Had An Unnerving Experience The Other Day.

had an unnerving experience the other day.

I normally feel quite comfortable with the Lonely, so much so that i tend to actively seek it out. The other day though, my comfortable long-term fear of always being alone was turned into a very sudden and sharp terror. thats what you get for flirting with fear, i suppose.

i was on a train during rush hour, it was very full. then it pulled into the central station. and absolutely everyone else got off. I was the only passenger left. I didn’t mind at first, but nobody got on at the next station either, and that was a bit weird.

and then. and then the train exited the tunnel onto the surrounding fields. and there was nobody to be seen anywhere. at that moment i was completely convinced that even the train conductor was gone, and i was the only person left in the world. sat on a moving train in the empty countryside.

the spell was broken a couple minutes later by a handful of people on the platforms in the next village.

I’ve never been this, how should i say, urgently scared by the Lonely. ive always been acutely aware and very much afraid of it, but that immediate terror was new

Even when you get used to the embrace of a Fear, even when you willingly nestle into it, convince yourself that it is your home, it can always still touch you. Sometimes that confidence is nothing more than an invitation.