Smut Masterpost

“Did you — did you just bite me? What the realms of hell? I’m the vampire here!”

“Sorry! I won’t do it again, promise. I’m sorry.”

“N-no, well, I… I didn’t say I didn’t like it. Just… a heads up next time, yes? I’m… I’m not entirely used to love bites, if I’m being completely honest. Not since I was turned.”

the one where jj loves your ass (jj x routledge!reader)

request: JJ x reader please. Summary: Can I request one where jj loves the readers ass like a cute little blurb or something when he’s always trying to touch it or smacks it. And maybe she’s john Bs sister and he goes mad when his best friend smacks his sisters ass x

a/n: you guys kill me with the jjxroutledge!reader requests. i love them. i hope you like this!

warnings: lil bit of groping and spanking (?) but not in a sexual way ig??

my masterlist

“hello, pretty girl,” jj says as he enters the chateau, the sight of you sprawled out on the couch bringing a smile on his face.

today is your day off and you had been waiting for your boyfriend to come back from work so that you could spend some time together. it’s safe to say that as soon as you hear his greeting, you jump off the couch and launch yourself at him.

jj catches you and chuckles at your sudden movement as you wrap your legs around his waist and kiss him sweetly.

“hi, baby.”

“did somebody miss me?” he asked with a cocky smile on his face.

“shut up, you left me alone with john b all day. he turns into a baby when he’s sick.”

he laughs, completely agreeing with your statement.

“so,” he says patting your ass before taking it into his hands as you were still wrapped around him, “what d’you wanna do?”

you put your legs back on the ground, “how about we order some pizza and watch a movie?”

“whatever you want, as long as your cute ass stays right here with me.”

you roll your eyes playfully at him and turn around to grab your phone when his hand collides with your behind again, making you yelp.

“jj!”

“what? it was right there!” you push him and laugh at him in disbelief.

while you’re on the phone with the pizzeria, jj grabs two beers from the fridge and walks to your brother’s room. he knocks on the door a few times.

“hey, jb. we’re ordering pizza, you want some?”

“yeah. coming right out,” the blond hears from the other side of the wooden door.

when jj goes back into the living room, he throws himself on the couch and waits for you to sit next to him. he makes grabby hands at you as you hang up the phone.

you smile at him and happily walk over to the couch, relaxing next to him with your legs on his lap. he gives you the second beer he had in his hand while his other arm wraps around your shoulders. your head nuzzles safely against his chest as your lips kiss his covered collarbone. jj puts his beer on the coffee table and rests his now free hand on your behind, squeezing it as you giggle against his skin.

“mmh, i love this ass,” he mumbles and you can’t contain your chuckle.

“thought you loved me.”

“i love you, but i also love your ass,” and he punctuates his statement with another squeeze.

“can you stop groping my sister in front of me, jj? that’s disgusting!”

john b’s voice brings you out of your little bubble as you realize that he walked into the living room during your display of affection.

“can’t help it, sorry,” your boyfriend says making your brother fake gag at the two of you.

when the pizza delivery guy knocks at the front door, you get up and, as you do so, jj smacks your behind playfully again.

“are you done?” you ask sarcastically but your teasing smile tells him you’re not a little bit mad.

“never, sweetheart.”

“you know, for future reference, don’t grab your girlfriend’s ass in front of her big brother if you wish to live a long life,” john b said, disgusted at the scene in front of him.

jj looks at you as you close the door and bring the food on the coffee table.

“you want a beer, bird?” you ask your brother.

“yeah, sure. thanks.”

you walk to the fridge, feeling your boyfriend’s eyes on your back and when you slightly turn your head, you find out your suspicions are true. you wink at him and send him a smile.

“kill me whenever you want, man. so fucking worth it.”

I love being a shifter bcz it’s okay to be delulu

#my man was NOT subtle 🤣😉

+ bonus: message received 😅

List of random dialogue prompts 

“I was never a morning person, but then I started waking up to your face and you know… Maybe mornings aren’t that bad, after all.” 

