I Think A Big Reason Why "children Are An Oppressed Group" Gets (wrongly!) Read As A "pedophile Talking

FYI everyone sometimes medication for mental illness is the only option (read my exp w meds and depression below)

Since the age of 8 I showed signs of depression. This was unfortunately ignored by family though I have family history of depression. I though my symptoms were myself just "growing up" and every day I lived in dread that the lack of happiness was how the rest of my life would be lived. During my teenage years this got significantly worse, leading to self harm and suicidal ideation among other things like recklessness/lack of care with my own life.

This illness followed me until I started therapy in my twenties. Two years of sessions on and off definitely helped. I saw three different therapists and still the sadness/numbness remained. I was diagnosed with dysthymia.

I started medication, and over the course of a year and a half, went on to two different types. I tapered off after the second med made me gain a ton of weight. I was terrified that the crushing sadness would come back, but tapered off.

I've been off meds for about a year and feel so completely normal. Change is possible, don't let anyone shame you into thinking you don't need ut when you've tried everything. One of my therapists refused to give me a referral for meds because they didn't understand dysthymia. If you think you need the help, DO IT! you know yourself and your body and mind better than anyone.

Nesta Archeron deserved better, and I will die on that hill. Was she a mean older sister? Yes. Does she deserve to be held accountable for that? Absolutely. But that is something that should have been handled between the Archeron sisters.

The truth is, they all had issues they should have resolved together. Elain also did nothing in the cabin, but because she’s sweet it’s okay that she also didn’t hunt. Feyre told the IC the bad things about her sisters, while leaving out the good parts. She also was the reason they ended up in the cauldron. Nesta shouldn’t have been so bitter and cold to her family, she should have shown her love better. Not one of them was perfect, but Nesta is everyone’s target because she’s not sweet and submissive.

They all have stuff to own up to, but they should have done that together. And the IC targeting Nesta, especially after Feyre tells them to stop is bullshit and my girl deserved better.

The poor girl didn’t even get an “I love you” in her book. Instead she got a man who seemed to hate her and want nothing to do with her, and when she’s broken suddenly he loves her because she’s not fighting him anymore.

Nesta went to the wall to rescue Feyre. She fought in a war. She killed a King. She was expected to heal in such little time when Elain was given months, and still isn’t completely healed. She was told not to drink and sleep around, when it is said in the books how the IC handled their first war/battles, and how they cope with their trauma. And again, it’s okay for them, but not Nesta. Only when Nesta gave up her powers was she ever welcomed in their Court.

So yes, I will die on the hill of “Nesta deserved better”. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

does existence ever make you just... ache? 

i see and hear and know about so many atrocities and it’s just so overwhelming. how can people stand by as these things happen? how can people do these things? and i’m not just talking about things on the national, or global scale. how can people cheat on their partners? how can they stand to hurt someone like that? how can people be abusive? how do people rape and beat and murder others in cold blood? how do leaders turn a blind eye to the suffering of their people? how can a parent manipulate and abuse their child? 

how can anyone do anything horrible and not feel as if their brain is being ripped apart? how do their hearts not feel as if they’re being stretched to a snapping point and crushed all at the same time, when they hurt someone?

and at the same time,

i see and hear and know of such boundless love, such all-encompassing, unconditional adoration, and i know how i feel it for others, but i can’t possibly imagine someone feeling that way for me. and for this, i feel so arrogant. so self-absorbed. i’m ashamed at how sometimes i feel as if no one, never in the expanse of human existence, could ever feel these things as raw as i can. how only i bear the weight of the world, how only i feel as if all the suffering and weeping of the world is projected onto, into, my heart, and how my heart so often feels as if it’s combusting from all this.

i just... ache. i don’t know if i’m alone in this pain (i hope i’m not), but even the knowledge that those who experience emotions the way i do exist as well would not ease this burden, i think. 

so i’m currently working at a law firm and the other day one of the attorneys was talking to me and he mentioned that he’s “not very confrontational” and i was like you are?? a lawyer???

and he said “yeah but in court there are rules. i can argue with some shmuck in a suit in front of a judge no problem, but when i leave the courthouse and go home i’m not gonna argue with my wife about dinner. there are no rules in our kitchen. i would die.”

🪷

look i dislike the corporate artyle book cover trend as much as the next person but we cant pretend every book looking the same is something new. if you stepped into a bookstore in 2013 there would be approximately 57 books whose cover art consisted of a girl in a ballgown with her back half-turned to the camera photoshopped into a vaguely fantasy-like landscape. i was 11 years old fighting for my life to find the right maximalistic girl and her single-adjective book title we cannot forget the horrors i went through please be respectful of my experiences

“As an older sister I will never forgive Nesta-“

To every Rhysand stan that can’t leave Nesta fans alone for even five minutes:

Rhysand rules over an apartheid state, literally enforcing segregation and gender discrimination to the point of physical mutilation.

