In A Universe Where Damian Was Raised By Bruce Since Birth And Never Was Told His Siblings Were Adopted

It would be hilarious if villains loved Nightwing and were terrified of Officer Dick Grayson.

Dick Grayson- who is used to open spaces and adrenaline- being stuck in a boring bleak office, surviving on shots of coffee and red bull with caffeine that would make Tim concerned.

The thugs soon realised that unlike most of the other cops - Dick was from Gotham.

No one fucks with Gothamites.

Villain *shooting at Dick with machine guns*

Dick *appearing from the shadows behind him*: Boo.

Villain: THIS IS A FIVE STOREY BUILDING HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE

Or

Thief *throwing a counting down bomb at Dick*

Dick: *catching and tossing the bomb at a safe distance before turning round and shooting it so it explodes mid air while running after thief*

Thief: .. what the actual fuck

Dick: Gee look at all that time you had! Shame you threw it away :D

Thief:

Dick: I’m from Gotham

Thief *realising they fucked up* : Please don’t steal my bones

OR

Shooter: *sets elaborate booby traps throughout the houses in an active hostage situation*

Dick *using his training as robin and inhuman flexibility to surpass them with ease*: Ah been a while since I got to have a nice stretch thank you.

Shooter:

Dick:

Shooter:

Dick: .. Hi :)

Shooter: Are you Satan?

AND

In interrogation room

Murderer: I think I’ll take your eyes and add them to my collection

Dick *running on spite and caffeine that could give Superman a sugar rush* : Funny.. I was going to say the same thing to you

Murderer: .. what

Dick: I wouldn’t take your eyes though.. they look like the inspiration behind the whole Medusa’s “look at it and you turn to stone” thing-

Murderer: Hey! Take that back before I gut you

Dick *smile stretching wider without blinking* : oh? Or what? I know everything about you. Who says I can’t kill you and walk out with everyone being none the wiser? I know how to kill someone too..you aren’t special.

Murderer:

Murderer: I’m scared for my safety.

Because the thing is, Nightwing is who Dick really is. It’s who he can be free as, be himself as without red tapes and regulations. Where he can give as good as he gets, and he’s kind and empathetic. He gets to help the downtrodden and goes easy on most of them if they give up right away, not to mention the fact that he never causes permanent damage.

But officer Dick Grayson is a different story. He runs on sleepless nights and no self preservation. Seeing an officer with an uncanny skill set they’re scarily good at, not to mention the cheery attitude he always has scares the shit out of criminals. Cuz no way in hell is a smiling Gothamite not a deranged one. He chases crimes like a bloodhound, and isn’t afraid to make good on threats he makes to ensure they never hurt anyone again.

Bonus if the batfam doesn’t know about this.

Red hood: Shit I can’t believe we ended up in Bludhaven

Red Robin *tying up the corrupt politican* : Since this is a sensitive case, we need someone we can trust to make sure it is seen through.

Red hood: .. So we paying a visit to Officer Grayson?

Politician *screeching* : NO NO NO NO! PLEASE NOT HIM!! JUST KILL ME INSTEAD AND TAKE ALL MY MONEY I CANT DEAL WITH HIM!

Red hood: .. is he fucking serious?

Henchmen: Sir he is. And we agree. Please take our bones and kill us but don’t take us to Officer Grayson.

Red Robin: Wait what did he do?

Henchman 1: He asked boss if the hat was sentient.. and said that if it was would it make that hat the top and boss the bottom.

Henchman 2: Last time we met I tried to shoot him but suddenly my gun was blank and he raised his hand and let the ammo drop

Red Hood: Well even I could do that-

Henchman 2: They were my bullets. I had selected the colour personally.

Red robin *growing concerned*

Henchman 3: He sang a lullaby to a child when we were holding the station hostage, and replaced the people with my family members. He even sang their social security numbers!

Henchman 4: He’s the most dangerous of them all. I ain’t shitting ya when I say he’s as scary as the bat from Gotham.

*all nodding in agreement*

Red hood:

Red Robin:

Red hood: Nah that doesn’t sound like Dick

Red Robin: Agreed. Let’s go there Hood.

*villains’ sobbing intensifies*

New Regent Arthur: I'm so tired. I can't do this.

Leon: Quick, get the emergency supply!

Lancelot: *carries Merlin in and sets him in front of Arthur*

Merlin: *smiles*

Arthur: AND I AM BACK, BABY, LET'S GOOOO

I just had a dream and hear me out okay? Noble George.

It’d be something like:

Merlin, barging into Arthur’s chambers: yOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST FOUND OUT

Arthur: …What did you find, Merlin?

Merlin: George. GEORGE.

Arthur: you found… George? The servant? Was he lost?

Merlin: THATS THE THING! George! The servant! Right? Right?!?!

Arthur: uh- have you hit your head? Please tell me you don’t actually have a mental affliction.

Merlin: George! The servant! The servant who loves polishing and sweeping and- and I don’t even know, doing laundry I guess? And brass!