“Why are you mad?” “I’m not mad, I just think you can choose better people to kiss.” 

“I fucking hate you.” “No you don’t. Take that back right now.” 

“You know I’d do anything to have you stay by my side, right? Anything.”  

“Oh, fuck. Do that again.” 

“You look stupid as all hell right now.”

“I want to believe you, but I don’t know if I can.” 

“You’ve given me so many reasons to walk away.” “Then why don’t you walk away? It’s not like I’m keeping you hostage here.” “You still don’t get it, do you? It’s because I love you.” 

“…Damn it all to hell, if I don’t get to have you tonight then I’m never going to be able to have you.” 

“Let me call you mine, just for tonight.”

“I think you and I make an amazingly stupid pair.” “I know! Our two brain cells combined together make for quality entertainment and a unique kind of stupidity.” 

“I’m going to have so much fun with you.”

“Oh God, yes, right there— oh my God, just like that, please don’t stop.” “…Can you stop that? You’re making it sound like we’re in a porno and now I’m highly uncomfortable.” 

“Bet you they don’t make you sound like that, do they?” 

“Fuck, you’re such a wreck, and because of me, too.” 

“Can you stop moaning? I’m trying to help you relax but you’re making it hard for me to concentrate.” “Sorry, your hands just work a little too good.” “I’m going to pay for a masseuse next time if you keep doing this.” 

“You are driving me insane and I’m this close to losing my shit because of you.”

“Is hating me your only personality trait?”

“Never scare me like that again!” 

“Oh, don’t worry. I have every plan to make you submit to me.”

“I’m not even gonna lie, I’m just so fucking obsessed with you.” 

“That could be us.” “That is us.”

“Was it worth it?”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you— slow down, you’ll get what you want soon enough.”

“I want you to remember every single second of this.” 

“Bet you they can’t make you feel the way I do.” “Bet’s on.” “Wait, what? That was not my intention—”

“Hm, but I think I like having you spread out like this. Such a gorgeous sight.” 

“Come and get your fix.”

“…You’re an addiction I never want to quit.” 

“I had nothing to live for, but then you came into my life. So thank you.” 

“Why’d you— why’d you do that?” “B-Because I promised you I’d do anything to keep you safe.” 

“I swear if we get caught then I’m actually going to kill you.” 

“You think I wanted this to happen?!”

“Just when I was about to give up…”

“I trusted you with my life.” “Well, I’m sorry but you’re clearly very gullible.”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel the same as I do, then I’ll leave you alone.” 

“You know, maybe you should bet on something else the next time instead of betting on someone’s fucking feelings.” 

“You’re such a dork.” “Yeah, no wonder you’re so in love with me.”

“Does me doing all these things not account for anything?” “I never asked you to do those things for me, though, did I?”

“You nearly foiled our plan, you idiot!”

“I… I think I’m happy.” “You think? So you’re not one hundred percent certain?”

“Who’s laughing now?” “…Clearly not you. You’re crying, dear God.” 

“I’m tired of being on the sidelines.” 

“You actually came back.”

“Christ on a fucking bike, I could kiss you right now.”

“That was a bold move.”

“We’re going to be late, all because you couldn’t stop scrolling through that damn phone of yours while taking your damn sweet time to shit!” 

“Kinda sucks that I can only have you like this.” 

“I fell in love, so hard, and so fast, but a part of me knew it wasn’t going to last.” 

