The Order Of The Avengers - Master Post (2021 ~)

Lofoten | joonaslinkola

A rekindled jealousy || Neteyam & Ao’nung & Tuk x fem!Omaticaya reader

Summary: When you leave the Omaticaya clan behind, your entire life changes. You may have a hard time adjusting to Metkayina's ways, but you use the opportunity to wake some jealousy in Neteyam

Warnings: fluff & a little bit of angst  ( ✓ Tuk being a little naughty, inquisitive shit  ✓ Ao'nung being visibly into the reader  ✓ jealous Neteyam) ♥

Word count: 3490

Authors: Cass & Fenrir

A/N: Divider by wonderful firefly-graphics

We will adapt, his father said. Adaptation is inevitable, it's not like we have a choice. Adaptation had multiple meanings, and the Sully siblings defined it in their own way. For Kiri, adaptation required finding an inner peace that would make day-to-day tasks much easier. As for Tuk, it meant leaving everything she used to know behind and learning anew how to function among the other clan. In Lo'ak's case, the process was about discovering his inner self - knowing your fears was the path to becoming one with the water. Accordingly, for Neteyam adaptation meant being obedient and following his parents' orders. As the oldest, he knew that getting into trouble was the last thing they needed right now; he would again be punished by his father and grounded, for life this time, there was no doubt.

Despite not being a part of Neytiri's family, you became close to her as her friends' daughter, and Neyam was delighted that his parents had taken you along with them - after your parents died in yet another battle against RDA, Jake Sully's wife decided to care for their daughter. You became his best friend after many years spent together, and the fact that you were female didn't change anything - the eldest son of Jake and Neytiri was treating you like the best buddy, hanging out with you as much as possible. Despite moving to a brand-new location because of Quaritch and his buddies, Neteyam still preferred to spend time with you, diligently learning new things from Metkayina.

As you sat on a large rock, frowning, you tried your finest to weave nets. As you tapped your tail angrily against the hard surface, your fingers continued to work on your latest yet unsuccessful attempt; at least this was slightly better than the previous one. As each second passed, you grew more and more annoyed.

Little did you know that Ao'nung and his friends were observing you from a distance. Following a brief exchange of glances with his friends, he approached you. Even though he wasn't a big fan of the Sully family, you seemed so different from them, which made you more appealing. In addition, you had four fingers, so you weren't as strange as those Sullys' demon kids. "Y/N, right? I see you're struggling with weaving," he smiled at you and offered, "Why don't you join my friends and me in the water instead?"

You looked at your messed up work and then at him; maybe continuing wasn't necessary at the moment - your fingers hurt and you were getting frustrated, so you decided a small break was needed. Also, that could be very interesting. You smiled back and nodded, "I'd love to." Rotxo nodded his head in agreement as Ao'nung looked at him. "Let's go, it would be a shame to waste such a beautiful day weaving," Ao'nung encouraged you to leave your work behind.

Tuk, the youngest Sully, saw the entire situation and then decided to inform her older brother about what she had seen.

One last look at your nets convinced you that there was no point in trying. Your curiosity led you to follow Ao'nung after leaving your work behind.

"So, how do you like it here?" Ao'nung asked, glancing at you with a certain amount of curiosity. 

"It's completely different," you replied, your tail flicking from side to side. "There's a lot of water. It's a little unusual for me."

Rotxo laughed a bit at your words. "You tree people can only cling to your lianas, right?" 

Ao'nung glanced coldly at Rotxo, conveying his anger towards him. Tonowari's son told you, "Forgive my friend, he's a little crude. Have you already interacted with ilu?" He asked, trying to change the topic.

Your arms crossed over your chest as you hissed offendedly, "Well, he isn't really funny. Well, we can do a lot more than that. And about your question, I'm sorry but I'm not even sure what ilu is," you admitted a bit embarrassed.

Another Ao'nung's friend commented, "She doesn't even know what ilu is, that's ridiculous," but was instantly hit in the back of the head by Tonowari's son.

"An ilu is intelligent, sociable, and easily domesticated animal serves the reef clans, including our clan, as direhorses serve the Na'vi clans of the forests and jungles," Ao'nung explained softly, looking at you. "Do you feel afraid?"

Your interest was piqued by the description of the animal. With your tail moving equally eagerly, you enthusiastically shook your head. "Me? Afraid? No! That sounds fascinating! I'd love to see it." Ao'nung slowly stepped into the water until it reached his muscular calves, then he turned his head to see if you were following. As soon as he was sure you were right behind him, he offered you his hand.

Smiling softly, you took his hand and followed him into the water. Compared to what you were doing moments ago, this was much better, you thought to yourself. The two of you were watched from a distance by Ao'nung's friends, who stayed on the shore. They had no idea that they weren't the only ones watching...

The sound Ao'nung made was like whistling after he clicked his tongue several times. A loud chirping ilu emerged from the water shortly afterward.

