Cold: Addendum 1

A year in review: 2021 edition

Tracking my transition progress!

There have been lots of big developments this year: I returned to the office as Lauren (the last and biggest social hurdle); began trauma therapy; attended CONvergence in Minneapolis; started my journey as singer, piano player, and guitarist; and gained new friends.

For what was in many respects Pandemic Year: Redux, it’s been a productive time. (Although the way 2022 is shaping up...)

Hon, correct me if I’m wrong, but - don’t you play the violin?

(I ask because my vision therapist once informed me that this is a common adaptation seen in people that practice independently focusing their eyes on objects at different distances - e.g. violinists, and their violin, and sheet music.)

(That being said, both I and my prescription go both ways; so perhaps there’s merit to the idea that they are connected? 🙂)

Complicated news from eye doc today but part of it is that one eye is nearsighted and one is farsighted so the punchline is even my eyes are bisexual 🤷🏼‍♀️

Carrying

I was talking to my spouse in the kitchen the other day; and to be cute, I hopped up onto the counter. Apropos of nothing, they picked me up and carried me around for a bit!

(I was somewhat worried that it would be too much for them - I’m not the lightest girl - but nope, they made it look easy!)

It’s another one of those moments where I got to experience a long-overdue moment of alignment between mind and body. I cherish it.

Unexpected HRT side-effect #9

I sometimes get asked by people that have to stare intently at my face (usually in some professional capacity):

“Your skin is so good! What’s your secret?”

And I tell them:

“Every two weeks I shoot my thigh full of the cool, sexier estrogen!”

As with a number of other effects, I knew that I could expect softer, better skin. However, I didn’t truly appreciate with any kind of granularity as to what that actually meant.

For one thing: I have no breakouts, no blemishes; I changed literally nothing about my diet or skincare routine, and suddenly my face is completely crystal-clear.

(The one exception to this seems to be immediately after I load up my progesterone; although even here, ‘blemish’ seems kind of a strong word for a series of nearly imperceptible bumps.)

For another: my pores have shrunk! This caused some issues in the first couple of weeks, as it effectively forced some of them to trap their contents; but that went away after a little over a month and it’s been plain, small-pored sailing ever since!

The one downside - and it really isn’t much of one - is this: I am actually allergic to cats (which is probably not a great trait in a cat owner); but have great tolerance providing said cats are not rubbing themselves on my face. Doing so would set off a reaction where my lips would tingle and I would break out in hives.

Since starting HRT, the time in which this reaction occurs has gone from many minutes after the initial contact to practically seconds. It really isn’t much of a problem (and truthfully, I’ll gladly accept hives as a consequence of cat affection); but it’s interesting to see how yet another tiny part of my life has been impacted by the simple expedient of transposing my hormone levels!

Office space

My company has decided to rearrange our current layout; so I went into our location today for the purpose of conveying the contents of my current office to my new office.

Amongst other items, this includes some solid wooden shelves and a two-piece desk. These are not light items.

In the past, I've been able to move these things myself (albeit with great effort and probably minus OSHA approval); brute-forcing them onto a dolly and wheeling them to their destination.

Not this time around though! I just didn't have the strength. I was able to get some of the smaller pieces by myself, but when it came to the main part of the desk I had to rope our network engineer in for assistance.

(And he made it look so easy! At one point he had to take the weight of the whole thing while I moved and it didn't phase him in the slightest!)

It's fascinating because I don't actually feel, in any way, shape or form, weaker; but the evidence absolutely speaks for itself. As I've noted before - there's a serious danger that I will injure myself because I can't estimate my own strength properly anymore.

In addition, I ran into an older member of our organization. The last time we met I was in a dress, and he gave a sort of weird half-chuckle / smile that could be interpreted as "Good for her!" or "That's hilarious".

This time around, I said hi and he responded with "Yes, sir".

I can't tell yet whether he's just struggling to adjust or holds some actual, maladjusted views; but now I'm kind of wondering.

"Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it's enemy action." - Auric Goldfinger

Guess I will wait for a third time and see what happens!

Night surprise

Our three eldest cats have a simple routine: play, eat, sleep. For whatever reason, the youngest cat is the opposite: sleep, eat, play.

She is also very smart. She loves the laser pointer, and knows that it lives next to our bedside table; and will sit on the aforesaid table and sing to us when she wants to play.

This is all very cute except at nighttime, as we would like to sleep and she would like to play. This was the case last night, and unfortunately the cat would not listen to our polite requests to desist and so she was shut out of the room.

What then followed was a twenty-minute admixture of singing from the hallway and banging on the door. Eventually she grew bored, and decided to revisit another of her favorite pastimes (trying to pry the under-sink closet in the bathroom open; a process that involves more loud banging).

