Too Tall

Too tall

You: My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips. What should I do?

Tony: Punch him in the stomach. Then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him. Simple.

Steve: Tackle him.

Natatsha: Dump him.

Thor: Kick him in the shin.

Loki: NO TO ALL OF THOSE. WHAT THE FUCK MORTALS? JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN.

More Posts from Ohlookitsrex and Others

4 years ago

No bc you know something's wrong when EVEN this mf would be a better Captain America than John Walker

Loki

Y'ALL KNOW I'M RIGHT

4 years ago

Not cis, but I will reblog

Seeing terfs demonizing Elliot Page coming out and saying "we lost a lesbian" is an important reminder that terfs target trans men with their rhetoric too. They don't exclude one group in specific when it comes to trans people, they legitimately think being trans is a danger to everyone involved.

Cis lgbt are encouraged to reblog this.

3 years ago
I Like This Trait!

i like this trait!

two perks i made about me and my bff under the cut

I Like This Trait!
I Like This Trait!
3 years ago

I actually cried.

A Comic About Someone Who Gets A Visit From The Reaper A Bit Sooner Than Expected, But Has Someone Whos
A Comic About Someone Who Gets A Visit From The Reaper A Bit Sooner Than Expected, But Has Someone Whos
A Comic About Someone Who Gets A Visit From The Reaper A Bit Sooner Than Expected, But Has Someone Whos
A Comic About Someone Who Gets A Visit From The Reaper A Bit Sooner Than Expected, But Has Someone Whos

a comic about someone who gets a visit from the reaper a bit sooner than expected, but has someone whos been waiting for them 

Hey, do you like my art? Help support me and buy me a coffee! ko-fi.com/zipper ❤️

4 years ago

WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABT LOKI IN MS. MARVEL COMICS??

WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABT LOKI IN MS. MARVEL COMICS??

EXCUSE ME?? WHERE ARE MCU LOKI STANS AT??

WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABT LOKI IN MS. MARVEL COMICS??

“im about to become your new best friend” IM ABOUT TO COUGH UP A LUNG, YOU’VE KNOWN THIS GUY FOR A LITERAL MINUTE LOKI

WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABT LOKI IN MS. MARVEL COMICS??

oh my god

WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABT LOKI IN MS. MARVEL COMICS??

i’m sorry but my brain is trying to process this loki and connect it to mcu loki i need a brain reboot

4 years ago

Smutty Prompt List: The “Anything Goes” Edition

So I wrote a prompt list!! And while doing so discovered that I cannot be tamed and really, anything does go.

Please feel free to use this for your own blog and absolutely any fandom you wish! 

General Fuckery

1. “You say you’re the best lay in all of the city? Prove it.”

2. “A dare is a dare, and I what I dare is for you to is to kiss me in front of all these people. Let them finally see who you love.”

3. “Yes baby, that’s it—oh you’re doing so well, I’m so proud of you. Can you do it again for me?”

4. “I bet you a month’s worth of orgasms I can make them come from sucking their nipples alone.”

5. “I’ll be careful, I promise.”

6. “Wake up, my love. It’s been too many hours since I’ve heard all your pretty noises.”

7. “God, I could watch you fuck yourself on that dildo for hours.”

A hint of D/s, or a lot of it

8. “Won’t you part your pretty little thighs so I can taste what is mine?”

9. “Oh pet, you’ll hate me when I’m through with you.”

10. “Press yourself right up against the glass. I want everyone to see you.”

11. “How about this – I’ll let you come if you’re loud enough for them to find you screaming around my cock.”

12. “Oh pet, don’t cry. I promise I’ll let you come soon.”

13. “Spread your legs for me, baby. Yes, that’s it – now touch yourself, I want to fuck yourself with your fingers like you want me to fuck you with my cock.”

14. “Why should I even let you come? I should leave you here squirming and panting like the desperate whore you are.”

15. “If only you could see yourself now – jaw slack, chest heaving, come dribbling out of your mouth. I almost wish I’d fucked you in public so everyone else could see.”

16. “You look so good like this, baby. Every inch of you bound to the table, writhing against the vibrator. But you know what happens if you come without permission, right?”

17. “I want you to ride my thigh until you’re a whimpering fucking mess, and if you come, then I’ll punish you for it.”

18. “Stand up for me, kitten. I want to watch as our come drips down your thighs.”

19. “I’m going to kiss every inch of you, from toe to top, and if you move or make any noise, I’m going to start all over again, and you won’t be allowed to come until I’m done. Understood?”

20. “That’s it, pet. Grind yourself against my thigh—no no, don’t cover your mouth. We want them to hear, don’t we? We want them to see how much fun you’re having, being my good little whore.”

21. “Did you not hear me the first time I told you to present yourself?”