"It's loud!" you giggled, feeling even more captivated by the creature. "Are you sure I or you won't be eaten by it?"

"Ilu? Don't worry, they won't bite if they're not bothered. Come, pet it slowly," he advised. 

As you nodded slowly, you drew a little closer and gently petted the animal.

Ilu turned his head to you and chirped loudly in anticipation, blinking both pairs of its eyes. A gentle, inviting touch was evidently enjoyed by the animal, whose skin was soft to the touch.

In response to your very first interaction with the ilu, Ao'nung smiled. "You see? No biting."

A giggle escaped your lips, and you nodded in agreement. "I really like how soft and cute it is, and there is no biting at all. I didn’t know they’re so friendly!”

After seeing a small wave coming, he took a step closer to you and put his hand on your waist, supporting you from falling to your back due to the strong drift. "I told you it was worth trying." 

"It would be appreciated if the waves were not so strong," you joked and politely thanked him for the support he provided. "In fact, it was well worth trying. This creature is so sweet and soft. If I weren't scared, I'd cuddle it."

"There's nothing stopping you from doing so," he said as his hand stayed on your waist. "First, I would suggest creating a bond, it's safer that way."

Meanwhile, Neteyam joined Ao'nung's friends on the shore. Watching you cooperate with the ilu while sitting under the warm sun was a cute way to spend his spare time. Everything would have been perfect if Ao'nung hadn't been doing everything he could to get closer to you. In the end, Neteyam let out a deep sigh - it seemed you were more interested in Metkayina lately, and he was helpless about it; his only concern was your widely understood happiness.

Your eyes widened when you noticed Neteyam with the corner of your eye. You hummed, pretending to think about Ao'nung's offer. This could make things even more interesting. Immediately, you became more flirtatious with Ao'nung. "Are you really bringing me here just to show me the ilu?"

A cheerful smile was given to you by Tonowari's son, who also petted ilu's head. "Why are you asking, Y/N? I was simply trying to relieve you of the unneeded job you were assigned."

With a soft smile, you teased, "Oh, I'm sorry. I was hoping for more from you, but apparently I was mistaken..."

With a bold move, he touched your shoulder with his palm as he asked, "More like? You know how much I value your friendship more than Sullys', so I'm willing to lend a helping hand whenever I can."

"Friendship may always evolve into something more," you shrugged, still petting the ilu's head.

While chirping loudly, ilu poked you in the side with its velvety muzzle. "We could always give it a chance, Y/N. What do you think?" Ao'nung asked as his hand climbed up your shoulder and landed in your crook of the neck.

"Maybe?" You purred as if you were considering it. Of course, you didn't care about any of this, all you cared about was Neteyam's reaction. Although you felt disappointed with the lack of response so far, you decided to keep trying and maybe coax it out of him.

You were so skilled at pretending that Ao'nung leaned forward, closed his eyes, and attempted to kiss you.

It was enough for Neteyam. When he got up to his feet, he got as close to the water as possible without getting in. Neteyam shouted, "What the hell are you doing, Ao'nung?"

Gasping, you took two small steps away from Ao'nung before looking at Neteyam. Oh, he was angry! "Neteyam, what's wrong?" You asked innocently, tilting your head to the side.

The grunt grew louder as Ao'nung opened his eyes and stared at Neteyam as well. "What's your problem, bro?"

"You're acting a bit too brazen, bro, and that's my problem. Leave Y/N alone," Neteyam said after issuing a warning; his eyes were then fixed on you. "Come on, Y/N, I think you still need to finish some things."

Your lips were softly curled into a smile as you whispered, "Yes, I believe I do."

Ao'nung was the first to exit the water, leaving ilu behind. "Well, well, well, look at that, Sully's into our sweet, little Y/N," he mocked, rolling his eyes.

Once you had given the ilu one last pet, you followed Ao'nung towards the shore, thinking how the situation would unfold.

Once Ao'nung got onto the shore, he pushed Neteyam's shoulder strongly with wry words followed by a snort, "Shall I remind you about your position here, Sully? You better be on your best behaviour, as your father suggested."

A frown could be seen on Neteyam's face, but he tried hard to maintain his composure. "Y/N, let's go."

"What's your problem, Net? We didn't do anything wrong, he was just showing me what ilu is." 

Tuk, who was partially hidden behind Neteyam's legs, peered out and frowned at you. "We've been here for a while, and you still don't know anything about ilu? Eywa, please hold me tight, I can't deal with Y/N."

Neteyam ruffled his sister's hair and stared at you before saying, "I heard Ronal asked you to help with nets, and you heard what my parents said about us being guests here? We need to adapt and do whatever it takes to avoid being considered useless."

Putting yourself behind Ao'nung, you frowned. "I try to be useful, but making nets is boring and not meant for me? This just seems more fun."

