my thoughts on Ethel Cain's "Perverts" as i listen to it:
Track 1: Perverts
such a haunting way to open an album, i think it took 3 seconds for me to get chills honestly. hearing "nearer my god to thee" in such a different way than i usually do was so disturbing. the longer the song went (12 min), the more comfortable i felt sitting and listening to the droning sounds in the background. the last line, "it's happening again honey" is just such a great tie in to everything about the Ethel Cain lore.
Track 2: Punish
from the first time i heard this song (as a single), i was so glad to hear the piano that immediately took me back to "Preachers Daughter" and the vocals!! as much as i love instrumental tracks, it's always welcome to hear her voice. her voice is almost floating above the instrumentals and background noises (creaking?) and a contrast to the dark lyrics. the line "only god knows" is weirdly comforting to me, yet again reminding me of "Preachers Daughter" and of course the guitar when "they made me leave" is so amazing. the song is very angelic at the start, but a feel the frustration starting to build during the song, and like all her songs, it gives me chills.
Track 3: Housofpsychoticwomn
the clock (?) ticking immediately reminded me of my grandmother's house, spending the night there, sitting in silence except for the ticking of the grandfather clock in the hallway. the repeated phrase of "i love you" yet again sends a chill down my spine, overlapped with words and phrases i can't quite make out. it feels like im asleep and hearing people talk around me, or in another room, just laying there and trying to pick up what they're saying. in another way, it sounds like the inside of my head, indescribable voices having conversations while i try to comfort myself. there is almost a death rattle sounds that is intertwined with groaning singing or wailing. around the 10 min mark, i definitely started getting overwhelmed with all the sounds, and it was uncomfortable, but i suppose that is what the song wanted to do. it was a relief when the sounds dropped out, but i was totally caught off guard by the "boom" i guess you could call it, i didn't expect it at all.
Track 4: Vacillator
the drums are very welcome, and a great base for the rest of the track. the vocals are (of course) amazing, they're gentle, soft and sweet. it sounds like a "classic" love song at first, but listening to the lyrics it is pretty sexual, which is not surprising to me, but it is surprising to hear such (is vulgar the word?) vocals in such a sweet sounding song, but it's one of my favorite things that artists do. i honestly would love to dance to this song at my wedding (if i found someone as freaky as me), even though the lyrics are a little explicit, the song is so gorgeous overall.
Track 5: Onanist
the vhs tape whirring is a sound i always love that songwriters use, and the quality of the instrumentals sounds straight out of an old game, like im exploring an abandoned building or town. the vocals are almost sirenlike, pulling you in and layered in such a beautiful way. this song definitely feels like im getting lured in by something/someone, the vocals mixed with the harsher instrumentals that mix into it later in the song aid this feeling. another time where everything drops out, and is replaced with low droning and muttered words, "it feels good". this feels like a signature Ethel Cain track to me, and so far, is one of my favorites on the album.
Track 6: Pulldrone
the spoken words at the start of this song almost feel like they're being pulled out of someone, or it's something they've memorized or recited many times. the gong or bell or whatever that was, sent a tingle down my spine and through my eardrum. "i am what i am but we are not the same" future tattoo alert!!! constant shivers and chills throughout this one, the spoken word and the droning grating sound only getting louder feels like it's actually inside of my body. the droning going pretty much until the end of the song reminds me of track 1, leaving me to sit in silence and listen to what sounds like grating droning violins? yet again, one that makes me uncomfortable but one that is undeniably Ethel Cain.
Track 7: Etienne
this song absolutely sounds like a soundtrack for an old open world game or something, like i can imagine sitting in front of the tv and playing a game while this track is playing from the broken speakers of the tv. the peaceful music continues throughout the entire song. at the end of the song, it feels like im laying down on the carpet of my old living room and listening to an old record, it makes me painfully nostalgic.
Track 8: Thatorchia
starting out with a loud echoing noise was not how i predicted this to start after the last track was so chill, but it still keeps the same retro sort of vhs feeling that was very present in the previous track. the echoing vocals really make you strain to hear them over the harsh instrumentals, but to me, that only makes them more beautiful. the guitar is one of my favorite constant sounds in Hayden's discography, so i felt like a bit of a fangirl when it came in at the end. this song makes me feel like im running away into the woods to join a coven of witches.