“Your heart’s always on your sleeve.” “Only around you, because you’re the only one who knows me so well. Too well, in fact.”  

omg i can see jj with like two of his sons being like 6 and 5 plus your toddler daughter and baby on your hip while you’re full with another maybank😭

stop the idea of dad!jj surrounded by his children makes me so giddy

you smile to yourself as you watch jj and your boys playing around. the living room is filled with giggles and smiles as jj lifts both your boys up, one in each arm, as he spins around in circles. every time he sets them down, they cling to his legs and say, "again!" jj, being the best dad, can never ever say no to his mini-me's, gives in yet again, scooping them up and fulfilling their wishes.

you, on the other hand, are making cookies (with one hand because your other is holding your baby). your three-year-old daughter stands next to you on a chair from the kitchen table, helping you out and being the sweetest as always. the two of you stand there, rolling the dough into spheres and placing them on the baking sheet.

you pause for a moment, using the back of your hand to swipe the tiny beads of sweat from your forehead. you're so far along with your pregnancy that everything seems to be tiring you out, especially with a baby plopped on your hip for the most of your day.

"are you okay, mommy?" your daughter asks.

"yeah, hun. just tired. your baby brother is kicking like crazy," you reply, "wanna feel?"

she nods, and you take her little wrist and guide it onto your belly. her eyes widen when she feels the baby against her hand. "that's not very nice. does it hurt?" she questions.

you smile, bending down slightly to kiss the crown of her head. "no, my love. i promise."

you return to preparing the cookies, and jj pops up next to you, kissing all three of his girls' temples. he takes your baby from your arms, and one of his hands rubs the small of your back. "how are my girls doing?"

your daughter smiles widely, "we're baking cookies."

"i see that. can i have one?"

"they aren't ready yet, daddy. you have to have patience," she tells him matter-of-factly.

jj quirks a brow. "oh, yeah? says who?"

"mommy."

"she's not my mommy," jj states. "...well, actually..."

"jj!" you scold, smacking his chest. "you're the worst."

"but you love me," he grins.

can't argue with that.

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Oml I just saw a tiktok from a girl pranking her boyfriend in calling him her husband to another person… and now I need to know how jj would react

BETTT OMG HE'D BE SO GIDDY. also side note i loved writing this, like i live for fluffly!jj so tysm for this, mwah

You and JJ sat across from each other at a candlelit table, enjoying a quiet date night. You perused the menu, and you couldn't help but feel the urge to play a little joke on him.

When the waiter came around to take your drink orders, you had a playful glint in your eye as you spoke up.

"A margarita for myself, and a beer for my husband, please."

JJ's eyes widened at the unexpected comment. The waiter left them, and he turned to you with the giddiest smile you'd ever seen him sport. He was blushing profusely, the rose hue creeping up his neck.

"Husband, huh?" He asked, stars dancing around in his eyes though he was teasing you.

You shrugged, playing it cool but secretly relishing in his excited reaction. "I mean, that's what you are, right?"

He grinned even wider, leaning up over the table and taking your face into his hands. His lips pressed kisses all over your face, not an inch of your skin going untouched by them.

For the rest of the night, he was so elated that he was telling everyone that you were his wife. He ordered dessert for you, proudly bragging about you and your new title. "Yeah, my wife," he spoke, wagging his eyebrows at you, "...is going to have the brownie sundae. Extra whipped cream."

Then, an elderly couple held the door open for you two when you were leaving, and JJ couldn't help himself. "Thanks, gotta get the wife home."

Upon your arrival at home, you saw one of your neighbour's children playing outside, kicking a soccer ball around. The kid eyed you, noticeably developing a schoolboy crush on you. JJ glared at him. "Hey, kid. Keep lookin' at my wife like that 'n I'll deflate that ball faster than you can blink."

And if you thought that was all, it most definitely wasn't. He practically threw you onto your shared bed, kissing down your body and worshipping you. Praises filled your ears, straight from his lips. My wife is fuckin' perfect, taking my cock so well. Taste so goddamn good, wifey. This pussy's so fuckin' tight, gonna slap a ring on that finger 'n knock you up so everyone knows it's mine.

aaand now i'm passing out

concepts

Open AO3 and see all the shit we did with less than 15 minutes of their screen together.

insane how clingy and touchy Loki and Mobius are when they’re together

jj x john b’s little sister will always have a special place in my heart. Especially when she’s been pining over him since they were kids, the built up tension, the way they act like a couple but they’re not, ugh!

no bc this is my favourite trope with jj 😭 it's just so fitting and honestly nothing hits like a good brother's best friend trope (at least for me)

You were lying in bed, mindlessly scrolling through your phone when you hear your front door open, followed by the clunking of heavy shoes against the hardwood floors as they walked their way through your home.

