Hugh Dancy And Rose Byrne.

The Capitol is seen at twilight at the end of a record snowfall, Wednesday, Feb. 10, 2010, in Washington.

Adam: Why did you scream like that? Beth: Because I walked into my apartment and there was a strange man in my window. Adam: It was me! Beth: I didn’t know that. Adam: Oh.

-Adam (2009)

Adam: After the Big Bang, the expansion of the universe slowed down but then after seven billion years for some reason it speeded up again and it’s been speeding up ever since. Someday everything you see here will disappear forever and eventually the night sky will be almost completely dark. Beth: That’s kinda sad. Adam: Sad?

-Adam (2009)

Start a War | The Nationals

We expected something, something better than before. We expected something more You were always waiting but I never had to hold you by the edges like I do now You were always waiting but I never had to hold you by the edges like I do now Walk away now and you’re gonna start a war

Before we end this rodeo, a few things need to be said. There has been a lot of speculation in the press about what I legally can and can’t say about NBC. To set the record straight, tonight I am allowed to say anything I want. And what I want to say is this: between my time at Saturday Night Live, the Late Night show, and my brief run here on The Tonight Show, I have worked with NBC for over 20 years. Yes, we have our differences right now and yes, we’re going to go our separate ways. But this company has been my home for most of my adult life. I am enormously proud of the work we have done together, and I want to thank NBC for making it all possible. Walking away from The Tonight Show is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Making this choice has been enormously difficult. This is the best job in the world, I absolutely love doing it, and I have the best staff and crew in the history of the medium. But despite this sense of loss, I really feel this should be a happy moment. Every comedian dreams of hosting The Tonight Show and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second. I’ve had more good fortune than anyone I know and if our next gig is doing a show in a 7-Eleven parking lot, we’ll find a way to make it fun. And finally, I have to say something to our fans. The massive outpouring of support and passion from so many people has been overwhelming. The rallies, the signs, all the goofy, outrageous creativity on the Internet, and the fact that people have traveled long distances and camped out all night in the pouring rain to be in our audience, made a sad situation joyous and inspirational. To all the people watching, I can never thank you enough for your kindness to me and I’ll think about it for the rest of my life. All I ask of you is one thing: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism — it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen. As proof, let’s make an amazing thing happen right now.

Conan Fucking O’Brien.

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