💯🙏💛🟨👍

TAE MYUNGHA x A GROWING LOVE FOR LIFE

i finally realized that all the answers i had hoped for were in day to day life that’s too mundane to be “fate,” and yet too beautiful to be “chance.” happiness must be hidden somewhere in each of our days.

love for love’s sake (2024), dir. kim gyun-ah / fatima aamer bilal, from so this is all i will ever be? / mahmoud darwish, if i were another / rainer maria rilke, “the prodigal son.” the selected poetry of rainer maria rilke / sarah waters, from the little stranger / virginia woolf, from a letter to edward sackaville-west / anon on gentleearth / kate rokowski, “a good day” / mary oliver / ocean vuong, “the last dinosaur” from time is a mother / richard siken on twitter / james baldwin, from “they can’t turn back” / heather havrilesky, ask polly / llya kaminsky, from “dancing in odessa”/ fariha roisin, how to cure a ghost / mary oliver, from “work, sometimes”, new and selected poems, volume 2 / maggie millner, couplets: a love story

Hmmm… more random thoughts about 4 minutes the series. Spoilers for episodes 1-6 as I’m just rambling.

Just… what? So the conversation the woman has with Great in the hospital (the lady he hit), if this is all in his head, where did that come from? Why are we told about her son who has passed from debts? Will Lukwa and Great show up in the white room? There’s conversations that don’t necessarily add up if this is all in his head (like some of it could be from other aspects of Great’s life that we just don’t know about yet, but still. Makes me wonder.). Ahhhhhh both dreading and looking forward to the next episode. Well, that’s it. All my current random thoughts. Have fun!

Are you ever too busy monologuing a story in your head that you realize you didn’t actually pay attention to the scene that just played out in the show? You just kinda go off on a side story or tangent with the characters and then are just like, ah damn what’d I miss?

For the writing ask game, number 26: story your most proud of

oof.

this is a loaded question, because I'm proud of a few different stories for their own reasons.

The Sorcerer And The Court Noble, my first self-published novel (which is available to buy digitally through my dms for those interested) is the one I am *most* proud of, because it was a labour of love for nearly 10 years of revisions and based off a series of films and novels that have firmly planted themselves into japanese folklore and pop culture. It's a love story between Abe no Seimei and Minamoto no Hiromasa, real men who really lived and whose shrines you can visit to this day. It's a very special story to me.

The Agony And The Ecstasy Of Sherlock Holmes, my second self-published novel (which is also available to buy digitally through my dms for those interested) based on the events of series 4, told through emails, texts, surveillance footage, hospital records, and therapist's notes. I've never written a story of that length in such a short period of time, when I myself was in indescribable physical pain due to several spontaneous disc herniations in my spine. It's a deeply personal study of Sherlock Holmes' character and I'll always be very proud of it.

Runaway Judges, a post-series the devil judge fic inspired by the mishima: a life in four chapters OST, specifically the track runaway horses (poetry written with a splash of blood). It examines the push-and-pull relationship between Yo Han and Ga On in the aftermath of the courthouse explosion in episode 16; it's about the characters' pain and sacrifice as declarations of love for each other and how they begin to heal from all the hurt and misunderstandings between them now that they're both ghosts as they flee to Switzerland and start a new life. It's probably my favourite TDJ fic I've ever written.

The common thread between all three of these works is actually something based in the first onmyoji film, which TSatCN follows. In it, Hiromasa cradles the woman he loves, Sukehime, in his arms as she succumbs to a spell that turned her into a vengeful demon; a demon that feeds on men's blood. He offers her his life, presenting his bare arm to her and tells her, "It's alright. I do not mind, in the end, if it is you that kills me." Watching that scene as a child (I was twelve) rewired something in my brain pretty fundamentally when it came to my understanding of love and sacrifice. It's followed my writing ever since, and these three works all examine the relationship between pain, sacrifice, penance, devotion, and love - the concept of dying for love of someone else makes my heart ache in the best way, and I love exploring that depth of emotion in my writing.

thanks for playing! <3

Ah I can’t find the post anymore so guess I’ll make my own. To anyone getting the cursed tubi ad, did you know you can get rid of it? If you filter out the tubi hashtag it goes away (so far this has worked for me, I have not done any other testing so idk if it’ll definitely work for you but I think it should). Hope this helps.

Bro I thought I just lost an entire draft of a drama list and was about to just lay down in despair. I should probably keep a copy of them elsewhere instead of just writing them on here. That would most certainly be safer. But I don’t feel like it right now. Soooooo maybe later. :3

Playing solitaire with myself and loosing, ah joy. TvT

Okay it’s been a few hours. Heading back to bed. (Like 4-5 ish hours. I did get some work done. I just need to not get so caught up in my head and just go for it when painting, or well making anything. So I will. Once I wake up)

Going onto [insert random streaming service] to finish watching a show I started… only to find its no longer there. Removed with no warning, and I now I’m left to grasp at straws. TvT

Alas, why. Oh well, time to search for it on other streaming services I hopefully have

I realized something. The reason I don’t like going out while I’m sick is cause normally I have to pretend I’m fine. I don’t know since when I started to do that but I think it has to do with school. Healthy or sick one always had to go and I didn’t like to make noise cause it felt like disrupting the class. Now though, just going out and being upfront about the fact that I’m sick but I can’t afford to not be here honestly takes a weight off me. It’s like a yeah I’m sick, it sucks but it is what it is. And then I don’t have to pretend to be healthy. I can just exist in my misery without feeling like I’m being a bother. Or at least not as much. It’s nice.