Please Stop And Help Me Save My Family

LMFAOOOOO DUKE'S ONE 😭😭😭😭 not lying when i say I literally burst out laughing

people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?

You have no idea how funny I found the "@RH_DeathTreats" "449" lmaoo

Shoutout Damian Wayne - no one is doing it like him <3

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Masterpost

I have several more of these that are almost done-- but I'm struggling to cinch them together :[[ so please have a weird little collection of Damian tweets.

Taglist under the cut + first reblog

@desicanary // @thegayseance // @soaring-through-the-stars // @thebat-musicman // @percyyeuss // @pathofglory // @andreaissy // @themiraculousec // @gnomewithalaptop // @viola-cola // @milotic109 // @kamala-msmarvel-khan // @suffer-my-beloved-mutuals // @arcadianico // @your-dead-european-ancestor // @asmodeusmustdiexo // @max-volume // @itsmeevie01 // @leagueofbats // @catostrofiqu // @amillionandonefandoms // @shykitten28 // @atlasaurelius // @ihavenohotcocoa // @kai-antreas // @living-on-borrowed-time // @o-i-have-too // @aroaceass // @silverwolf1249 // @cannimochi //

@1n0sss // @craptastico // @lovethewitchofendor // @insomniacweebqueen16 // @fashionstatement-deathwish // @brieftimetravelwhispers // @crabs-brencil // @universal-travel-er // @royal-illusion-loves-his-fandoms // @blankliferain // @p1xel-1mp // @kades-stuff // @theweevilofsweetreef //

// @fablehaven-rulez // @kalifornialove // @justahoomanbeing // @frosty--giants // @you-are-valid-and-deserve-love @slitherynchiken // @kazbrekkersfedoraaintgotshitonme //

I'm so obsessed w Ijin, I don't get why if d webtoon community is so big there are hardly any type of fan content

“Are you here all night?” Jason asked, “or are you planning to, you know, be a human? I think those go home sometimes.”

High above Jason’s head, a swarm of bats entered the cave, winding among the stalactites and screeching a kind of garbled response.

Dick, however, said nothing. He remained bent over one of the long tables on the cavern floor, examining a map Jason could barely see from his own seat a short distance behind, ignoring Jason and his sarcasm both. 

Jason didn’t enjoy being ignored. 

Fine. 

“I have some tasks you could take over,” he suggested, in his least helpful voice, “if you’re in the market for an excuse to keep working. I know you make those sometimes.”

Nothing.

“I have some weapons to clean, if you want to do that. You could type out all my old cases, if that works, because I only have the originals and those are hard to work with.”

Still nothing.

“Take out the trash?” Jason tried. “Wash the dishes? I put a load of laundry in a couple of hours ago, but there’s a wool jacket in the mix, so be careful what you put in the dryer.”

Dick didn’t move. Jason was enjoying himself now.

“Write a sonnet? Map the White House?” Jason held up a finger Dick couldn’t see, like he had just remembered something interesting. “I think there’s a library on 8th that exploded a few days back, so if you could just grab the rubble from the street and rebuild it by hand, that would be great.”

No reaction. 

“Whatever,” said Jason, “I’m out of here. Get some sleep maybe? I know the whole work-to-outrun-despair routine is your ‘thing,’ or whatever, but it never looks good on you. Have you considered—”

Jason cut himself off as Dick finally turned away from the table. Looking him in the eye, Jason felt suddenly and inexplicably afraid. 

“Go on,” said Dick, quietly.

Seguir leyendo

Some of Bruce's observations about Dick in The Batman Files:

[Dick's not smiling when I find him perched on the rooftop of the west wing of the manor. He's so used to heights. Looks almost as natural as a bird up there on the steeple. He's looking at Gotham's twinkling skyline like he has somewhere to be. But we both know he doesn't. Not anymore.]

[Then the gunshots start. Joker and Two-Face spot Dick's yellow cape in the shadows. It's a problem we've discussed several times. But the flashy red, yellow, and green were his father's colors. So now they belong to this new Robin. Dick's flipping and somersaulting, springing around the shadows. It's impressive. He's much better at acrobatics than I'll ever be. But he was born on the trapeze. He never even learned how to fear it.]

[My hand goes to the belt, but then I stop myself. The boy's already on it. He takes his staff and breaks it across the Joker's face. Not quite a controlled strike, but it does the job. Joker's unconscious on the cave floor, and the boy is beaming with pride. This is helping him. Being Robin is helping.]

[I turn to look down at the boy. This... it's not responsible, and it certainly can't be good parenting. But it's the only way I know. And it seems to be helping.

"Batman and Robin," I say.

Dick jumps into the air and lets out a shout that I worry will wake our soundly sleeping prisoners before we can deliver them to the GCPD. But despite myself, I still crack a smile. Because this isn't about them. This is about the boy.]

Happy Father’s Day!

They are totally responsible and Abigail is definitely alive and well and has not suffered the consequences of Will’s actions at the hand of the man she saw as her father who would protect her or anything… yeah

DC PAY FOR MY FUCKING Therspy bill istg

LMFAO

Interesting lineup we’ve got here

LMFAO I LOVE IT I can completely see this happening I swear

HC: The numbers ft. The usual gang

The numbers never play any games so Ijin bring them over to the hideout to play.

It was intimidating for them (esp. for Yungchan) at first but holy crap were they so bad at it. Ironically, the more proficient they are in combat, the worst they're in playing games. Ijin being 001, remain undefeated of being the worst at playing game.

004 keeps cursing in all languages that he knows, 008 be having his own mukbang session rather than playing the game. 002, on the other hand, is silent but the more he plays, the more he lets out his murderous intent. 032, 018, 016 do pretty well enough for beginners. 006 still has his usual calm smile but the sound of his fingers smashing down the keyboard is enough to show his agitation.

005 didn't even bother playing, she just calmly sit with Dayun and Shin Yuna like a responsible older sister of the family.

Idk how long Damian’s staying dead for but I think dick needs to hallucinate about it at least once before he comes back. It’s a love language.