I Feel Like Bruce Wayne Projects The Kind Of Amiable Playboy 'fun' Vibe That He'd Be The Type Of Celebrity

I feel like Bruce Wayne projects the kind of amiable playboy 'fun' vibe that he'd be the type of celebrity that certain interviewers feel comfortable surprising with puppies.

You know the kind of shows I mean.

The late-night talk show situations where they're making benign small talk with their smiling guest, and there's a segment where animals get brought out, usually to talk about some sort of ecological relief effort.

So you're watching your trash TV talk show late at night, and you get to watch billionaire pretty boy Bruce Wayne be begrudgingly talked into holding a (relatively) harmless creature which inevitably gets a lot of delighted shrieks from the audience as it starts being a lot more active than the handler promised. And to his credit, Bruce doesn't flinch, he doesn't freak out. But his eyes are a little wide, and his voice a little tight as the smile on his face takes on a slight rictus quality before he's inevitably rescued by an apologetic handler who is also laughing because they all know there was no real danger, it was just funny to put Bruce, who is an undeniable good sport and already laughing along, out of his comfort zone for the sake of charity.

Meanwhile, up in the Justice League headquarters, several founding members of the League are wondering how fast they can get a fake Oscar award shipped to the space station because fuck off. Absolutely fuck off, Bruce. Where the fuck did he study? Juilliard? (Probably.)

(Clark ends up going to a novelty store during the commercial break. It's faster than trying to get anything shipped, even with the infrastructure Bats built for them. He finds it several days later taped to his console in a conspicuously empty briefing room. It's gaudy and awful, the words "Best Actor" engraved on the plaque. No one's around to see him smile. No one comments when it vanishes. Everyone thinks it's been yeeted out an airlock. Dick absolutely comments when it shows up in the manor, stashed in one of the trophy cases that sprung up for all the bat kids' school awards. Bruce has no idea how it got there. Must have been Alfred. (It was not.))

Anyway, consider, for your amusement, Bruce Wayne getting highjacked on The Gotham Toight Show with a handful of wriggling puppies and, for a split second, not having to pretend he's delighted to be there.

More Posts from Ohnoesspaghettios and Others

3 months ago

fuck my stupid gay life i drove my chevy to the levee but the levee was DRY 😭😭😭

1 year ago

Doc, what are the top five items food banks LOVE to receive? I'm doing a collection soon and want to ask for specifics.

MONEY. WE WANT MONEY. MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY. WE CAN DO SO MUCH WITH IT. WE HAVE ACCESS TO DEALS YOU COULD NEVER. MONEY

That aside.

 I’m only going to talk about food items but if your food bank takes personal items, a lot of times diapers, feminine hygiene products, etc, are very very welcome. 

1) Canned chicken and beef 

Doc, What Are The Top Five Items Food Banks LOVE To Receive? I'm Doing A Collection Soon And Want To

looooooove this stuff. It’s expensive, it lasts forever, it tastes good and it can be used a variety of ways. This stuff is fucking catnip to food banks, it’s so hard for us to provide proteins. 

2) Fancy nut butters

Doc, What Are The Top Five Items Food Banks LOVE To Receive? I'm Doing A Collection Soon And Want To

Peanut butter is a standby for food banks as a shelf-stable inexpensive protein, but if we have a family with a kid with a peanut allergy that’s not going to work. Non-peanut butters are expensive and it’s something we hardly ever see donated. (we also like peanut butter, but that’s easier for us to buy ourselves than non-peanut butters)

3) Canned or packaged tuna

Doc, What Are The Top Five Items Food Banks LOVE To Receive? I'm Doing A Collection Soon And Want To

You may notice a trend here in shelf-stable proteins. And yeah. That’s basically it, so I’m not going to keep harping on it. But this stuff is a godsend. 

4) Easy breakfast things for kids (Granola bars, instant oatmeal, and the like) 

Doc, What Are The Top Five Items Food Banks LOVE To Receive? I'm Doing A Collection Soon And Want To

Whatever Donald Trump tells you, most people who get food from food banks are actually working their asses off and so they have to leave Obama to raise their baby or whatever, and they don’t have a lot of time in the morning. Things like this that kids can make for themselves are expensive. (Another trend you may be noticing–donate shit that costs a lot of money. That helps us more than all the shitty green bean cans in the world) But they are so helpful for busy working families where the parents may not have a set schedule and sometimes little Amanda is making her own breakfast before she runs off to school. Don’t let kids go to school hungry. 

5) Shelf-stable juice

Doc, What Are The Top Five Items Food Banks LOVE To Receive? I'm Doing A Collection Soon And Want To

This is one people never think of! But if you show up with a bunch of (preferably reduced sugar stuff) bottles of juice at my door, oh man, you are gonna get so many check mark and okay hand emoticons. This stuff is great for kids, and it doesn’t require refrigeration until it’s opened, so it works great for food drives. 


Tags
10 months ago

i think it's fine to attribute some desire to biology, like wanting to have kids. like yeah I'm sure a lot of it is the living creature need to proliferate. it doesn't bug me. same as acknowledging that love is dopamine or whatever. a cynic saying love is just chemicals in our brains isn't a gotcha. like ok we as humans were so driven and fascinated by our capacity to love that we found the exact juice that produces that feeling and gave it a name. that's awesome, actually, i dig that, i love that. with my chemicals.

2 months ago

i hate it here im gonna [remembers suicide jokes are bad for mental health] find the Avatar and restore my honor

5 months ago

i literally dont care what your excuse for using AI is. if you didnt put your own effort into making it im not putting my own effort into interacting with it.

5 months ago
Damian Wayne Comes Across A Classic Christmas Carol Known Well Among The Children Of Gotham… Pt [1/?]
Damian Wayne Comes Across A Classic Christmas Carol Known Well Among The Children Of Gotham… Pt [1/?]
Damian Wayne Comes Across A Classic Christmas Carol Known Well Among The Children Of Gotham… Pt [1/?]
Damian Wayne Comes Across A Classic Christmas Carol Known Well Among The Children Of Gotham… Pt [1/?]
Damian Wayne Comes Across A Classic Christmas Carol Known Well Among The Children Of Gotham… Pt [1/?]
Damian Wayne Comes Across A Classic Christmas Carol Known Well Among The Children Of Gotham… Pt [1/?]

Damian Wayne comes across a classic christmas carol known well among the children of gotham… pt [1/?]

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ohnoesspaghettios - what on earth do i put here?
what on earth do i put here?

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