Pearletta - Bc I Need To Express My Thoughts Sometimes

and then to argue, after alllllll of the moments we see cassian exert power of nesta THAT NESTA is the abusive one in that dynamic?????? where? so -- nesta -- the woman who (1) repeatedly asked for cassian to leave her alone (2) who kneed him in the balls bc he was trying to lick her neck (3) who followed her home when she asked him NOT too, (4) was locked in a house and had everything down to the food she ate and the clothes she wore picked out by HIM. (5) was attracted to that beast of a man bc of a mating bond that HE ALREADY KNEW ABOUT and was then locked in a house with this man with those emotions she cannot control

THAT IS THE ABUSIVE ONE???

the woman who literally tried for months to get away from this man, going so far as to live across town and cut contact with him.

but somehow she's being abusive when she's told multiple times she not interested in him, in the fae world???? insanity.

like if u want to make those arguments abt feyre and her sisters having a bad relationship. go ahead, thats your place

but to argue this abt nesta and cassian, to even imply NESTA as the aggressor is crazy and i think yall are losing it here.

Always feel bad when I see someone say something like "I don't have a disability but I have [something that is a disability but society doesn't treat like one]"

Migraines. Food allergies. GERD. Vision problems. Skin problems. For people that menstruate, conditions that cause irregular and painful cycles. Those are all disabling. Anything that impairs you from functioning or completing a basic life task without accommodation is a disability. Anything that makes you spend days in bed during a flare up is a disability! Not everyone experiences your symptoms and you're not being weak or whiny.

Mental illnesses that people treat as "mainstream" these days like anxiety, depression, or ADHD are still disabilities. Overcoming a massive struggle just to get out of bed, slow down your thoughts, or focus on what you need/want to do is disabling. Starting the day with less mental energy than most people is disabling.

For the migraine people: yes, everyone gets headaches, but no not everyone gets migraines. It's a condition that can be inherited in which our nerves are literally wired differently and more sensitive than someone who doesn't get migraines.

For the food allergy and digestive disorder people: if you eat something your body can't tolerate, you become sick. Doesn't matter if it's a trip to the ER or skin irritation for a few hours, that's a negative response in your body. Going hungry at social events because you can't eat anything, that's not something you just have to grin and bear. Prohibitively expensive or hard-to-find accessible food. Most people have the privilege of not worrying about eating.

For people with abnormal menstrual cycles: you don't have to suck it up because "lots of people get periods, no one likes them, but they all deal with it." Majority of people who get periods don't spend days in bed with debilitating pain or nausea. Your heightened struggle is real. Going months between cycles can increase your risk of health conditions down the line, and it's good to speak to a gynecologist if you have access to one.

If you are feeling discomfort on a regular basis in any part of your body, or if you usually feel unwell after eating, that isn't normal and you deserve medical attention and support

Edit to reiterate this list is not exhaustive!

my unsolicited haikyuu headcanons pt 2

ushijima fuckin LOVES the witch doctor song by the cartoons bc he saw tendou dance to it once and he’ll just be listening to it w earbuds with that stony ass face of his, listening to the cartoons go “OOH ee ooh AA ting tang WALLA WALLA bing bang--” completely emotionless. 

I was reading some Wolffe posts and I was thinking about my own version of Wolffe in my Multiverse.

Wolffe seems so calm most of the time, but also seems to have no chill where it concerns like, speaking his mind. Plo obviously encourages him to have his own personality, thoughts and feelings and validates his opinions.

By contrast, Cody and Rex are so much more reserved– but what really gets me is Cody is less reserved with Obi-Wan than Rex is with Anakin. It’s so weird, cause you’d assume ‘super attachment maker’ Anakin Skywalker would get so close to Rex that eventually they’d become loose around each other.

Cody will jokingly call Obi-Wan ‘boss’ and crack jokes with him in the movie and even talk candidly with him in the show. Maybe not quite to the extent that Wolffe will with Plo or his brothers– but Cody is loose and relaxed.

And I don’t think it’s just his personality. I think Obi-Wan tries to encourage his men and their individuality, but like. Massively fails.

I can only think to compare it to how my mother was in one aspect of life. She’d insist that we could talk to her about anything, but then when I tried, she’d get mad and shout at me. In Obi-Wans’ case, it would’ve been more like…

‘I want you to know that I respect your personhood, but also I’m your general and you should obey me unequivocally or you and your brothers all might end up dead out there on the battlefield, so I’m going to be genial but keep my distance’ kind of thing which has the side effect of making the men slightly more relaxed because they know where the lines are and they can work around them– but they don’t feel truly safe with Obi-wan the way Wolffe and the Wolfpack feel with Plo Koon.

Which led me to thinking about Anakins’ lines. Fives is very outspoken and opinionated, and Jesse can be if the situation calls for it.