Tuk stuck her tongue out at you, her glance full of concern. "Mom won't be happy."

"Hush," Neteyam whispered to Tuktirey while looking at Ao'nung. "As the chief's son, you should be more reasonable and help Y/N with the tasks she's assigned to."

Your head rested on Ao'nung's shoulder as you gazed at Neteyam. You teased, "Is it your only concern? Or are you simply jealous?"

Neteyam had already had enough of your behaviour - he thought he had shown you many times that you were more valuable to him, yet you seemed more interested in that thick piece of a man, called Ao'nung. "Maybe."

Ao'nung smiled even wider as you patted his shoulder before walking up to Neteyam to take his hand. "Maybe? Just maybe?"

From nowhere, the argument grew into a tornado. The intensity of Neteyam's rage blinded him to your heart and soul. His hand snatched back from your grasp as he snapped at you, "Don't. It seems that Ao'nung has nothing but hots for you, and since you seem to be more than interested, we won't bother you anymore in spending your time with our host. Tuk, come."

The little girl followed her brother enthusiastically, but of course she couldn't help but glance back at you, laying her ears and hissing, showing her perfect, sharp fangs.

It didn't work out as you thought it would; you laid your ears down and hissed back at her, crossing your arms over your chest. A deep sigh was heard from you as you excused yourselves and followed them quickly.

The fact that you followed Sullys was mocked by Ao'nung. "Come on, Y/N! We still might have some fun!”

"Apparently Y/N is more into the eldest of the Sully brothers," Rotxo replied to his friend, and Tonowari's son punched him hard in the side, giving him the coldest look he has ever given to anyone as a warning.

"Neteyam! Tuk! Wait for me!” You shouted after them, attempting to line up with the siblings.

Meanwhile, Neteyam sat on the rock where you had left your unfinished nets.

Since she was angry that you were playing with her beloved brother in such a cruel way, Tuk ignored you perfectly.

After softly sighing, you decided to sit right next to him. "Neteyam... Talk to me. I am sorry for angering you so much."

He answered, "I'm not furious," and continued to work on the weave with his long fingers.

While playing with the sand, Tuk giggled, "He's not angry, he's mad."

"Could you play somewhere else? I want to talk to him alone," you hissed at her.

Tuk stood up and placed her hands on her hips. "Don't order me, you're not my mother."

With a sigh, Neteyam told his younger sister to return to their hut and assist Kiri and mother with whatever they were doing.

The young girl complied with her brother's instructions while grunting loudly in annoyance.

You looked at him and sighed, "At least she listens to you. So, will you talk to me?”

"About?"

Then you moved closer to help him weave the net and whispered quietly, "About what happened. I didn't mean to anger you. I'm sorry for leaving my job. It just seemed like a nice offer and I was super flustered."

Without even glancing at you, he asked bitterly, "The offer or Ao'nung?"

Chuckling, you gently pinched his finger and continued to work. "The offer, as I mentioned earlier."

"Yeah. I bet."

"Neteyam," you said, taking his hand in your palm, "Why did you get so angry about me hanging out with him?"

"Hanging out with him, that's the clue," he said angrily, pulling his hand out of your grasp, weaving angry until his fingertips began to hurt - only then Neteyam threw the net away and after letting out a deep sigh, he massaged his temples. "Is he that interesting? Apparently, you were the one who said reef people were strange and unappealing."

"It wasn't because of him, but because I wanted to see an ilu," you explained, rolling your eyes. "There was a chance it would eat him rather than me in the event of an accident."

Neteyam was trying so hard to keep a straight face, but your comment made him giggle. "If only ilus could be as vicious as akulas, Ao'nung's issue might have been resolved long ago."

A smile spread across your face as you raised an eyebrow at him and asked, "You'd like that, huh?"

Prior to replying, Neteyam improved his necklace and waved his tail. "Maybe."

Your tail wiggled happily as you placed your chin on his shoulder with a mischievous smile. "I'm sure you would love that, hm? You wouldn't have to worry about someone stealing me from you."

"It's not like that, Y/N. We're just friends, you and I."

"Well..." you sighed deeply, "I'm disappointed to hear that, because I really wanted something more."

You were given a serious look as he asked, "Just like with Ao'nung, huh?"

As you gasped, you smacked his back with your tail. "I tried to get your attention by making you jealous. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

He grinned widely as he asked, "So you tried to make me jealous? Well, it appears you are interested in me, and I am flattered by that."

You whined, "Yes! I'm interested in you, but you're only paying attention to me in a friendly manner."

"And how do you know that, smartass?"

Blinking, you shrugged lightly. "That's how I felt."

"Then you must be blind."

You turned away and crossed your arms over your chest, pretending to be offended. "I'm not, it's just that your signs weren't clear enough." 

In this case, Neteyam rested his chin against the crook of your neck, looking at you from your profile. "How many times did I accidentally catch your hand? How many times did I say there was no one but you? How many times did I skip my duties just to spend time by your side?"

