Alternative Conspiracy Theories:

1. CURVED SPACE

The Earth is flat, but the curvature of spacetime is so extreme as to make it appear rounded. This accounts for many of those niggling little issues that pop up when considering a Flat Earth, such as why ships seem to disappear below the horizon, or why you can see further from up high.

The repercussions of Curved Space are not to be underestimated. Consider: perhaps no stars exist other than the sun, and what we perceive to be stars are in fact the sun’s light traveling out in all directions along the curvature of the universe (which, if it is not uniform, allows for some rays of light to travel further, many hundreds of thousands of light years further than others), finally curving back to reach us again at different intervals as multiple images of the same star at various points in its life.

(Red giants and supernovae are where the light had to travel for so long that it’s older now. Binary stars are two different images of the sun superimposed where space curves in on itself. You can’t catch me napping! I’ve thought this all out!)

2. MANY MOONS

This theory was first conceived in inquiry to why a Flat Earth still appears to cast a rounded shadow across the moon. In fact, what we call the moon is really multiple different celestial objects, one resembling the full moon, one the crescent moon, one the gibbous, and so on. These various bodies orbit the Earth like comets, in long elliptical paths that coincide such that only one of them is near enough to be visible from Earth at any given time.

Uncommon lunar events, such as the blood moon, supermoon, etc., are unique celestial bodies of their own, and it is the Great Work of moonwatchers to compile a comprehensive accounting of all the different moon-like objects that have ever appeared in the sky. While Many Moon believers generally accept the validity the moon landings, they also believe that human beings have only ever successfully landed on moons # 2, 4, and 5.

3. GEOCENTRICISM 2.0

According to the Theory of Relativity all motion is relative, and so it makes just as much sense to model the Earth as a stationary object with the sun and moon revolving around it, and all the other planets in their epicycles around the sun.

Why not? You think our current model of the solar system is valid? Pfft! I bet you still think Mercator maps are what the world really looks like. The sun isn’t even stationary, it’s moving through the universe, and so to keep with your outdated heliocentric model we’d have to imagine all the other planets spiraling after it in helices - how’s a geocentric model any more complicated than that?

It would be more intuitive! We’re the observers here on Earth, we’re stationary, from our perspective the sun and moon move across the sky. C’mon! Ptolemy had it right. Instead of a solar system, we should all be taught about our geo system! It’s all perfectly reasonable, right?

Okay, I guess technically, yes, there is a conspiracy. It does say on the website that the current solar system model is being propagated by a “cabal of postmodernist astronomers” looking to deliberately “devalue the significance of humanity in the cosmos”. But it’s true! They are! Just look at how much sense the geocentric model makes, and we’re yet still stuck revolving around the sun? Open your eyes! What explanation is there other than that?

4. IMPOSTOR SUN

Theories as to what happened to the original sun:

still there, light drowned out by impostor

chemicals in food / water led to buildup in retinal cells that filter out natural sunlight

glitch in simulation

Earth drifted slowly out of orbit, replacement was deployed

hidden from us behind the moon in perpetual eclipse

needs further blood sacrifices to be restored in strength

replaced “sometime during the night”

5. ACCELERATING EARTH

The Earth is held in the gravitational orbit of the sun. Gravity is acceleration—this is basic physics. Let something drop and it’ll keep going faster until it hits the ground or hits terminal velocity. Air resistance. There is no air resistance in space. The Earth is, has been, in constant acceleration. Freefall. It’s going faster now than it’s ever been before.

You feel it, don’t you? In the pit of your stomach? Earth is going faster. It’s fucking up the atmosphere, the climate. We’re going so fast that we must be blazing like a meteor now. No, you can’t tell how long a year is anymore. You can’t trust the seasons. Seasons are based on axial tilt, not orbit. We’re askew. The calendar is lying to us. You can’t count the days. The days are getting longer - seriously. Moon’s leaching momentum from the Earth’s rotation. You can look this up, scientists will tell you. A billion years ago, days used to go by fast.