But when they’re around Anakin, they barely joke at all. And the one time I can remember them joking with Anakin, it was about the size of his binoculars? It was a juvenile joke and Anakin seems to indulge it, but then why do they all still seem so separated from him?

I realized it’s just Fives who is that comfortable, because he refuses not to be comfortable. He makes himself comfortable, but the rest of them are not.

I’m sorry this has turned into a long character rant.

It just makes me think about them all and how their behaviors are so different from each other. Even Captain Keeli whom we see only for a short time, somehow seems more at home with his General than Rex does.

Rex is always stiff and formal with Anakin. Even discounting the whole ‘not calling him Anakin’ thing which doesn’t even really matter– it’s in the body movements and the way they talk to each other.

A lot of this is just headcanon based upon what I remember, but.

Anakin is down-to-earth, but only from a distance. He’s so detached from everything and everyone because wartime forces one not to get attached lest you lose them and get hurt. And the only people he allows himself to get attached to, are people with higher survival odds and Padme.

Obi-Wan and Ahsoka are his only two attachments outside of Padme and the Chancellor.

And I was thinking about this the other day but the only real attachment that Anakin had, was Ahsoka. Because all the rest, were obsessions.

The obsession with the idea of being in love and having someone love him. The obsession with being a good son/younger brother so that his father/older brother would acknowledge him. The Obsession with feeling special and powerful like he really mattered– which is what the Chancellor gave him.

But Ahsoka is the only one he truly loved and was simply attached to. He didn’t really get anything from Ahsoka. Sure she was a lot like him and he could relate to her, but that’s basically it. She wasn’t even like a familial surrogate or anything though you could say he viewed her like a sister.

I’d say that Ahsokas’ loss would’ve rocked Anakin more than anyone elses’. The fact that it’s Padmes’ death that sends him into despair is just weird to me when. Well you all know how I feel about Pedophile Padme marrying a teenager when she’s a full grown ass woman. But also aside from that…

Padme and Anakin only have one thing in common. The struggles they went through together. Nothing else. Even their love languages are so mismatched that Anakin ends up feeling desperate for her affection because she doesn’t show it in a way that makes him feel loved.

(Specifically citing that episode where he gives her his lightsaber to ‘prove’ his love and try to get her to prove hers back.)

But Anakin and Ahsoka have a true bond forged not only through similarities between them, but also the events they have gone through together and their reluctance to give up their attachments. They are basically mirrors of each other, though they’re more alike than they are opposite when they first meet.

Their bond grows through mutual affection.

Contrast that with Anakins’ relationship with Padme or Obi-Wan and you can clearly see that while he is desperate for Padmes’ love and Obi-Wans’ approval, he is just happy with Ahsoka.

When she left the order, I think it broke him.

But getting back to my point.

Anakin views his men as ‘people that die too easily, I’ll just lose them’ so while he might be very permissive and treat his men affectionately, it’s like…you can feel that he doesn’t really mean it.

That while he might smile at you and crack witty one-liners, but he’ll flip through a casualty report without a single flinch. Because those men were assumed casualties by him already.

Wolffe is comfortable because Plo Koon genuinely cares for his men and is attached, healthily, to them.

Cody is semi-comfortable because while Obi-Wan might have boundaries around his affection and kindness, at least that means that he knows where he stands.

And Rex is stiff with Anakin because Anakin pretends to be close to them and to care for them, but he’s really just acting out the behavior with none of the feelings behind it. It makes you uneasy. You know your creativity will be rewarded on the battlefield, but would he be okay if you called him brother and clapped him on the shoulder?

They don’t know, and that’s what makes them so stiff.

Or so I think? Not sure, I’ll have to think about it a lot more.

calling my lover "mine" but not in the way that my toothbrush or notebook are mine, mine in the way my neighborhood is mine, and also everybody else's, "mine" like mine to tend to, mine to care for, mine to love. "mine" not like possession but devotion.

my unsolicited haikyuu hcs pt 1

tsukki will draw constellations on yam’s body using yam’s freckles as the stars.

Eris is a massive asshole with many layers of trauma so I need his mate to be fucking insane, like worse than him. Jude and Cardan style but they’re both murderers <3

ACOTAR if the books were written from Tamlin's perspective

Exploring the nuance that the fandom often overlooks.

The ACOTAR series is told in first-person perspective. Although this allows us insight into the inner workings of certain character's minds, it also means that these accounts can be biased, or lacking nuance. To this day, Tamlin's perspective has not been shared, and I want to attempt to do that.

Please note that although the books were predominately told from Feyre's viewpoint, it doesn't mean that her thoughts and feelings are invalid. I am also not condoning Tamlin's actions (explaining ≠ excusing). These are fictional books; breaking them down and considering different angles is of great merit - even if you don't personally agree.