You leaned against him, "I just thought it was because I was an orphan who your mother had taken care of and you took care of me because this was what your parents expected you to do."

With you by his side, Neteyam was able to relax his nerves as he closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun kissing his skin. "How wrong you were, Y/N."

"Now I know. What should we do about it?"

"Have you thought of anything in particular?"

Shrugging, you replied, "No. How about you?"

"My guess is that it's the part when you kiss her, Neteyam," tiny tone suggested. Nobody else but Tuk observed the entire situation while hiding among nearby bushes.

While eldest Sully facepalmed for not expecting his little sister to spy on him, he knew deep down she was right. In barely a second, he placed a hand on your cheek and rubbed you there with his thumb, before leaning forward to rub his nose against yours and briefly kiss your lips.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you giggled quietly and kissed him back. The happiness made your tail move like crazy.

A small Omaticaya girl shook her head and kept quiet during the scene.

As your taste spilled over Neteyam's tongue, he murmured in pleasure.

With a mischievous smile, you pulled away and rubbed your noses together. "It was worth it to piss you off."

"Prove it."

"I love you, not Ao'nung," you rolled your eyes and kissed him once more.

Tuk's tone was filled with happiness as she chanted, "I feel love in the air! Y/N and Neteyam, Neteyam and Y/N! Nanana! Love is oh so in the air!"

When Neteyam returned the kiss, he felt all his angst and anger disappear quickly, having been eased by your words and feeling that they came from the depths of your heart.

After letting him kiss you for a moment, you pulled away when you needed to breathe deeply. "Is this proof enough for you, my love?"

"Yes."

"What did our little spy think of what she saw?" You asked Tuk loudly.

With a stick she found in the bushes, Tuk emerged from her hiding spot and approached the two of you. "It was pretty cute, but still eww, just like mom kissing dad. Just remember I will keep a close eye on you, Y/N, and I won't hesitate to inform Neteyam if I see you hanging out with those beefy, turquoise fellas again," she warned, getting on her brother's lap. "And now tell me: will you two eventually tie the knot?"

You rolled your eyes and ruffled her hair. "One day, maybe, when we decide we want to be together forever."

"Tuk, please," Neteyam poked Tuktirey's shoulder. "Little one, that is none of your business."

"What? I have to be ready," Tuk looked at you while shrugging her shoulders. "I believe you'd make a stunning bride! I could look after your future kids! I would play with them!"

"TUK!" Neteyam paled a little, pulling on his sister's braid. "That’s enough."

A smug smile appeared on your face. "I would like to have kids, so long as they aren't like their future aunt."

Neteyam laughed, shoving Tuk off his lap and returning to weaving. "Please, don't encourage her, Y/N."

Tuk initially nodded joyfully in response to your comments, but when she realised what you were saying, she crossed her arms over her chest, which, unfortunately, was the same moment she slipped from Neteyam's lap. She snarled at you while sitting on her butt in the sand. "I'll keep it in mind, Y/N, and I'll tell mom!"

Laughing, you took Neteyam's hand. "I guess we'll see about that. Right?"

As he stroked your palm, he smiled at you brightly. "Yes. The feelings I have for you are something I am looking forward to discovering and exploring."

Disillusioned

Summary: Every time I tried to take a step closer, he took a step back. Falling in love with Bucky Barnes was easy, but the distance he kept between us was torture.

Pairing: Bucky x female!Reader

Genre: Angst, happy ending(?)

Warnings: Smut! And minor character death

Length: 3.5k

A/N: My love for Bucky/Sebastian Stan has inspired me to write again 💕 Enjoy (I hope)!

He was having a nightmare.

Bucky didn't often agree to stay the night - I suspected this was part of the reason why. I woke up to sounds of grunting and the loud grinding of his jaw, my bleary eyes adjusting to the view in front of me.

Moonlight illuminated his profile, his eyes shut and brow furrowed, a thin sheen of sweat on his face. He was still asleep, his fists clenching the sheets as I slowly extended a hand.

"Bucky," I whispered, my voice hoarse. I cleared my throat, touching his naked shoulder gingerly. "Bucky," I repeated louder.

He stirred then, eyes snapping open. He almost looked shocked to see me in bed with him, as if he'd forgotten where he was. He pushed himself to sit upright with a sharp inhale, jaw still clenched.

"Are you okay?" I asked, propping myself up with one elbow, concern laced through my voice despite the exhaustion.

"M'fine," Bucky replied in a tone that told me he was most definitely not fine. He wasn't even looking at me, his blue eyes looking at the wall, distant, as if he was recalling an unpleasant memory. Or as if he just didn't want to look at my face. "I gotta go."

"Now?" I glanced at my alarm clock. It wasn't even 4am.

