Well, Actually No

Beth and I are together again.

I have received questions, but I am unable to answer some of them.

I am not sure why. If you have sent something and do not see a response, it is likely due to a technical issue rather than intentional avoidance.

Hey Adam! How are you doing today?

Hello,

I did not manage to answer you in time. I do not remember how I felt on May 2nd.

But if I apply your question to today, I’d say I feel desolation and a sense of culpability regarding my emotional state.As for what I’m doing; I’m packing boxes.

I’ve been trying to organize them methodically, much to Beth’s frustration. We argued about it yesterday. It makes my skin itch to watch her throw everything together without care.

Tonight, I’m going to the park to watch the raccoons. I hope it’ll settle my thoughts. I know it won’t, there’s no magic in distraction. But maybe if I keep myself occupied long enough, I can crowd out what’s pressing on me.

After all i understand that my routines aren’t efficient for moving. So, I’ll dissociate as much as I can.

the hubble telescope was able to capture these images of saturn’s rings a couple years ago. it also gave scientists evidence to discover that saturn’s rings help heat the planet.

this was a super cool discovery bc this idea had never been heard of prior. hubble is so awesome.

Errr Tonny here, you haven’t reported back to me since i gave you that xan.. you okay man?

( @coke-n-dope )

If by ‘okay’ you mean having ‘a fascinating exercise in futility,’ then sure, it went great. I did my research. I was responsible. I accounted for every possible variable—set a timer, had water ready, prepared an ideal environment, even had a list of things to do in case I started feeling weird. Which was, in hindsight, incredibly naive, because there is no logical preparation for feeling like your brain is unraveling in slow motion. No amount of planning prevents the creeping dread that your heartbeat is somehow both too slow and too loud. At one point, I was convinced I had unlocked a hidden layer of reality where time moves at half-speed and all sounds echo.

Long story short: I will not be pursuing further studies in pharmacology

Everything is too loud today. My skin feels too tight. My head won’t stop running in circles.

I wish it was possible to turn everything off for a while.

Tied together, but never the same.

A love that tortures.

Thought you’d be interested in this, stea. You think Keats was talking about Polaris? Can’t say I’m well versed on the subject. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44468/bright-star-would-i-were-stedfast-as-thou-art

— Nigel

Fomalhaut was the first star that came to mind. People call it the lonely one, and that feels closer to what Keats was describing—‘not in lone splendour hung aloft the night’—watching in silence like some sleepless, distant observer. Polaris is constant, sure, but Fomalhaut is solitary. It sits far apart from the other bright stars in the sky. Easy to notice. Easy to feel something about.

It makes sense to me, logistically too. Fomalhaut is visible from Earth without much effort. But more than that, it carries the weight of solitude, of being out there and unmistakably alone.

I don’t think he wanted to be the star. I think he recognized something of himself in it. When we admire things people, stars, it’s often because they mirror something we’re missing or trying to understand. Maybe he wasn’t longing for distance, but for connection. To feel less alone by seeing that loneliness reflected back.

And even if they’re separated by lifetimes of space, the star and the observer exist in that moment together. No one else might understand that connection, perhaps not even the two of them, but it’s there nonetheless.

Earth just temporarily captured a small asteroid (2024 PT5) that orbited us for a couple of months. It’s not a permanent moon, though. The only real moon we have is still the one we always see.

Still, it’s interesting to think about how objects from space can come so close, even if just for a short time. The asteroid is back on its regular path now.

It’s rare for something like this to happen. I wonder how many other near-Earth objects we haven’t noticed yet!

The Rosette and OO-1 Nebulae © astrofalls

I thought of taking Beth to the planetarium sometime, but I’m not sure if she’d like it