Creepy Groomer I Used To Work With When I Was 17 Started Texting Me Again . I Think He’s 28 Now.

the thing about being replaced is it’s a feeling you deny up until it sits right in front of your face.

once things are clear- and you and everyone- comes to the understanding that someone else is receiving your affection, the moments already passed.

and it sucks.

a lot.

even when she deserves it because she really is that great and lovable.

she’s just better. she laughs louder, her cheeks tinge pink with it. when she does it, she turns towards you and places both hands on your forearm with a gentle grasp. you feel taken when all of her eyes and lips angle themselves towards your being. it makes your chest puff up in a proudness that only someone so great and lovable can make you do.

I’ve never been great or lovable.

I’ve always been told im too rough. my face gets serious in all the wrong moments, and i look at you with a tentative smile instead of something wide and so open to receiving anything you can give.

i have nothing to take. im so full of sadness, so tinged with blue. there’s no more marks on this canvas worth making. the picture so ugly and wide.

she’s a painting of a cloud, always pleasant to look at whether its at high morning or at sunset. all of her at any time is digestible.

and its so unfair, isn’t it? That we have the same colors and you just show them better, you just carry it lighter.

but you deserve that love, i swear it. you were born deserving, grew up deserving. so deserving no one told you different. no one beat you down to ensure you knew you were any less deserving. no one proved it to you the way they did with me.

so when i see you replaced me, I let the moment pass. i let the laughter wash the hurt right out of me.

ALSO DOES THIS NOT SEEM LIKE DEREK AND STILES TO YOU? IS THAT WHO I AM NOW? LIKE FROM COMFORT CHARACTER TO BECOMING HIM?

It’s like the yin to my yang.

i think my favorite thing about sterek is how much of a loser they both are. Like, think about it. Derek, practically a loner and not by choice, had to bite a bunch of teenagers to keep them around him. Stile’ best use to his “friends” is coming in handy for research before they inevitably ignore him again.

And they both just. think the other is the coolest person ever. Like holy shit, werewolf Derek is super strong and capable and never gets flustered the way stiles does. Or how stiles is fast as a whip, always saving the day without any type of supernatural ability. It’s like they were made for just each other?

They find each other always, look for each other in every danger, when no one else does. And yea, even when stiles and Lydia got super close or Derek had allies, they still kept the other in that special spot. Not too far but still in the back of their mind so someone can look out for them.

I looove that Sam is taller than Dean. It calls attention to just how fucked up their dynamic is.

It was cute how he looked up to Dean as a kid. But now that he’s a grown man, still following around his big brother?

It’s a visual reminder that he’s cramming himself into a role he should have outgrown years ago. They both are.

forcing yourself to love the little things.

going outside and being miserable. just to have said that you went outside that day.

listening to music that makes your teeth clench.

wearing clothes that squeeze you too tight so you can look put together.

it’s a ruse. it’s a cover up. it’s a poor excuse for a life. but fuck- at least i’m trying to live it?

Leila Chatti, from “Tea”

claudia being 14 feels unsatisfying compared to her being 6 until you’re an emotionally stunted 20 something year old who feels like she’s in a hurricane of turmoil and hormones that mirror what you’re supposed to feel during puberty and puberty alone… but it never ended.

you’re in a constant state of wanting more: more from your parents, more from your peers, more friends, more fucks, more to fuck. her being 14 seems too old, until you remember that at 14 you felt too young. this severed limb staring at you from the table in a limbo of confusion wondering, who’s limb it is? who do I belong to? a mature woman or a young child.

you insist you’re a woman, but everyone around you feels different. you insist you are old until you’re father yells at you again and now you’re just that little girl who he thought he put in her place already, but clearly you need reminding. claudia being 14 is how we feel when we grow up mentally but everyone around us keeps us as a still image in their head. that little girl they know that will never be grown enough for the world. and sometimes, you believe it, you perform it.

but I know different, I feel that raw anger no girl knows. the burning feeling that claws up your throat. the betrayal. the horniness. the euphoria. she was heartbreaking being stuck in the body of a 6 year old. but it’s equally and as intensely tragic being stuck at 14.

- Sylvia Plath

getting a job is so hard because now you have new coworkers and a uniform and an older manager who tells you that you’re doing so good. he hovers around you at the register in that ridiculous plaid shirt and you wonder if his wife bought it for him or not. you get customers commenting on your banter asking if you’re father and daughter and you bite your lip when he laughs. he bumps into you by accident all the time and says sorry as he glances back and you realizes he never glances at anyone else. his way of talking to women is to look off in the distance far above their head and it works cause he’s so tall, but he somehow always finds your eyes. he smiles and teases you in the break room and you just think, please god just do it now. then reality sets in and you remember his response to the woman’s question was that his daughter is four years old and his wife is on his lock screen. he apologizes for even grazing your fingers because there are sexual harassment awareness posters all over the staff lounge and the other manager is friends with your very protective father. and having a new job is just so hard.