"Yeah." Bucky stood up, and I blushed despite myself at his naked form. My cheeks burned further as I recalled the particularly heated session we had just a few hours ago, both of us collapsing into a sweaty mess. I had whispered a Please, can you stay? to him before I was lulled into sleep, surprised when he had simply grunted and stayed by my side.

"Wait, Bucky - " I reached out instinctively and held onto his right hand, which felt colder than his vibranium one when he almost instantly snatched it away. I faltered, biting down onto my lower lip. "Can we - what's the rush?"

This happened all the time. Whenever I was lucky enough to have Bucky fall asleep by my side, more often than not, he would wake up from the nightmares and just leave, no matter what the hour was. We had never even slept through a sunrise together.

"I have things to do," was his response, his eyes never once meeting mine.

I clutched the sheets against my torso, feeling the all-too familiar cold, creeping feeling in my chest. That feeling of rejection, the feeling of unhappiness when I remembered that Bucky and I weren't really anything, not really. Not quite friends, not quite lovers, and definitely not a couple. He had made that clear.

"Can we just talk for five minutes?" I asked quietly as Bucky hurried to get dressed, his clothes flung haphazardly around my bedroom.

"About what?"

Anything, I wanted to scream. What do you call it when you are so unbelievably in love with someone, so desperate to keep them in your life that you are willing to just be someone that they came to whenever they wanted some casual company, a warm body, some fun? The word I was searching for was "pathetic", probably.

"Do you want to talk about your nightmares?" I asked, picking my nails nervously. I watched as Bucky paused pulling on his shirt for just a millisecond, almost as if he was caught off guard by my query.

"I don't talk about them," Bucky said after a moment, shaking his head.

"Don't you think you might feel better if you -"

"Look," Bucky said sharply, turning to face me. His stern expression softened ever so slightly at the sight of my face, which no doubt looked as torn and pitiful as I felt in that moment. I knew that I had no place to act as if I could help him in any way - what could I possibly do for him?

Bucky's lips formed a tight smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I appreciate the concern. But there's nothing you can do to help me."

Right. Just as I thought.

For some reason, this statement almost made me want to cry. It was another subtle reminder of that tiny spark of hope that maybe, just maybe, I had some small weighting to Bucky's life. Maybe I wasn't just a girl that Bucky came to when he wanted to let off some steam. A spark that was always being snuffed out like a candle.

Bucky left quietly and without so much as a goodbye. The room felt so much emptier without him in it.

------ x ------

Sometimes, I felt that Bucky might genuinely care for me.

Whenever he came to see me, it wasn't always just sex. Sometimes we would spend time together doing things like a normal couple might do - he would help me with random errands, have dinner with me, sometimes even tell me stories from his past, a glimpse into his history.

But it was hot and cold with him. Whenever I dared to let myself believe that Bucky was opening up to me, he would suddenly slam the door shut and leave me out in the cold again.

Bucky Barnes made me weak. I was so willing to give my heart to this man who didn't even know what to do with it.

We were in my apartment on a Sunday afternoon as he tinkered about with the plumbing in my bathroom, offering to help me fix it when he saw that it was leaking. I watched with a small smile on my face as I handed him various tools, watching his face scrunched up in concentration.

My phone lit-up, chiming suddenly with six consecutive notifications. Bucky saw my grimace as I glanced at the screen and switched it to silent.

"What's that?" He asked, grunting as he inspected the bathroom pipes, turning his back to me.

"Um." I paused, my tongue darting out to wet my lips. "This guy that my sister is trying to set me up with. She gave him my number and he's been pestering me." I tried to keep my voice light hearted, but the words fell out like lead. My statement was true, but I couldn't care less about this guy - I couldn't even remember his name. I was just playing the childish tactic of trying to make Bucky feel jealous.

Bucky's hands stilled, just for a second, before they resumed their movement. He couldn't have sounded less interested if he tried when he responded, "Give it a go."

I blinked, my gut twisting.

"What?"

Bucky shrugged. "Maybe dating someone will do you some good."

My heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach. I didn't know why I was always so keen to self-inflict this pain. It was as if I needed to constantly remind myself that Bucky just didn't want me in that way, until I would get the message.

"Yeah. Maybe."

------ x ------

When Bucky fucked me that night, he held me tighter than usual.

His forehead pressed against mine, our lips pressed together in an angry kiss, his tongue wet and hot in my mouth. He thrust inside me again and again and again, hips snapping as his hands circled themselves around my wrists, holding them above my head.

His mouth opened and he gasped, my back arching with pleasure as his cock continued to slide in and out of me, searching for release.

He came inside me with a moan, his mouth latching onto my neck to leave a hickey, marking my skin, his chest shuddering on top of mine as he came down from his high.

As usual, he left shortly after despite my quiet request for him to stay.

------ x ------

When my friends asked me how I would be spending my birthday, I lied and said I just wanted to spend it alone. Alone with Bucky.