Rhysand neglects two thirds of his court and not even then is the one third free of slums while he’s drowning in wealth.

Rhysand is a sexual abuser that doesn’t give a fuck about women he’s not in love with or that are not of use to him in any way besides cannon fodder.

Women under his rule are violently abused, se****** assaulted, mutilated, killed, oppressed, poor, discriminated against.

THAT is forgivable to you?

Or has it only ever been about the man, about self-inserting yourself into the story? If yes, don’t talk about morals.

If SJM doesn’t compare Gwyn’s freckles to the stars and constellations of the night sky as Azriel kisses her skin remembering the times he used to pray to those same stars as a child trapped away then what’s the point ?????????

Will I ever get over Nicole Coughlan in Wiederhoeft? The answer is no

Plagiarism in the ACOTAR Fandom

If you write Nessian, Nezriel, or Cazriel and ACOSF fics, take note.

On Thursday, June 29, I learned that my fic, viciousness & intelligence, was plagiarized by A03 user amaliea25 in her story titled Fall from Grace. Since alerting her that I was aware of her plagiarism, she edited the scenes she stole from my fic, but she has not removed them entirely from her story.

This plagiarism came to my attention when amaliea25 commented on my short V&I outtake, promises & punishments. This was the first time she contacted me on AO3, and I was curious about what drew someone to such a minor fic. I clicked onto her page and found that she was also a Nesta/Azriel/Cassian writer. Previously, I ignored Fall from Grace because, as a canon-divergent ACOSF story in which Nesta has an unexpected dual mating bond with Cassian and Azriel, the premise was similar enough to V&I that I did not want to step on her toes by accident.

However, I shouldn't have worried about that. Because when I decided to check out a random page in her fic anyway to decide whether or not I should bookmark it to read after I finish V&I, I discovered she was already plagiarizing my work.

Screenshots below the cut.

The Plagiarized Content

To my knowledge, three scenes from V&I were stolen from Chapters 2, 3, and 6. However, amaliea25 is in the habit of paraphrasing the scenes she steals, and I haven't read V&I in over 6 months, so I have suspicions about at least half a dozen more passages and plot points. I will highlight the two most obvious offenses here.

These screenshots were taken on June 29th.

viciousness & intelligence Chapters 2 and 6 (published 5/10/22 and 6/21/22) vs. Fall from Grace Chapter 22 (published 5/31/23)

viciousness & intelligence Chapter 3 (published 5/19/22) vs. Fall from Grace Chapter 23 (published 6/2/23)

The Reddit Tip-off

I have since read the entirety of Fall from Grace to check for more plagiarism, and while doing so I realized that the title of Fall from Grace and the sentiment in the comment on promises & punishments sounded familiar to me. I used to advertise my fics on r/ACOTAR, and in May I received email notifications about several comments on my old post about V&I... the most recent of which advertised another Nessriel story entirely.

I was appalled that someone promoted another fic on my post, but ignored it at the time and muted the user - I thought it was just a fan of the Nesta/Cassian/Azriel ship being unknowingly rude.

But when I went back and confirmed that the story in this comment was the one that plagiarized my fic, I did get a little heated and jump the gun. I replied, "Considering that fic has plagiarized mine, do not do that." The next morning, the comment advertising Fall from Grace on my post was gone.

But even though that one instance of this user promoting Fall from Grace was deleted, it is strange that it is the only fic u/Embarrassed_Room1347 promotes, isn’t it?

So I suspect that u/Embarrassed_Room1347 and AO3 user amaliea25 are the same person, and that my comment about plagiarism on June 29th tipped her off that I was aware and that she needed to cover up her tracks...

The Alteration

...which she tried to do. Poorly. Here is a screenshot of the same portion of Chapter 22 of Fall from Grace taken today, July 1st, proving that amaliea25 is aware that she committed plagiarism, that it is not okay, and that I am unhappy that she did. This is the only edit she has made to my knowledge, since as of this post, Chapter 23 remains untouched.

Despite amaliea25's attempts to edit away her plagiarism, I also downloaded a copy of Fall from Grace as an EPUB from AO3 on June 29th before she had the chance. This fic was first published on May 8, 2023, and the extreme length and patchwork quality of the writing and plot indicates to me that much of it was taken from outside sources.

If you are a fellow ACOTAR author and you are concerned amaliea25 may have plagiarized your work and is now attempting to cover it up, please DM me. I'll send you the file so you can check for yourself.

She may have altered what she stole from your work even further since June 29th, but it is likely still in her fic.

I only check AO3 for fics. If you are aware of Fall from Grace on any other platforms, I would appreciate it if you told me so I can report it.