22. “I so very love the way you blush when you dirty talk. Why don’t you give me a demonstration right now? No no, pet – I want everyone to hear.”

23. “P-please. Please, I want to come, properly this time. Please make your good boy/girl come?”

24. “Come over here. No, don’t stand – crawl.”

25. “Don’t look at me like that. You asked for this.”

26. “Oh, look at the mess you’ve made of yourself, coming in your pants. Should I punish you?”

27. “P-please, please fuck me, I need all of my holes filled—I need another cock, please!”

28. “Perhaps you need to be taught that good boys/girls are seen and not heard. Spread your legs for me.”

29. “Look at you—it’s all over your thighs, dripping out of your hole. Maybe I should make you walk around like this for the rest of the day just so everyone sees how messy you really are?”

30. “Don’t look at them, look at me–I’ll fuck them once they’ve proven that they’re a good pet. Only good pets like you get my cock.”

31. “Please, I’ll be good, I’ll be so good, just let me taste your pussy. Please?”

32. “NO! No, please, I want to come, I want to come!”

33. “Oh but pet, I thought this is what you wanted? Weren’t you begging me just yesterday with tears in your pretty little eyes? To come, to scream, to be allowed to move against my cock while you warmed it?”

34. “P-please, please, I can’t do it—I can’t come anymore, please s-stop.”

35. “I’m going to fuck them in front of you, and you’re going to sit there like a good little pet and not make a single fucking noise. Understood?”

Poly-Specific

36. “It’s humiliating, isn’t it? Seeing someone else please your lover in a way you never can, watching them get fucked and scream out another’s name. Don’t worry – they’re in good hands.”

37. “What’s that? You want me to fuck you while they watch? Because that’s sure as hell what your horny little whines are telling me.”

38. “Will you bark for us, puppy? Show us what a good little pet you can be.”

39. “______, sit on their face. That should shut them up.”

40. “I want you to walk right over there, drop to your knees and start sucking his cock. And no, you can’t wait for his guests to leave.”

41. “Spread yourself for us, pet. Let us see that glorious hole.”

42. “You look so wonderful, tied up with your cock/pussy on display like that. Are you ready for me to let our guests in?”

43. “Go on. Fuck your own hand like the desperate little thing you are, make a show of it for us—don’t you want the attention? Ah ah—leave the cockring on.”

44. “You’re doing so well, pet, letting all of these people come in and touch you, taste you, fuck you – and you haven’t even come once. Would you like me to take the blindfold off so you can see who is next?”

45. “I want you to deepthroat my fingers, suckle them until every drop of his come is off them. Then you can clean his cock up, and then mine, and once you’re done, maybe then I’ll let you come.”

46. “Look at you, all tied up for me like a present. Who left you hear for me, hmmm? Because I would very much like to invite them back so we can unwrap you together.”

Rough and Rowdy

47. “Get off me. I’m done with you. Make sure no one sees you on the way out.”

48. “God, you’re like a bitch in heat. Do you even realise how desperate you look, riding my thigh like that?”

49. “Ssshhh, kitten. I’m not even half way in. Be a good pet and shut the fuck up.”

50. “You know I love you, right? Because I’m going to fuck you like I never have.”

51. “You should be glad I’d ever let you anywhere near my cock/pussy/ass.”

52. “Why would I ever want to fuck you a second time?”

53. “You can hate me all you want, but you can’t deny how good I make you feel.”

54. “You’re coming again? Of course you are. How could you not be? One fucking touch from me is all it takes to get you sobbing, you’re so desperate.”

55. “Come here, daddy wants you to choke on his dick until you pass out.”

56. “Your thighs look so pretty with all of my scratches on them, your blood dripping down onto my sheets.”

57. “Pretend you don’t want it. Scream for me while I fuck you. Beg for me to stop.”

58. “Stop being a brat and start choking on my cock. Or are you too ‘precious’ to do even that?”

59. “Grind against my shoe if you’re so desperate. Go on. I’m sure as hell not getting you off now.”

A Little Angsty

60. “Stay the night. Please.”

61. “Just…once. Please. I just need to taste you once.”

62. “One last time. Please. I—I need one last touch.”

63. “I heard you last night, when you were fucking yourself in your sleep. You called my name. Moaned it.”

64. “This can’t be the last time—please, please, I need you!”

65. “I’m going to fuck them out of you. I’m going to make you scream my name so hard that you’ll never think of them again.”

66. “Ssshh, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m going to fix everything.”

67. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry—forgive me, forgive me.”

68. “Did he fuck you while I was gone? I can smell him all over you.”

69. “I-I thought they loved me. But now they’re gone, they left me and it hurts. Please—I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

70. “It was always you.”