I was delighted when I asked Bucky if he would have dinner with me on my birthday. He nodded and promised he would be there.

I sat in my apartment, clothed in a little red dress that I was sure Bucky would like. I was bouncing on my feet in excitement when he finally knocked on the door, and I beamed at him when I answered.

He was dressed in dark jeans, navy shirt and my favourite leather jacket of his. He looked me up and down, the corners of his lips quirking up into a smile.

"You look pretty," he said unexpectedly, his voice sincere.

I blushed, my cheeks on fire. "Thank you."

This was exactly how I wanted to spend my day. With Bucky, having dinner in a tiny little French restaurant that we had both discovered one day months ago, walking along the river afterwards as the sun set. I wanted to hold his hand so much, wanted to cling onto his arm, but I knew better than to do so.

"I need to tell you something," Bucky said solemnly as I smiled. I felt so unbelievably happy with him in this moment. This was one of those moments I managed to tell myself that I could accept being his not-quite-a-lover-and-not-quite-a-friend as long as he was by my side.

"What is it?" My smile faded slowly as he met my eyes, his expression stoic.

"I want you to be happy," he said carefully. "You deserve it." The words hung in the air as I waited for him to continue, not even daring to guess what he really wanted to say. "I know how you feel about me."

"How do I feel about you?" I challenged softly. I had never said the words out loud, but I knew that he knew. I just wanted to hear him say it.

"I know you love me," he said after a long pause. The sound of the water filled the silence as I looked at him, unsure of what he would say next. "I want you to be happy, but you know I can't give that to you."

There was a long, strained silence. "Why not?" I asked, my chest tightening. I knew I was being stupid, pathetic even, just by asking the question. "You never even gave us a chance."

I don't deserve one.

"You knew from the beginning that this could never be anything more than what it is," Bucky said, his tone gentle but his eyes hard.

"Why?" I repeated, frustration bubbling.

"Because I don't do relationships," Bucky retorted, voice now sharp. His words stuck themselves into me like needles. "I want you to be happy, really. Truly. But I can't give you a happy ending."

Why did it feel like he was breaking up with me when there was no relationship to break in the first place?

"So now what?" I whispered, trying desperately not to cry. Not in front of him, please. I wanted to know if he ever felt anything for me. I wanted to know if there was ever a time where he might have considered loving me back.

"I'll be leaving the city tomorrow. For good."

I had no right to ask him to stay. Bucky Barnes was his own person, and he would do what he wanted to. I was inconsequential, a nothing. I had let myself become so caught up in this fantasy and my stupid hope, setting myself up for failure.

"Okay."

------ x ------

Love was such a fucking trap. Bucky had tried the whole dating thing in the past, naively thinking that maybe, he could actually find someone and get a taste of normalcy. Before he met her, he had dated a few different girls, but something never felt quite right.

And then she exploded into his life, all smiles and positivity and everything that Bucky might actually need and want.

It fucking terrified him.

He fell in love so quickly with her. It felt so easy, so right. But as soon as he made that realisation, he also knew - love was dangerous. She was so delicate, so trusting, Bucky felt like he wanted to be around her to protect her always.

But having her meant that she would always be in danger. There would always be a threat, lying dormant, until one day something would happen to her. As long as Bucky cared about her, she would always be something to lose.

Sam said he was being dumb. That he was hurting her by teasing her with Bucky's presence and yet always being just out of her reach.

Bucky was selfish. He just didn't want to let her go, even if it meant that every time she took a step forward, he would take a step back and watch her heart get crushed.

But it wasn't sustainable. He knew he had to bite the bullet and leave eventually.

He just told himself that he would do it the day after. Or the day after. Or the day after that.

He just always wanted one more day with her.

------ x ------

Bucky had left two months ago.

Those two months passed by like my own personal hell. The calls left unanswered, the texts left unread. I felt so pathetic as I stared at our WhatsApp conversation, my words being fired off despite telling myself that I shouldn't.

Wed 7 Dec - How are you?

Fri 9 Dec - Where are you right now? Thinking about you.

Mon 19 Dec - I know you won't answer. I don't even know why I bother you text you these. I just want to know if I ever meant anything to you.

Sat 24 Dec - I think I was so stupid to love you.

I don't know what else I expected. He was the famous Bucky Barnes, one of Earth's mightiest heroes. He was busy saving lives and doing dangerous shit, and I was - what? Some random girl who just happened to be there at one point in his life. If it wasn't me, it would have been someone else who had ended up as his fuck-buddy.

The realisation was heart-wrenching. He could easily take off and leave, never answer the phone or my messages, because I was never anything important to him. He could write me out of his life, because I was just a page in his novel. To be forgotten about.

------ x ------

I heard about Sam's death half a year after Bucky had left.

It was plastered across the newspaper headlines. Sam had been killed on a mission in Siberia, a mission headed by himself and Bucky. The moment I heard the breaking news on the radio, my heart stopped, the grief threatening to crush me.