At first, you panicked. Was this it? Were you about to get murdered in the comfort of your own home, warm and cozy in your bed? But then it clicked. There was only one person you knew who had loud footsteps like that. He had messy blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, a cheeky grin. He was most likely wearing one of his worn out cut-offs, and black timberland boots.

Those staple shoes of his were definitely the culprit.

Your doorknob twisted open slowly, and there JJ was. Stumbling into your room with a hazy smile on his face. He tripped over his foot upon entry, leading him to kick his boots off clumsily.

"J, what the hell are you doing? I thought you were Freddy Krueger or something, jeez."

He plopped onto your bed, using one hand to pluck your phone from your hand and toss it to the other side of your bed. He laid between your legs, resting his head against your stomach and wrapping his arms around your waist.

Butterflies erupted in your stomach instantly. Being this close and cozy wasn't new for the two of you; you'd been touchy since you were kids. Endless piggyback rides, cuddling sessions during movie nights, playing with each other's hair, that was just the two of you in your normal state. That's what happens when you've known someone since you were in elementary school.

"Hi," he murmured, nuzzling into you as he got comfy. "You smell good."

Your brows furrowed as you held back a laugh. "Are you drunk?"

"No." A moment of silence passed, and then he spoke up again. "Maybe."

"Okay, and where's my brother?"

"Ditched me for his kook girlfriend."

You hummed in response, starting to weave your fingers through his sun-kissed locks. You heard him sigh in content, and he hooked his legs over one of yours.

"D'you wanna get high?" JJ asked, breaking the silence.

Your hand crept down to his cheek, stroking it with your thumb gently. "I think you're intoxicated enough, Maybank."

He picked his head up, his chin now resting where the left side of his face was previously smushed against. He smiled, his eyelids half closed. "You're always takin' care o'me. So sweet, like candy."

"You always need to be taken care of," you joked in response. The small huff of laughter he let out was like music to your ears. You could listen to it on repeat for the rest of your days, and it'd always be your favourite soundtrack.

His eyes seemed to glimmer as he zoned in on yours again. He released a sigh, before reaching up and cupping your cheek. "You're so beautiful."

Your heart fluttered. You were used to JJ's unrelenting flirtations, but he'd never said anything like that to you. It'd always been lookin' good, mini routledge, or we should makeout. y'know, for science.

"Don't. You're only saying that 'cause you're drunk. It's mean."

His brow arched. "Me thinking you're beautiful is mean? I don't get it."

"It's mean because it's just the alcohol talking," you explained. "You don't really mean it, J."

"I do mean it. Why do you think I'm starin' at you all the time? I have to force myself to keep my eyes off you."

He was pulling at your heartstrings, saying all the things you'd been longing to hear from his mouth for as long as you could remember. It almost felt cruel; the fact that he could say these things so casually as if the memory wouldn't be burned into your brain until the end of time.

"Go to sleep, JJ. We'll talk in the morning," you spoke, eyes darting away from his as you changed the topic.

JJ removed himself from your hold, scooting up next to you and using his index finger and thumb to guide your gaze onto him. His eyes were softened, so vulnerable as they looked at you. He wore a small pout, too, only making you want to plant a kiss on it and wash it away.

"I know 'm an idiot. But one of these days, I'm gonna get my head outta my ass and tell you that I got a major thing for you," he said. "You're gonna be my girl, princess. I'm not sure of much, but I am sure of that."

And with that, he laid his head down on the pillow next to yours, slinging an arm over your waist and cuddling into your side.

"Good night, beautiful."

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