71. “Ah—ah! Oh god you feel so good, so good, fuck, fuck—marry me!”

72. “Of course I held on. I wasn’t going to let death take me without tasting you at least once.”

Assorted Kinks

73. “Give me your hand. Can you feel that? How swollen your belly is from all of my come?”

74. “Look down – can you see your tight little hole stretched around my huge cock? Can you see it bulging in your belly?”

75. “Do you like being filled over and over with come, my pet? Can you feel it stretching you, swelling you? I’m going to fuck you again, let’s see if you can be a good little pet and keep it all inside of you.”

76. “I’m so full, I can feel your come swelling me, there’s so much of it.”

77. “I’m going to count to 10, my love, and then you’re going to run. And the moment I catch you, I’m going to pin you to the ground and fucking destroy you.” 

78. “I’m going to tie you to the bed and leave you here, so I can come back and fuck you and fill you with my come whenever I want. And don’t pretend you don’t want it – I can smell your greedy little cunt from all the way over here.”

79. “Can you feel that, pet? It’s my favourite little blade running up your quivering stomach. Are you scared?”

80. “Which plug should we use this morning? The onyx jewel – the sapphire? Or perhaps the fox tail, so everyone can see it peeking out of your clothes as you walk.”

81. “Ohh, I know it hurts, pet. But you asked to be stuffed with such a huge toy, and you asked to cockwarm it. What kind of a master would I be if I didn’t say yes?”

82. “Would you like the white or the red collar today, puppy? I think it’s a good day for a walk.”

83. “YES, YES! Mark me, claim me as your prize, I’m yours, only yours!”

84. “Do you like how cold/warm my fingers are in your tight little hole, pet? I did it just for you.”

The Monsterfuckers

85. “Let’s seal our deal, my sweet magician. Oh, no no – not with paper.”

86. “Sshhhh, don’t cry. I’ll make it feel good, so good. You won’t ever want a human cock ever again, only ever mine.”

87. “Would you like me to bite you when you come? I know how much you like it when I do, and your blood tastes so good when you’re screaming around my cock.”

88. “Look at these talons - do they scare you? Do they make your human knees quiver? They should. Because I’m going to hold you down with them while I fuck you, and when I’m done, everyone will see the marks I have left on you.”

89. “Are you ready to take my knot? Are you ready to be so full of my seed that your stomach will swell?”

90. “How very careless of you to wander into the realm of the fae. I would help you escape, but…I’ve always wanted a little human fucktoy to call my own.”

91. “You want power? Control? All the magic you can every want or need for? Get down on your knees. Show me exactly what it is about that glorious human mouth that makes you worthy of this deal.”

3 years ago

For y’all who don’t know where this comes from:

Tuskegee—TDLR; “untreated syphillis in the negro male.” Men were promised free health insurance for participating. They did not get it, and many died. This study was conducted by the CDC at Tuskegee University, a university founded by a black man. Years later, they were given that free health insurance, and promised it would pass on through generations. The last person covered under it died in 2004 if I remember right.

Henrietta Lacks—Doctors snatched her cells without asking. Her cells didn’t die, and are still used today. She died in that hospital (John Hopkins), and no one in her family saw a dime.

J.Marion Sims (gynecologist)—he experimented on enslaved women, without anesthesia (of course).

Plus Forced sterilization in the 1900s targeted mostly black women, or people deemed mentally “unfit” to be a mother.

Oh, and racial medical bias today.

Like Many Of This Country’s Finest Institutions. (x)

Like many of this country’s finest institutions. (x)

2 years ago

guys we’re not being cringe to keep out the twitter users. we’re being cringe to keep out the ALGORITHMS, the CAPITALISTS, the INFLUENCERS. twitter users are welcome as long as they agree this site is UNMARKETABLE

3 years ago

please stop trying to make more money off of this site it’s not going to work people are already desensitized to the ads or have adblock

Hey, thanks for the feedback!

We’re exploring more ways of making Tumblr financially sustainable, so we can keep this weird ship afloat. You don’t have to buy into it if you don’t want, but like Matt, current interim Tumblr CEO, said in a recent post:

Remember that right now Tumblr costs a lot more to run than it makes, part of that bet is predicated on the idea that it’s losing money now but it’ll grow and make it up later. We just have to make it through this interim period by listening to users, iterating quickly, and shipping high-quality updates.

Love,

—Cyle (Tumblr Engineering)

2 years ago
I Guess I Can Still Show You How The Strip Game Is Going On.
I Guess I Can Still Show You How The Strip Game Is Going On.
I Guess I Can Still Show You How The Strip Game Is Going On.

I guess I can still show you how the strip game is going on.

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Transmac, he/they/it, autistic af, mentally illin I do art and write shit My a03 is TheFandomHasRisen—pls check it out

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