The Earth is going faster, but no one is admitting it. We’re still going by the calendar while Earth is plummeting perpetually off the edge in freefall. How many years have we lived through since January, how many circles ‘round the sun? Earth’s accelerating, and there’s nothing that can stop it. You can feel it, can’t you? This is the fastest it’s ever been.

More Posts from Pandora-allan and Others

pandora-allan

4 years ago

Certainly the things I needed to observe this August.

Saturn, Moon and Jupiter (Aug. 29, 2020)

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saturn... jupiter IT WAS BEAUTIFUL i saw the orion arm a couple of days ago

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pandora-allan

4 years ago

Ragnarok!

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pandora-allan

3 years ago

How do you fall back in love with life?

clean your room. clean space, uncluttered space, space that doesn’t have miasma clinging to it can work wonders. clean the dishes. sweep. take out the trash. peel the clothes off the floor and wash them, and then actually fold/hang them. take a long shower. scrub behind your knees. brush your teeth. (this can be utterly exhausting, but try to get it done in a day, if you can. the end result is worth it.)

pull out your notebook. it doesn’t need to be a new notebook, but preferably one that you don’t usually write in, or that you haven’t touched in a while. fuck moleskins. the yellow legal pad will work fine. sit in your room, or in the park, or in the library, and write a list. count clouds. describe all the colors that you see, and note patterns that arise. sketch the cracks in the walls. note the shape light makes when it enters a space. talk about what the air tastes like, smells like. what sounds are there? even the white nose, break that down: air planes, fans, cicadas, anything. remind yourself that you are sitting in the middle of a space brimming with detail. remind yourself that you are not in nothingness and emptiness. your world is fathomless. it has potential.

drink cold water and try to eat something that isn’t processed. it does not need to be fancy. buy yourself an apple with the change between your couch cushions. eat it outside. if you’re someone who walks, walk somewhere afterwards, just to stretch your legs. take your fucking meds. remember that its a good thing that you are inside your body. your body is a fantastic and endlessly intricate machine, and even though society has smacked a bunch of poisonous ideas on it, that doesn’t change its inherent worth and splendor. take care of it.

read a novel. underline your favorite lines, and write phrases that twist your heart inside your chest on the back of your hand with an ink pen. read a novel like it’s poetry. read poetry, something decadent but unpretentious. watch a movie you haven’t seen before. if there are free art galleries near you, walk through one. take your time. let yourself bask. if there are patterns in what makes your soul ache, write those patterns down – marbles arches or soot crumbling bricks or dandelions or descriptions of dresses or whatever it is, write them down.

your chosen family is important. remember, they picked you as much as you picked them. the love has no obligation. it is given freely and it is given from a place of compassion. you are not a burden. if you need to breathe, take a minute by yourself and just exist, but remember to go back to your people. when they need you, listen and be gracious. always be gracious. the universe sometimes remembers things like that.

listen to new music. link jump on youtube or related artist jump on spotify or ask the chap beside you in the cafe what their favorite band is, and listen to that. listen to something that you don’t usually listen to. we tend to tie up a lot of memory with music. we are falling in love again. the soundtrack needs to be specific to that.

allow yourself to indulge in romantics. press flowers in old books. play movies with subtitles and mouth the words. dance in your room. wear something that makes you feel good, even if you wouldn’t wear it in public. write your chosen family letters, even if you hand deliver them. write poetry, even awful poetry. revel in its awfulness. eat dark chocolate and when your chosen family want to go out, try to go out with them sometimes, even if its just to the market.

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Yeah idk hic whaaaaaaaaa i should mind my own business me bad girl

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pandora-allan

4 years ago

Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.

— Meša Selimović

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pandora-allan

4 years ago

@knowitowl I'm sorry I didn't saw this for a while but THANKS FOR THE TAG!!

Last song: Hold on by Chord Overstreet

Last movie: Red shoes and the Seven Dwarfs (bc Merlin is CUTE)

Currently watching: Online lectures:/

Currently reading: The English Patient by Michael Ondaatje

Currently craving: pasta with shrimp:)

Tagging at anyone who wants to do this:)))

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