from those you’ve just been taught are bad.

Shame is a feeling that can really eat away at you if you let it. It's best to know when it's appropriate. If it is, you can act on it to resolve what's happened. If it's not, you can let that feeling go so it doesn't take any more from you.

I have come to the same conclusion. It is quite likely I won't become less sensitive and always have some strong, not fully rational feelings. But if I'm not a dick about it, neither to myself nor others, it is actually a good opportunity to learn about myself and give myself empathy. I can also be open with people about my sensitivities, this way they get to know me better, and we get closer. It also makes other people feel comfortable talking to me about their sensitive or irrational moments. I feel I learned more and more how to turn my thin skin into a journey of growth and connection, and to not wish it would get thicker.

”getting thicker skin” is great in theory but I think for some people “get better at handling your thin skin” is gonna be way more helpful advice. I have strong emotional reactions to criticism and they might never go away, but i can continue to try and handle each situation maturely and that’s the important part. Sometimes irrational feelings are chronic and living with them is better than trying to beat yourself up into not having them.

I love that so much, it is what I'm trying to do! And no, love is not a popular movement. People are very suspiscious of love as a movement. There are some good reasons for that, but not enough to not try anymore. So, let's all try to be a bit kinder, a bit more compassionate. Not only for others, but for ourselves as well, because it feels nicer inside.

Meeting The Man: James Baldwin in Paris

(via Mubi)

Raise Your Glasses

My meditation app told me something the other day that I want to share: "The bright side is a spectrum."

"Look on the bright side" has become a short-hand for "just remember how good you have it compared to others, ignore your pain and move on". It is the motto of toxic positivity, which is a shame because looking on the bright side is still a useful tool. If you acknowledge that the bright side is a spectrum.

Sometimes it can be that everything is going your way and you feel wonderful about yourself. Sometimes it's just that you got out of bed today. Depending on the shade of darkness surrounding those moments, both can be the bright side. Both can hold equal weight against the dark.

So when you look for a bright side and can only find a small candle, you aren't being a pessimist. You've found one end of the spectrum, one that means as much as the beacon.

Jeanette is my favorite

Here’s to 2023, a year of as many little courageous kindnesses as possible. ♥️

Just finished Buffy Season 3

My first real post on Tumblr! Here’s some art I’ve recently finished, inspired by the game Gris. I’m still experimental with my art style so it was a lot of fun to use the aesthetics of the game in my own art!