The story of Tamlin; how it all started.

Tamlin grew up in an extremely violent and abusive household - the extent of which largely remains unknown to the readers. We do know that his parents did not love each other, and that his father and two older brothers were canonically worse than Lucien's (and we know how bad they are).

Tamlin's father was even friends with the King of Hybern and Amarantha; two of the most insidious individuals in Prythian. In fact, Tamlin's father would regularly drag him along to visit them. It was during these visits that Amarantha grew to desire Tamlin, presumably when he was still rather young.

Amarantha then continued to sexually harass Tamlin for centuries. As readers, we do not know exactly what Amarantha did to Tamlin during that time; he is yet to open up about it.

An unlikely ruler.

Tamlin never wanted to rule the Spring Court. He stated that if he did, his brothers would have killed him "before he could reach adolescence." As a result, his only choice was to join the brutality of the army.

Instead, what Tamlin actually wanted was to become a travelling musician, spending his days playing the fiddle.

However, when Tamlin's entire family was (justifiably) murdered by Rhys and his father, he was forced into the role of High Lord of the Spring Court. Unlike Rhys, Tamlin had no friends or Inner Circle to help him, or to offer him support.

Although Tamlin rightfully shares the blame in what happened to Rhys's family, we still never received his version of events. Many have theorised that Tamlin was tortured by his brothers and father for the information about Rhys's family (as at this point, Tamlin and Rhys were best friends); I believe this to be likely.

Whatever the circumstances, one thing was now clear - Tamlin was entirely alone.

A reign ravaged by Amarantha.

Despite the circumstances, Tamlin does his best to rule the Spring Court. Although he is still largely inexperienced, he is vigilant about not following in the footsteps of his abusive father and brothers.

However, his efforts are halted when Amarantha, the woman who has relentlessly sexually and romantically pursued him for years, curses his entire court, and turns his heart to stone. Tamlin is forced to watch all of his companions and court advisors either die, or suffer tremendously, as a result of the curse.

Despite this, Tamlin does what he can for his people - even those outside of his court; offering shelter and employment to countless refugees.

In fact, when one of Tamlin's civilians was killed by Amarantha, he carried the faerie in his arms and into the gardens. He then buried the faerie with his own hands; "a High Lord, digging a grave for a stranger."

Meeting Feyre; the beginning of the end.

By chance or fate, Tamlin met Feyre Archeron. She was the first person he had ever loved in 500 years - the only one to make him feel "less alone."

Tamlin brought Feyre's family out of poverty and healed her father's leg. He rebuilt the art gallery for her. He was the first person to recognise the sacrifices she had made for her family. Most of all, Tamlin fell in love with Feyre in her human form - exactly as she was, with no mating bond to biologically pull her to him.

Prior to the events of Under the Mountain, Tamlin tells Feyre that he is "not her jailor." He tells her that she doesn't need a "keeper," as he kneels before her, and dedicates a song on his fiddle to her.

So, what changed?

Under the Mountain.

Amarantha happened.

Tamlin was forced to witness the woman he loved be brutalised and tortured. Knowing Amarantha was in love with him, Tamlin is powerless to help Feyre; to make his feelings known, means instant death for her. It is why Tamlin gets on his knees and begs Rhys to keep Feyre's identity a secret.

However, Feyre is ultimately killed. She was only brought into this situation because of Tamlin; he is riddled with guilt and despair.

Yet, by some miracle, Feyre is resurrected. Tamlin now has the chance to protect Feyre, to save her, in all the ways he was unable to before.

However, he goes overboard. He becomes possessive and controlling. Despite promising Feyre that he was not her "jailor," he locks her in the manor. He shuts Feyre out. The trauma only festers - for both of them.

Tamlin's behaviour was abusive. Feyre had every right to leave, and she was far better off for it.

Readers react (but, is it fair?)

It is for the above reason that Tamlin is one of the most hated ACOTAR characters. That hatred is justified.

But, where is that same hatred for all other SJM characters who behaved just as badly as Tamlin? Or, those who behaved even worse?

Rhys is still the character who:

Drugged Feyre and made her dance provocatively Under the Mountain (until she threw up). Rhys later admits he did this in part to make Tamlin jealous.

Twisted Feyre's broken arm to enforce consent.

Kept a 24/7 shield around her (the same sort of action Tamlin is criticised for...).

Refused to tell Feyre that her pregnancy would likely be fatal (despite their 'no secrets' promise); stripping her of the autonomy to make decisions over her own body.

Then, threatened to kill Nesta when she revealed this information.

And I hear you - "Rhys was just trying to protect Feyre!" Yet, wasn't that Tamlin's motive too?