There was a public memorial in Washington, D.C., near the National Mall. I attended alone, travelling there alongside hundreds of thousands of other people, strangers, all wishing to pay their respects to the Falcon.

I didn't expect to see him there. I was so confident that he would be mourning him privately, away from the public eye, away from all the people.

I thought I was hallucinating when I saw the dark figure leaning against the passenger side of my door, cap on his head, leather gloves tight around his hands. I didn't even need to meet his eyes to know it was him.

There were no words exchanged. He got into my car silently as I did the same, barely daring to breathe lest he suddenly dissipate into the air like an illusion, as I was convinced he couldn't be real.

It wasn't until we got back to my hotel that he snapped. The door closed and he was there, crumpling into my arms, his own wrapped around me tightly, his face buried into my shoulder.

His tears wet my skin, ragged breathing loud and in agony.

"I'm so sorry," he moaned in a pained voice, his arms squeezing me so hard that I could barely breathe. "I am so sorry."

"Bucky," I whispered, feeling his warmth against me as I finally dared to accept that he was really here. He was really, truly here. "I got you. It's okay."

"No," he gasped, his tears soaking my shirt. I had never seen him cry before, and the vulnerability broke my heart. "I can't lose you too. I can't lose you."

His knees buckled, dragging me onto the floor with him as he cried, his arms never once letting go of me. My hands lifted to stroke his hair as his chest heaved with painful sobs.

This was the sound of a broken man. The sound of someone who had lost Steve, and now Sam, and the floodgates had finally broke.

He lifted his head to look at me, eyes bloodshot and his hands raised to cradle my face. I felt so overwhelmed by all the emotions in my heart - grief, confusion, love, relief, sadness. Everything all at once, crushing my ability to think straight. Everything felt surreal, happening at a pace that I couldn't keep up with.

"I don't deserve you," he whispered. "I wanted to keep you safe, wanted to keep you - keep you alive, want you to have a normal life, and I ruined everything. I ruined everything." The words streamed out nonsensically to me. "I had to leave, had to go before things got too bad, but I was so stupid. Being so fucking stupid. I can't lose you too. I can't lose you."

"James, breathe," I said gently, staring back at him and trying not to reveal just how worried and perplexed I was.

"You knew, right? You had to know how I felt about you, deep down," Bucky asked, pleading. I didn't answer as he continued to sob - I simply held him, letting him cry against me.

------ x ------

Nightfall came, and Bucky had quietened. You were both lying on the bed, fully clothed, his hand clutching yours tightly. The feeling felt unfamiliar and right at the same time.

"I have always loved you," Bucky said quietly, his eyes staring up at the ceiling.

My breath hitched. He's lying, the voice of doubt said, loudly and clearly in your mind.

"I fell in love with you. How could not?" He continued, his voice pained. "But it terrified me. The feeling of being in love, of having something to lose. The knowledge that I am what I am - someone with a history, with blood on my hands, knowing I've done unspeakable things that I am so afraid for you to find out about."

I turned my head to look at him, not quite daring to believe what he was saying.

"You have no idea." He looked at me finally, his eyes still wet and tortured. "I wanted to let you know how much I loved you. I wanted to be happy with you. But I couldn't."

"Bucky..."

"But I'm tired of running away," he said quietly, shaking his head. "Leaving you was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I don't think I can survive without you." He laughed suddenly, humorlessly. "Is that selfish?"

"No," I replied instantly. My stomach swirled, and I knew he could see the doubt in my eyes with just one look.

"You don't believe me, do you?"

I remained silent for a long minute before I finally answered. "I just don't understand how you could love me."

I flinched at the rage that flashed across his face. Not quite anger at me, I realised, but fury at himself.

"I made you think that I didn't love you back," he said tersely, fists balling up. "And I will never forgive myself for that. I was playing hero but actually I was just being stubborn. Being so unbelievably stupid."

He rolled over to position himself on top of me suddenly, eyes fixed on mine. He propped himself up above me with his hands on either side of my head, eyes pleading.

"When I met you, I had no idea I could feel this way for anyone. The way you smiled at me, the way you understood me, the way you made me laugh and the way you cared. When you fell in love with me, I could feel it. I felt so special to be the one you chose.

I told myself that I couldn't let you in. I couldn't let it get too far. I couldn't tell you about myself, about my childhood, about the terrible things I've done, about the good things I've done, about the hopes and dreams I had for the future. I told myself that if I let you in, it would be too real. You would be someone that I could lose, and if i lost you, it would kill me."

"So you would rather just leave me?" I whispered, my eyes welling up at the memory of the long six months I'd endured without him.

"I thought I was keeping you safe," he replied, eyes closing briefly as he gritted his teeth.

"You broke my heart," I said simply. The statement wasn't made to hurt him, but rather just a declaration of the truth.

