You Don’t Know How Much I Would Kill For A Version Of This Book From Camilla’s Perspective. I Have

and he had this morbid fascination with all things dead.

Realising that in a somewhat twisted way Dead Poets Society is the perfect coming of age movie. There’s this friendgroup that have been together for years, a new kid joins and becomes part of the group, a new teacher changes their lives, they start to become the dead poets society, one of them grows as a writer, another as an actor, two others are geniuses, there’s one that’s head over heels and thinks about nothing else, a know-it-all, there’s the class clown that’s actually a sweetheart. And just as they’re all about to be the happiest they’ve ever been it starts to go wrong and fall apart and the actor has the best moments of his life on stage with his family watching, not his shit parents, but the six boys and teacher who he loves more than anything; then his day, his life really, is ruined by his fucking father. His last act of agency is deciding to kill himself before he has no choice in anything anymore.

Somehow there is still 30 minutes left to the movie.

We see the best friend having to tell the friendgroup, and then the boy who loved his best friend, that’s his dead. We see them break apart from the heartbreak and the loss, none of them will ever be the same. Just a month before they were joking and living and free and now they are grieving and the love has nowhere to go now that their friend is gone. Then the best friend gets kicked out and sent away for punching another group member because he felt so betrayed. Then they lose the teacher that taught them how to truly be free.

Dead Poets Society has every emotion possible and a character for every kind of teenager and as someone who’s freshly 18 and out of school this is how growing up feels. It was never as drastic as the poet’s situation, but splitting apart, everyone going seperate ways, struggling to see each other, losing one another, being forced into lives you don’t want to live with all of your happiest days behind you and it hurts a lot, it’s a subsection of grief because it really feels like loss.

On a side note trying not to use their names was so hard??? I think about them so much they’re basically my friends Fr Fr

I'm written by Donna Tartt. Not in the way that I'm ethereal and smart and well-read. But in the way that I will do anything to be perceived well by a bunch of pretentious people. In the way I never feel smart enough, worldly enough, or that I'll ever fit in, but I'll pretend that I do to a fault. In the way that despite it all, I still have a god complex regarding my intellect

June 16 aka the national holiday for annoying people like me

BEFORE SUNRISE (1995) dir. Richard Linklater

Thinking about Like Minds again. Specifically Sally. I'm sorry, I thought it was hilarious when we found out she'd taken to teach gestalt theory. Don't get me wrong, I understand that Alex is a genius of some sort, I understand that he's an excellent proof for the idea- but imagine interviewing a privileged twink of a not even eighteen-year-old boy who stares out the non-existent cell window like he's waiting for his soldier husband to come home, despite facing barely any real hardship before, proceeds to tell you that his life has been ruined by a really persistent taxidermist, opens your first meeting by being religious and condescending, and all of this is enough to convince you, an adult woman with a degree in psychology, that not only is he innocent but his niche psychology theory is absolutely correct and needs to be preached to the masses. like. don't get me wrong. I love Alex and I would like to love Sally (I do fear this movie suffers only prominent woman's story revolves mind body and soul around the men disorder) but even if I declared that dude innocent I would not be taking mental health tips and proverbs from him. what.

Alexa and Dev, 2008

why do I have to remember?

girls don’t want boys. girls want to know what henry whispered to camilla.

I desperately need like minds but as a mockumentary. Like for example Alex and Nigel at the morgue over Susan’s Body. Alex having the worst time of his life

Nigel: “she’s yours Jack”

Alex: *sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose and stares at the ceiling*

Cut to Alex being interviewed

“Middle of the night. No explanation. Just "This way" and like an idiot, I follow him. And where do we end up? A morgue. Of course. What did I even expect?” *dramatically throws his hands up* “At this point, I’m beyond questioning it. I’m just… I need a nap.” *stares into the camera like he’s on the verge of a breakdown*

Or an interview after Josh and Alex chloroformed Nigel and dragged him onto a train

Nigel: *perfectly calm* “I get it, I may have freaked him out with the taxidermy and all but chloroform and kidnapping me? That was excessive. I feel like Alex should unpack that urge with a professional.” *after a few seconds silence* “can’t say I didn’t enjoy it tho”

Or the crawlspace scene

Nigel: “we’ve been brought together for a reason. And it’s written here. For eternity.”

Cut to interview

Alex: “Okay so at first I thought he was into me. But then he started talking about 12th century Templar orders and him being my *air quotes* 'implement for killing' and I realized it was somehow even weirder than that.”

New scene, Josh’s funeral:

Alex grieving, looks up and catches Nigel staring at him from across the grave

Cut to interview

Alex: “so I’m grieving, right? My best friend? Dead. In the ground. And then I look up and guess who’s staring at me like some kind of american psycho?? Well I give you a hint. His name starts with N and ends in igel. Just standing there staring, no shame, all intense and broody. Like, sir, MY FRIEND'S DEAD BODY IS LITERALLY BETWEEN US. CAN YOU MAYBE NOT RIGHT NOW??”