Fleabag Is Very Good

In winter, some voices are like coats.

Ahlam Mosteghanemi  (via thefelixkot)

ICARUS

“What is it like to be immortal?” Icarus asks.

“Think of it like this,” Apollo explains, ”when I was small, so was my world. The only sky I knew was the one at the foot of my father’s throne. But as I grew, so did my world. I soared the skies above Sparta and Athens and all I asked for became mine. To be immortal is to know that greater victories always await.”

Apollo rakes his eyes over Icarus’ beating wings, “What is it like to be mortal?”

Icarus says nothing as the gentle brush of Apollo’s fingertips leave burns along his jaw. He says nothing as his lungs fill with ash after every kiss. Nothing as his body begins to feel the weight of his wings pulling him down.

And finally, as the wings give in to the heat, and Icarus falls through the clouds, he closes his eyes and says with a smile,

“It feels like this.”

—If you have to ask, then it was never meant to be yours anyway. (i.s.)   

“I think being with you guys is good for me.”

MmmMMmm thoughts on the raven king,

it could have stayed in the oven a little longer tbh.

like i loved some parts, some chapters, buttttt gosh it was missing so much.

im going to have to reread to really get into the parts and aspects that are really bothering me but this is really just the first batch of complaining from me. 

i didn’t care about piper when i feel like i should have. i loved her in the last book but this time i was like ‘yawn ok piper’ it was boring, her death was anticlimactic too. that entire “auction scene” was boring to me like.... i could have done without it.

i wanted to care more for henry and i think i was supposed to but he was still gooey in the center. more oven time. fics are probably going to make me love henry more. but yeah, boring. not him as a character per se but his entire story. (i do secretly ship ganseyxbluexhenry now wow let me have that.)

i didn’t enjoy the pynch scenes really but i have to reread to get into that since i cant pinpoint what about that was bleh to me. 

 but on to something that really pissed me off,

the discovery of glendower. the lack of fanfare, the fact that he was just a dead dude. that - pissed me off. not because it happened, but because of when it happened. maybe if that happened a whole book ago, i would have been more excited to be honest? like ahhh shit where do we go from here? but since that happened with a few chapters left i was like ‘ok so....’ and i got mad because i knew it would be a crappy ass end like... there’s no build up from that just a straight line of question marks.  im still mad. i thought that was so boring. i thought explaining the kill gansey and bring him back to life plan was boring. i thought the demon destroying cabeswater was also a bit boring like... mmm i feel like the demon + piper thing could have been played out a bit better....

these are just surface thoughts like please discuss this w/ me if you had similar feelings because im just <:  

5 things about the apocalypse

one.  after the sun is eaten, our shadows outgrow our bodies and the stars i took for gods go out. while i did not sleep i heard laughter—cacophonous, full of teeth. at the end i am eating tinned peaches and casting dice on the ground, in expectation of wings, of light, of anything but this stupefied cold, this silence which is an obscenity.

two.  the hungry are weeping as they walk. i have seen a man open another’s ribs like a pair of doors, unseal him where the chest is soft, harrow him for red. they eat only the heart, the first-formed part, cradled and chewed between two horrified hands. fed, they are hungrier. in this corrupt light, the gullet-red of appetite, their faces shine wet and without mercy.

three.  we send up prayers like the last of flares, phosphorus breaking upon midnight. the horizon is a hot wound parting: the dead climb out of their deep tenements, and we greet them, shaken. what does it matter that they are as pale as guilt, that their eyes do not seek us, that they shrink from us in dismay?

four.  yesterday, the words went from us. they left our books and maps and gravestones, emptied our histories and speeches and songs. they fled our throats, and made barren our mouths. in your bible genesis is a cenotaph; nothing is begotten. i hold your hands and i have no voice to speak your living name, to tell you that i am full of fear and relief.

five. it is written on a wall in jerusalem: τετέλεσται. the stars have already fallen, and she proclaims that she is the mouth of god. you go among the crowd to hear her speak, in the brick-husk of the chapel of the holy face. the look of her roars down your blood. men come for her at night, cut out her tongue and string her up by the neck in the muristan. you are kneeling in your kitchen as the earth shakes, and over that great distance you still hear her voice on the wind, causing the dust to rise. it is finished.