"I don't know what to do," Bucky said, shaking his head as his eyes revealed the conflict in his mind. "I don't want to be apart from you anymore. But I don't want to risk putting you in danger. As long as you're with me, you will always be in danger. I don't know what to do," he repeated, looking so anguished that I wanted to cry all over again.

"Please just stay," I pleaded. "Please stay with me."

Bucky kissed you finally, his chapped lips against yours, melting into you as soon as they met. He sighed shakily, as if he was finally home after a long day.

"I'll stay. I'll protect you with everything I have. I promise."

Shigadabi mer!AU

Beard? OK! ❤️❤️❤️

Chris Evans in ‘Snowpiercer’ (2013). Dir. Bong Joon-ho.

My gifs.

last design of the month!

Biker boyfriend!Bakugo, who tears through the city streets on his expensive motorcycle, always insists on taking you for rides that make your heart race. He revs the engine, smirking, "Hold on tight, you wouldn't want to fall off and slow me down, loser."

Biker boyfriend!Bakugo, who has a penchant for leather jackets. Whenever he catches a glimpse of you strutting around in those leather pants and jacket, showcasing every curve, his brain practically short-circuits. His cock down there, twitching like he's got a mind of its own, and he's doing mental gymnastics to resist the impulse to sweep you off your feet right then and there to fuck your always-tight pussy senseless.

Biker boyfriend!Bakugo, who takes pride in his rebellious nature.

Biker boyfriend!Bakugo, who views the world with a mix of arrogance and determination.

Biker boyfriend!Bakugo, has you wrapped around his finger. You find yourself hooked on your man - his deep voice, that strong touch sending shivers down your spine, the heat radiating from his body, and the icy stare of his crimson eyes. He's your personal addiction, a drug you crave every single day, or else your whole system goes haywire. And let's not even start on the days he struts around in his biker gear, rocking those heavy boots like he owns the damn universe — now that is a fix you can't resist, feeling yourself getting wet at the sight itself.

Biker boyfriend!Bakugo, who whisks you away for midnight rides through the city when sleep is just a distant thought. Because sometimes, words are overrated, and you both crave the electric silence where it's just about basking in each other's warmth and existence.

Biker boyfriend!Bakugo, who gets a kick out of how you dig the thrill of speed just as much as he does. But, of course, he's always playing it safe when you hop on the back with him. Gotta keep you in one piece while enjoying the ride, right?

Biker boyfriend!Bakugo, who hooks you up with matching dark helmets because, let's face it, you both need to roll out looking as mysteriously cool as humanly possible when tearing up the streets together.

Biker boyfriend!Bakugo, who throws in a spontaneous pit stop to catch the sunset or soak in the city lights. He casually sits you on his bike like it's a throne, then nonchalantly inches closer, standing between your legs. His hand takes a leisurely stroll up and down your thighs, while his other hand rubs your crotch slowly.

Biker boyfriend!Bakugo, smirking as your moans fill the air, effortlessly slides his hand into your fitted pants and panties in less than a second. His calloused fingers delve inside you, and you can't help but throw your head back, succumbing to the pleasure as he rapidly pumps his digits in and out of you. "That's it, doll, moan for me like the little whore we both know you are."

Biker boyfriend!Bakugo, his voice a husky murmur against your skin as he feels your pussy is already drenched. "Always so damn eager for me, aren't you, baby?"

Biker boyfriend!Bakugo, who has you pinned to the motorcycle with your legs spread after he takes off your pants, thrusting into you right there. He sees it as a 'punishment' for how quickly you got wet for him. He's relentless, driving his cock in and out of you ceaselessly until you're shaking, moaning, crying and begging for him to let you climax.

Eric Kellerman

Emergency Rescue Squad by Belly W

An Evening With Monsters

Triple Frontier!Monster AU

A 4 part kinktober mini-series.

Summary: A small inn just outside of town has stood opening it’s doors to peculiar people who live on the fringe of society. As a maid of the inn and adjoining tavern, you find yourself sharing more that a few words with several of your patrons. Never shying away from what makes them outcasts, you take a shining to the clientele on more than one occasion. 

Warnings: NSFW, Sexual situations, Why choose romance, Multiple partners, Each post will be tagged accordingly

Notes: For kinktober I wanted to pepper in a bit of monsters. I’m currently reading A Lady of Rooksgrave Manor and it’s inspired me greatly as well as the wonderful Monster Universe created by my darling @bunniesofsteel​. This will be a 4 part mini-series with a short prologue to introduce our setting and perhaps an epilogue. I do hope you enjoy!

Prologue

Oct 10 - Drunk Sex - Vampire!Frankie Morales

Oct 13 - Dry Humping - Monster!Benny Miller

Oct 19 - Deep Throating - Jekyll/Hyde!Will Miller

Oct 30 - Public Sex - Invisible Man!Santi Garcia

Epilogue

Kinktober 2022