Pretty Sure This Is You

My head hurts and my hands are trembling.

Please Adam no matter what, do not go to Maryland.

There’s things there that you shouldn’t have to see, people you shouldn’t encounter.

Adam you’re a good soul. I knew a man just like you and he is slowly losing himself.

I wouldn’t want that happening to you.

-🐺

I’m not sure if I know you. You seem to know me, or maybe you don’t and are just acting weirdly without being prompted. I’m willing to consider either possibility.

I actually got a great job offer in Maryland! I haven’t told Beth about it yet. I’m not sure if she’d want to move there or if she’d consider staying together if I lived further from New York.

So, I might have to decline the offer anyway…, though I’ve often thought about moving out of the city since my dad passed away.

I don’t think love should have to be a fight.

If it is, maybe it’s not love, it’s just war with different rules.

But I think some things stay even when you stop fighting. Probably not everything, but the important things. Thats how I see this. Maybe one day you feel that you won’t have to fight anymore.

Good evening Nigel,

I was at the National art gallery with Beth this afternoon. I saw Botticelli’s ‘Venus and Mars’ there, it is an absolute study in paradox!. About forces that should collide yet instead settle into something resembling harmony. It reminded me of space in that way. Mars, the god of war, lies unconscious, unarmed, seemingly at peace. Venus, the goddess of love, seems watchful but unaffected, an island of serenity beside him. She has not conquered him. She has not subdued him. And yet, in her presence, he is still.

Many people would assume that love triumphs over war, that beauty tames violence. But I think Botticelli offers something more intricate. Venus does not demand change. She does not impose softness upon Mars. She simply exists, and in doing so, creates the conditions for stillness. Mars, so accustomed to unrest, is given a rare and unfamiliar gift—the absence of conflict. And he does not resist it.

The tension here is not one of struggle, but of transformation. Venus has not altered Mars, she has only revealed what he is capable of being. I imagine this as love at its most potent—not forceful, not possessive, but a quiet invitation to become. There is no battle between them, no need for submission or control. Instead, they are two opposing forces that, for a moment, find equilibrium. Together.

This is the paradox I was speaking of : not that one must destroy the other, but that they can coexist. In Metamorphoses, Ovid describes their relationship as both passionate and volatile, yet Botticelli captures something…subtler. Venus does not try to change Mars, nor does she fear him. She understands him. And understanding, more than any weapon, has the power to disarm.

I remember Beth asking ‘Why does Venus choose Mars? Her husband Vulcan presents as a more fitting counterpart, someone more aligned with her nature’. I answered that, perhaps love is not drawn to reflections of itself, but to contrast. To the possibility of transformation. Venus does not force Mars to lay down his weapons. He does so on his own, because in her presence, he does not need them.

There is power in that, in my opinion. A kind of power that does not shout, does not demand, but simply is. Not dominance, but invitation. Not submission, but balance.

And it reminded me of you.

Well, shit… you’ve really got me here, don’t you? Never thought I’d be sitting here, having someone talk to me about love like that, beautiful. It’s funny though. Mars? Peaceful? Never thought I’d see the day.

An invitation, huh? Not a fight, not a conquest, not a struggle to win someone over. Just... being. That’s a new one for me. Love makes me do some fucking crazy things, but never like that.

If I’m being real, I don’t know if I believe in that kind of love. The kind that just fucking is. Hell, I’m not sure I’ve ever let someone just exist if I really loved them, or that I've ever felt like I can let myself relax that way, or if I even can. I’ve always thought that if you don’t fight and keep fighting to keep what you have, you end up losing everything.

Maybe you’ve got a point, Adam. No one’s ever said anything like that to me before.

I’m glad you thought of me.

I will miss the Raccoons.

Cygnus Loop

The Pleiades

Beth was over today. She took this picture while I was reading and said I should post it.

So I am.

I didn’t ask her because I got nervous about it. I am not good at this stuff.

But she suggested going to the museum together. I think that would be a good idea—to do something she’s interested in.

Although I would much rather go to the planetarium.

I thought of taking Beth to the planetarium sometime, but I’m not sure if she’d like it

M94, Starburst

Cool squirrel!

Glad to hear you're settling in Baltimore alright. What does Beth do for a living, if you don't mind me asking?

- 🧷

// ooc: I just watched Adam the movie the other day and I have so many feelings about it. Once again I applaud you on your amazingly canon-aligned depiction!!! Also p.s. my inbox at @safetypin-non is always open ^_^

Isn’t he just?

At first, I suspected he might have rabies because he was unusually receptive for a wild animal. But then I realized he was probably already used to being around people. I wished I had something to feed him, but unfortunately, I only had pastries with me which you should never give to squirrels or ducks, for that matter. A lot of people make the mistake of feeding bread to ducks, even though it can ultimately be harmful—even deadly—for them. If you really want to give them a treat, you should offer peas instead.

And Beth is a teacher.

///thank u sm sweetheart! means a lot considering I’ve never done anything quite like this before. definitely let me know what you thought of the movie :)