Arthur: okay, Merlin, you’re starting to worry me, you either calm yourself down or I call Gaius.

Merlin: calm down? He’s not actually a servant, Arthur!

Arthur: what- what does that even mean?

Merlin: it means, Arthur, he’s a noble.

Arthur: what.

Merlin: he’s a noble, Arthur! An actual, royal, noble! Like with- with the lands and, I don’t know what, the riches and- he should have servants! But he is one.

Arthur: I’m gonna be real with you, I don’t know what you’re talking about. What do you mean he’s a noble? He’s a servant! Has been a servant here for- since I was a kid.

Merlin: for since you were a kid?

Arthur: for since I was a kid! Yeah! He is not a noble Merlin, why would he be a servant here if he was?

Merlin: That’s the thing! Look- just hear me out, okay? I was in the library doing research on magic when I stumbled upon a book with all the noble families of the whole kingdom, okay? And don’t ask how I found it, but suddenly there it was! Name and surname and all: George! So then I asked Geoffrey and he confirmed it was OUR George. Apparently Geoffrey knew the whole time!

Arthur: what-

Merlin: so then I obviously went to interrogate ask George what was going on, and he confirmed it! Didn’t even try to deny it! He said it wasn’t supposed to be a secret anymore.

Arthur, getting invested, eating popcorn: what does that even mean?

Merlin: he told me that being a servant has been his dream since he was little. When he was a kid he was always running after the servants in his household and trying to help them and learn from them but his father didn’t like that because he said it was below his station or some other classist shit.

Arthur, eyes wide: omg story time.

Merlin: anyways fast forward to when he was fifteen summers, he decided he was going to make a life for himself and follow his dreams so he ran away at night leaving only a note behind that explained the situation. He went from city to city until he reached Camelot and his dream finally came true and he became a servant. He didn’t tell anyone he was a noble because he didn’t want to be treated differently or be sent back to his father.

Arthur, in the edge of his seat: wow.

Merlin: wow indeed.

Arthur: wait- why did he tell you then? If he didn’t want anyone to know?

Merlin: he said he didn’t think it’d be a problem now with how much time has passed and all. I asked him if I could tell everyone and he said that as long as it didn’t interfere with his duties he couldn’t care less, so I ran here and told you.

Arthur: wow.

this remains one of my favourite jokes from the early owl house episodes

clark, discussing what to do about kon with bruce: you know what this means right?

bruce, nodding: yeah, you owe luthor a buttload of child support

clark: what - i - no??

bruce: i mean, it sucks that he baby trapped you but you don’t want to be a deadbeat

clark: he did not - i am not his father, luthor stole my DNA and put that [pointing at kon] into a tube

bruce: i want you to take one good look on how damian came to be

clark: … oh my rao… i am dead beat aren’t i?

merlin writers made an absolute litany of insane crazy /neg decisions over the course of the television program but. making merlin's first love the lady of the lake at the start of the show and then making him give the love of his life to her at the end. fucken based. absolutely red pilled.

Justice League identity reveal where they don’t know who Batman is and one day a bunch of them walk in on him just casually eating yogurt in the cafeteria with his cowl off. A bunch of them recognize him, a couple don’t, and they’re all shocked.

Turns out Batman didn’t realize none of them knew who he was, since it had taken him all of ten minutes and three google searches to put everyone’s secret identities together and he just assumed they had all figured it out by this point. Or maybe he had meant to tell them and then just forgotten. Either way, he regularly interacts with half of them outside of hero stuff and hasn’t bothered with the whole separate persona thing with them in years. Shouldn’t they really have figured this out by now? So what if he forgot? This is clearly on them.

cue everyone shuddering in distaste. Bruce was really lacking in the creativity department

edit: link to the fic

Bargaining

by Imbecamiel “Fortunately,” Jack snapped, “he is not your child or your problem.” “Unfortunately,” Bruce countered, “I intend to make this my problem.”   (Bruce has known for a while that something should be done about The Situation with Jack and Janet Drake. Things reach a breaking point.) Words: 2319, Chapters: 1/6, Language: English Series: Part 6 of Displacement Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: Gen Characters: Tim Drake (DCU), Janet Drake, Jack Drake, Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd, Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth Additional Tags: Tim Drake is Robin (DCU), Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Logical timeline? I don’t know her, good dad Bruce Wayne, Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Protectiveness, Batfamily (DCU) Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, (mostly anyway I mean Tim’s parents still do very much die), Batfamily (DCU), Adoption, Grief via https://ift.tt/gdsphM3

Being a Batkid doesn’t mean pushing through pain just for the ego or superiority win. It means pushing through pain long enough to make it somewhere safe to get help. It means not giving anyone, even an ally, a chance to parse weakness.

Dick finishes a rough mission with the Titans where he got thrown hard into a wall, smiles and jokes with everyone, and then zetas back to the Cave where he promptly throws up and collapses because almost every bone in his left arm is broken and not a single person noticed.