Track 9: Amber Waves (my fav)
such beautiful guitar, the starting spoken word goes great with the mood the song has, sort of somber, slow but peaceful. the vocals come in yet again and im instantly transported to heaven. the harmony with herself sounds so so good, "days go by, time on without me/ill be alright" is so powerful and i feel like ive felt this way before, especially in depressive episodes, there's a lot of sadness, but eventually there's peace in that sadness, and it's beautiful. of course i think of "amber waves of grain" but also amber waves of hair, when looking at the title and lyrics of the song. it's a love letter to the empty country with nothing but fields of grain, but maybe also a love letter to a person, someone in the past where you can hardly remember anything about them, like looking in a foggy mirror, but you remember how you feel about them no matter how much time goes by. the guitar is so beautiful im not ashamed to say that i started crying and had to wash off my mascara.
in no way am i a professional music analyst or whatever, just talking about my feelings on my first listen. of course they'll change and grow over time but i wanted to document my first thoughts of an album ive been looking forward to since i knew of its existence. @mothercain thank you for all that you do and all that you are, and proving that it really is happening to everybody.
more challengers + more tennis
it’s been more than half a year since challengers released and im still not over it.
y'all idk if i can do day number 8.. i just don't picture art as a rough sex kind of guy!!! plus i don't super love writing about it so.. ill see y'all for day 9!!
day 16: 69 <3
"i feel bad"
you look up from your spot on the floor, unceremoniously removing arts dick from your mouth. "what?" you're confused, this situation far removed from how art usually is during blowjobs, all drooly and blabbery. "i- it's unfair isn't it?" art is obviously still stuck in the clouds, but he's trying his best to make you understand. "what's unfair?" when art is in this headspace, it's best to ask simple questions. "well.. you're making me feel really good.." you nod and encourage him to keep speaking, "but im not making you feel good right now.. isn't that unfair?"
you smile, comforted by the fact that art is so predictable in his kindness. "maybe by your standards it is.. but you know that making you feel good makes me feel good art" he pouts at your response, not really believing you. "really..? i just wish there was a way i could make you feel good at the same time.." art sighs. you would think he's being sarcastic if you didn't know that art genuinely doesn't know a lot about sex. "there is actually.. if you wanted to try it?" art blushes, nodding his head. he's always happy to learn from you about anything, but especially about sex.
you smile, and crawl up onto the bed with him. "okay.. it might seem a little awkward at first but you should trust me, it'll feel good alright?" art nods along with your words, letting you brush his hair out his eyes. "okay, just lay down.. put your head on the pillow.." he follows your orders, his dick slapping his stomach as he moves. "alright, so it's just gonna feel like im sitting on your face.." art grins at that "but im gonna be facing your dick.. and then, you know, you'll be able to eat me out at the same time that ill be able to suck you off" you say lightly, knowing that you may be a little nervous, but you want to be confident for art.
he nods, looking up at you with blue doe eyes that make you melt every time. you move across the sheets and turn your body away from him to hover your pussy over his face, leaning forward to lick a stripe up his dick. art shivers and moans, his hands coming up to grasp at your ass, spreading the soft skin open for him. you almost choke against him at the feeling, unable to stop yourself from basically riding arts face. art doesn't mind though, from his satisfied moans and hums into you it sounds like he would like nothing more but to drown in the holy water between your thighs.
arts legs quickly come to rest next to your face, his lean thighs forcing you to stay on his dick. you try your best to not gag around art, but the way his dick curves upwards in your throat makes it hard. not like arts complaining though, being a little sadistic in the way he moans a louder when your throat tries to force him out. you can practically feel his heart beat in his dick, and you're sure if you took it out of your mouth now it would be a ruddy purple. art is humming into your pussy, his tongue finding your clit over and over again, matching the strokes you're making on his dick. you move your arm out from between your bodies to reach around his leg, fingers sloppily rubbing and toying with his balls.
arts body bends into your touch, as he sobs into your pussy, using the last of his energy to shake his head back and forth against you. you moan around his dick and art whines high and loud, his hips starting to cant into your mouth. ropes and ropes of sticky, salty cum shoot into your mouth, spilling out as you pull your lips off of him. art happily lets you ride his face until you cum, his dick still twitching when you moan his name and babble about how good he's being. art finishes you off with a hum, sending vibrations into you and making you clench, your orgasm sending shivers all through your body. you eventually remember that art needs to breathe, swinging your body around to sit beside him.
"are you okay? im sorry i kind of got carried away.." you ask art, who's happily blissed out looking at you. "yeah.. im- that was great.. amazing even" he replies, making you giggle. "yeah? so you'd wanna do it again sometime?" you reach down and push his sweaty golden hair away from his face. arts eyes immediately light up "yes.. yes please i really do.." <3
tik tok is back and i bought the jellycat tennis ball keychain.. life is good ❤
the urges to write things that are extremely self indulgent are getting stronger by the second...
writing an artrick x reader fic.. the world is finally at peace (。>‿‿<。 )
hey y'all. i know ive been gone for a while and i think y'all are owed an explanation. recently, ive felt very very alone and depressed, and ive been/am extremely overwhelmed with everything i have planned for myself. i have had 2 mental breakdowns in the past 2 days, and i am exhausted. the best thing i can do for myself is take the weight of writing on here off of my shoulders. i love this community with all my heart and soul and im so grateful for all the love and support. i won't be deactivating my account, so all my work will continue to be here, and ill still be active in the way of liking posts and reposting occasionally. i really wish i didn't have to do this, and i hope y'all aren't mad. thank you for everything <3
yes he's such a pretty boy.. an angel even..
