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croki my beloved

as if I'd pass up the opportunity to draw sad Geto

This is for when you ask for tickets for both Barbie and Oppenheimer, I don't know

Maglor’s Fate theories ranked from least to most absurd

(with links to relevant AO3 fics because I know you’ll love that)

Eventually died, possibly during the sinking of Beleriand. Seems to be implied by Mandos mentioning that he will have Fëanor’s sons in his halls (Maglor is not mentioned separately from the others who definitely died)

Will wander forever unable to return home due to his unfulfillable Oath. Eventually fades from existence, his physical body slowly decaying due to the Marring of Arda until his spirit is left to haunt the shores. Fulfills the “your deeds will forever be a matter of song” part of the Doom.

Eventually pardoned long after the Third Age and builds his own makeshift raft to get there. Alternatively called “Nerdanel bullies the Valar to get what she wants.”

Tossed into the Void along with his father and brothers as punishment for their crimes as per the wording of the Oath [x]

Hunted down by Sauron as petty revenge (maybe at Celebrimbor, maybe just at the Feanorians in general, maybe just because Sauron got bored) [x, x, x, x]

Living in Rivendell during the Third Age, probably under the name Lindir. Fits with “The Lost Road” where he was said to live with Elrond for a while after the First Age. [x]

Cohabiting with Daeron and possibly Nimloth. Maybe they eventually sail. Maybe they don’t. [x, x]

Beach hermit who is dragged home against his will by Elrond at the end of the Third Age. [x, x, x]

Beach hermit who grudgingly befriends Cirdan this could end well [x] or it could end in tragedy [x]

Bonds with Bilbo over maps (and pastries). Bilbo did not initially know who this strange hobo Elf was, but once he figures it out Bilbo manages to trick him into reuniting with Elrond [x]

Tossed into the Void as per the Oath, but is rescued by the sheer determination (and stupidity) of Elrond Half Elven. [x]

Rescued by Eönwë, his ex boyfriend. Yes I am ranking my OTP as absurd. No I am not accepting notes. [x]

Tom Bombadill. That’s it. That’s the theory. [x, x, x]

Convinces the men of Gondor to jail him for his crimes and becomes a sort of pseudo-prophet for the Gondorians for centuries. Eventually yelled at by Elrond. [x]

Joins the Fellowship of the Ring, not because he wanted to, but because it sounded like no one else who volunteered was actually qualified [x]

Shows up during the Hobbit to yell at people about the foolishness of going to war over pretty Jewels [x]

Becomes Homer, the blind Greek playwright. May or may not also be Shakespeare.

Lives on through the modern age, eventually decides that five dollar monthly margaritas at Chili’s are better than Valinor.

Kidnapped by Earendil (on orders from Elrond). The Valar allow it because if Earendil is okay with him then can they really argue??? [x]

Actually Celebrimbor: There’s a reason Celebrimbor wasn’t mentioned in the original drafts of the Silm and was thrown in as an after thought, and that’s because Elrond and ‘Celebrimbor’ took advantage of the fact that most of Nargothrond died to create a cover story for where this ‘new’ Fëanorian came from.

Killed during the Third Age, by a werewolf who is actually Finrod [x]

Befriends some dude named John Ronald Ruel and tells him stories that the Oxford professor eventually adapts and turns into an epic tale. Discrepancies in the canon can be attested to JRRT deciding to “improve” things.

Actually JRR Tolkien himself, after writing down his crimes and ensuring that his crimes will never be forgotten, he eventually allows himself to die. Discrepancies in the canon can be attested to confusion brought about by damage from his Oath and ensuing madness.

Crablor

the fact that at the council of elrond glorfindel is like “just throw the ring into the ocean” is so funny to me after reading the silmarillion just because it feels like the subtext is him being like “yeah let’s try maglor’s patented and tested method: Just Yeet The Accursed Fucking Thing Into The Water”

“Stop calling wrightworth old men they’re only 24-32″ you don’t understand, when we call them old men it has nothing to do with age. 

Miles Edgeworth was an old man at 9 years old. He dresses like a 17th century vampire. He deadass uses a phone in his office from the 19th century. He talks like he’s in a dickens novel. His hobby is drinking tea and playing chess with himself. Phoenix Wright canonically doesn’t know how to use a computer. Despite ostensibly being a millennial he’s used the same Nokia phone for the last 15 years that’s now held together with packaging tape. He complains about his back aching and calls people 7 years his junior kids.  It’s about the mindset. The personality. On all levels except physical they are old fogeys