XL: But Pookie, You Promised You Wouldn’t Hurt Them!

“Back in the eighties dungeons were becoming a thing in New York. Guys would pay a lot of money to come there and have some dominatrix tell them what to do. I was making leather pencil skirts for a lot of the doms, with holes in the back so that guys could kiss their ass. One day I was fitting a dom named Asia, and I told her: ‘I bet I could make more money than you without wearing stuff like this.’ She bet me I couldn’t. It was all a big goof. But then I started really thinking about it. Asia was making $150 a session, and that was real money. So I did the same thing I always do when I get an idea. I just ran an ad in the back of the Village Voice. Most of these girls were advertising how young they were. So I used the word ‘mature.’ And I figured out how to write ‘Jewish Guys Welcome’ in Yiddish, and I put that at the bottom. It was some of the easiest money I ever made. I never let them touch me. All I had to do was be a bossy black woman. And I could do that easy because my mother had been such a bitch. I’d pretend to be a school teacher, or a nanny. It was the dumbest shit. I just kept inventing crazy scenarios. And the crazier the scenario, the more money I made. One time I heard about a dom on the Upper East Side who charged $3,000 a week to kidnap a guy and lock him in her basement. I didn’t have a basement, but I knew a limo driver named Dean who liked to hustle like me. So every time I got a call from a new client, I’d say: ‘You want to be kidnapped, don’t you?’ And he’d start stuttering like: ‘Duh, duh, duh, duh.’ And I’d say: ‘Listen to me closely. Stand on the corner of 5th and 18th tomorrow at 3 pm. Don’t be late.’ Then I’d call Dean and tell him the plan. It was always easy to spot the guy. He’d be the one checking his watch and looking scared as shit. So we’d roll up in the limo, grab him by the collar, and pull him inside. Then I’d lock the doors and start telling him what to do. Everything went down in the back of the limo. Dean just rolled up the partition and kept his eyes on the road. At the end I’d give him $100, because I was getting $250 for that.”

-Happy 81st birthday to Stephanie 'Tanqueray' Johnson. If you see her wheeling around Chelsea today wish her a happy birthday, and there is a nonzero chance she will give you a glow-in-the-dark dildo eraser. -Humans of New York

[ID: lettering art by OP. In the center the message "free Gaza" in red text is combined with the Palestinian flag and black blocking to make a square shape. The lettering for "free Gaza" has three red drops of blood in the enclosed parts of the letters. The background of the entire thing is a light tan color. In each corner is a motif of an olive branch. On the top and bottom of the border is written "free the people free the land" in red text, and on either side of the border is written "ceasefire now! ceasefire now!" in matching text. /End ID]

Elphaba: Glinda, on a scale from 1 to 10, you're a 9. Glinda: What?! Why?! Elphaba: Because I'm the 1 you need. Glinda: But I'm a 10! Elphaba: Glinda, it's a pick up li- Glinda: No, I'm a 10!!!!

little ways to flirt and flounce

I’ve been a proud passenger on the Gelphie Express since I was in grade school!

So embarrassed to say this, but I listened to portions of the audiobook with my mom on the way to school. If you’ve read the book, you know, it’s DEFINITELY not a kids book!

what the FUCK do you MEAN they TITANTIC pose.

ive been laughing for 5 minutes they look so genuine and in the moment and they just had such an emotional scene of their "sisterhood", like yeah guys all friends intimately interlock fingers from behind

THERE WAS ROOM ON THAT BROOM!!!!!!

the ship the shippers

Elphaba: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.

Glinda: Those are wanted posters!

Friend, sending a pic of the Wicked book with the movie cover: So this is the original novel, just with the movie cover? Me: Yep. Friend: Cool, I kinda want to read it. Me: Just be prepared that the book is very different than the musical. Friend: Okay, but which one is better? Me: Neither is better than the other. They're just very different--different emphasis, different plot points. It's like comparing a Grimm original to the Disney version.

cat jpeg made me emotional so i drew it

sorry if i was a bitch i probably wanted to go home