(six.  we held each other all night, deep in the rot, our arms helplessly tender. late was the coming of light, a whiteness so bright it seemed infernal, lifting us into a hollow morning, and what breath we were was shaken from us—

and we were dead a little while longer then, cool and adrift on the surface of the abandoned world.)

So we have a lot of ‘Sirius is beautiful and my word does he know it, his hair is his favourite thing and he revels in the glory of his own splendour’.

But I’m just laughing at the idea of a completely oblivious Sirius who is too busy being hyperactive to ever pay any real attention to what he looks like in the mirror- I mean the boy brushes his teeth sat on the counter chatting rapid fire to the others (much to ‘Fuck Mornings, Fuck You, Fuck Everything’ Remus’s ire), or bouncing around the dorm flinging stuff in his bag. He doesn’t ever really brush his hair- there’s a charm to do that, and then he doesn’t actually have to watch what he’s doing because who has time to actually look at their hair? And it all gets in his fucking face anyway- he keeps it long partially because his mother claims it looks unruly and partially because he just can’t be fucked getting it cut, but one evening in the common room he’s tucking it behind his ears to do his Transfiguration for the 7th time in quarter of an hour and angrily says he’s just going to chop it all off, and there are literally about 15 people around the room (including Remus) who just go ‘NO!’ and then look really awkward but he can not cut it- just that casual elegant way it falls into his eyes and it’s all wavy and silky and so so so pretty, and Lily comes to the aid of Remus like ‘Well Muggle mythology says there was this lion called Sampson, and when they cut off his mane he lost his power. So you shouldn’t cut it off- it’s unlucky. Here, have a hairband.’ and he thinks it’s very odd behaviour but like Ok, fine, people are weird.

And he knows he’s charming because he charms people all the time, and he’s a massive flirt but that’s just because he likes people and it makes him happy to talk to people in a way that makes them feel good about themselves, and it makes him happy to see the smiles and bitten lips and slight flushes that say they’re flattered because it’s nice to make people feel good (except Snape, obviously), and if it means he can worm his way out of detention or get drinks for him and the lads at The Three Broomsticks then so much the better, but he just does not understand why not everyone finds it as easy as he does? Like he tells Peter to get the next round in, tells him what to say to Rosie to get her to forget they’re 16, and Pete comes back really dejected like ‘I said what you told me and it didn’t work’. And Sirius is really confused by this like ‘What, but you said the exact same thing I just said?’

And really why do girls giggle so much? Do they do that all the time? Why? At least Evans is normal, but some of the others actually freak him out a bit, and truth be told sometimes the blokes are no better. And it becomes a massive inside thing, especially amongst the Gryffindors, like ‘Someone should tell him he’s a fucking adonis.’ ‘What? No way! His ego’s just fine as is- don’t inflate it any more.’ ‘But he’s so pretty it’s just wrong for him not to realise.’ ‘No! If you tell him, maybe he’ll turn really picky…’ ‘You do realise he is so picky already that he has literally never had a girlfriend?’ ‘Oh come on, he’s been pining after Remus Lupin for years!’

And it’s just something that’s never really occurred to him- to be bothered about what he looks like. Maybe it’s so many years of an abusive home being looked at like he’s dirt, but he’s got a remarkable resistance and ignorance towards the way people look at him, good or bad. And it’s only really Remus who breaks past that. Because he’s got such eerily perceptive eyes, it’s just like he’s looking right into your soul, and it’s sort of uncomfortable and it makes his skin go all crawly but he loves it- it’s a sort of adrenaline rush to feel so totally exposed, and he feels like Remus likes what he sees when he looks at him like that. He feels valued and important and special, like the way it makes him smile to make other people feel, only so much more intense, and when, eventually, Remus is brushing that bloody fucking hair out of his eyes and down his cheek and says he’s beautiful, he feels like maybe he is. And it’s got absolutely nothing to do with the way he looks in the mirror.

Neil: i'm fine

Everyone else: you keep using that word. i do not think it means what you think it means

this line makes me want to cry