In the middle of the night, I visit the bathroom and as I’m sitting there in the dark, doing my thing, the youngest cat just casually strolls out of the closet like Samara crawling out of the television!

More good things

Last night, for the fourth time in as many weeks, I was able to provide a compassionate ear for someone that desperately needed to be heard.

Now more than ever, the world needs kindness; and I’m so glad that I was able to make my own small contribution in this regard.

There's a point of discussion that comes up periodically in transgender advocacy circles. To paraphrase:

Do you love transgender people? Or do you hate transphobes?

That is to say: those that claim allyship with the transgender community should be motivated by love; for love begets help and support.

Conversely: those that are motivated by hate will seek, first and foremost, to attack others. While there is a time and place for opposing transphobia (violently so, even), this cannot be the preeminent response to any and all issues.

...

Mat Ward's tenure as a named codex author drew mixed responses. His overhaul of Necron lore, for instance, is generally considered a positive turning point for the faction. (His heavy-handed promotion of the Ultramarines, less so.)

If you are motivated by a love of the Warhammer: 40,000 game and setting, then you might wish that some of Mat Ward's more controversial contributions be corrected. As his work was published in what is now the distant past, it is also likely that your wish has already been granted.

As such, it does not make sense to expend energy on what is effectively now a non-issue.

If you are motivated by hate, however, then you might perceive Mat Ward's failings as forever unforgivable; his mockery and harassment not merely permissible, but necessary; and his departure from Games Workshop, a hard-won victory.

...

In this respect, @ladymirdan's 'Mat Ward Test' is an excellent barometer of an individual's motivations; and whether they are rooted in a love for the hobby, or hate in search of a purportedly acceptable target.

With this in mind:

I strive to research an issue prior to rendering judgement. In this particular instance (the introduction of female Custodes), I made a point of leafing through the blogs of those most vocally opposed, looking to understand their motives and character.

Time and again, I came across posts in which these people openly delighted in the heartless ridicule of others; justified upon the flimsiest of pretexts.

They do not love Warhammer: 40,000; but rather, are simply seeking excuses to exercise their hatred - of which Mat Ward, and now those championing Custodian Calladyce Taurovalia Kesh, have proven aptly suitable victims.

So I didn't take my own advice and started playing chess with the pigeons.

And my ultimate litmus test for a 40k player once again proved to work. I didnt even have to bring it up (they alway do that themselves).

And that is their opinion on Mat Ward.

This test has never failed me. He is the alt-right 40k boogieman, they haaaate him with a passion for some reason, but they never know anything about him. He has literally written the most popular characters in all of 40k and is responsible for a shit ton of 40k computer games and he incidentally is the reason why they don't print the name of the writer (guess the fuck why. *hint they send Ward actual death threats for changing the lore).

It has gotten to a point that I just block people talking shit about Ward after one warning. Because people who have this opinion has gotten it somewhere. Usually from hanging out with guys like this who think representation ruins the hobby.

I still have to make that “Why people are wrong about Mat Ward and he deserves better”-post/vid.

Holding out

During last week's singing lesson, Chelsea - my instructor - proposed that I try my hand at the classic Can't Help Falling In Love. This represents an interesting challenge, as the chorus reaches all the way up to B4 (and my current range quickly falters at around G4 and above).

I really wanted to nail this, so I made a point of practicing extensively every day this week. Unfortunately it became quickly apparent that the persistent cold I've been dealing with has now taken up residence in my chest; and that this was severely hampering my efforts.

Suffice to say, I was more than a little trepidatious as to how today's lesson would go!

At one point we started working on switching from chest voice to head voice (a process whereby you close certain vocal muscles, pitching the voice up). I generally struggle to do this on command, but there is one specific line in one specific song where it I find it easy (and indeed, had started to switch into head voice long before I even knew that was a thing).

I was demonstrating this and Chelsea paused: "You know that", (checks reference note), "...You just hit a C4, right? That's higher than what we've been working on. You've been holding out on me!"

...And I was just filled with the most girlish sense of glee!

(Evidently I need not have worried.)

Due to scheduling, my next lesson will be in a little over a week and a half; so let's see if I can't spend the intervening time nailing those high notes!

Art exchange

I made an incredible friend this year; and dear sweetheart that she is, she gifted me this equally incredible artwork:

(In a delightfully small detail, the initials of myself, my wife, and my daughter are hidden in the leaves!)

I absolutely had to return the favor; and feeling newly inspired, produced this work piece celebrating her three lovable cats and their very different personalities:

All things considered, it came out rather well! Lessons learned:

Typography requires planning (which is why the title is off-center).

Watercolors and rough canvas are poor bedfellows.

I need a more controllable outlining medium than black acrylic paint.