This double standard exists for most other SJM characters:

[TOG Spoilers] Rowan, one of the most powerful fae warriors to ever exist, punches Aelin, a 19 year old who is newly discovering her fae abilities, so hard in the face that she hits a wall and bleeds. He then tells her that she should have "died long ago". Tamlin never directly laid his hands on Feyre. Yet, Rowan does, and his behaviour is always excused (and even romanticised). What's more, is that his relationship with Aelin is one of the most highly regarded.

[TOG Spoilers] We then have Manon who committed literal mass genocide for centuries (and delighted in it), even killing her own sister in the process.

There's Azriel who has a twisted affinity for torturing people.

Nesta who was verbally and emotionally abusive towards Feyre throughout their childhood.

Don't get me wrong, I love all of these characters. They are nuanced, morally grey individuals; this complexity is what makes SJM books so great.

Yet, why does this same nuance rarely exist for Tamlin?

Considering the events from Tamlin's perspective.

Readers criticise Tamlin for collaborating with Hybern to 'get Feyre back.' However, from Tamlin's perspective, Rhys was the person who willingly served Amarantha for the past 50 years. Tamlin also believed Rhys's facade that he was the insidious dictator of the infamously cruel Night Court. What's more, Tamlin is also aware of Rhys's mind control powers. So, when he receives a vague letter from Feyre (who as far as he knows, couldn't read and write), of course he is suspicious.

Tamlin truly believes that Rhys has kidnapped Feyre, and that she is in danger. In order to rescue her, Tamlin pretends to work with Hybern. He jeopardises the safety of his civilians, puts his entire court at risk - all to save the woman he loves.

If Rhys sacrificed the Night Court to save Feyre, we would deem it an act of true love. So, why do we condemn Tamlin?

What's more, both readers and characters blame Tamlin for the King of Hybern's actions; that Elain and Nesta went into the Cauldron because of him.

However, as soon as Tamlin realised Hybern's true plans, he blew his cover in an attempt to stop the King. He was the ONLY character who lunged for Hybern in an attempt to save Elain (whilst everyone else stood there in shock).

Shortly after, Tamlin realises that Feyre left him willingly. That she is with Rhys, and they are mates. Then, Lucien, Tamlin's only friend, leaves for the Night Court too.

To top it all off, in an act of revenge, Feyre orchestrates for the downfall of the Spring Court - an action that risks the lives of countless innocent civilians. As a result, Tamlin now has no one. No court.

Tamlin has nothing left.

Tamlin's choice.

If we are all being honest with ourselves, most people in Tamlin's position would feel immense resentment. Many would resort to revenge, just as Feyre did. However, Tamlin never takes this path - he never gives in to the hatred and bitterness that could so easily consume him. He chooses otherwise.

Not only did he turn the tide in the war, saving Feyre and Elain's life;

Not only did he resurrect Rhys - the man who took so much from him;

But above all else, he wished for Feyre to "be happy."

Yet, despite all of this, although most other characters got their happily ever after, Tamlin now roams around the decimated Spring Court. He stays in his beast form, as if he doesn't even feel worthy of being fae - of his humanity. Tamlin is depressed, and very alone. He has always been alone.

To me, his character can be summarised by this quote;

"I sat with my anger long enough, until he told me his real name was grief."

Tamlin's redemption.

Some believe that Tamlin deserves no redemption. That instead, he is better off dead. However, I think that sends a rather grim message to the myriad of people who suffer in the same way that Tamlin does.

To those who externalise their pain, rather than internalise it. To those who were never shown love as a child, and therefore struggle to display it as an adult. To those who were hurt by the people they trusted most, so they hurt others in return. To those who still hold onto guilt over their past. To those who try to be a better person, but still feel like a failure deep down.

That doesn't mean that Tamlin's past actions should be excused, or even forgiven, But, just like every other character, it does mean he should have the chance to heal.

In her most recent interview, SJM says it herself; that no character is doomed to be an "asshole" forever, and that any day you could choose to wake up and be a better person - to live a better life.

A fairytale ending.

Ultimately, ACOTAR was inspired by Beauty and the Beast, and Tamlin is the perfect personification of the Beast. Not just for his shapeshifting form, as we came to believe in the first book. But rather, just as the Beast in the fairytale was a man haunted by his past mistakes, so too is Tamlin.

Yet, as the tale goes, the Beast's once hardened exterior begins to melt away, and he is able to look towards the world with kindness. To love again. To love himself. When this happened, the enchanted rose came back to life.

I believe this foreshadows what will occur with Tamlin in future books. As he begins to heal, to find his place in the world, he will blossom.

And, so too will the Spring Court gardens around him - vibrant again, once more.

I'm the type of person to destroy myself with knowledge.. needing to know exactly how something happened, even if its gruesome. So when nesta looked into the dead eyes of the king I felt that

listen to music that kills you a little bit. listen to music that swallows your heart and makes you feel insane