Thinking about art with ballerina!reader… or better yet, BALLET DANCER ART.
day 18: punishment <3
authors note: this is totally late im so sorry.. also i am skipping day 19, partially because im extremely tired and also because i don't know how to incorporate food into sex <3
art knew what he was doing was wrong, he just didn't care. he was past the point of caring.
you've been away for weeks (2 to be exact) and art hasn't jerked off at all since you've left. sure.. he's brushed up against his pillow while he's going to sleep one too many times, and sure hes "accidentally" stroked himself a little too much in the shower.. but he's been good!! he's been your good boy and followed your orders. until now.
you texted art that your flight was running late, grounded for about 2 hours because of the winter storm currently running its course outside the airport.
"sorry artie, flight is delayed cuz of weather, don't wait up for me baby, might not even be home tonight"
"okay :( i miss you soooo much, text me when u land pls"
"alright angel, will do :) love u <3"
"love u too <3"
art sighs and flops on the unbearably empty bed, flinging his phone a little farther than he meant to and wincing. he looks down at his cock slowly filling out in his jeans and groans. what is he supposed to do without you here? as thoughts of you start to cloud his mind, art can't stop thinking that if he just jerked off really quick and got rid of all the evidence, you wouldn't know it, and you'd come back none the wiser and he wouldn't get punished. great plan right? wrong.
after furiously jerking off until he cums himself silly, art finds himself totally unable to clean up after himself, cum stating to dry on his blanket and stomach, as well as tissues strewn about the bed. art sighs and tries to fight the sleepiness that clouds his mind and makes his eyelids droop more and more. he thinks to himself that he'll clean himself up before you get back, and drifts off to sleep with a smile on his face.
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚***•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
you arrive at your apartment door hauling your heavy suitcase and back pack behind you, trying your best not to jingle your keys too much and wake up art. you carefully unlock the door and push your bags inside, slipping off your shoes and walking into the house tiredly, wanting nothing more to sleep for 20 hours. you're stopped however, when you round the corner and see art splayed out on your bed, absolutely naked, cuddling your pillow with a cum stained blanket bedside him. you sigh, leaning down to pick up the scattered tissues and throw them away. when you're done with that, you gently sit next to art, trying to pull away the dirty blanket from him and replace it with a new one.
art senses the movement and awakens, first being elated to see your face, and then shocked at the fact that he was caught red-handed. "h-hi.." art looks away from you and blushes. "hey artie.. you gonna tell me what happened?" you coo at him softly, tricking his brain into thinking he won't get punished. "w-well i jus' missed you so much and then when you said you weren't gonna be home for a while i just couldn't handle it anymore.. b-but i swear i didn't do anything while you were away!! except for that.." art rambles, trying to plead his case in front of you. you smile and nod, reaching out to cup his face. art sighs, he's safe. "... but you remember what the rule was, right?"
arts eyes snap open from their blissful state. "w-what?" art is starting to lose his composure, guilt washing through him. "the rule? remember.. before i left i told you that you weren't allowed to masturbate at all while i was gone. and you broke the rule artie.." you say with a pout on your face. "l-listen 'm sorry, 'm really sorry.. you understand right? i- just couldn't take it anymore.." you shake your head, "you know that i have to punish you right? it's what i told you would happen if you broke the rules.." art nods sadly, trying to charm you with his puppy-dog eyes but you're stronger than that, not falling for his tricks.
art tries his best to hide his obvious arousal from you, but you see how hard he is through the blanket he's covering himself with. you inch closer to him, gently pulling the blanket off of him, watching as his cock slaps against his stomach. art whines and looks away from you, moaning softly when you grip him in your hand. even though he's already practically empty from cumming earlier. you stroke him up and down gently, smiling happily when he bucks his hips up to meet your touch, feeling like he's halfway to heaven after not feeling your touch on him the whole time you've been away.
arts head is in the clouds, watching as you stroke him faster and faster, your hand getting slick from all of the precum drooling out of him. you know he's getting close, his hips move faster, almost fucking your hand, as his moans turn almost girlish. "'m gettin' close.. it feels s' good.. thankyouthankyouthankyou..." art doesn't get a chance to finish his sentence before you rip your hand off of him, leaving art to pathetically hump the air to try to finish himself off, but it's no use, his orgasm is completely ruined. art has tears brimming in his eyes, "w-why did you do that.. i- i was s' close.." his lower lip wobbles. you tilt your head to the side, hand smoothing over his milky thigh. "what do you mean artie? i told you that you'd be punished, did you forget so easy?" art frowns, shaking his head. "i- i didn't forget i just.. it's unfair" he pouts. you smile and bring art closer to you, cuddling him against your sternum.
"i know.. and im sorry.. you know i hate when you're sad, but you have to learn your lesson yeah?" you press a kiss to his forehead. art nods, cuddling up to you. "yeah.. 'm sorry really, it's just cuz i missed you so much" art says quietly, blushing a little bit. "i missed you too artie, don't worry, ill make it up to you soon" <3